To tell my SIL to back off

[MoirasRosegarden]

DS is 8 months old.

My husbands sister has only met him
once when he was 2 weeks old.

There's been opportunity over the summer when lockdown eased for her to come and see him but she didn't suggest it, and neither did we.

Although she doesn't see him, she is constantly messaging my husband asking how "my baby" is and keeps saying things like "I can't wait until all this is over and I
can pinch my baby boy for the night"

She sends DS lots of things in the post, cards, presents, soft toys etc.

We had a family photo shoot and my husband posted a picture on his social media, she commented "my beautiful baby".

I've posted a few pictures on my Snapchat story recently and have had notifications that she's taking screen shots of them all.

One day last week we were at a farm, she saw the picture on my Snapchat story and replied saying "I hope you're keeping my baby safe"

Last night she sent my husband a picture saying "this is my new tattoo I'm getting"
It was a picture of my sons name with his date of birth.

I know this all sounds harmless, but I'm finding it all a bit OTT and a little strange too.

AIBU to think she needs to back off?

I know many will come along and say you should be flattered she obviously cares about your son but to me it spunds suffocating! Im not sure I'd want someone to have a tattoo of my childs name and date of birth or for them to think of my child as 'theirs'.

I'm assuming she doesn't have her own children yet? I would be asking your DH to step up and ask her to tone down the over the top aunt act. I get the impression it's obviously all for show, especially if she's only met him once and I would be making my feelings on the tattoo very clear.

I wouldn't like the "my baby" comments - the way to address this is easier in person. When she says "my baby", just say "you mean my baby". I had to do this with a couple of people.
The tattoo is a problem. Having a nephew is huge to some people, especially if it's their first time but they cannot get a tattoo - they'll regret it when they have 35 nieces/nephews and four children of their own. DH should say to her that he doesn't think it's appropriate and explain why - but it's her body and her choice at the end of the day.
The rest is perfectly fine, screenshotting photos and sending gifts is lovely.

The tattoo way too strong, nicking photos fine but "my baby" all the time is annoying. You are right to be frustrated. Your other half needs to be clear with her that she is over stepping. And she can assume all she wants she is baby sitting, just don't do it.

@LittleMissLockdown

I'm assuming she doesn't have her own children yet?

She has 2 of her own.

I'd find it irritating if I'm honest, I know she's not doing any harm but.....
Just no

[quote MoirasRosegarden]@LittleMissLockdown

I'm assuming she doesn't have her own children yet?

She has 2 of her own. [/quote]
Oh wow!! That surprises me, does she have her own childrens names and dates of birth tattooed on her?

She's only met him once! This would get on my tits.

WTF?! I don’t think any of it is fine!! I don’t know how you or your husband haven’t said anything by now. He needs to address it, she’s his sister. Definitely tell her it’s all too much and is creeping you out. And for the record, you need fo stop referring to my son as YOUR baby, he’s not. He’s mine.

No advice sorry but that would drive me dull!

@SweetShopSurprise

WTF?! I don’t think any of it is fine!! I don’t know how you or your husband haven’t said anything by now. He needs to address it, she’s his sister. Definitely tell her it’s all too much and is creeping you out. And for the record, you need fo stop referring to my son as YOUR baby, he’s not. He’s mine.

@SweetShopSurprise

I told my husband it was annoying me and I found it all a bit weird, he just told me to ignore it.

Well, she can get whatever she likes tattooed on her own body but it's a bit strange.

MIL referred to DS and DD as my boy/girl and it used to annoy me a bit (MY boy/girl) but I think I was overly precious about silly stuff like that when they were babies (not saying that you are btw). She still calls them it now and they're 16 and 14.

I'd ask if tattoo was a joke because you would find if inappropriate if not. That it is not something an aunt does, a tacky parent perhaps but no aunt ever. Has she got tattoos of her own kids. If she goes a head, request not to including last name & DOB.

I wouldnt like that personally, it would make me feel uncomfortable.

Does she have kids of her own?

@LittleMissLockdown

Oh wow!! That surprises me, does she have her own childrens names and dates of birth tattooed on her?

Yes she does, and her husbands too!

Up until the tattoo part I thought you were ungrateful. Covid is a valid excuse not to see people.

But the tattoo is very strange indeed. It's she a massive tattoo lover? Maybe she's using him as an excuse to have another.

Why haven't you invited her round? Do your DH and her get along?

Maybe scale back sharing with her - if asks about "my baby" jusy say " we are fine" no details. Don't post any more photos. Scale back on what you put on social media. Perhaps less reminders will reminder her she is not a 3rd parent.

I've noticed this with DHs family too. They seem to be obsessed with the IDEA of their "adorable" "cheeky" "funny" little granddaughter/niece, but the reality is, they've only met her a few times and have no idea what she's actually like. On the few occasions they have met her, they didn't seem to want to engage with her, play with her or even hold her and talk to her

It's a bit weird OP. I'd mainly leave her to it. Apart from the tattoo, definitely say something there.

@liveitwell

Why haven't you invited her round? Do your DH and her get along?

They're not overly close. We'd usually just see each other on occasions like her children's birthday parties, Christmas etc.

The "I hope you're keeping him safe" comment would REALLY annoy me and the tattoo is rather strange but as someone else suggested maybe she's just using it as an excuse to get another tattoo? I'm not really sure what the best way to handle this is but you're definitely not being unreasonable to find this all a bit much.

She’s mental.
Your dh needs to bring her back to reality (kindly) he can’t stop her getting a tattoo but the other stuff needs to be managed.
If she’s serious about having sleep overs then next time she messages your dh he needs to say “that would be lovely sometime in the future but sadly he really doesn’t know who you are so if that’s going to happen you really need to get to know each other, let’s make some plans?”
When she puts “my baby” reply “yes your lovely baby nephew”

The tattoo is the step too far. You can’t ignore it now.

She's crazy. I'd have said something before now, and if DH said to ignore it, I wouldn't be letting it lie!

The gifts.... fine. Saving photos.... fine. My baby? No, I'd be correcting that everytime. The tattoo? That needs a frank and honest conversation about boundaries.

Good luck OP

Everytime she posts something like that online just put the laughing face and say something I didn't notice you at the "x" hour labour. Was it you that had stitches after the delivery or similar.

My mother in law was like this. I just said outright that I thought it was weird. I probably really offended them, but don't really care. They still do bits of stuff like that, but to be honest the fact they are in Tier 3 (and have been locked down all summer) is amazing. I'm a bad person. Ha.

I told my husband it was annoying me and I found it all a bit weird, he just told me to ignore it.

In the history of the universe just how often has the ignore it and it'll go away stance actually ever worked. Your husband needs to step up, your feelings are valid and he needs to respect them. Does he honestly see no problem in allowing someone to get your childs personal information tattooed on themselves when he knows it bothers you?