To think children are no longer allowed to live their own lives?

[gussy123]

The ‘what was wrong with the 70s’ thread made me think of this:

I grew up on a council estate in the early 2000s, and I see a lot of what posters were saying about their 70s childhoods in mine. It was basically get out the house, don’t come back until tea— not that anyone would’ve dreamt of doing anything different. On Saturday morning we had to walk into town to do a big shop with our mums, on Sunday some of our grandmas took us to church. Sometimes we were sent out to town to buy things that were needed then and there. Meals, holidays (if we got one), clothes, etc. were dictated by parents and we just got on with it.

I have a significantly younger sister, and the change in lifestyle is astounding. Everything is based around what she’s doing (clubs and things), her friends are only allowed to play in each other’s houses and gardens, just about everything she and her friends do closely supervised— not one of her or her friends is allowed to walk to school (~10 minute walk) alone.

I think children seem to be treated like a separate species! Something that needs to be coddled and made happy at every moment. I know that from about 6/7 onwards I could not wait to get out and do whatever I liked with my friends. Also, crime has consistently gone down if anything, so why are we more and more scared of letting children out alone? It makes so little sense.

I’m not suggesting we start locking kids out from 8 til 8 every weekend, or to make their lives miserable, but I feel as if they don’t get a minute to be completely free and just live!

I am late 40’s and I think my dd at 12 has as much if not more freedom than I had. I was expected to call my mother whenever I went from one friend’s house to another, I’m talking at age 14. I was definitely not at all streetwise and struggled with very normal things, which weren’t in my comfort zone like taking buses and speaking on the phone with companies (eg utilities) for a very long time and the latter well into adulthood.

I am bringing dd up to ask if she doesn’t know something, not to feel shy or embarrassed but rather assertive. For example, I encouraged her from maybe the age of 10 to ask shop assistants for help rather than doing it myself so that she knows how to interact with adults. She decided to cook a cake with her friend the other day. Something I never would have dreamt of doing as it would have involved me knowing I was allowed to do something. And I didn’t know I was allowed.

Dd goes to the cinema and shopping with her friends now albeit parents are close by. The only thing I wouldn’t let my dd do, which I did was go swimming alone. But this is due to her medical condition. A condition, which can be triggered any time but luckily not regularly meaning that it has been very difficult for me to let go as it could have serious consequences.

For me it would be to avoid my children being sexually abused.

I was born in '86 and played out from dawn to dusk but I was never allowed to leave our road/green and I was never under any circumstances allowed into any of the neighbours houses - basically I needed to be seen when my mum looked out the window/door.

My mum worked with children and was well versed in child protection. I am so grateful she was, as it wasn't the norm at the time and the amount of children I grew up with who fell victim to sexual predators is shocking. Parents who meant well but didn't have awareness of the risks of letting their DC in and out of neighbours houses and around the corner to the "dodgy" part of the estate etc.

I remember going to visit my aunt's house back then and mum would ask where her DDs were and she'd be like "oh out on the street somewhere" with a wave of her hand. She hasn't a clue where they were! She was a very loving mother and simply didn't see the harm. Years later it emerged that both of my cousins had been abused by a neighbour. It's really impacted one cousin in particular. While obviously I wouldn't voice it, and logically I know the blame lies with the sick man who did it, I still find it hard not to be annoyed with my aunt, as if she had been more vigilant it more than likely could have been avoided.

However, when we know better, we do better. So while I love the idea of a free-range childhood in theory, I couldn't take that risk with my DDs.

Remember at the beginning of lockdown when the roads were so quiet and they said on the news it had gone back to 1950s levels of traffic. It was so quiet and you could understand how kids were allowed to play on the streets. I think we don't realise how much busier everything has become with each decade. In the meantime parenting has become something you are judged on, especially mothers, and not just by how white the socks are and if they cleaned behind their ears.

Do you have kids, OP? I can't see where you've mentioned them.

Parenting isn't just about our opinions on crime statistics etc, for many it's about the feelings of protection and of being around to help if there is a problem.

I think it's about where you're raised, too. I wasn't out all day as a kid in the 80's, none of my friends were. I've heard people who were raised on council estates speak about it similarly to you - a community in which everyone knows each other and look out for one another. Life isn't like that for most, unfortunately.

