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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have used the downstairs loo?

763 replies

WheresYourSecretSadness · 26/10/2020 09:50

At a holiday cottage with a friend and each of our 2 kids. The cottage has 3 bedrooms - 1 downstairs 2 upstairs - and all bedrooms are en suite. There’s no other bathrooms or toilets.

I’m in an upstairs bedroom with 4yo DS, my friend is downstairs with her 3yoDS and our girls (7 and 8) are sharing the other upstairs bedroom.

When we’ve been downstairs and me or my kids have needed the toilet we’ve gone to the downstairs one, which is attached to my friend’s room. There’s a door entrance from the hall. This morning they both needed the loo so I took them to the downstairs toilet, but the door from the hallway was locked, it had been locked from inside the toilet. My friend and her kids were in the kitchen so we went through her bedroom to go to the loo.

She was a bit huffy when I came out and I asked what was wrong. She said she’s not happy about us going through her bedroom as its an invasion of her privacy. Fair enough, but my kids were desperate for the loo. She then said that she’d like us to use our own bathrooms for the toilet! Meaning I have to traipse upstairs every time me or the kids need the loo! Not ideal especially when they’re desperate. I (reluctantly) agreed but I think she’s being a bit precious and don’t think it’s a big deal at all sharing a bathroom? If it was me in the downstairs bedroom I honestly wouldn’t mind.

AIBU for using the downstairs loo or is she being precious about “her” bathroom?

OP posts:
RevolutionRadio · 26/10/2020 12:07

If you were with your own family then yes use which ever bathroom you want. When you're with friends and you have 2 en suites available to you then don't use the one that's on your friends room

If you're both using 1.5 rooms each did you pay the same amount? If so then you should both have exclusive use of a bathroom, if you want to use the one off her room too then offer her some of her money back as she won't be getting that benefit of you're all using them all.

IrmaFayLear · 26/10/2020 12:07

I can imagine myself in friend's position, as I hate confrontation and straight conversations !

I imagine the friend possibly didn't mind for the odd loo trip at first, but then finding that there were constant group toilet trips decided to tackle the problem by locking the door from the inside so the OP got the hint. But not only did OP fail to take that hint, boldly went through the bedroom and her dd did a poo into the bargain. That really is rude and the friend was forced to say something and look like the baddie.

I really would be most cross about multiple people using the towel. When we had only one bathroom what particularly irked me was guests who had clearly spurned the towel by the basin and dried their hands on bath towels or my dressing gown Angry

Mokusspokus · 26/10/2020 12:08

Loo and hygiene... Covid.. No, definitely stick to your own loo.

We only have one loo in our house, we manage to run upstairs....

I would have assumed with upstairs and downstairs bedrooms that the down loo would be for your friend or whoever was in the downstairs bedroom and would have told my dc not to use it.

StrawBeretMoose · 26/10/2020 12:10

@WheresYourSecretSadness

It’s not a reverse. Though I will accept the area that’s been handed to me 😬 I honestly didn’t see it as “her” bathroom and like a few other posters thought it was fine to use as to me it’s a downstairs loo with a door off the hallway.
Except you're not really accepting it OP, you're still harping on about the "few other posters" who agreed with you. Hmm Currently 93% say YABU but you stick with the 7%.

She locked the bloody door, what more of a hint do you want. YABU and appear not to have any cop-on or manners.
You let your kid poo in someone else's emsuite when there were two more loos upstairs which she could have used. If she is the one sharing with another child they have their own bathroom or as her mother you could have let her use yours. But no, go right ahead into your friend's bedroom and give everyone a lesson in entitlement.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/10/2020 12:11

Hang on, I just reread.

You and 4 yo have a room with a loo.

8 yo has a room with a loo.

You used the OTHER loo because you didn't want to use the stairs / you didn't want poo in your loo

Lulu1919 · 26/10/2020 12:12

I'm with the friend...
Use your own loo and your own en-suite
Kids can't be that desperate that they can't run up the stairs !!
How do they manage at school !!!

mouseistrapped · 26/10/2020 12:21

You are being SO unreasonable !

And the rubbish that your kids give you no notice - what happens when out and about , at the supermarket ? They just have to learn to hold it in for 25 more seconds.

It is an invasion of her privacy. And it was a rude assumption for you to make.

