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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have used the downstairs loo?

763 replies

WheresYourSecretSadness · 26/10/2020 09:50

At a holiday cottage with a friend and each of our 2 kids. The cottage has 3 bedrooms - 1 downstairs 2 upstairs - and all bedrooms are en suite. There’s no other bathrooms or toilets.

I’m in an upstairs bedroom with 4yo DS, my friend is downstairs with her 3yoDS and our girls (7 and 8) are sharing the other upstairs bedroom.

When we’ve been downstairs and me or my kids have needed the toilet we’ve gone to the downstairs one, which is attached to my friend’s room. There’s a door entrance from the hall. This morning they both needed the loo so I took them to the downstairs toilet, but the door from the hallway was locked, it had been locked from inside the toilet. My friend and her kids were in the kitchen so we went through her bedroom to go to the loo.

She was a bit huffy when I came out and I asked what was wrong. She said she’s not happy about us going through her bedroom as its an invasion of her privacy. Fair enough, but my kids were desperate for the loo. She then said that she’d like us to use our own bathrooms for the toilet! Meaning I have to traipse upstairs every time me or the kids need the loo! Not ideal especially when they’re desperate. I (reluctantly) agreed but I think she’s being a bit precious and don’t think it’s a big deal at all sharing a bathroom? If it was me in the downstairs bedroom I honestly wouldn’t mind.

AIBU for using the downstairs loo or is she being precious about “her” bathroom?

OP posts:
NetflixWatcher · 26/10/2020 14:03

YABU OP you have your own bathroom.

knittingaddict · 26/10/2020 14:03

16 pages. Grin

1forAll74 · 26/10/2020 14:06

I can't see how a thing such as this would matter. It's your friend you say, you are on holiday, an issue like this should not be a problem.

IrmaFayLear · 26/10/2020 14:11

There’s a difference between a downstairs loo which usually consists of toilet, washbasin and loo roll, soap and towel, and a bathroom, with all a person’s stuff in there - toothbrush, toiletries, bath towel, etc.

Understandably friend did not much relish three extra people poo-fuming her toothbrush and using her towels.

NaughtipussMaximus · 26/10/2020 14:12

@WheresYourSecretSadness

Who chose the downstairs room?

I asked her to take the downstairs room as I wanted to be next to DD as she has night terrors

Oh dear God, just when I thought you couldn't get any more unreasonable. You make her take the downstairs bedroom, then make her ensuite into the group toilet, then go through her bedroom to use it, then your child has a poo in there. Surely no-one can be this entitled and oblivious?!
Aridane · 26/10/2020 14:13

😂

BentBastard · 26/10/2020 14:31

"Oh dear God, just when I thought you couldn't get any more unreasonable. You make her take the downstairs bedroom, then make her ensuite into the group toilet, then go through her bedroom to use it, then your child has a poo in there. Surely no-one can be this entitled and oblivious?!"

This was my first reaction to be honest. It makes me sad about how selfish you would have to be to not understand that this is unreasonable.

BentBastard · 26/10/2020 14:34

Although I should add that, as others have said, OP is clearly
Going through a lot of
shit and that can cloud your judgment.

Not sure about the other poster on here agreeing with her though! ConfusedHmm

lily2403 · 26/10/2020 14:40

my 4 year old would never make it to a toilet upstairs

Tonkerbea · 26/10/2020 14:42

Not really sure why you're so incredulous that this is a bit of a faux pas. You've disregarded your friends personal space. You owe her an apology. Your daughter's needs don't trump her need for privacy.

stackemhigh · 26/10/2020 14:45

@BentBastard

Not sure about the other poster on here agreeing with her though! confusedhmm

Who are you referring to? If you mean me, I didn’t agree with OP, and in fact said that her friend has already had a bum deal by being relegated downstairs. However, I did point out that OP accepted she has had her arse handed to her on this thread, and I don’t enjoy kicking anyone when they’re down, unlike so many here.

BentBastard · 26/10/2020 14:47

[quote stackemhigh]@BentBastard

Not sure about the other poster on here agreeing with her though! confusedhmm

Who are you referring to? If you mean me, I didn’t agree with OP, and in fact said that her friend has already had a bum deal by being relegated downstairs. However, I did point out that OP accepted she has had her arse handed to her on this thread, and I don’t enjoy kicking anyone when they’re down, unlike so many here.[/quote]

I wasn't referring to you, and as you didn't agree with the OP I'm not sure why you would think I was? Confused

starfishmummy · 26/10/2020 14:48

Surely the guests can choose how it is used, and the friend chose not to have everyone use her en-suite.

But they didnt discuss it. OP made a unilateral decision that it was a communal loo. Friend made an equally unilateral decision that it was "hers". Neither is right and neither is wrong.....

BentBastard · 26/10/2020 14:48

It was in fact a typo, it was meant to say posters, plural, it wasn't aimed at any specific individual.

Figgygal · 26/10/2020 14:50

It wouldn’t have bothered me and I think she’s being territorial over the loo But I guess you should have had a conversation rather than assuming it was ok

DadOfTheMoment · 26/10/2020 14:52

Unfortunately probably yes, though I get why you are irked

Aridane · 26/10/2020 14:52

@lily2403

my 4 year old would never make it to a toilet upstairs
In which case you would select holiday accommodation suitable to their needs and not presume to take over someone else’s bathroom!
WidowTwonky · 26/10/2020 14:53

@knittingaddict

16 pages. Grin
you need to use the 'show all messages' option. Only 4 pages then. I can't be bothered with threads that are 16 pages long
AldiAisleofCrap · 26/10/2020 14:53

Of course you should use the downstairs toilet why on earth would you go upstairs?

FractionalGains · 26/10/2020 14:54

I’m really surprised by the thrust of the responses! The fact there is a doorway off the hall suggests it’s intended for general use.

Though when I found it locked I might have taken the hint.

cabingirl · 26/10/2020 14:54

It's really nice when you are on holiday to have your own bathroom. I think you are being unreasonable asking her to share her bathroom when you have one to yourself upstairs.

Aridane · 26/10/2020 14:54

OP made a unilateral decision that it was a communal loo. Friend made an equally unilateral decision that it was "hers". Neither is right and neither is wrong.....

Why would it be a unilateral decision to assume that your en-suite is ‘yours’ and not a public toilet?!

Chantelli · 26/10/2020 14:56

This has to be a reverse

Londoncatshed · 26/10/2020 14:58

After 16 pages, I’m sure the OP has got the message, but I’m commenting anyway. I would hate you to use my bathroom. It’s a complete invasion of privacy and I’m not surprised your friend locked the door. Even more so with the current pandemic, use your own loo. Presume you wouldn’t be bothered if her and her kids went upstairs and used your bathroom? This is why holidaying with friends is awful!

NaughtipussMaximus · 26/10/2020 15:00

@starfishmummy

Surely the guests can choose how it is used, and the friend chose not to have everyone use her en-suite.

But they didnt discuss it. OP made a unilateral decision that it was a communal loo. Friend made an equally unilateral decision that it was "hers". Neither is right and neither is wrong.....

It’s adjoining the friend’s bedroom! Of course it’s hers! And if it isn’t, she shouldn’t pay as much for the accommodation.
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