To have used the downstairs loo?

[WheresYourSecretSadness]

At a holiday cottage with a friend and each of our 2 kids. The cottage has 3 bedrooms - 1 downstairs 2 upstairs - and all bedrooms are en suite. There’s no other bathrooms or toilets.

I’m in an upstairs bedroom with 4yo DS, my friend is downstairs with her 3yoDS and our girls (7 and 8) are sharing the other upstairs bedroom.

When we’ve been downstairs and me or my kids have needed the toilet we’ve gone to the downstairs one, which is attached to my friend’s room. There’s a door entrance from the hall. This morning they both needed the loo so I took them to the downstairs toilet, but the door from the hallway was locked, it had been locked from inside the toilet. My friend and her kids were in the kitchen so we went through her bedroom to go to the loo.

She was a bit huffy when I came out and I asked what was wrong. She said she’s not happy about us going through her bedroom as its an invasion of her privacy. Fair enough, but my kids were desperate for the loo. She then said that she’d like us to use our own bathrooms for the toilet! Meaning I have to traipse upstairs every time me or the kids need the loo! Not ideal especially when they’re desperate. I (reluctantly) agreed but I think she’s being a bit precious and don’t think it’s a big deal at all sharing a bathroom? If it was me in the downstairs bedroom I honestly wouldn’t mind.

AIBU for using the downstairs loo or is she being precious about “her” bathroom?

Well my mates wouldn't mind, we would agree all of that at the start. It's common sense with young kids.

But yeah, erm, I obviously don't have MN friends.

Must be awful to be on holiday and confined to the house as I assume you are if both children couldn’t wait one minute to get upstairs to a bathroom. There can’t be many outings where toilet access is always immediate.

You know a lot of people don't have a downstairs bathroom/ toilet so have to go upstairs all the time
You should use your own bathrooms especially with covdi etc

Pretty sure, from reading up on shared accommodation during the pandemic, that where possible bathrooms should be assigned to single households. Maybe this is why yout friend behaved as she did.

@bettycat81 absolutely, two households sharing a loo when they don’t need to is putting both of you at unnecessary risk.

@AldiAisleofCrap

I wonder how many people have read the op first post properly. its a Jack and Jill bathroom the door from the corridor is there because you are supposed to access it both as an en-suite and as the downstairs toilet.

I understand this, having Comprehension skills. But I differ in interpretation - just because it’s possible to access it from the corridor, does not mean in this case I’m that it should be. If the circumstances were different, for example if one large family had rented the holiday cottage, then they might chose to use it as a downstairs toilet in addition to an en-suite. In this case (two separate families) it’s clearly reasonable that it should be a private bathroom for whoever is in that bedroom, if that’s what they prefer. The occupier of the bedroom has indicated this is her preference both by locking the door to the corridor and verbally. What kind of cheeky fucker decides that it’s reasonable, if the door is locked, to invade her friend’s bedroom?!?

NB for future reference, when people have a different opinion to you, it doesn’t necessarily mean they haven’t read or understood the OP. HTH.

Oh for an edit button ffs

@NaughtipussMaximus ^^ this, in a nutshell

You arent allowed to mix???

I would have used my own bathroom.

Typically I would say she's reasonable. It's her en-suite and you shouldn't have gone through her bedroom to use it. But your children have toileting issues.

All this could have been avoided if you'd had a conversation.

When you tried the toilet door and it was locked you absolutely shouldn't have gone through her room. She has made it completely clear she didn't want you using her toilet.

And for the those saying 'Covid!' It's irrelevant because the two girls are sharing a bathroom

I would be annoyed if people who had their own bathroom just upstairs kept coming into mine and stinking it out!

If your children have toileting issues why didn’t you choose the room with the downstairs bathroom?

Yanbu Op. She's being weird and ridiculous!

I'm with you OP, I think your friend is being precious. My friends wouldn't bat an eyelid in this situation, especially if we had our young kids with us. Getting 'huffy' with you for using her toilet? FFS. Good luck for the rest of the holiday OP.

You're being very unreasonable. If I was your friend I'd be tempted to traipse all the way up the, very steep, stairs and have a big smelly shit in you're en-suite. And then I'd invite my children to do the same.

You’re in the wrong. It’s an en-suite, not a standard household bathroom.

Meaning I have to traipse upstairs every time me or the kids need the loo! Not ideal especially when they’re desperate.

If anything, YOU sound precious here. You are aware that a significant amount of UK households only have one bathroom and have to “traipse” upstairs each time? Hardly a big deal to most of us, who have lived somewhere with only one bathroom at some point. You have a choice of two other bathrooms, stop soiling hers.

If I was on holiday with my friends and we all had individual bathrooms, I wouldn’t be pleased if they chose to shit in mine. The smell will air out into her bedroom after all. Children can (understandably) be messy when using the toilet too - you have basically lumbered her with a gross public toilet, whilst your two bathrooms stay pristine.

I could understand a one off, but you have chosen her bathroom many times at this point. I can see why she’s annoyed. It was rude of you to enter her bedroom to try the other door, what if someone else was using the bathroom and you walked in on them? In the time it look you to walk around, it would have taken the same time had you gone upstairs initially.

This trip sounds FUN

@AhoyMeFarties

🙄 I can't understand on any level why you thought this was OK Is this a reverse?

Very much my thoughts. No actual person can be so lacking in awareness surely?

Is this a real post? You keep mentioning how you took them there and how desperate they were and it just comes across a bit questionable.... Assuming it is real then YABU and in a big way. Lots of people dont even have a downstairs toilet, and if your four and seven year old still need you to take them both there and become suddenly so desperate every time that they can't even make it up the stairs something is very wrong. Your friend is in the right.

Not your loo you should have gone upstairs. Additionally given it was locked to the hallway you were beyond unreasonable to go into their room to get to their bathroom !!

Sharing accommodation is tough - you absolutely need to respect each other’s spaces !

OP whichever person you are in this scenario you need to talk to your friend. And if you really are the upstairs family you need to apologise or you could find you lose the friendship.

I understand this, having Comprehension skills. But I differ in interpretation - just because it’s possible to access it from the corridor, does not mean in this case I’m that it should be. If the circumstances were different, for example if one large family had rented the holiday cottage, then they might chose to use it as a downstairs toilet in addition to an en-suite. In this case (two separate families) it’s clearly reasonable that it should be a private bathroom for whoever is in that bedroom, if that’s what they prefer. The occupier of the bedroom has indicated this is her preference both by locking the door to the corridor and verbally. What kind of cheeky fucker decides that it’s reasonable, if the door is locked, to invade her friend’s bedroom?!?

This 💯