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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have used the downstairs loo?

763 replies

WheresYourSecretSadness · 26/10/2020 09:50

At a holiday cottage with a friend and each of our 2 kids. The cottage has 3 bedrooms - 1 downstairs 2 upstairs - and all bedrooms are en suite. There’s no other bathrooms or toilets.

I’m in an upstairs bedroom with 4yo DS, my friend is downstairs with her 3yoDS and our girls (7 and 8) are sharing the other upstairs bedroom.

When we’ve been downstairs and me or my kids have needed the toilet we’ve gone to the downstairs one, which is attached to my friend’s room. There’s a door entrance from the hall. This morning they both needed the loo so I took them to the downstairs toilet, but the door from the hallway was locked, it had been locked from inside the toilet. My friend and her kids were in the kitchen so we went through her bedroom to go to the loo.

She was a bit huffy when I came out and I asked what was wrong. She said she’s not happy about us going through her bedroom as its an invasion of her privacy. Fair enough, but my kids were desperate for the loo. She then said that she’d like us to use our own bathrooms for the toilet! Meaning I have to traipse upstairs every time me or the kids need the loo! Not ideal especially when they’re desperate. I (reluctantly) agreed but I think she’s being a bit precious and don’t think it’s a big deal at all sharing a bathroom? If it was me in the downstairs bedroom I honestly wouldn’t mind.

AIBU for using the downstairs loo or is she being precious about “her” bathroom?

OP posts:
Disillusionedsusan · 26/10/2020 13:24

The main thing you did wrong was going through her bedroom, I'm sure you can see that's not something you'd do without Ok'ing first? It is a but of a pain as hers doubles as both her room's and the downstairs toilet but no biggie, if I saw it closed I'd head up and maybe check with her if she'd rather we didn't use at all. Hope she's not a MNer OP!

WhatamessIgotinto · 26/10/2020 13:27

So even if we are literally next to the downstairs bathroom door we should go upstairs (the stairs are steep and there’s a lot of them) to use the loo?

Um yes. You and your child should climb a whole flight of stairs to use the toilet attached to your bedroom. How can this be a problem for you? You needed the upstairs bedroom so you could be near your DD in the night so she was given the downstairs one and now you want everyone to be peeing and pooing in there too? Have some manners.

WhatamessIgotinto · 26/10/2020 13:28

Well not actually IN the bedroom but you catch my drift ... Grin

Happygogoat · 26/10/2020 13:29

YABU. She shouldn't have needed to say she wanted it "exclusively", there's enough bathrooms for all of you and this one is off her bedroom which is "exclusively" her sleeping area and so it should be obvious.

Traipse..... many people survive their whole lives and homes with one loo upstairs!!

CulturallyAppropriatedName · 26/10/2020 13:29

Tbh the bathroom issue is sorted, but your dd still being unable to use a toilet independently is a far bigger issue. You need to sort that via a small steps desensitization programme.

ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords · 26/10/2020 13:32

@MJMG2015

There’s a door entrance from the hall

It is a dual purpose bathroom/toilet. It wouldn't have an additional hall door if it was only intended to be an en suite.

As a child family friends had a bathroom like this door in their bedroom, door in the hallway. We'd often have to go in via their bedroom as someone had forgotten to unlock the hallway door after using it. They didn't care & that was their proper bedroom, not just a holiday bedroom.

Her stupid/selfish, passive/aggressive move to lick the door caused the need to go through her bedroom. How was the OP even supposed to guess it was deliberate?

Her 'friend' is being ridiculous.

Surely the guests can choose how it is used, and the friend chose not to have everyone use her en-suite.

When you visited your friend you were their guests and didn't have your own toilet to use, did you, so you had to share theirs.

If I was staying in a room with an en-suite that had a door that led to the hall, I would probably keep that door locked anyway, in case after entering from the bedroom to use the loo I forgot to lock both doors - I wouldn't want somebody bursting in from the hallway whilst I was sitting there.

kursaalflyer · 26/10/2020 13:32

I keep having a little chuckle imagining friend's face when she realised locking the door hadn't worked and three people were now traipsing through her bedroom.

randomer · 26/10/2020 13:35

I think you are very lucky indeed to be on holiday and to be in accomodation with bathrooms and toilets.

MrsMariaReynolds · 26/10/2020 13:39

Extremely unreasonable, Op. You said yourself that this property was a cottage. It's hardly "traipsing" to have to go upstairs to have to use the loo in a property of that size. Your children aren't toddlers in the midst of toilet training. They could make their way upstairs without being "desperate".

