Page 7 | To think children are no longer allowed to live their own lives?

thegreenlight · 26/10/2020 06:12

It’s definitely a class/area thing. A child has just moved to an (affluent) area I’m connected with and has garnered no end of comments on the community Facebook page for roaming around unsupervised all day. People are banging on the mum’s door and letting her into their gardens to keep an eye on her. The school has been contacted as has social services. People are up in arms about it when probably it was just the done thing where they were living before (the roughest estate in the town).

thegreenlight · 26/10/2020 06:19

I think the majority of 70 and 80s parents would be mortified if they knew what their children got up to or were subjected to. I was a child in the 80s/90s and lived in a nice area but still had a lot of near misses. I think my parents wouldn’t believe me if they knew what happened when I went out - they wouldn’t want to believe me as they would feel guilty that they left me unsupervised (but not guilty enough to actually spend time with me). I must admit that modern parenting is intense though - no time to yourself at all.

Beautiful3 · 26/10/2020 06:59

I have photos of my street in the 70s and there were hardly any cars parked. Not everyone had one. Children had the space to play on the streets and cycle around. Nowadays most households have 2 each. The parking is chocablock there. Because of this, traffic has increased. Incidentally there was a boy in my old primary school, who was killed by a car as we left school. Accidents still happened and there were always stranger danger. Now we're over populated (due to living longer/immigration) more people equals a higher ratio of bad people. We've always had bad people but more of them exist now.

balla20 · 26/10/2020 07:13

@monkeytennis97 that's actually really sad.

monkeytennis97 · 26/10/2020 07:30

@balla20 yup. I also think it's one of the (hidden/not discussed) reasons many parents of secondary age children don't think remote learning works because they don't believe teens have the independence skills we had in the pre mass digital age. Not sure if I'll get slated for that but that's what I think...

dayswithaY · 26/10/2020 07:36

I think the truth of child abuse was hidden back in the 1970s and before. My friend's mum told me when news reports of the Moors Murderers emerged there was no details about how the victims were killed. It was straight forward "these bad people abducted children." People were shielded from the truth so as not to offend readers of a " family newspaper." Likewise when two children were murdered in Epping Forest they were described as "found dead". Parents believed what they were told. We even watched a prolific paedophile hiding in plain sight on our favourite TV show, Jim'll Fix It.

The word paedophile did not emerge until the 90s it was always "child molester" or just "bad man." All the safety advice we were given was " don't take sweets from strangers." I actually thought this was because it was considered bad manners!

Victims of sex abuse had no voice. Now people know the truth they take better care of their children.

Elsewyre · 26/10/2020 07:36

"Also, crime has consistently gone down if anything, so why are we more and more scared of letting children out alone? It makes so little sense."

Less unsupervised unparented kids running around = less crime?

Tellmetruth4 · 26/10/2020 07:46

I live in a middle class neighbourhood and what you said about kids being kept in was totally true...until Covid. Now it’s completely changed, because lots of parents are working from home and people were discouraged from being in other people homes (now its banned anyway), the neighbourhood is full of kids playing out.

The park is full of kids hanging out wither their mates with no parents from Y5+. Every evening and weekend there’s a sea of skateboarders. DH and I were just saying the other day that we genuinely didn’t realise there were this many kids in our neighbourhood until this summer.

When all the clubs were closed and there was nowhere to go, the parents seemed to have all lowered their fears. As far as I’m aware none of the local kids have been harmed or run over. It’s lovely to see them all out together and the kids from the different schools mixing. I think things will permanently change around here. It’s really energised the neighbourhood.

monkeytennis97 · 26/10/2020 07:48

@Tellmetruth4 that's heartwarming that they are developing a life away from their parents. A benefit from this time is nice to hear.

balla20 · 26/10/2020 07:52

Victims of sex abuse had no voice. Now people know the truth they take better care of their children.

I don't think they have a voice now. I'm not sure more awareness has done anything to reduce incidences has it?

Trainchoose · 26/10/2020 07:55

I half agree, definitely some things that have changed are positive and no doubt do keep children safer, and not just from 'predators'. I do agree though there is much more of an expectation to provide entertainment on tap, and to be 'doing' things rather than playing outside with friends, or doing stuff other than bowling/cinema etc.

balla20 · 26/10/2020 07:59

Hugely concerning is the rise in peer on peer abuse, many of which happens in schools

"5,500 sexual offences were recorded in UK schools over a three-year period, including 600 rapes."

The above is shocking.

movingonup20 · 26/10/2020 08:06

@gussy123

I grew up in the 70's and 80's, there was certainly no playing outside where I lived. Yes there were fewer clubs (I did brownies then guided and swimming) but this idea that children roamed universally is wrong - nobody I knew was even allowed to the park because knife crime was already common (inner London)

monkeytennis97 · 26/10/2020 08:10

@balla20

Hugely concerning is the rise in peer on peer abuse, many of which happens in schools

"5,500 sexual offences were recorded in UK schools over a three-year period, including 600 rapes."

The above is shocking.

Absolutely shocking. Did they even keep a record of this in the 70s/80s? I would imagine not,

balla20 · 26/10/2020 08:28

I doubt it. Do you think it would have been as common then?

noideaatallreally · 26/10/2020 08:28

I was a child in the late 70s and the 80s.
Had a 'free range' children. Yeah - parts of it were great. We had lots of neighbours to play with and we had to use our imaginations and make our own entertainment. There was no money for the cinema, meals out, or even family holidays. We had no car.

A lot of the time I was thoroughly bored. There is only so much entertainment to be had from walking, building dens and making fires. It is also no fun t be sent outside to play when it's cold and wet.

