To tell my SIL to back off

[MoirasRosegarden]

DS is 8 months old.

My husbands sister has only met him
once when he was 2 weeks old.

There's been opportunity over the summer when lockdown eased for her to come and see him but she didn't suggest it, and neither did we.

Although she doesn't see him, she is constantly messaging my husband asking how "my baby" is and keeps saying things like "I can't wait until all this is over and I
can pinch my baby boy for the night"

She sends DS lots of things in the post, cards, presents, soft toys etc.

We had a family photo shoot and my husband posted a picture on his social media, she commented "my beautiful baby".

I've posted a few pictures on my Snapchat story recently and have had notifications that she's taking screen shots of them all.

One day last week we were at a farm, she saw the picture on my Snapchat story and replied saying "I hope you're keeping my baby safe"

Last night she sent my husband a picture saying "this is my new tattoo I'm getting"
It was a picture of my sons name with his date of birth.

I know this all sounds harmless, but I'm finding it all a bit OTT and a little strange too.

AIBU to think she needs to back off?

The tattoo thing is bonkers and I would expect DH to say something to her about the fact that it is rather.. inappropriate/odd/OTT/whatever but the rest I think I’d just largely ignore.
Screenshotting photos - pretty normal, I do this with my nephews, nieces and godson
Commenting ‘my baby’ etc on Facebook - weird af but she’s openly saying it so everyone can see how fucking weird she is. Everyone reading will be thinking the same So I don’t really think there’s much need to pull her up on it on Facebook or anything
The sleepover comments - DH just needs to shut that down. ‘Oh, no, that won’t be happening, but you’re more than welcome to do xyz with us instead’ etc

Honestly I know it’s easier said that done but just try to let it go over your head. It’s not like she is in your house every other day going on about how he’s her baby etc. If the comments on Facebook are getting to you that much, you could always restrict what she sees 🤷🏼‍♀️

Eugh! She's one of those people who owns everything and everyone around them!

You have 2 choices - do as your DH suggests, ignore it, don't feed it

Raise an eyebrow, the tattoo is good, few people would think that was normal!

Actually, you have a 3rd choice. Tell your DH to stop showing you her messages. Tell him that it's bad enough she acts that way without him inflicting her weird upon you! She is his, he can keep her!

My closest friend (shes like my sister, I've known her my whole life) had her first baby in June. I love that baby like I love my own DD, but I've never used "My baby" when referring to her nor would I get a tattoo in her honour. It would be very weird.

@LittleMissLockdown

Does he honestly see no problem in allowing someone to get your childs personal information tattooed on themselves when he knows it bothers you?

He agrees it's weird, but realistically can we control what she does with her body?

I would caption every photo you post with 'my baby' so if she does the same it will look ridiculous

Wait until she announces her tattoo and tell her you forgot to mention dc is now called....

'I hope you're keeping my baby safe'

'Yes we are? How are MY two babies over there with you? Hope you are looking after them for us!'

However the saving grace here is that this is all for SHOW. She doesn't really give a shit - thank God. This would be much, much more of a problem if she was constantly hassling to visit, in your face all the time. But she's not. She doesn't even really want to see him when she has the chance.

So the reason for this isn't obsession with him, the reason is that she's just a bit weird in general. And clearly very keen on tattoos. So, you can sort this by simply dialling back to shut down her avenues for weirdness. No social media photos for a while. Short text answers - our baby is doing great, hope yours are too! etc. Just don't engage.

But - DH needs to speak to her about the tattoo. No, we don't like the idea of his date of birth and his name being used like that. He needs to be very blunt here.

@OldEvilOwl

I would caption every photo you post with 'my baby' so if she does the same it will look ridiculous

@OldEvilOwl

I feel like not posting any from now on.
I just bothers me that she takes copies.

I feel like she actually thinks he's her baby.

[quote MoirasRosegarden]@LittleMissLockdown

Does he honestly see no problem in allowing someone to get your childs personal information tattooed on themselves when he knows it bothers you?

He agrees it's weird, but realistically can we control what she does with her body? [/quote]
Presumably she wants the whole family tattooed on.

Hope you have lots of children...

You have to say something, and the tattoo is totally inappropriate

He agrees it's weird, but realistically can we control what she does with her body?

Of course you cant control them but surely he would at least explain to her that you are both uncomfortable with the idea and would rather she doesn't proceed. Even suggsting maybe she gets a tattoo of something that reminds her of your DS would be better than saying nothing.

