To have used the downstairs loo?

[WheresYourSecretSadness]

At a holiday cottage with a friend and each of our 2 kids. The cottage has 3 bedrooms - 1 downstairs 2 upstairs - and all bedrooms are en suite. There’s no other bathrooms or toilets.

I’m in an upstairs bedroom with 4yo DS, my friend is downstairs with her 3yoDS and our girls (7 and 8) are sharing the other upstairs bedroom.

When we’ve been downstairs and me or my kids have needed the toilet we’ve gone to the downstairs one, which is attached to my friend’s room. There’s a door entrance from the hall. This morning they both needed the loo so I took them to the downstairs toilet, but the door from the hallway was locked, it had been locked from inside the toilet. My friend and her kids were in the kitchen so we went through her bedroom to go to the loo.

She was a bit huffy when I came out and I asked what was wrong. She said she’s not happy about us going through her bedroom as its an invasion of her privacy. Fair enough, but my kids were desperate for the loo. She then said that she’d like us to use our own bathrooms for the toilet! Meaning I have to traipse upstairs every time me or the kids need the loo! Not ideal especially when they’re desperate. I (reluctantly) agreed but I think she’s being a bit precious and don’t think it’s a big deal at all sharing a bathroom? If it was me in the downstairs bedroom I honestly wouldn’t mind.

AIBU for using the downstairs loo or is she being precious about “her” bathroom?

Exactly what honeylulu said. I can't believe your lack of insight and self-awareness either 🙈

@WheresYourSecretSadness

Oh and the reason the door was locked from the inside was basically a hint to me to not use the bathroom!

I’ve NC’d for this BTW to avoid being outed

We all know why she locked the door!

You all have your own bathrooms, so all use your own. This is even more important than ever these days with covid etc so if you're lucky enough to be in a place with THREE bathrooms, use them properly.

Also, the vast, vast majority of houses only have one bathroom, which is usually upstairs, so what would your bursting children do then? They'd have to make it upstairs. They need to learn not to hang on until they're bursting.

If I was your friend I would absolutely be pissed off at you for this.

Apologise to your friend.

Go upstairs.

There are thousands and thousands of us that don’t live in a house with a downstairs loo. It’s hardly traipsing up the stairs.

Get your kids some help to overcome their fears.

YABVU OP. You have gone on holiday in a pandemic with another household, bagged the best bedroom and feel so entitled that both you and your DC are insisting on using your friends ensuite bathroom rather than going in your own bathrooms upstairs. Although a slight inconvenience for you but as she had already locked the hall door to prevent you entering without going in her bedroom surely that was a big enough hint.

YABVVVVU

What you should do now is give your friend's bathroom a thorough deep clean this afternoon to apologise.

I agree with your friend, you each have your own space and bathroom. Maybe don’t be so lazy and just walk up the stairs?

My 2 year old can make it up the stairs in time then your kids can too. This is such a first world problem 🤯

You seriously need to stop feeding in to an 8 year old’s fears by going to the toilet with her how long do you plan to continue that? And now with the 4 year old?

Also if they’re both that frightened they can wait to go upstairs, no? I grew up with “just” a toilet upstairs.

Honestly, not taking the hint from the locked door and going through her bedroom?! And the poo!

Door from the hall means those in the same family case use. YABU.

It would never occur to me to use someone's en-suite. Your friend must feel she doesn't have an inch of privacy with you traipsing through her bedroom.

@honeylulu

You sound a right pain tbh. You effectively prohibited your friend from having the option of an upstairs bedroom (which most people would prefer) so you and your daughter could have rooms next to each other.

Then because you can't be bothered to go upstairs, you repeatedly use your friend's en suite, including letting your children shit in it, ignore her hints that she's unhappy with that and tramp through her bedroom without asking! Your lack of self awareness is astonishing.

If your children manage a whole school day holding on without visiting the lavatory, I think they can wait sufficiently to manage to climb a single storey staircase.

