To think children are no longer allowed to live their own lives?

[gussy123]

The ‘what was wrong with the 70s’ thread made me think of this:

I grew up on a council estate in the early 2000s, and I see a lot of what posters were saying about their 70s childhoods in mine. It was basically get out the house, don’t come back until tea— not that anyone would’ve dreamt of doing anything different. On Saturday morning we had to walk into town to do a big shop with our mums, on Sunday some of our grandmas took us to church. Sometimes we were sent out to town to buy things that were needed then and there. Meals, holidays (if we got one), clothes, etc. were dictated by parents and we just got on with it.

I have a significantly younger sister, and the change in lifestyle is astounding. Everything is based around what she’s doing (clubs and things), her friends are only allowed to play in each other’s houses and gardens, just about everything she and her friends do closely supervised— not one of her or her friends is allowed to walk to school (~10 minute walk) alone.

I think children seem to be treated like a separate species! Something that needs to be coddled and made happy at every moment. I know that from about 6/7 onwards I could not wait to get out and do whatever I liked with my friends. Also, crime has consistently gone down if anything, so why are we more and more scared of letting children out alone? It makes so little sense.

I’m not suggesting we start locking kids out from 8 til 8 every weekend, or to make their lives miserable, but I feel as if they don’t get a minute to be completely free and just live!

[RuffleCrow]

I was a kid in the 80s and i had none of those freedoms. Only the rough kids played out unsupervised in my corner of East London. I was pissed off at the time but actually i think my mum did me a favour. Lots of them got into drugs, sex etc really, really young.

[Changechangychange]

Gwenhwyfar plenty of people, myself included, have said on here that they grew up in an English village, in the 70s and 80s, and were not left to run riot. We played, supervised, in our friends’ houses and gardens. Not out in the street, not off all day with nobody having any idea where we were. My DM did that, in the 1950s, but it had all changed by the 70s.

My parents’ generation were teenagers in Yorkshire during the Moors Murders though, so perhaps families near me were more circumspect about stranger danger.

[Sockmonster23]

I still see that where I am from, kids are so different almost more mature no offence as I love living here as well but they play out more, eat out with family so well behaved compared to what I’ve seen here, out until much later enjoying life. Neighbours still helping out and better sense of community. I can’t move back but in all honesty as much as I like The beauty of Britain I sometimes wish I could.
I see parents taking their kids everywhere here clubs, soft plays expensive days out we do it but it doesn’t make them any happier or seems and definitely something in society has changed but not sure how it will turn out in future for younger generation.

[TeamLucille]

Gwenhwyfar

I am talking about plenty of people who have not been left feral in the streets in the 70s. I know it's a big shock for you, but your experience (and even the experience of a few posters on here) don't make it the majority.

That, added to experience from different countries too. This is not "England Mumsnet", even if the main language is English and many posters are from the UK.

[OnceUponAnEnzyme]

I don't know the answer and it does appear to be a very different world now in terms of both risk and opportunity. However, as someone with a (somewhat) free range childhood myself I look back with nothing but immense gratitude that I had the chance to do so and did not pay too high a price for it.

I wouldn't swap it for a childhood today. But maybe every generation says that.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"We don't all come from the same village from the same little island, you do realise that don't you?"

If you're talking about a totally different country with a totally different culture (where exactly?) then you can't tell people not to generalise about life in Europe can you?

[TeamLucille]

@Gwenhwyfar

Lucille - not just my experience is it? Not just the majority here, the majority in 'real life'. We still have people alive from those days remember, you can't really change history. I suggest you write to a social historian researching your parents' and grandparents' time if you want to prove that your example was the most typical.

We don't all come from the same village from the same little island, you do realise that don't you?

[NotAKaren]

I think social media also plays a part, everyday we are bombarded with images of people out doing exciting activities with their kids #makingmemories and all that stuff. It has taken parenting to a whole other level of competitiveness and we feel guiltily if they are not entertained or engaged in some sort of enriching activities 24/7. The kids are usually pretty ok about it, it's the parents that struggle.

[Gwenhwyfar]

Lucille - not just my experience is it? Not just the majority here, the majority in 'real life'. We still have people alive from those days remember, you can't really change history. I suggest you write to a social historian researching your parents' and grandparents' time if you want to prove that your example was the most typical.