If he doesn't tell her you'd both rather she didn't get the tattoo etc then she's just going to continue doing these things as she has no reason not to. If she gets the tattoo despite telling her then there's not much you can do but at least having had the discussion it will make it easier to limit contact etc.

Does she have girl DCs and has always wanted a boy? That might explain her intense feelings for him. The tattoo is too much though.

SIL's are so f*cking annoying. They are way worse than MIL's.

Projecting much

Is it because you have a boy and she has 2 girls. Just wondering

I'd just ignore it then. Her having a tattoo won't impact you. It's annoying that she'll brag about him without really knowing him but that's her issue not yours.

How well do you know her kids? It's she trying to get the same level of interest from you guys for them?

Either way just ignore it. It doesn't sound like she's a big part of your lives so don't waste any time worrying about it.

@Ivy455

The "I hope you're keeping him safe" comment would REALLY annoy me and the tattoo is rather strange but as someone else suggested maybe she's just using it as an excuse to get another tattoo? I'm not really sure what the best way to handle this is but you're definitely not being unreasonable to find this all a bit much.

You see, at that point I would start taking the piss.

"I'm sure he's fine. The shed's pretty warm really."

I wouldn't like the 'my baby' comments but the tattoo would make me go .

YANBU and I would keep my distance...it's indeed very OTT

She sounds really Strange :S .. Who gets a tattoo with some other persons babys name? .... and she hasnt even seen him since 2 weeks old!! Thats just really Wierd

Time to filter out what she can and can’t see on Snapchat, you can do a custom list and stay friends support.snapchat.com/en-US/a/privacy-settings2

I’ve had to do the same on Facebook and Instagram for various nutty relatives. Although none are as bad as your SIL!

I think the word "my" is the only annoying part which mant mean affectionately.

Otherwise asking after baby, sending gifts is lovely. Has she been asking after her children too?

Tattoo is not something I would do but as she has many important names/dates I wouldn't overthink that either.

OK. In relation to the tattoo - weird though I agree it is - it's her body and you don't have control over what she does with that.

I am not sure what kind of person in whose parallel universe referring to someone else's kid as 'my baby' is a good idea that can possibly end well. At best, I suspect such a person can't be all that bright.

Your DH told you just to ignore it? So take him at his word. Do. Step back entirely from any relationship or connection you have with her, block her on every avenue of contact including all social media and block or divert calls and texts from your mobile phone (preferably to his). If he doesn't mind her batshittery, let him deal with her. Have a little game with this one and see how long he lasts ...

So she hasn't actually had the tatoo yet?
"No, we'd really rather you didn't do that SIL, that's OUR son's name and DOB and we do NOT want you tatooing it onto your body."

She’s definitely too much but I really do think you’re misinterpreting all this OP—you previously said “I feel like she actually thinks he’s her baby”. No you don’t—this is not a case of her being all over you in person all the time, or even really being actively interfering, more just her being weird from afar. Not great, but she clealry has no actual interest in being his mother!

Are her children the same gender? If she had two girls and you had a boy that could be part of it. Or are they older, and she is missing babies? Does she have any other young nieces and nephews?

There’s nothing wrong with staying at a distance from her and if you really want to have a chat with her and say you find the “my baby” thing uncomfortable, then do.

However I really don’t think this sounds as “single white female” as it initially came across—she has tattoos of her children and of her husband, unless she has a load more nieces and nephews that she’s not showing infest in it would be the natural next person surely?

I wouldn’t have much time for her behaviour but I also wouldn’t really react. Honestly, I think it’s just a care of ignoring it. Some people go a bit mental about babies, those people typically get bored after a few years. It sounds like she also has a very OTT manner—you may discover she had a dozen more “MY BAAAABBBBIIIIES!”

The tattoo is so weird! And the keeping safe comment would really have pissed me off, I would have replied saying your babies aren't here. But I call my 3 nieces my babiea or my girls and my step sister (their mum) calls mine her babies. Different situation as were very, very close so if it annoys you fair enough.

The tattoo is seriously weird.

As a teen or young adult I would have been a bit freaked to find that a not-close aunt had my name and D.O.B tattooed on themselves.

I think many people refer to a family baby as 'my baby' as a way of acknowledging that the baby is part of the family. Especially grandparents, for whom the baby is a direct descendent. But she is way beyond this.

I would ask why she is doing it and tell her it feels weird and over-invested.