This.

You sound utterly self absorbed and entitled @WheresYourSecretSadness
I'm not surprised your friend is pissed of, I suspect this is the latest in a long pattern of oblivious, selfish behaviour

If its such a big problem, offer to swap rooms and tell her she can feel free to traipse through your bedroom and stink up your bathroom whenever she wants to

If there's a door from the hall it's not an "en suite" so free for all to use. I wouldn't have gone through her bedroom, but equally she shouldnt have locked the other door unless she was in there!!

I presume she also makes her daughter traipse upstairs to the loo in her bedroom?

If you were potty training then yes maybe it would be okay to use their toilet as it can be a mad rush, a 4 and 7/8 year old are capable of holding it to go up the stairs, I’d be annoyed if you went through my bedroom without asking too, you seem to think you’re entitled to things just because you have kids

You should decide now to tackle the undeal with toilet issues, put it off no longer. It may mean tough love, tears and be traumatic, but do not wait. Your DD will find secondary school hell if this persists, or be restricted in the activities she can do.

The OP and her children presumably used the friend's towel whenever they used her bathroom. Is that so OP? Either you and your children used her towel or none of you washed your hands. Neither are acceptable.
As for your daughter not using the loo at school and coming out desperate, what have you done to address this issue? Anything? It's very harmful.

People saying the OP is not unreasonable because there was a door from the hall are clearly missing the part where the door from the hall was locked so the OP took her children through her friends private bedroom. It's beyond rude and intrusive. The locked door should have been enough of a message.

Have you considered your friends needs and comfort at all during this holiday, OP? Because it really, really sounds like it's all about you so far. My bet is this really isn't much of a holiday for your friend and her children and you probably won't hear much from her after you've gone back home.
You should have your children in the downstairs room with you so that you can all traipse to the toilet together and your daughter doesn't disturb the other girl with her night terrors. You are an example of some of the most selfish, entitled behaviour I've ever heard.

Use your OWN loo.

Why use hers? Have a bit of respect for her privacy.

I asked her to take the downstairs room as I wanted to be next to DD as she has night terrors

so you've already dictated who has which room to suit your family needs, which she kindly obliged to. then you encourage your DC to use her bathroom and let your DD poo there . no wonder shes annoyed with you.

I agree with you op if you're already downstairs but I think it should have been a conversation when you chose rooms.

Who decided who got what? Is she already upset because they've got the worse room and now you're traipsing in and out her room?

I YABU to go into her room. The toilet door being locked was a pretty obvious clue. You should have asked or mentioned the door seemed to be locked etc.

Also you said they both needed it so you used downstairs
How does that make any sense? Were you worried the 4 to might wee on the floor? Why not send the 8 yo to the other one upstairs?

Generally speaking your 8 yo should be old enough to take herself to the loo, in which case I'd be telling her to use yours and then asking downstairs if your 4 yo needed it at the same time and couldn't wait

I think this is definitely a situation where "Use your words" applies on both sides.
You should have asked your DF if she minded your DDs using the downstairs toilet, but equally as your friend did have an objection to it, it would surely have been simpler for her to say that she wanted to keep her en suite for her personal use, or at least could number two visits be upstairs. Or perhaps she didn't say that as she envisaged pushback from you .

If it wasn’t en suite then I’d have used the downstairs one. As it is en-suite is go up and use the one that is mine. En-suite bathrooms belong to that bedrooms occupants! YABU. I only have an upstairs loo in this house so we all traipse up and down stairs, that includes small kids!

I think we need a map aka parking thread... Finding it hard to imagine the locked door part.

When someone poos in our en suite the bedroom also smells. It's not nice. we have a no poo rule for that reason (obviously that's not possible here) surely you can see that someone who is not in your family pooing in your en suite is a bit grim.

I would have been pissed off if i had got the downstairs room and bathroom and everyone else used it too, and for a poo as well.

Bang to rights OP, but at least you seem to have accepted it now.