To think children are no longer allowed to live their own lives?

[gussy123]

The ‘what was wrong with the 70s’ thread made me think of this:

I grew up on a council estate in the early 2000s, and I see a lot of what posters were saying about their 70s childhoods in mine. It was basically get out the house, don’t come back until tea— not that anyone would’ve dreamt of doing anything different. On Saturday morning we had to walk into town to do a big shop with our mums, on Sunday some of our grandmas took us to church. Sometimes we were sent out to town to buy things that were needed then and there. Meals, holidays (if we got one), clothes, etc. were dictated by parents and we just got on with it.

I have a significantly younger sister, and the change in lifestyle is astounding. Everything is based around what she’s doing (clubs and things), her friends are only allowed to play in each other’s houses and gardens, just about everything she and her friends do closely supervised— not one of her or her friends is allowed to walk to school (~10 minute walk) alone.

I think children seem to be treated like a separate species! Something that needs to be coddled and made happy at every moment. I know that from about 6/7 onwards I could not wait to get out and do whatever I liked with my friends. Also, crime has consistently gone down if anything, so why are we more and more scared of letting children out alone? It makes so little sense.

I’m not suggesting we start locking kids out from 8 til 8 every weekend, or to make their lives miserable, but I feel as if they don’t get a minute to be completely free and just live!

I can completely see how those contribute so much— but it’s happening less and less

Why do you think it’s happening less and less....

OP you need to read the book 'The Coddling of the American Mind'.

@Smallsteps88

I’d hoped there was less offenders in general I think that was maybe naïve of me

@babyguffingtonstrikesagain

Thank you! I will!

i think kids today are far too entitled dont know if thats a generation thing or different way of growing

if i wanted to go out as a teen i was expected to make my own way there and back none of this i'llpick up from janes house at 8 or i'll drop you down the cinema

I think people were more likely to be out and about and look out for children, make sure they're ok. Children could be approached by other adults without it being seen as wrong and also be told off by strangers. Now its seen as rude, interfering or suspicious to talk to someone else's child which further creates a culture where people won't let their children out because no one is looking out for them in society.

It’s not just the 70s, I was born in the early 90s and shered the same childhood. Playing out constantly on our council estate and walking for miles in the old ‘golly’ and forests, swimming in resourvoirs etc in primary school. 11+ we were out hanging around wherever we could with alcohol and smoking. So this was what into the 2000s.

Kids don’t do that much these days I’ve found but definitely depends on the areas, in ‘rougher’ areas they are probably out more with parents not knowing what they are doing.

I certainly don’t want my children to be doing what I was that’s for sure...

Depends where you live. Kids on our estate play out all day without direct parental supervision. But there's lots of kids out together usually and if something happens (like they fall off their bikes) other kids go and tell their parents. There's also a feeling that people know who everyone is so strangers stand out.

There's something about safety in numbers too, the more people keep their kids in the more others do.

There seems to me a class divide where I live - middle class families with gardens keep their kids in and have play dates, working class kids who live on estates play out. Whereas in my 80s childhood everyone played out.

@GabsAlot

I don’t think it’s entitlement I think it’s probably either:

1.) unease if they aren’t used to travelling alone
2.) knowing they won’t be allowed to go alone even if they wanted to

It wasn’t ideal really

We used to play chicken, running across the railway line, the last one to cross was the winner We also put coins on the tracks, they were flattened to twice the size by the intercity

The boys would “abduct” they prettiest girl and try to push a stick into her

We stole apples and pears from the farmer, climbing across barbed wire, getting hurt

We were bitten by (the farmer’s) dogs

We prank- called random numbers

We would ring people’s doorbells and run away, including elderly people

Boys would pee through people’s letter boxes or even put lit fireworks through

We stole sweets from the shops

We set fire to lots of things

We hid in the bushes and threw stones at people

We did all kinds of stuff unsupervised.

My mum only knows the stuff that she found out.

It was feral! Not sure it was great

When you have your own kids, you can plan on giving them the freedom we used to have decades ago but you won't.

It's a very different world. There's more traffic than there ever was so roads are a lot more dangerous. We live in a globalised world and our communities are constantly changing so we don't know who is living in our area. Everybody has personal transport. In many towns and cities, unsupervised children are preyed upon by gangs.

Years ago, mothers didn't work and people walked everywhere so there was always adults watching the kids in their own communities.

Aside from the traffic and potential for gang grooming (the two main risks), anybody looking for a kid nowadays can grab one unseen, unnoticed, unrecognised and they have the transport to take them away.

I don't care whether people with no kid to lose think that's overprotective to not risk them being run over by a car or allow potential abusers the opportunity to abuse. It's not happening to mine.

Aside from the going out alone thing I do think children are coddled more than needed. I spent a lot of time with my children and doing things for them, but they have plenty of time to explore (safely) themselves without organised clubs, activities etc. I try not to fill the day with things centred around them although their needs will take priority ultimately.