Sorry but use your own loo !

apumpkinaday · 26/10/2020 12:23

YABU, just got upstairs. I don’t have a downstairs loo, when my 3 year old needs a wee I take her upstairs, it’s not that difficult

Cheeseandwin5 · 26/10/2020 12:26

Ok so I think its pretty unanimous that the Op has BU.
I totally agree with all the posts saying that she has been selfish manipulative, controlling and entitled.
Moreover I would be interested to know how the cost has been split.
As far as I can see the OP has the bedrooms of her choice, an en suite bathroom and the freedom of the whole house.
Your friend has to sleep in a room that can be walked through by anyone in the house and a shared bathroom. Also one of their DD has to babysit a child with night terrors.
I would assume that the OP is paying the whole cost of the cottage/trip, and even then, I would say she is being rude.
If your friend has any sense this wont be a problem in the future as it will be the last time she goes with you.

DrManhattan · 26/10/2020 12:27

The more I read this thread, the more I think its just all made up.

  1. No one would be so rude
  2. The strange toilet issues

Just all very odd

blackcat86 · 26/10/2020 12:30

WTF why is a 7/8 yr old mature enough to share a room on holiday with the other girls rather than an adult but needs to be formally taken to the toilet? Surely she would just go upstairs to her shared loo and sort herself at that age. As for your 4 year old, this is not a potty training toddler. A child who is at or coming up to school age will be expected to have sensible toilet habits and be independent in that area. Fair enough to offer a hint or ask them to wee before you go out but again, what's with all the toilet hype of taking them to the loo. Don't they just go to the loo? Stop being lazy and using your friends loo just because you can't be bothered to go upstairs. You sound super high maintenence.

CovidStoleTheRainbow · 26/10/2020 12:30

So when you do your poos you all make her bedroom smell of it?

Lovely. Can't think what she finds so unpleasant about it being used.

flaviaritt · 26/10/2020 12:33

I’d be fine with your kids coming through the hall door to use the toilet (poos and all - it’s a toilet, not an artefact in the Louvre).
But not coming through my bedroom. That’s rude.

Meepmeeep · 26/10/2020 12:33

Toilet situation meh whatever. You had no right to go through her bedroom. You took the piss. How can you justify entering her space?

notacooldad · 26/10/2020 12:37

I think we need a map aka parking thread... Finding it hard to imagine the locked door part.
Imagine a hall and there's a door. In there is a loo. At the other side there is another door. You go through that door and its a bed room.
Google jack and Jill en suite images.

swansongs · 26/10/2020 12:37

Your OP said "When we’ve been downstairs and me or my kids have needed the toilet we’ve gone to the downstairs one, which is attached to my friend’s room."

YOU and your kids have all been using her loo. Wtaf!? If it was a one-off when your 4 year old was desperate, then fine. But doing it whenever you and your kids happen to be downstairs??? YABU.

JuanFootInTheGrave · 26/10/2020 12:38

Is your bathroom at home downstairs? Most people's are upstairs, so I wouldn't see using your en suite one as any different to using your bathroom at home. I appreciate you thought it was more convenient but your friend is right to be miffed, perhaps mostly because of the current pandemic.

swansongs · 26/10/2020 12:38

@CovidStoleTheRainbow

So when you do your poos you all make her bedroom smell of it?

Lovely. Can't think what she finds so unpleasant about it being used.

Ha! Exactly right.
pipnchops · 26/10/2020 12:39

YABU for sure, if you're children really can't hold it in to go upstairs then you should have insisted on having the downstairs bedroom for yourself or your DC at the start. Her locking the door to the hallway was a hint that she didn't want you using it which I competely understand.

Mochudubh · 26/10/2020 12:40

For the few saying that because the downstairs loo has a door to the hall so it's for everyone, I imagine it's actually so that if you have non-resident visitors (as you might in normal times) they can use the loo without going through a bedroom.

AliceMcK · 26/10/2020 12:42

Omg you have to walk upstairs to use the toilet 😱😱😱 Seriously you sound very entitled.

that1970shouse · 26/10/2020 12:42

Even if she chose the downstairs room, I would say YABU, but given that you forced her to take that one, YABVVVVU.

Get some help for your children's issues. They can't go on like this.

Mochudubh · 26/10/2020 12:42

Ditto if you have someone sleeping on the couch.

Happyheartlovelife · 26/10/2020 12:43

Aren’t most bathrooms upstairs anyway? Unless you live in a bungalow?

I have those aged kids. They could last a flight of stairs.

I agree with your friend

Bluesheep8 · 26/10/2020 12:44

Unless you're in a lighthouse YABU use your own loos.

GrinGrinGrin