To have used the downstairs loo?

[WheresYourSecretSadness]

At a holiday cottage with a friend and each of our 2 kids. The cottage has 3 bedrooms - 1 downstairs 2 upstairs - and all bedrooms are en suite. There’s no other bathrooms or toilets.

I’m in an upstairs bedroom with 4yo DS, my friend is downstairs with her 3yoDS and our girls (7 and 8) are sharing the other upstairs bedroom.

When we’ve been downstairs and me or my kids have needed the toilet we’ve gone to the downstairs one, which is attached to my friend’s room. There’s a door entrance from the hall. This morning they both needed the loo so I took them to the downstairs toilet, but the door from the hallway was locked, it had been locked from inside the toilet. My friend and her kids were in the kitchen so we went through her bedroom to go to the loo.

She was a bit huffy when I came out and I asked what was wrong. She said she’s not happy about us going through her bedroom as its an invasion of her privacy. Fair enough, but my kids were desperate for the loo. She then said that she’d like us to use our own bathrooms for the toilet! Meaning I have to traipse upstairs every time me or the kids need the loo! Not ideal especially when they’re desperate. I (reluctantly) agreed but I think she’s being a bit precious and don’t think it’s a big deal at all sharing a bathroom? If it was me in the downstairs bedroom I honestly wouldn’t mind.

AIBU for using the downstairs loo or is she being precious about “her” bathroom?

YABVU of course you should use your loo not hers! En-suites are private, she won’t want your kids in hers when they have their own. Kids are notorious for being messy in bathrooms and fiddling with stuff that’s not theirs. She probably had her make up, toothbrush and toiletries or other private things lying around. Or she doesn’t want to risk your kids weeing on her bathroom floor or doing something smelly!

You should always take your kids upstairs to their OWN bathroom to use the loo. Using hers is just lazy and disrespectful!

YABVU.

An en-suite is NOT a communal bathroom and you know it isn’t. If you’re fine with someone walking through your bedroom to use your loo that’s your decision, but your friend didn’t decide that and locked the door so you would get the hint and you still chose to go into her bathroom.

It’s one thing if she said she was ok with that, but she didn’t and she wasn’t.

What’s the point of getting a holiday home with three en-suites if everyone is going to walk through each other’s spaces?

Let’s be honest here, you could have also asked her early on, but I bet you didn’t , knowing she would say no and just want people to tell you she is the precious one and it backfired.

Brilliant thread! OP is there anything else bothering you? Do tell!

Wow people are precious, judging by this thread!!

I would have no problem with kids using my toilet if it was downstairs!
(I might be a bit annoyed if you, the adult, decided to take a big smelly poo in it, but otherwise. not at all.

You are friends who are close enough to holiday together.
People are weird.

Don’t understand why you’re even asking this question. It’s common courtesy to use your own loo and sheer laziness to use going up a flight of stairs as an excuse.

I don't see why you wouldn't use the upstairs loo.

Your on holiday, who cares, when you got to go, you got to go. If you only needed to go upstairs then go upstairs but if that was only one not in use, who cares. Maybe I'm too laid back.

If the door from the hall was not locked then I would consider it acceptable however going through the bedroom to get to it would not be to me.

Traipse upstairs! Also why are you all going to the loo together?!!! I don’t expect to take my kids to the toilet after about 3 and by 4 they don’t even tell me they are going to the loo...definitely not by 8. I would be worrying more about why your kids need your attention to go to the loo, and why you find it so difficult to go upstairs 🤷🏽‍♀️
You are definitely being unreasonable, and I think it was unforgivably rude of you to go through her bedroom when the door was locked to be honest. I would be really really pissed off at that, and I think it was exceptionally brave of her to say what she thought about it. I never have the guts to stand up for myself properly and I would have just spent the holiday feeling very uncomfortable and then would probably have distanced myself from you by acting weird! So I think she’s been very impressive to say it bothers her.

You were rude. Sorry. I wouldn't have liked what you did either.

Toilet grabbing aside, how is the rest of the holiday going? Sounds like you have a nice friendship.

Surely your kids are old enough to use the loo themselves so why the rush? Use your own loo, YABU

Do you have a downstairs loo at home, or do you have to traipse upstairs?! YABU.

@Tashface

Going against the grain here, but if there's a door from the hall leading into the bathroom - coupled with the fact that there are no other toilets which aren't attached to bedrooms, then that would tell me the bathroom can and should be used by anybody.

I agree with this.

I think the fact you've called it an ensuite is swaying people's opinions. If you'd said, the downstairs loo can be accessed from the main living area or hall and also has a door from the downstairs bedroom you may have gotten a different answer about general use. But I don't think you should have gone through her room. I'd have assumed if it was locked there was a reason and gone upstairs.

I'm with your friend on this one. Use your own loo.

OP you are bring a massive entitled diva end of

Agree children plenty old enough to walk upstairs, was inconsiderate of you.

The nearest one was hers though, not a shared one it being the ‘nearest’ becomes irrelevant. I would be annoyed too.

No you’re definitely in the wrong OP
I would have wanted you to use your own too, Do you use people’s en-suite‘s when you visit their houses? No you use the normal bathroom

Yeah you can go upstairs to the toilet- you’re totally invading your friends privacy. Her room her sanctuary and you just saunter in as if her private space doesn’t matter.

Yes, YABU. Essentially, you are giving yourself 2 bathrooms.

Yes, you’re definitely being unreasonable. By locking the door to her bathroom your friend was giving you a very clear message which you chose to ignore. Take your girls upstairs to your bathroom and respect your friends privacy

Its an en-suite. I’d be horrified if someone used mine.

I don't think using the loo as such was that U, as such, but it became U as it involved going through her bedroom without permission. Some people wouldn't mind, but most would, I think. If your children have a real issue of urgency (which by their age would suggest a medical condition), you might suggest swapping bedrooms.

So out of order OP. It's not a separate downstairs toilet, it's her en suite in her own bedroom. Can't believe you even went through her bedroom when the door was locked, I mean it's a big enough hint isn't it?
Why is it such an effort for you to climb a few stairs? You really need to respect people's personal space.