We moved from a city to a small village when DS was very small. I guess in theory he would be much safer having more freedom to roam with friends here but I know it won't happen. I see kids out on their bikes without helmets, swooping round corners and slamming on brakes. I hear stories of kids fighting down the park and feel he's better off out of it. I see strangers driving through and just don't trust them.

I don't feel like my son is missing out at all, probably because I didn't do it. Clubs and play dates all the way for us, I think.

@Vello

Thank you! They have proof on there refuting the argument that not giving kids freedom has decreased crime, and pedestrian deaths are at a 30 year low.

@ktp100

Not yet, but trying, so I’ve got all sorts of parenting things on my mind atm.

I was born in 1971. Tbh I don't really recognise this free range childhood people describe. I went to the park with my friends sometimes, but I was never out all day, and my parents knew exactly where I was. My dc go to the park with their friends- same situation.

I was 80s and 90s and we were feral. Hardly ever in. Loads of us were abused too though. Wasnt all rosy and a hell of a lot more injuries.

I think kids do still get let out to play in some areas. Definitely in estates and certain streets if there are lots of families

I lived in a small cul-de-sac area until I was around six and tended to go over to friends and we played in the streets quite often, although we would always have AT LEAST one of our parents there to supervise. Afterwards as I moved to an area with busy roads and wasnt in a village everything was further away so I didn’t tend to go out.

I suppose it was more personal choice really—and given that TV/internet was becoming more popular I tended to stay in more as i could still communicate with people.

It varies by class and area. I was born in the seventies and of school age in the eighties and nineties and we were never unsupervised. That was the norm in our middle-middle class 30s-built suburb.

Cars and traffic definitely. I live in the same area I grew up and what was a quiet road is now crammed full of parked cars and speeding traffic. I used to play out there as a child but no way would I let my children do the same now.

I dont know, this often comes up on MN but my experience in the mid 80s to early 90s was not one of roaming round for 12 hours unsupervised.
I lived on a very quiet road with a lot of other kids and sure, we played together, but usually in one of gardens with someone's mum watching out the window. Sometimes we would play out the front but our parents knew where we were and we certainly didnt go further than that.
I was 11 before my neighbour and I were allowed to walk the 15 minutes to the small local town and spend a couple of hours without a parent. And I'm from a very average background.
I'm not sure every kid had this experience.

Lots of people mentioning the explosion in car ownership and traffic.

What if we decided as a society to move away from basing our lives around cars? Imagine. Life still happened before everyone had a car. And the changes since then have not been the unmitigated joy that car ads would have us believe.

Just imagine. Cleaner air. Less asthma, cancer, dementia. Healthier and fitter people who cycle and walk more. Lowering the risks of climate hell. Children reclaiming some of the public space that they also have a right to.

I would still want to keep an eye on my kids as they played outside. But what I wouldn’t give if I could allow him out on the road with the neighbouring kids to play all those group games that I in my childhood used to, while us parents would keep half an eye from our houses.

I am so sick of reading nonsense on SM re how life was better in 'my day'.
I grew up in the 70s.
We were definitely free range (feral).
We played chicken on the main London to Glasgow train line. I lost a friend this way, electrocuted.
We walked to school from age 4. I saw another friend killed crossing the road on his way to school with us. The 6 year old girl who lived opposite also died crossing a road.
We had off road motorbikes, my cousin flayed all the skin off his back when he came off it on a slag heap. Another pal lost control on the canal bank and ended up in the water, died.
I broke bones falling from trees and my favourite game (aged no more than 8) was a 'prank' which we called dangerous death, that involved throwing axes back and forth over next doors 6 foot boundary wall, trying to split the skulls of the kids next door (and them us).
Happy days
Child sexual abuse was rife. 4 men molested me.
Every Thursaday we went to an under 26s social at a working mens club that was run by a gang of paedophiles.
It is hardly any wonder I watched my own DC like a hawk.
They are all perfectly independent, confident adults who had normal happy childhoods.

I grew up on a council estate in the 70's my mum didn't have a clue where I was from the age of about 7 onwards , school holidays I didn't come home ( friend has some old stables and we used to camp in there)
We got up to all sorts of stuff ( didn't see any peados about )
I think it makes kids more independent / street wise to be out and about with mates/ by themselves .

I live in bit better area now and you never see any kids playing on the streets, But my mum still lives on the estate and the kids are still out there.