[TeamLucille]

@Gwenhwyfar

"
Some children might have experience of what you call "freedom", but don't generalise!
"

Most did, so we can generalise actually. Your family is not typical.

so YOUR experience makes it the majority does it
If it makes you feel safer, knock yourself out !

[Gwenhwyfar]

"
Some children might have experience of what you call "freedom", but don't generalise!
"

Most did, so we can generalise actually. Your family is not typical.

[Sarahbeans]

I had a typical 70s / 80s childhood playing out, and so did my children, in the mid 2000s, although they didn't go as far as I did.

I live on the edge of a large village / small market town, population of about 3000. We have a small play park for the few roads in our small estate. Most children my daughters age played out, from about 7 upwards.

Walked home from school from year 5, abs walked both ways from year 6.

So as a child, they had lots of freedom. My daughter's favourite thing was to go into the woods behind our road, with friends.

But they have a different teenage life. I got the bus everywhere. Now, the bus service has been drastically cut and they are completely dependent upon us for lifts to go anywhere.

[BorderlineHappy]

nowing what dangers are around, I wouldn't want university to be their first experience of independence that's for sure.

That's it exactly,they need to learn in an age appropriate manner.

I think as well I was an only child,so my DM was overprotective.
Whereas I have 5 and I'm a bit more lax.

[TeamLucille]

YABU

Neither my parents or grand-parents (born way before the 70s) were allowed to go "feral" or expected (let alone allowed!) to be out of the house all day without supervision.

Some children might have experience of what you call "freedom", but don't generalise!

YABU also to pretend we all make our entire life around our kids. It's a balance, but surely if you decide to have children, it's implied that you actually do give them the best life and opportunities you can?

It also make sense for the whole family. Look at how some posters absolutely hate holidays once they have children. I count holidays as essential frankly, and have enjoyed them even with kids from the time they were babies. I don't book the same holidays I used to when I was happily child-free, I am not mad. We take the kids into account to ensure we ALL have a great time, no miserable children, no miserable and bored parents.

Same with general life really.

Added to the fact that none of the kids raised in the 70s ever experienced a lockdown in this country.

[GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman]

Supervising children every minute of every day isn't good for them. It stunts their ability to handle stress alone, they don't learn how to broker their own conflicts and it diminishes their capacity to cope when they leave home for e.g. uni.

I read a ref to some research on this recently. Can look it up if anyone is interested, but am currently on my phone...

[Graciebobcat]

At 11 and 15 DDs mostly do their own thing in school holidays and so on now, but I definitely felt the need to do more structured activities with them when they were younger. It can get a bit crazy rushing from one thing to the next but they have always had a nice balance of unstructured time as well and were only doing things they wanted to do. Just wanted them to be able to try lots of things and find out what they might be good at. As a kid I'd have loved to do more clubs and structured activities but not as much was available locally.

[CatsArePeopleToo]

We certainly have a culture of scaremongering. The kidnap-murder scenario is because media keeps dragging them out and about. Crime documentaries are popular entertainment. We also hear about crime from all over the world. No wonder people feel unsafe in their own cul-de-sac.

[Alaimo]

I grew up in the 90s/early 2000s, but not in the UK. My mum never told me to go outside, but I remember being allowed to play outside without supervision from the age of 5, 6 maybe? When I was 6 or 7 I'd sometimes play outside with my neighbour who was a couple of year younger, so it wasn't uncommon to play outside unsupervised at that time. I was probably about that age (6 or 7) when I started to walk or cycle to school alone as well. I do remember my mum telling me to never accept sweets from strangers, go to a stranger's house or to get in a stranger's car. So clearly she did have some concern about what could happen, but it didn't stop her (or other parents) letting kids roam outside unsupervised.

I now live abroad again (albeit in a different country) and see lots of kids aged 7 or 8 walking and cycling to school alone. I just looked up the statistics, and here almost 70% of 7-10 year olds travel to school unaccompanied, in the UK it's 12%!