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 26/10/2020 13:39

I agree it should’ve been settled beforehand but she should have said if she wanted it exclusively for herself and her son

But why would anybody feel the need to do that? When she unpacked her suitcase on arrival and put her clothes away, did she also have to expressly tell you that she wanted exclusive use of what she'd paid for for herself there, or otherwise expect you to assume you could rummage through her wardrobe and help yourself to a snazzy top you fancied wearing for the day?

Well not actually IN the bedroom but you catch my drift ...

That's a big part of the problem, though - if OP's daughter had curled out a honking jobbie in the friend's en-suite, the friend WOULD indeed catch the drift in her bedroom for some time afterwards....

twinmum2007 · 26/10/2020 13:40

If all the bedrooms and bathrooms had been upstairs what would you have done? You would have had to go upstairs and use 'your' bathroom. So YABU

MJMG2015 · 26/10/2020 13:40

@ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords

Surely the guests can choose how it is used, and the friend chose not to have everyone use her en-suite

That's kind of the point though. It's not 'her ensuite'. It's a downstairs bathroom with dual access

and if the 'friend' wanted to be a twat about no one else using it, she should have 'used her words'

At my friends, we could have gone to the other 'family bathroom' instead, but there was no reason to, because unlike 'the friend' our family friends weren't twats.

ImMoana · 26/10/2020 13:43

That's a big part of the problem, though - if OP's daughter had curled out a honking jobbie in the friend's en-suite, the friend WOULD indeed catch the drift in her bedroom for some time afterwards....

Lol.

MJMG2015 · 26/10/2020 13:44

Anyway, as the OP hasn't posted since half ten, I assume they're all out having a nice day while we bicker about their manners 🤣

IhateBoswell · 26/10/2020 13:46

The utter cheek of you going through her bedroom after not taking the hint with the locked door 😂

AliceMcK · 26/10/2020 13:46

@WheresYourSecretSadness

It’s not a reverse. Though I will accept the area that’s been handed to me 😬 I honestly didn’t see it as “her” bathroom and like a few other posters thought it was fine to use as to me it’s a downstairs loo with a door off the hallway.
But you said in your original post, all bedrooms had en-suites. So how do you not see this as her ensuite?

So everyone else gets their own bathroom except the person who has the downstairs room, which can’t be you because you have to be next to your daughter... 🤔

TeeBee · 26/10/2020 13:46

Nope, you should have used your own toilet. I definitely wouldn't have thought to use someone else's en suite, just because it was closer. Just rude.

loobylou10 · 26/10/2020 13:47

Yabvvvvvvvvvu - as 99.9% of people on here have said. (But you still don't think you are do you, so we are all wasting our breath)

billy1966 · 26/10/2020 13:48

I would be appalled if I was your friend to have gone on holiday with someone who needed this explained to them.

YABU.

Basic courtesy would cover this!

MilerVino · 26/10/2020 13:51

Re trips I use toilets A LOT whenever I see one to minimise the “Mummy I’m desperate” shenanigans

You might be making them more desperate by doing so. Have a look for info on bladder training. (And I appreciate your DD has many issues here).

If you'd just been using the loo by going through the door to the hallway I wouldn't have thought much of it, but the fact that when she locked the door you ignored the hint and went through her room does make you completely unreasonable.

FamilyOfAliens · 26/10/2020 13:57

But you said in your original post, all bedrooms had en-suites. So how do you not see this as her ensuite?

I posted this question twice on the first few pages on the thread but the OP hasn’t answered.

I think she’s realised the ratio is not worth battling against.

JuliaJohnston · 26/10/2020 13:59

What must life be like when you have an 8 year old and a 4 year old and every trip to the loo has to be a family affair? Confused

knittingaddict · 26/10/2020 14:00

@WheresYourSecretSadness

So even if we are literally next to the downstairs bathroom door we should go upstairs (the stairs are steep and there’s a lot of them) to use the loo?

My kids often only tell me last minute when they need the toilet so it can be a mad rush

You did ask and these are your replies.

I've been on loads of holidays with other families. In the circumstances you described I would have expected you to use your bathroom. That's the beauty of holiday homes with other families and more than one bathroom, not having to share. Your friend shouldn't have to share because you're two lazy to climb the stairs. Lots of homes don't even have a downstairs loo. They seem to manage with the stress and "inconvenience".

knittingaddict · 26/10/2020 14:02

You should have rented a house with ensuites and a downstairs loo. Just for future reference.

knittingaddict · 26/10/2020 14:03

Also. 15 pages!

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