To have used the downstairs loo?

[WheresYourSecretSadness]

At a holiday cottage with a friend and each of our 2 kids. The cottage has 3 bedrooms - 1 downstairs 2 upstairs - and all bedrooms are en suite. There’s no other bathrooms or toilets.

I’m in an upstairs bedroom with 4yo DS, my friend is downstairs with her 3yoDS and our girls (7 and 8) are sharing the other upstairs bedroom.

When we’ve been downstairs and me or my kids have needed the toilet we’ve gone to the downstairs one, which is attached to my friend’s room. There’s a door entrance from the hall. This morning they both needed the loo so I took them to the downstairs toilet, but the door from the hallway was locked, it had been locked from inside the toilet. My friend and her kids were in the kitchen so we went through her bedroom to go to the loo.

She was a bit huffy when I came out and I asked what was wrong. She said she’s not happy about us going through her bedroom as its an invasion of her privacy. Fair enough, but my kids were desperate for the loo. She then said that she’d like us to use our own bathrooms for the toilet! Meaning I have to traipse upstairs every time me or the kids need the loo! Not ideal especially when they’re desperate. I (reluctantly) agreed but I think she’s being a bit precious and don’t think it’s a big deal at all sharing a bathroom? If it was me in the downstairs bedroom I honestly wouldn’t mind.

AIBU for using the downstairs loo or is she being precious about “her” bathroom?

Also; I bet the girl sharing a bedroom with the girl who has night terrors and a grownup that isn't her own mum ready to burst in at any given moment of the night is having a great holiday

YABU and rude.

Unless the courage is the size of Buckingham Palace, your DC should be able to make it upstairs when they need the loo. Especially the 8 year old .

Cottage. Not courage. 🙄

YABU - massively.

@WheresYourSecretSadness

Surely your children are old enough to use the toilet themselves without you having to traipse up the stairs with them anyway.

They’re both scared of the toilet (yes it’s a PITA but it is what it is)

Oh come on.. how the hell do they manage at school ?

Very entitled behaviour, op.

But surely the bigger issue is what have you been doing to address your daughter’s fear?

And your dh’s dick behaviour...

It doesn't matter that there is a door in the hallway for the toilet. In this instance it is very clear that each room has en-suite facilities and this was the understanding. So far it's all about OP and her children, never mind the other family. OP told her friend to take the downstairs room because she wanted the upstairs room so why should she also have her en-suite used as a communal toilet? And the utter rudeness of OP to think, hmm the door is locked, I'll just traipse through my friend's bedroom instead. Surely nobody is that unaware?
OP, you have contradicted yourself and drip fed so many times here that I'm inclined to think none of it is true. You say your child doesn't go to the loo at all unless you're with her, that she often leaves school bursting to go. That means she is capable of holding it on for a very long time, a matter of hours not minutes. So what was the rush this time? Why couldn't she hold it for the matter of seconds it takes to walk up the stairs? I can't believe you've let your 7 year old go on like this so for so many years and then let it affect your 4 year old too. Almost unbelievable, all of this.

@VinylDetective You clearly won't understand the nuances of this or choose not to.

The door from the hall was locked. That is the clue to the use of this ensuite.

If a different household - ie ONE family- were using the same cottage they may have been happy for everyone to use this loo.

However, the OP actually went through the bedroom so she and her kids could use it.

Do you not believe in people sharing being allowed some privacy?

If your DC only tell you they need the toilet when they are seconds from wetting themselves, that is an issue which urgently needs addressing.

The toilet is connected to her room. So hers her bathroom.
Stop being lazy and walk upstairs

You sound a right pain tbh. You effectively prohibited your friend from having the option of an upstairs bedroom (which most people would prefer) so you and your daughter could have rooms next to each other.

Then because you can't be bothered to go upstairs, you repeatedly use your friend's en suite, including letting your children shit in it, ignore her hints that she's unhappy with that and tramp through her bedroom without asking! Your lack of self awareness is astonishing.

If your children manage a whole school day holding on without visiting the lavatory, I think they can wait sufficiently to manage to climb a single storey staircase.

Isn’t this what everyone would’ve automatically done - gone in the nearest one?

No, not when the nearest one is someone's ensuite.
It's very different going from one adult and their 3 year old using a bathroom, to 2 adults and 4 children using it - that an awful lot more traffic,. I wouldn't be happy with that either. One flight of stairs is nothing.

If I were OP I'd find the episode (must be on YouTube) of Come Outside where Auntie Mabel visits a sewage farm to trace the passage of a poo. The dcs loved that one! "Come on, Pippin, let's fly!!"

Sorry. Unless it was an emergency, you definitely should have asked. Even when you weren't going through her bedroom. And certainly afterwards.

It's not that big a deal to go upstairs surely? How huge is the house??

It's pretty clear that each bedroom has their "own" bathroom regardless of whether upstairs or downstairs and you should ask before using.

If you'd asked from the start rather than assuming she'd probably have said it was OK to use it occasionally when the kids were in a hurry, but now you've got yourself in an awkward situation.

From the title I expected this to be about using a stand alone downstairs loo but with the explanation you’ve given you are absolutely being unreasonable.

Going through someone's bedroom- unreasonable.

Use your own. If this occurs again you need to have the downstairs bathroom. I'd be annoyed if I was your friend.

Grim. Just use your own loo. I wouldn’t be impressed with someone else’s kid using my loo for a poo when they have their own bathroom just steps away.

Plenty of houses have only one toilet upstairs. Don't be a snowflake Use your own loo.

@Brakebackcyclebot

OP having read 4 pages of the thread I'm surprised at the response. The bathroom has a door into the hall, I think. Meaning you can access it without going through the bedroom. I would have used it too. I would also expect the door to the hall only to be locked when your friend was in there, showering or using the loo herself.

If she wanted her own private en suite, she should have chosen an upstairs room.

But clearly I'm in a minority!

Not this again! Just because you can do something, it doesn’t mean you have to. All the bedrooms are accessible from the hall too, it doesn’t mean you go into somebody else’s bedroom. Two families, two bathrooms, equals one each. Anyone with even a basic understanding of manners and hygiene would know this.

And it was OP that insisted on having the upstairs room.

Stick to your own ensuites. It's hardly like your expected to go outside. More houses have toilets upstairs only, are your 4 and 7 year old children really gonna wet themselves in the 3 second walk upstairs?
And yeah, its bang out of order to go in her bedroom.

YABVU. Lots of people don’t have a downstairs toilet in their house and have to “traipse” upstairs to use the toilet there. You didn’t use the nearest toilet, you used her toilet which you had to go into her bedroom to use.

You are in the wrong. Your kids aren't that small that being desperate means a puddle. They are old enough to know the signs and go up a few stairs in plenty of time. Someone's bedroom is their private space and you are 100% in the wrong.

I have an en suite and if her brother is in the family bathroom DD asks every time if she can use mine.