I tried very hard to give my own children some freedoms, but I also think that they got far more out of brownies and guides. I would have loved to have done both as a child, but my parents, like most of those of my friends could not be bothered to facilitate this, or were not prepared to pay for it.

No obesity problems! No - I was hungry - a lot. And what we did eat was rubbish much of the time - findus pancakes and microwaved chips anyone??

dontdisturbmenow · 26/10/2020 08:28

I totally agree. We have posts after posts of stressed mothers, desperate for me time, resentful of their partner for not doing enough to help around the house, not knowing how to entertain their kids and everyone else is to blame.

Yet the problem is that kids are treated like kings and queens with parents lives completely directed by their kids' needs which are constant growing the more attention they are given.

We are raising entitled kids who think the world owes them to resolve all their problems and ailments and drive their lives because that's what they've grow up with.

It is no surprise there are so many kids and young adults with anxiety issues when they've never been given the chance to face difficulties and learn coping mechanisms of their own.

By trying so hard to give our children a perfect childhood, we are left with kids lacking independence and resilience and parents who are stressed, anxious, depressed and exhausted.

dontdisturbmenow · 26/10/2020 08:30

Boredom in the 70s/80s was an acceptable position. The onus was in kids to find creative ways to lessen it, but when it hit, it wasn't the end if the world and just made us appreciate being entertained more.

Mumoftwo1994 · 26/10/2020 08:37

@gussy123

The ‘what was wrong with the 70s’ thread made me think of this:

I grew up on a council estate in the early 2000s, and I see a lot of what posters were saying about their 70s childhoods in mine. It was basically get out the house, don’t come back until tea— not that anyone would’ve dreamt of doing anything different. On Saturday morning we had to walk into town to do a big shop with our mums, on Sunday some of our grandmas took us to church. Sometimes we were sent out to town to buy things that were needed then and there. Meals, holidays (if we got one), clothes, etc. were dictated by parents and we just got on with it.

I have a significantly younger sister, and the change in lifestyle is astounding. Everything is based around what she’s doing (clubs and things), her friends are only allowed to play in each other’s houses and gardens, just about everything she and her friends do closely supervised— not one of her or her friends is allowed to walk to school (~10 minute walk) alone.

I think children seem to be treated like a separate species! Something that needs to be coddled and made happy at every moment. I know that from about 6/7 onwards I could not wait to get out and do whatever I liked with my friends. Also, crime has consistently gone down if anything, so why are we more and more scared of letting children out alone? It makes so little sense.

I’m not suggesting we start locking kids out from 8 til 8 every weekend, or to make their lives miserable, but I feel as if they don’t get a minute to be completely free and just live!

I think because people seemed to think the earlier decades were safer, when they really weren't it just wasn't as well known about or spoken of. Whereas now it's everywhere so everyone is now super vigilant, maybe going too far with it but people look at the past with rose tinted glasses 'the good old days' blah blah blah as they say.

CatsArePeopleToo · 26/10/2020 08:37

I'd happily let my kids run around, however.... there hardly any other kids around, except holidays or warm weekends. Not much to do...

noideaatallreally · 26/10/2020 08:47

A lot of my childhood free time was boring. We lived in a semi rural place - 4 miles onto town - which - when I was old enough to get into the pubs we walked to save money. We also walked there as children to go to the swimming baths - again to save money. We went about once a week and bought a cheap packet of biscuits to eat for lunch.

We had one tiny library in the village. I read all of the children's section, and was allowed to move on to Mills and Boon by the librarian at a bout the age of 13 because she knew I had exhausted the kid's section.

Oh yes, we appreciated being entertained. When there were only 3 TV channels and just a few hours of that was dedicated children's TV programmes. Some of the utter rubbish we watched!! We had an annual carnival in the village - that was a highlight. School trips were exciting - even if it was only to visit places connected to the Black Death. Once we were taken to Alton Towers - amazing day - I still remember it.

I really would have liked to have been entertained just a little more. Maybe have some drawing paper and colouring pencils in the house would have been a start? Being sent out to play day in day out - there are only so many ways you can be creative to lessen the boredom when you are a child.

I did worry about allowing my own children more freedom. I am a worrier. But I would never have let them have anywhere near the unsupervised time I had as a child. One younger child in school was killed in a gravel pit, one was killed in a car joy riding with other teens.

noideaatallreally · 26/10/2020 08:48

sorry - went swimming once a month, not weekly.

Hotcuppatea · 26/10/2020 08:54

Some boys knocked on the door at the weekend and asked if my son could come out to play at the skate park. It was so unusual that me and my husband were floored. Friends knocking for you to come out and play was an everyday occurrence when I was a child.

monkeytennis97 · 26/10/2020 08:58

@dontdisturbmenow

I totally agree. We have posts after posts of stressed mothers, desperate for me time, resentful of their partner for not doing enough to help around the house, not knowing how to entertain their kids and everyone else is to blame.

Yet the problem is that kids are treated like kings and queens with parents lives completely directed by their kids' needs which are constant growing the more attention they are given.

We are raising entitled kids who think the world owes them to resolve all their problems and ailments and drive their lives because that's what they've grow up with.

It is no surprise there are so many kids and young adults with anxiety issues when they've never been given the chance to face difficulties and learn coping mechanisms of their own.

By trying so hard to give our children a perfect childhood, we are left with kids lacking independence and resilience and parents who are stressed, anxious, depressed and exhausted.

Agree.

JamminDoughnuts · 26/10/2020 09:00

Perhaps it coincided with mental health in the community, shutting the asylums.
too much horror on TV making us scared