To have used the downstairs loo?

[WheresYourSecretSadness]

At a holiday cottage with a friend and each of our 2 kids. The cottage has 3 bedrooms - 1 downstairs 2 upstairs - and all bedrooms are en suite. There’s no other bathrooms or toilets.

I’m in an upstairs bedroom with 4yo DS, my friend is downstairs with her 3yoDS and our girls (7 and 8) are sharing the other upstairs bedroom.

When we’ve been downstairs and me or my kids have needed the toilet we’ve gone to the downstairs one, which is attached to my friend’s room. There’s a door entrance from the hall. This morning they both needed the loo so I took them to the downstairs toilet, but the door from the hallway was locked, it had been locked from inside the toilet. My friend and her kids were in the kitchen so we went through her bedroom to go to the loo.

She was a bit huffy when I came out and I asked what was wrong. She said she’s not happy about us going through her bedroom as its an invasion of her privacy. Fair enough, but my kids were desperate for the loo. She then said that she’d like us to use our own bathrooms for the toilet! Meaning I have to traipse upstairs every time me or the kids need the loo! Not ideal especially when they’re desperate. I (reluctantly) agreed but I think she’s being a bit precious and don’t think it’s a big deal at all sharing a bathroom? If it was me in the downstairs bedroom I honestly wouldn’t mind.

AIBU for using the downstairs loo or is she being precious about “her” bathroom?

Its attached to her bedroom, so use your own upstairs.

@WheresYourSecretSadness

If you go to the toilet with your 8 year old every time... what on earth does she do when at school?

She doesn’t go. She often comes out of school holding her hands between her legs 🙄 if I could wave a magic wand and make her not scared I would but sadly it’s not that easy. It’s why she can’t have play dates unless it’s family

So she has a bladder of steel that enables her to hold on all day at school, but can't wait for the 2 minutes it would take to get up the stairs?

You know you're being unreasonable. Honestly how long does it take to walk up the stairs? You would have hated my parents house, they only had one toilet upstairs until recently. We all had to walk upstairs.
Not buying that your daughter doesn't go all day at school but can't wait 2 minutes on holiday.

@lily2403

my 4 year old would never make it to a toilet upstairs

Plenty of 4-year-olds live in houses that only have a toilet upstairs and they manage. Also, 4-year-olds at school aren't always right next to a toilet. not to mention being out and about there isn't a toilet every 20 metres.

my 4 year old would never make it to a toilet upstairs
What does this even mean? Do they spend their entire lives within arms reach of a toilet? Do they never leave the house?
This is genuinely baffling.

If you’ve all got your own loo then definitely use your one!! It is a little bit odd to walk through someone else’s bedroom and use theirs just because you can’t be bothered to walk upstairs. If you felt that way you should have asked for the downstairs bedroom.

Echoing pp's it was rude to use her ensuite.

Why can your kid hold on all day but has to use a downstairs lav because she can’t hold it in long enough to go upstairs?

You are so unreasonable and self centered that it’s unbelievable. It is utter cheek to walk through your friend’s bedroom to use the bathroom she and her son share when you have one upstairs. As for your pathetic excuses about your children-they’re absolutely ridiculous. My family home had no bathroom or cloakroom downstairs so we children had no option but to go upstairs if we needed the bathroom. Your kids are old enough to be independently able to go to the bathroom. You’re spoiling them. And got what it’s worth, that downstairs bathroom IS your friend’s bathroom. Yours is upstairs.

my 4 year old would never make it to a toilet upstairs

I don't know who said that but why ever not? Mine went upstairs at two, he had to because we lived in a house with no downstairs lavatory back then.

@MimiDaisy11

I just realised that you can access the bathroom from the hall without going through the bedroom so I can see your point more. So in that situation, I personally wouldn't have an issue with others using it, but since she does I think it's fine to just get along with her and use the bathrooms upstairs.

It couldn't be accessed from the hall because it was locked from the inside. Obviously the friend did that to deter others from using it which they had no need to being as there were two upstairs.

Rude. I appreciate the kids might need to toilet last minute, but you can't have everything at the detriment of others unfortunately. You requested the room closest to the DDs, so you need to give a little on the toilet issue imo. It's not really fair to arrange sleeping arrangements to suit you, then expect to use her only en-suite toilet as a communal toilet when you have 2 private toilets to use. People have boundaries and you should respect that.

I also do think you need to work on getting the kids phobias of the toilet sorted though. If your daughter is really holding it all day she's at risk of kidney / bladder problems.

Yabu

Yabu. It is her en suite not 'the downstairs toilet'.

It's a bit worrying your four year old can't hold it long enough to get upstairs. In school, he won't always be within a couple of metres of a toilet eg PE, playground and also a classroom normally only has two toilets and if they are being used what will he do? Hopefully you and he can sort this in time.

It couldn't be accessed from the hall because it was locked from the inside. Obviously the friend did that to deter others from using it which they had no need to being as there were two upstairs
OP you really should have taken the large hint she was unhappy when you found the door locked and not decided to take a detour through the bedroom.

so you had first choice of which bedrooms, chose upstairs ones - and then commandeered your friends ensuite?
Amazed that you even have to ask if you're being unreasonable.

It has to be a reverse!

But the ‘downstairs bathroom loo’ is your friends en suite, it’s not a ‘spare’ downstairs loo.
YABU.

If your children are able to hold it a whole day at school, they can probs make it up the stairs.

You chose the sleeping arrangements, if I were your friend I wouldn't be over the moon about you taking your kid in for a dump.

Ur friend is right. You should of used ur own. It’s one flight of stairs. Most hours only have one bathroom upstairs... don’t see half the population setting themselves cause they have to go upstairs.

I do wonder will this friendship last the holiday?

I just realised that you can access the bathroom from the hall without going through the bedroom so I can see your point more.

The friend's private bedroom can also be accessed directly from the hall/corridor, so maybe that's fair game for anybody who fancies just popping in too?

You be fine with everyone using yours then? Like you have with hers?