I think there are places in the UK where kids still have much of that but definitely a large issue that there are far fewer spaces where kids can socialize together outside of the home that doesn't involve parental involvement. I do worry about kids from abusive homes with all this expected restriction of kids - going out in the woods was my peace from like 6, and being stuck with them until I was "old enough" would have been hell (I've thought about quite a bit during lockdown). If I'd been dragged home by cops as I've known to happen to kids in recent years, it would have been even more hell for me to pay.

It'd be nice if there was more of a happy medium which I think many do of slowly increasing independence in different ways. And yes, maybe more spaces with fewer cars and infrastructure that takes kids and other pedestrians into more consideration in residential areas.

I don't think MN is representative in much of this, but I agree with NotAKaren that there seems to be a bizarre attitude that all kids need to be watched and have things done for them 24/7 until a particular age when they're suddenly "old enough" and it's all hands off & 'in X years they'll can move out'.

Also bizarre to me is that many kids have far more online freedom than offline. This doesn't make sense to me -- it's like giving your kids the entire world at their fingertips - the good and the worst of the worst - but discuss restricting internet access, and there is a backlash that kids will get around any protection anyways and will see X at friends houses' so...since it's not perfect, why bother I guess, I'm not sure where that logic goes. Like with outdoor freedom, I think there are ways to gradually grow electronic independence too.

We used to regularly visit a grandparent in a South Wales village as a child. Around age 10-12 (early 80s) I was allowed to roam around with the slightly older boy from next door.
There was an open railway (no gates) - just a red/green light on a board to tell you if a train was coming. Or alternatively you could lay your ear on the track to hear if a train was coming! Demonstrated by the neighbour and copied by me. There were regular trains.
This thought (I have 2 dds) now makes me feel physically sick.

Under 16s disco, not under 26s!

Well, speaking as someone who grew up in the 80s and walked alone a lot as a kid, I was almost dragged into a car by some creepy guy when I was 10 and walking home from school so yeah, I don’t agree with your OP at all.
You do realise that slot of kids then were abused then because child abuse was much more hidden then and kids weren’t believed? Just look at operation yew tree if you dont believe me- look how many 80s tv presenters turned out to be paedophiles! So no, I don’t agree that kids should simply be out all day on their own simply because their parents couldn’t be arsed to have them around the house. Not at all.

Under 26 lol

I was born in the 70s.

I got run over at 6 at the park 2 miles from home with my brother aged 11.

I walked to and from school and brownies from age 6. Several times cars/men pulled up along side me for directions.

At age 7 my parents let me go off in a car with the single male in the tent next to ours, with his 2 sons. We were on holiday in Devon. All I remember is learning what the word that meant and being terrified.

My nephew 7, cut his head open at a park with me aged 9, alone a mile from home.

I was raped at 13.

Sexuslly assaulted at 14.

Repeatedly followed by strange men.

All before mobile phones.

This is probably 10% of the negative experiences. I want better for my kids. Paedophilia is far more organised now and publicly discussed. Normalising something which historically was buried.

There is n

Twat not that der

@Pikachubaby

It wasn’t ideal really

We used to play chicken, running across the railway line, the last one to cross was the winner We also put coins on the tracks, they were flattened to twice the size by the intercity

The boys would “abduct” they prettiest girl and try to push a stick into her

We stole apples and pears from the farmer, climbing across barbed wire, getting hurt

We were bitten by (the farmer’s) dogs

We prank- called random numbers

We would ring people’s doorbells and run away, including elderly people

Boys would pee through people’s letter boxes or even put lit fireworks through

We stole sweets from the shops

We set fire to lots of things

We hid in the bushes and threw stones at people

We did all kinds of stuff unsupervised.

My mum only knows the stuff that she found out.

It was feral! Not sure it was great

Push a stick in her???

Think about it

Teens who just go to school and try hard won't be successful in life unless they've played sports and learnt instruments and studied languages and volunteered.

I couldn't disagree more. Some may do those things but they are by no means the norm, a teenager trying to do all of those things and study for exams is going to burn out. FWIW neither of mine studied languages, one of them volunteers and does sport as a hobby but my eldest one didn't. Both are very succesful in what they are currently doing - one post university (working full time in the first job they applied for, just been offered two interviews for full time permanent work and agency work) and the other pre-university.