To tell my SIL to back off

[MoirasRosegarden]

DS is 8 months old.

My husbands sister has only met him
once when he was 2 weeks old.

There's been opportunity over the summer when lockdown eased for her to come and see him but she didn't suggest it, and neither did we.

Although she doesn't see him, she is constantly messaging my husband asking how "my baby" is and keeps saying things like "I can't wait until all this is over and I
can pinch my baby boy for the night"

She sends DS lots of things in the post, cards, presents, soft toys etc.

We had a family photo shoot and my husband posted a picture on his social media, she commented "my beautiful baby".

I've posted a few pictures on my Snapchat story recently and have had notifications that she's taking screen shots of them all.

One day last week we were at a farm, she saw the picture on my Snapchat story and replied saying "I hope you're keeping my baby safe"

Last night she sent my husband a picture saying "this is my new tattoo I'm getting"
It was a picture of my sons name with his date of birth.

I know this all sounds harmless, but I'm finding it all a bit OTT and a little strange too.

AIBU to think she needs to back off?

Hi op,has she got daughter's so is overly invested in your son?

I think you need to say to your DH that you're not comfortable with the tattoo and find it weird enough that either something needs to be said, or you'll have to keep your distance from now on.

It's his sister, so his job to tackle it. If he won't, then you'll keep away, and if she asks, you'll tell her why.

So it would be better for him to have a word.

His choice.

Why all the 'get DH/DH needs to tell her' comments just because it's his sister. Just deal with it yourself OP, you don't need to hide behind your DH. (Plus, he probably wouldn't say anything anyway). Talk to her yourself and tell her you're finding it a bit much etc. You're both adults.

The easiest way to handle this is to assume she is slightly unhinged and you cannot fix it. everything is better then.

Sounds like someone in my family, if they came over they would take a million selfies with my kids,seriously, more than i would take all year, then post them on Facebook at random times making out they're spending time together , also wanted to play mummy pushing my pram around the town. Used to post pics of herself and my daughter where she'd copy how she was looking at the camera/posing, (as 3 year olds do) and her divi mates would say ooh are you sure shes not yours, pff, luckily I've got a brilliant auntie on my side, always, who put a pic of me underneath showing actually, my daughter is the double of me at the same age!
Oh my god, i needed to get that out! 😂😂
Anyway, OP. that baby is yours! Fools like this are usually seen for their true colours, spiteful of me but when she does see your boy he will hopefully scream at her and not want to go near. You shouldn't have to limit what you post but you might have to, and no overnights til he asks!
Good luck

Also funny enough the one I'm talking about has a thing about tattoos, attention seeking.

@WhatamessIgotinto

Why all the 'get DH/DH needs to tell her' comments just because it's his sister. Just deal with it yourself OP, you don't need to hide behind your DH. (Plus, he probably wouldn't say anything anyway). Talk to her yourself and tell her you're finding it a bit much etc. You're both adults.

Becasue in general it's better for the actual sibling to raise something tricky like this. If OP were to raise it separately it's prime ground for the SIL to be able to be pissed off at just OP and that's more likely to cause a rift. He has the closer connection.

Well it's all just 'top show' isn't it [as the saying used to go]?

Similar to people gushing all over their social media about how they lurve everyone and everyone's photo is gorgeous hun and it's all about the faimbly innit. #tothemoonandback

ODFOD.

It's not sincere. She really doesn't think he's her baby. Just trying to make it appear that she's a 'good' person.

My god, she doesn't know him after one visit, he doesn't know her, and spending a night with her would probably upset him as it's no better than a complete stranger at this stage. Does she not understand that?

Also, I'm pretty sure you can limit what she sees on social media, stop her from viewing your Snaps (or delete her off there completely if it really bothers you).

I'd have a family WhatsApp group or similar where you send limited updates, as it is good to keep people up to date particularly when visiting is hard, but definitely don't give her access to every moment of his life.

