To have used the downstairs loo?

[WheresYourSecretSadness]

At a holiday cottage with a friend and each of our 2 kids. The cottage has 3 bedrooms - 1 downstairs 2 upstairs - and all bedrooms are en suite. There’s no other bathrooms or toilets.

I’m in an upstairs bedroom with 4yo DS, my friend is downstairs with her 3yoDS and our girls (7 and 8) are sharing the other upstairs bedroom.

When we’ve been downstairs and me or my kids have needed the toilet we’ve gone to the downstairs one, which is attached to my friend’s room. There’s a door entrance from the hall. This morning they both needed the loo so I took them to the downstairs toilet, but the door from the hallway was locked, it had been locked from inside the toilet. My friend and her kids were in the kitchen so we went through her bedroom to go to the loo.

She was a bit huffy when I came out and I asked what was wrong. She said she’s not happy about us going through her bedroom as its an invasion of her privacy. Fair enough, but my kids were desperate for the loo. She then said that she’d like us to use our own bathrooms for the toilet! Meaning I have to traipse upstairs every time me or the kids need the loo! Not ideal especially when they’re desperate. I (reluctantly) agreed but I think she’s being a bit precious and don’t think it’s a big deal at all sharing a bathroom? If it was me in the downstairs bedroom I honestly wouldn’t mind.

AIBU for using the downstairs loo or is she being precious about “her” bathroom?

@Aridane

OP made a unilateral decision that it was a communal loo. Friend made an equally unilateral decision that it was "hers". Neither is right and neither is wrong.....

Why would it be a unilateral decision to assume that your en-suite is ‘yours’ and not a public toilet?!

Because there is a door to it off the hall, which suggests it is there to be accessed by all members of the household. Why is that door there if it is only for the person using the bedroom?

I'm afraid I also think YABU. Think of it another way. Would you have been ok with her walking through your bedroom to use your en-suite without asking you?

in covid times I certainly think your should use your own bathrom, not hers. Though I don't know why you're traipsing to the toilet every time your kids need to go; a 4 yr old is quite capable of independent toileting (and will be doing so at nursery).

I think you are being very rude and precious about the whole thing. I agree with your friend. Also it sounds like the whole holiday is dictated by you and your kids. You insisted on the upstairs bedroom because your daughter gets night terrors, presumably also disturbing your friend/ her daughter. And your other two children are terrified of the toilet. You need to step up as a parent and get your children the help they need as it sounds like they all have some sort of trauma/ other issues that are causing them distress and could really damage them in the long term. What help have you accessed for your 3 children, who are all clearly suffering? Maybe focus on that instead of moaning about your friend.

I wonder how many people have read the op first post properly. its a Jack and Jill bathroom the door from the corridor is there because you are supposed to access it both as an en-suite and as the downstairs toilet.

Also I’d be fuming if your kid done a number 2 and it was wafting about in my sleep quarters.

If you all have en suite and locked hers then I’d assume it was out of bounds and use mine esp during covid times.

@MJMG2015 “used her words” lol that’s what we say to the children in school to get them to be clear, use your words, sounds just like me, made me chuckle

@AldiAisleofCrap

I wonder how many people have read the op first post properly. its a Jack and Jill bathroom the door from the corridor is there because you are supposed to access it both as an en-suite and as the downstairs toilet.

So OP and her children have full use of all three bathrooms - the friend must share her only one? Come the fuck on.

@AldiAisleofCrap

I wonder how many people have read the op first post properly. its a Jack and Jill bathroom the door from the corridor is there because you are supposed to access it both as an en-suite and as the downstairs toilet.

The same could be asked of you Have you actually read the OP?

I wouldn't care if I was your friend. But she does. So you are unreasonable.

It's not an effort to go upstairs to a bathroom. You should not have gone through her bedroom, that was very rude. Use your own.

So OP and her children have full use of all three bathrooms - the friend must share her only one? Er no everyone can use any bathroom.

And it’s not her friends bathroom , it’s a holiday cottage!

I wonder if this will end up being nicked for the Mail :)

It's that kind of first world issue they love.

I thought this was going to be about covid - if you're sharing a holiday house with friends you're still supposed to be socially distancing and cleaning shared bathrooms after use.

The downstairs toilet is essentially her en suite. You've got your own.

Would you be happy if her kid went wandering through your bedroom at night to use your ensuite because "your toilet was closer"?

Sorry OP l would hate other people's kids going through my room and using my toilet in this situation.

What if friend was in bed in the morning and OP and family went downstairs. Would it still be reasonable for them to go en masse into the bathroom, even if accessed from the hall?

As 93% of posters have observed, in this set-up it is not a downstairs loo, but the friend’s en suite.

YABU you all have allocated bathrooms and should use them. Using your friends is unreasonable. I wouldn’t be a fan of other people’s kids using my toilet and bathroom! If your kids can’t hold their bladder to get updtairs then they need to see your GP. If this was the case you should’ve also asked for the downstairs room if your kids get that desperate
You were being incredibly rude to go through her bedroom too

Because there is a door to it off the hall, which suggests it is there to be accessed by all members of the household. Why is that door there if it is only for the person using the bedroom?

For convenience when it's just one family staying there, who are all happy to share bathrooms.

The hall doesn't suggest anything. It's the friend's en suite and the OP has been unreasonable.

It’s one thing to assume one can use what one deems to be the downstairs loo, but quite another to ignore the locked door and go through someone’s bedroom to get to it.

I think YANB to use the door in the hallway but YABU to traipse through her bedroom to use it. She locked it to give you a hint, so although it is a pain for you, you need to accept it and use your own loo for the rest of the holiday.

I bet the cost to the friend hasn't been reduced despite the OP dictating the bedrooms and deciding that the friend shouldn't have the use of an en-suite.

@WheresYourSecretSadness

If you really need a downstairs toilet then swap bedrooms so your friend is upstairs and you are down

I need to be next to my DD and go has night terrors sometimes hence why I picked upstairs.

I agree it should’ve been settled beforehand but she should have said if she wanted it exclusively for herself and her son

No. You all have an en suite. You should have used yours.

Unless there are are SEN involved i don't understand how you cope out and about if your children give you such little notice that you couldn't have gone upstairs.

i refuse to believe that your kids, at the age they are, are only able to tell you they need the toilet once they are absolutely bursting. you need to teach them that there won't always be a toilet available immediately.

what do they do at school/when out and about?

We have a toilet off of the kitchen (ground floor) and both myself and the kiddos regularly 'traipse' upstairs to the warm loo. The downstairs one is the original outhouse, now attached to the house. But it's cold!!!