To think children are no longer allowed to live their own lives?

[gussy123]

The ‘what was wrong with the 70s’ thread made me think of this:

I grew up on a council estate in the early 2000s, and I see a lot of what posters were saying about their 70s childhoods in mine. It was basically get out the house, don’t come back until tea— not that anyone would’ve dreamt of doing anything different. On Saturday morning we had to walk into town to do a big shop with our mums, on Sunday some of our grandmas took us to church. Sometimes we were sent out to town to buy things that were needed then and there. Meals, holidays (if we got one), clothes, etc. were dictated by parents and we just got on with it.

I have a significantly younger sister, and the change in lifestyle is astounding. Everything is based around what she’s doing (clubs and things), her friends are only allowed to play in each other’s houses and gardens, just about everything she and her friends do closely supervised— not one of her or her friends is allowed to walk to school (~10 minute walk) alone.

I think children seem to be treated like a separate species! Something that needs to be coddled and made happy at every moment. I know that from about 6/7 onwards I could not wait to get out and do whatever I liked with my friends. Also, crime has consistently gone down if anything, so why are we more and more scared of letting children out alone? It makes so little sense.

I’m not suggesting we start locking kids out from 8 til 8 every weekend, or to make their lives miserable, but I feel as if they don’t get a minute to be completely free and just live!

too much information also

One important thing I had not really thought about. Extended family! I was very close to my grandparents and I went to stay with them whenever I could until my grandmother died when I was 12. I adored her. She did all the stuff with me that my mum didn't - we baked, we watched TV together, I helped her sort of all her knitting wool, she taught me to knit and crochet.

I also had a maternal aunt who I sometimes stayed with, and she took us to the park - some thing my own parents never did.

I am sad that my own children didn't have this. We live a long way from extended family on both sides, and they are no where near as close to their grandparents and aunties as I was.

I suspect every generation does this.

My grandparents probably harked back to the Victorian era and how you could send kids up chimneys.

The works has changed dramatically in the last 30 years. Everything about modern Britain is different, so I guess it’s unrealistic to think that “childhood” would remain static. It’s fascinating considering how many of those changes are positive though.

I am sad that my children didn't have a community of aunties - not real aunts but neighbours and friends of my parents. You could knock on their door of you needed a drink of squash or you'd cut your knee.

I was frequently bored as a child, the difference is my Mum never ever saw it as her responsibility to change that, it was always on me. Rightly so.

Mine are allowed out and about by themselves at 11. My eldest still didn't go out much but my current 12 year old is out a lot. I do worry but I realise a lot of my worry is media fed.

When I think about what we were allowed to do as kids (mid-60s), I'm amazed that any of us made it to adulthood.

We played in derelict buildings and on building sites, in woods and fields, took long bus journeys involving 2 buses, all without any adult supervision.

But the kids in our road all play out when weather permits, they're allowed to go for walks in the fields and woods that border the estate, the older ones (12 upwards, at a guess) are allowed to take the bus into Brighton in groups without an adult. And all the building sites and derelict buildings are fenced off!

This is a very low crime area though. I doubt if their parents would feel the same if they lived on an inner-city estate where knife crime was rife. I come from Croydon, and almost all of my friends with kids have moved out of Croydon to smaller places in other parts of the country now. The last one to relocate did it after his 12 year old son was mugged at knifepoint twice in 2 months while on his way home from school.

In 25 years we'll have Mumsnet posts talking about they can't believe kids had such online freedom in 2020, and all the dodgy things that happened as a result. Kids being groomed by perverts, kids accessing inappropriate content (porn, pro-suicide sites, pro-anorexia sites etc), online bullying. kids of today may look back and think 'what on earth were our parents thinking?' in the same way many posters on this thread are doing. Are kids safer today than in the 1970s? I guess it depends on your view of safety. Less likely to be hit by a car or abused by a neighbour perhaps. More likely to have crippling anxiety or depression and to be abused by a stranger online. One thing that interests me in other parents are those who freak out when their child climbs a tree or walks to post a letter at the end of the road . . . but who is allowed their phone in their room age 10/11 - madness!

I don't recognise this 'free range' childhood idea either. I grew up MC in the 80s and no way was I allowed out, roaming around on my own or with a gang of local kids. We either played in our garden or we cycled around the lane outside our house and our DPs always had to know where we were. They were well aware of the dangers and we were repeatedly told not to go with strangers, never to go into anyone's house or get into anyone's car, and the dangers of farms, electricity substations, railway lines, etc. A boy disappeared in our town in 1969, never to be seen again. This was literally a few streets away from where I grew up. Another fell into a grain silo and died. A boy I went to school with was killed by a train when he crossed the tracks with headphones on and didn't hear it coming.

True, wingsandtrings but much like the parents in the 70s who didn't give much thought to paedophiles and predators most parents today don't realise the extent of online grooming and virtual danger. They live in a Facebook bubble where everyone posts pictures of their dogs or Christmas Eve boxes. They don't realise how clever and devious online predators can be and think their kids are just having sweet little chats with their friends on social media. Same denial, different decade.

my elderly neighbour told me off for letting my ds out when he was quite young

so many cars on the roads now, idiot drivers.

my dc and neighbours dc played in the car park at the back of the houses until a nosy neighbour complained that they shouldnt be doing so due to the cars!
perhaps the car drivers should be more careful

Your experience is different to mine. On my estate the kids are walking to school from yr4, they are all knocking on for each other, loads play out. Occasionally there's trouble, I won't sugar coat it. A small fire in the playground, a fight between a couple of kids..... But that's not an every day occurance. And it doesn't stop us shoving our kids out for fun!
The kids here are streetwise, polite AF, confident and will talk to grownups.