[DeeCeeCherry]

Agree to an extent. I do Summer Reading Challenge each year and find myself really disheartened by the sheer numbers of parents who won't just STFU and let their child tell me why they chose book, what they loved about it, little insight into story. It's a really relaxed chat, no need to prove anything. Child opens mouth to speak, off the parent goes yap yap bloody yap whilst their child becomes silent. If its not that it's 'go on tell the lady about...why didn't you talk about that part...don't he silly that's not all this book is about..' whilst snatching book and turning to particular pages. In my head I'm screaming 'Its not a bloody competition it's supposed to be fun, let your child have a voice I am fed up of hearing yours!' In reality I smile and bring conversation around to child again when I can, but it's horrible to see and hear someone excitedly telling you about something they enjoyed, only to be completely drowned out.

Sigh.

Probably seems trivial but it's not just about more traffic and crime, it's parents who would likely breathe for their child if they could. It's damaging to view your child as solely there as an extension of you, with no right to independent thought and expression.

[misselphaba]

I do think we have lost something (trust? community?) as a society and our children will have very different, perhaps limited experiences because of this and that's sad. But then I remember that we used to play on the very steep grass verge next to the train tracks when we were in primary school!

[CatsArePeopleToo]

I also think there's an element of rose tinted spectacles -the moors murderers managed to abduct and murder 6 children in times when children had more freedomthlsad

Not really. Random maniacs targeting children - highly unlikely. However, I do remember tragic incidents, which would happen under adult supervision. Car crashes, drowning in the sea, abuse by a family member

[PumpkinPie2016]

I wonder whether the change is, in part, due to a different way of living now.

In the past, people knew their neighbours/others on estates/in villages. Therefore, if children were out and about, chances are, someone they knew was nearby and probably keeping an eye/ear out.

Many areas had a 'local bobby' who everyone knew by name and who would be fairly easily found- not the case now. That's not a criticism of the police, it would probably be incredibly inefficient in the modern world.

Churches were more of a community hub -everyone would have known the vicar and they would have known everyone.

My son is 6 and we are lucky enough to live in a nice area, fairly remote with a handful of neighbours who we know well and trust. He can play out alone/with the little girl further down but yes, I do say he needs to stay near our home or hers. I just think you never know who is walking around nearby.

I work full time and my husband is semi retired so he is around a lot for DS in the week -does the school run etc. Great, but it does mean that at weekends/holidays, I want to do things with DS. Might just be stuff at home but I want that time with him.

I also think there's an element of rose tinted spectacles -the moors murderers managed to abduct and murder 6 children in times when children had more freedom

[Gwenhwyfar]

"DSis is very stressed that her DC will be scarred by lockdown and restrictions because they've missed out on things like holidays, eating and trips to the cinema this yearhmm. "

Yes, I was really surprised at people talking about lockdown being hard for children, apart from the closure of schools. My childhood was pretty similar to lockdown as I wasn't particularly popular. A lot of staying home and going for walks. Obviously couldn't go to pubs or cafes anyway.

[NotAKaren]

@CatsArePeopleToo

Nowadays family weekend life revolves around child activities/sports.
We learned to entertain ourselves. We had bikes, skateboards, roller skates, other active gear. Parents did not drag us from one organized (and paid for) activity to another. But... I'm from a slightly different culture.

I kind of agree with this, while there is nothing wrong with extracurricular activities I find it odd that some parents feel a failure of their DC are not engaged or entertained all of the time. DSis is very stressed that her DC will be scarred by lockdown and restrictions because they've missed out on things like holidays, eating and trips to the cinema this year. They are primary school age, well cared for, have an amazing house, so many toys and have garden with more space and play equipment than a bloody park. In fact I would go as far as to say that are usually taken out and entertained so much that I really don't think they actually appreciate what they were doing and always play up. Sometimes less is more.

[aintnothinbutagstring]

My DD walks to schools, as do most of her friends. She goes out shopping/eating/skateboarding/park with her friends, sometimes after school if she has time or at the weekend. It helps that we live very central to town so everything is a stone's throw. She still does sport and music! I also have a tracker app on her phone which provides some reassurance.
I do know some DC the same age or older that are not allowed to even go to the corner shop. My main thing is that they should learn road safety awareness, that's a skill that takes time and you don't learn by being driven around by mum taxi. And being a bit streetwise is no bad thing, knowing what dangers are around, I wouldn't want university to be their first experience of independence that's for sure.