Also, just ask her to stop calling him her baby. He's obviously YOUR baby, not hers, she has no ownership over him having only met him once. I held a crying baby in town the other week because the lady was getting really flustered with trying to juggle the baby and her other things, so I took him for a few minutes. So does that make that baby mine because I've met him once? Should I get a tattoo of his name and date of birth?

She sounds a little bit lonely, possibly teetering on the edge of unhinged. Keep her at arm's length, don't cut her out, but also don't stand for all her crap either.

Just be glad she cares. I wish my family wanted to have my kids and spoil them. It's nice for your child to be adored by another adult too. Don't underestimate how much relationships all around can shape a child.

My kids have 2 sets of grandparents. 4 aunties. 3 uncles through marriage. Several Cousin's. Great aunties and uncles. I can honestly say nobody bothers with them. They are in their lives from a phone point of view. We never see them for actual family time unless we chase them.

Never thought I would see the day when I would advise 'maybe speak to your MIL?' to see what SIL issue is?

I was ready to say cut her some slack etc etc until the tattoo part. That's strange.
Is lockdown making her see things differently, maybe? Increased her sentiments towards family? And removed her good taste gene

She sounds unhinged.

@FizzyGreenWater I don't agree. If they were close then perhaps, but they're not. And to be honest even if they were close I still wouldn't expect him to deal with it for me. If he was as annoyed as the OP, fair enough but he's happy to ignore it and I certainly wouldn't want to cause issues between siblings for something that probably just requires a sensible conversation. It doesn't have to be raised in a confrontational 'stop being a weirdo' kind of way does it. I see it all the time on here 'get your DH to tell them' and I find it ridiculous. If something is pissing me off I deal with it myself and haven't fallen out with anyone yet.

When she puts my baby put
No, your nephew.
When she says are you keeping my baby safe put
Your nephew is fine.
Rinse and repeat.
As for the tattoo that's really her choice but yes its weird.

Are her children girls by any chance? Wondering if that might explain why she's so obsessed with someone else's kid. Not that that would be a good reason, but she's clearly batshit anyway so...

I wouldn't say anything. People will think she's batshit crazy with her comments anyway.

I think a simple “WTF?” reply to her comment about you keeping “her” baby safe would have been totally in order and would have flagged her rudeness to others.

I’d let her get the tattoo even though it would annoy me. It is her body and if she must display her lunacy then so be it.
Her love of FAAAAMILY is clearly a huge part of her identity, even if it is largely fictitious, I agree with Fizzy that you can thank your lucky stars that this is mainly for show and she isn’t physically intruding on your lives much at all. That’s one reason why I wouldn’t call her out publicly on her hypocrisy; the last thing you want is her deciding she has to prove how much she cares by upping the visits and demands to babysit.

With the exception of really obnoxious comments, I’d ignore and evade.

The tattoo is weird.I would just tell her not to get it.So what if she gets upset.

Any chance you could let her get the tattoo and then change the baby's name?

She sounds like she's not the brightest spark. I'd just ignore.

'I hope you're keeping my baby safe'

'No I'm not keeping your baby safe, that's your job, mine is fine though'

I think I'd be at the giggling stage with it. I mean, it's bat shit! So weird it's funny.

My gran always refers to my children as "ours". It used to irritate me but I got over it.

The tattoo is a story for you to dine out over for years to come.

If my husband had had that message, his immediately reply would have been, "are you utterly insane?" Or similar.

She has 2 of her own.

How did she get them? Were there any child disappearances in the local area at the time? Is it possible they are just cats she dresses up and pushes round in a pram?

@raddledoldmisanthropist

She has 2 of her own.

How did she get them? Were there any child disappearances in the local area at the time? Is it possible they are just cats she dresses up and pushes round in a pram?

@raddledoldmisanthropist

😂😂😂😂😂

Every time she mentions him remind her (publicly if possible) that she’s only met him once.
If he is her baby she’s been very neglectful by not seeing him.
She sounds like one of those ridiculous men who get tattoos of their dc name but never see them or do anything for them but believe the tattoo makes them a good parent (yes I’m bitter!). Deadbeat aunt.