I live in zone one, there is no way it is at all safe to allow a young child out and about on their own.

Growing up (nottinghamshire from the age of eight), two children were killed on our estate after being run over, one was only six, the other was also too old to be out without adult supervision.

i guess things are different i dont have kids but the internet prob doesnt help parents with hearing every single crime going on

I live on a cul-de-sac. There’s a car park and a green with a swing and some other park equipment and our house go around the park in a square.

All of our young children play out and many others come from all over the estate to play here. We all keep an eye on each other’s children and they know to all stay together (safety in numbers). Mine love playing out and others are often shocked I allow them to do so.

They’re not to go off the park or car park, but I have let her walk to the shop (around the corner) with her 12 year old friend.

Mine will be walking alone to school in year 6 and I will not be paying for childcare after year 6. When you go up to the big school you don’t need childcare!

I was pondering this the other day, as I remember (in the 1980s, as a 7/8yo) regularly exploring the surrounding countryside with similar aged friends. We used to play in a wood, which was very secluded
At not much older, I used to ride out on my pony alone
There’s no way on earth I’d give DD (7) half the freedom I had, yet my parents didn’t feel in any way neglectful back then

[quote gussy123]@Smallsteps88

I’d hoped there was less offenders in general I think that was maybe naïve of me[/quote]
Yes, I think that is quite naive tbh. Why would there be fewer offenders?

There is a great book by Tim Gill called No Fear thats about children growing up in a society that Is increasingly risk averse. Of course as parents we need to keep our children safe, but we need to allow them some space to explore, make mistakes and allow them to take safe risks. Interestingly I think sometimes by sheltering our children too much we limit their ability to manage risk themselves.

I think the nature of risk to children is ever changing. Unfortunately I think protecting our children requires much more thought than simply keeping them at home.

I think that it is easy to let fear distort our perceptions of risk. Our children are much more likely to be harmed in car crash than abducted by a stranger.

The CSA point is interesting though, you are right that a majority happens within family/close networks. Also when you look at CSE much of that is instigated online, while children on their phones and tablets in their seeming safe home/bedroom with their parents close by.

1960s. Ten years old. In the summer months, left home at 10 am, took two buses, 5 miles across Manchester to spend all day watching Lancashire play cricket. Nobody knew (or cared ?) where I was until I appeared home again about 6pm.

I think it boils down to the parents and their personal views on this.

Sometimes I see very young kids out on their own even now and I wonder why their parents aren't around.

I'm very aware and conscious of crime, so I tend to be extra vigilant about this kind of thing....that doesn't mean not letting kids live their lives...it just needs to be done safely.

I think a lot of this can depend on education, status and social circumstances.

I know where I grew up there was lots of informal supervision. My friends all lived in the same estate, all of our mums knew each other and people in the estate knew the families that lived there even if they weren’t friends. I could roam quite freely - if anything happened to me (or I got up to mischief) my mum would know about it before I got home because someone would see and tell her. It meant I watched my behaviour, and I knew there was always help at hand.

The estate I live in now is much “nicer” and arguably safer (I grew up in a very rough council estate) but the people here don’t look out for each other in the same way.

I’d rather keep my kids reasonably close and negotiate independence knowing their capabilities.

There is a difference in attitudes to safety between the UK and much of Europe. My nephews growing up in Sweden have had far more freedom than dc's friends here in the UK- and naturally I adapted the way dc were treated to the country they were actually in.

Some of it may be to do with greater risks re crime and traffic, but I notice that parents here are also more worried about things like using the kettle or using the hob or oven, which I don't suppose is any more dangerous here. There was a thread on here a few days ago where people were seriously saying a 15yo should not be allowed to use the cooker unsupervised. I can't imagine a Scandinavian parent saying that. Also more worry concerning the natural world- swimming in rivers or even being out walking in the rain.

Yet as far as I am aware the child mortality rate is not higher in Scandinavia and a survey done some years ago suggested that the extent of risky behaviour among older children was actually higher here.

As a child I had a knife held to me while I was out playing, and a few close encounters with pervs. And my mum was cautious compared to lots of the other mums.
There's no way on earth I'm risking that with my kids. So yes, I take them to clubs, discourage playing out alone, want them to be at friend's houses, where I know the parents. I want to know where they are and who they're with. They might not have do much freedom but they will grow up as safe as I can ensure.
There were a hell of a lot of pervs around in the 70s - we had more freedom than was safe when I look back at it.

@AIMD

I’ll have a read of that, thank you! Is also completely agree with you. Technology does seem so much more damaging (mentally more than physically, although obviously there are physical effects of bad mental health), yet we’re so much less afraid of it.

@Smallsteps88

Just changes in society, so many things have changed, so why shouldn’t the number of offenders. As time passes people are used to behaving differently. I think the fact that the country is so much less patriarchal could definitely help, for example.

I do know lots of parents though who still do let their kids play in the river or walk up the mountains unaccompanied by an adult. Personally I consider it to be irresponsible.