To tell my SIL to back off

[MoirasRosegarden]

DS is 8 months old.

My husbands sister has only met him
once when he was 2 weeks old.

There's been opportunity over the summer when lockdown eased for her to come and see him but she didn't suggest it, and neither did we.

Although she doesn't see him, she is constantly messaging my husband asking how "my baby" is and keeps saying things like "I can't wait until all this is over and I
can pinch my baby boy for the night"

She sends DS lots of things in the post, cards, presents, soft toys etc.

We had a family photo shoot and my husband posted a picture on his social media, she commented "my beautiful baby".

I've posted a few pictures on my Snapchat story recently and have had notifications that she's taking screen shots of them all.

One day last week we were at a farm, she saw the picture on my Snapchat story and replied saying "I hope you're keeping my baby safe"

Last night she sent my husband a picture saying "this is my new tattoo I'm getting"
It was a picture of my sons name with his date of birth.

I know this all sounds harmless, but I'm finding it all a bit OTT and a little strange too.

AIBU to think she needs to back off?

@DameFanny

Are her children girls by any chance? Wondering if that might explain why she's so obsessed with someone else's kid. Not that that would be a good reason, but she's clearly batshit anyway so...

@DameFanny

She has one of each.

Does she have tattoos of her other children? It does sound over the top to me.

My MIL used to call my son her baby and used to say how she feels as though he came out of her womb. I replied that's odd how did he come out of your womb when I was the one in hospital with contractions whilst you were at home. She soon stopped her nonsense😂🤦🏼‍♀️

@Kazzx

Does she have tattoos of her other children? It does sound over the top to me.*

Yes, she does.

Just batshit then! Agree with the other posters who say to use 'your nephew' frequently. Maybe practise raising an eyebrow for when you do see her in person.

Ugh, this is just too much. Nip it in the bud, your partner needs to back you up too. Does she like getting a rise out of people? Could she be deliberately trying to wind you up?

I don’t think calling him my baby is that bad, as she may be over-compensating as she’s only seen him once. I know lots of parents are flattered when someone calls their baby theirs, it implies closeness and love.

I can see why it’s annoying but she’s messaging your husband not you, so just ignore it, you don’t need to read what she’s messaging him! It’s not like she’s calling you and on your doorstep every other day. And the gifts sound sweet too.

If you want to, caption the pictures with ‘my baby’ as pp suggested.

Is this her first time as an aunt ?

Ignore it, she’s enthusiastic. That’s better than uninterested. And I imagine it won’t last. Only to reappear birthdays and such because the badge of aunt is like a medal

@Newfornow

Is this her first time as an aunt ?

@Newfornow

On her brothers side, yes.

She's an aunt to her husbands sisters children.

She sounds generous- sending stuff- but WHY is she doing it? I'd find the comments, photo grabbing and screen shots unnerving and I'd want her to calm right down. Definitely get your DH to say something! Would she have seen you more without Covid? Is this her way of being involved or reinforcing your DS as part of a family group? Sounds like she's maybe missing babies? How old are her DC?

DP is newly an uncle and neither of us would dream of doing this. He cares and likes getting photos and seeing the baby but if he tried this, his sister would say something and I'd be backing her up. I've sent a card and present and cooed at a few pics but I'd be so embarrassed to be like your SiL or have to have a talking to from my DP about it. I actually don't like babies but I'm also currently broody (fucking body clock) so I'm the opposite at present- trying hard to balance it to make sure I don't seem disinterested (I do care, really, I just like them better when they're bigger) and only looking at what I can cope with (bloody hormones).

First time Aunty enthusiasm... Let her enjoy. Your child deserves as many people to love her as possible

I used to call my first niece my baby. She is my cousins daughter and my first niece. I love her, it comes from a good place. I would not get her name and dob tattooed on my body though. That is strange.

The other comments might be annoying but it just sounds like she is an overexcited aunt. You know the baby is yours so let the comments wash over you.

All sounds a bit odd to me.

Really weird, the tattoo is just taking it way too far. The ‘my baby’ thing is probably harmless affection, I wouldn’t do it personally but I know people who probably would and they would mean no malice. But the tattoo is outright bizarre.

Tricky one though, no one wants to rock the boat with In-laws! Good luck OP.

She sounds cloth-eared. The “my baby” might be harmless and a figure of speech, but the fact she went on to ask if you were keeping ‘her’ baby safe makes it weird. Every time she does it, reply with “your nephew”.

The tattoo is overstepping a boundary and I’d be making that very clear to her ASAP. Yes, she can still do it, but at least she can’t plead ignorance (“Oh, I didn’t think you’d mind/ thought you’d like it”)

Over-excitement like this isn’t cute or endearing, it’s immature and self-centred.

Weird as fuck and I'd have to tell her so.

The fact it's her first niece/nephew explains it maybe, as opposed to her husbands niece/nephew (I know some people consider them the same but many don't).

I would text her and say "Look this is awkward and we can't stop you getting the tattoo but before you get it you need to know that we think it's weird getting the details of a child you have met once tattooed on you. There is no point in us saying it after it's done, so in case you get it and are expecting a positive reaction from us, you need to know before you permanently mark your body, that you won't get a positive reaction from us at all."

Tbh apart from the tattoo I think the other stuff is well intentioned if perhaps seeming a bit OTT, but in truth it probably annoys you more because this is your first baby. And in truth, life is too short to get worked up about it.

When my DS was a baby my SIL had virtually no interest in him. She also only saw him once when he was first born and then briefly after that until we went to stay at IL’s but she then got upset that he cried whenever she tried to pick him up and I then took him as he was crying. A massive family row followed, During which she said that all she wanted was to be a good auntie, something which didn’t show in her actions, and in truth there was probably fault on both sides, on her’s because she genuinely had shown no interest in him for his first almost year of life and then expected to just walk in and have him happy to see her, and mine because he was my first baby and when you have your first you have all sorts of expectations as to how other people should be/think/feel etc. It’s something you get past as they get older, but when they’re very little most people think like that.

It all resolved eventually and in truth she probably didn’t have an awful lot to do with him until she had her own children.

But, she died last year having suffered from a terminal illness for several years which I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. And all DS knows is that she died, and that the relationship he remembers with her is the one he had when he was old enough to remember. Iyswim.

Your DS is yours. And he knows nothing about all this because it’s all happening from a distance. So the only person it is having an impact on is you. Is it really worth it? She knows he’s not her baby, you know it, her friends know it, and in truth it’s probably just a throwaway expression anyway. And the photo’s and the gifts are really no big deal.

WRT the tattoo, if I were your DH I would just reply with “WTF?” And leave it there.

As your DS grows up he will have whatever relationship with her that is meant. And none of this will matter to anyone.

Life really is too short. It really is.

Urrgh the “are you keeping my baby safe” comment would seriously piss me off!!

I would tell her quite seriously that you had struggled with choosing a name for your son and that you feel that you have made a mistake and will now be calling him from now on and will change it officially on the birth cert and everything. Then when she has got the tattoo of the “new” name, change your mind and say “actually, we are going to stick with what we had all along”.

But then, I am evil