In previous generation DC didn't live their on lives, they starved, they waited at pubs, they started work at 13 in the 50's 60's, were seen but no heard, their opinion didn't matter. Sexual abuse was rampant throughout families I'd bet till the 90's. Thankfully there's much more awareness.
Personally I don't agree with letting DC out on an estate all day, the DC around here that live like that little siblings in tow are neglected DC usually filthy from street walking all day out of sight out of mind parents. It is only luck they're not knocked down or kidnapped other parents keep an eye.

slightly off topic but I really worry about the impact of tech. Not just from a danger point of view but the whole culture of everyone looking at their phones when meeting up, living through the lens as opposed to living life, advertising, self image etc. I know adults who grew up without phones who are quite consumed by it, todays generation will grow up with it. I was always very strict with my dc but lockdown meant I had to introduce ipads for education which lead to entertainment. It was like crack to them.

There's balance to be had surely. Sure, there's no need to go back to the 'good old days' of almost unlimited freedom, but there needs to be a better appraisal of risk.

For example, there's usually several threads around the summer where an OP is terrified that their soon to be year 7 child will have to walk to school because they've never so much as played out with friends unsupervised, but then there's also an increasingly dominant view that children need smart phones with access to the delights of the internet and the right to have privacy.

I find it odd that so many parents give endless technology access with the right to privacy enshrined but won't let their children walk to the shop with friends in case a stranger attacks them.

my dc and neighbours dc played in the car park at the back of the houses until a nosy neighbour complained that they shouldnt be doing so due to the cars!
perhaps the car drivers should be more careful
A carpark dangerous for DC. No shit.

I remember when I was very young we had a local Bobby called P.C Pickles who used to go round to all the schools and give us talks about the green cross code, not talking to strangers, not playing near railways and deep water in a fun but serious manner..and it certainly got through to me and luckily I never came to any harm.
Also I was very fortunate to have a loving family. I played outside with my friends all the time.
Now I have a teenager and it is mainly XBOX but he does go out to meet up with a few friends which I encourage as long as he behaves or the XBOX and internet will be seized. I did this once when he was doing his SATS. It was worth all the strops when he did well in them.
I remember getting the cane once at school, never again. Do that now and people get arrested.

@TheMandalorian

Because of April Jones, because of Jamie Bulger, because of Miller Dowler, etc, etc. Because we as parents look back on our unfettered childhoods and are horrified at some of the close calls we had and at how very young we were. Kids in the 70s generally had various housewives at home watching from the kitchen window or on hand. Kids in the 2000s generally much less supervision. These days, it would be rare to even know who your neighbours are to run to for help.

THIS sums it up perfectly. The dangerous situations i found myself in as a child is pretty horrific looking back.

@Hotcuppatea

Some boys knocked on the door at the weekend and asked if my son could come out to play at the skate park. It was so unusual that me and my husband were floored. Friends knocking for you to come out and play was an everyday occurrence when I was a child.

It depends where you live, it's the norm here and the norm where we lived before.

There has to be medium though. You cant lock your kids up ,then wonder why at 14,15 they dont have confidence.

I was born in the 70s,my mam was a helicopter parent.I wasnt allowed anywhere.
Only reason i was allowed to teenage discos was people put pressure on my mama to let me go.

I never learned vital skills.So being overbearing and a helicopter parent is just as bad as flinging the kids out and not bothering about them.

There is a medium. DS was blue from playing outside yesterday for 3 hours. I took him in at 4pm his little friend was still out at 7 it was dark his younger brothers dodo/soother was stuck to his face with snot from the cold.
I use to bring his pal and little brother in but gave myself a shake.

I think it all depends on your neighbourhood and what is considered normal, to be honest - I grew up in 90s/00s and until I was about 8 we lived in a cul-de-sac with 5-6 other families that all had kids the same age as me and my siblings. We all played out together, were in and out of each others' houses the whole time, it was lovely. Then we moved to a much more upmarket part of town and it pretty much stopped, it was much more about going to other people's houses to play, normally pre-arranged, rather than random meetings-up in the street. Same with walking to school - I very much doubt Germany or rural Scotland have lower rates of child-related crime, just if you see all other children walking to school you stop worrying so much about the risks.
I do think it's a shame children don't have some level of freedom, but unless you live in a place where you know all your neighbours and trust them to keep an eye on the kids, I understand why it doesn't happen so much nowadays.

@dayswithaY

True, wingsandtrings but much like the parents in the 70s who didn't give much thought to paedophiles and predators most parents today don't realise the extent of online grooming and virtual danger. They live in a Facebook bubble where everyone posts pictures of their dogs or Christmas Eve boxes. They don't realise how clever and devious online predators can be and think their kids are just having sweet little chats with their friends on social media. Same denial, different decade.

Absolutely this.

@OutOntheTilez

My worst fear when my sons were younger was that they would be kidnapped, and although my younger is 15, I still have this fear, although he goes to friends’ houses and waits at the bus stop by himself. I think my fear stems from the high profile cases here in America many years ago that made such an impression on me: Polly Klaas, Elizabeth Smart, Jonbenet Ramsey and Jaycee Dugard.

That was also my fear about kidnapping when they were younger. The younger they are the easier it would be.

I would say kidnapping a 15 year old boy would be spectacularly rare, as I assume they are closer to the size of an adult compared to a 4 year old. I hope you get some comfort the older and bigger he’s getting.

But yes, that was always my fear. DD is 12 now and I’m better than I was when was young.