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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend said they're planning to break Covid rules..

304 replies

ThoroughlyForumed · 25/10/2020 11:07

I was visiting a close friend yesterday evening (all fine in my location at the moment). We got to chatting about Christmas plans and what we would do 'if' rules changed or were upped in our area.
Luckily for me my family is a neat 6 so as long as we stay in medium we can celebrate together but obviously would change the plan if anything changed. Her family is a larger 11 and she very candidly just said they were all planning to celebrate together regardless of what rules are in place then. I sort of shrugged it off at the time as I didnt want to start a hypothetical argument but AIBU for being secretly pissed off with her for being so cavalier with Covid rules?

OP posts:
BilboBercow · 25/10/2020 17:56

OP I live with just my 7 year old and can't form a bubble with anyone because they all have other, more in need people in their bubbles.

I live in Scotland in an area where we can't even see friends in our garden. If the situation is the same at Christmas I WILL be breaking the rules to see family.

JacobReesMogadishu · 25/10/2020 18:02

I’ll start by saying I have bugger all family so don’t have to worry about this at all.

However I can see how people with family of more than 6 might feel. Someone said oh well you could see them in blocks.

So imagine 3 different immediate But related families Of 3 each who Would all normally combine for Xmas. If you wanted to stick to the rules you could maybe do it so family A, see family B Xmas morning, Family B see FAmily C Xmas afternoon, family A see family C Xmas day evening.

So all within the rules, no more than 6/ at a time.

But if any of the families have asymptomatic covid they will still see each family and Potentially spread It to the other two families. 🤷‍♀️ I am struggling to see why the above plan is any better than all 9 people getting together. I suppose if 6 people in a house it’s easier to distance maybe as compared to 9 people in a house? But round a table even with 6 nobody will be 2m apart, same in most peoples living rooms.

nosswith · 25/10/2020 18:17

I think the notion put forward by a Scottish bishop of a day where the rules are relaxed so larger families can spend Christmas Day together may well turn out to be what happens. Even if it is in return for pubs being shut and other changes post Christmas.

boobot1 · 25/10/2020 18:20

@anon2334

Sometimes I think I’ve gone back in time to a communist draconian historical time. Meanwhile people are committing suicide, mental health is rising, people are missing life saving medical treatments, people are losing jobs, the world and society is changing and by the looks of it not for the better we shall see and then you see a post like this. God help us all
Some people are hysterical and think only covid exists. It's scary how all perspective has been thrown out the window.
Fluffybutter · 25/10/2020 18:22

Those who say they won’t break the rules as they’ll just see family at different times of the day , don’t you think that’s just as bad ? Lots of in and out of people’s houses ??
Leave others to it, if they are going to break the rules then that’s up to them and nothing you can do about it .
I hope no one has a lonely Christmas because of all these “rules” and guidelines ..

Fluffybutter · 25/10/2020 18:24

@JacobReesMogadishu

I’ll start by saying I have bugger all family so don’t have to worry about this at all.

However I can see how people with family of more than 6 might feel. Someone said oh well you could see them in blocks.

So imagine 3 different immediate But related families Of 3 each who Would all normally combine for Xmas. If you wanted to stick to the rules you could maybe do it so family A, see family B Xmas morning, Family B see FAmily C Xmas afternoon, family A see family C Xmas day evening.

So all within the rules, no more than 6/ at a time.

But if any of the families have asymptomatic covid they will still see each family and Potentially spread It to the other two families. 🤷‍♀️ I am struggling to see why the above plan is any better than all 9 people getting together. I suppose if 6 people in a house it’s easier to distance maybe as compared to 9 people in a house? But round a table even with 6 nobody will be 2m apart, same in most peoples living rooms.

Ah you have put it better than me
loulouljh · 25/10/2020 18:35

For goodness sake @Watermelon 99. If you are a Dr do you not expect to be vulnerable to catching things? I am genuinely surprised that that would not be expecting to be put in that situation!!!! Of course you don't want to but its a risk of the job. Like a policeman may get injured in the course of their job....

Ilovemypantry · 25/10/2020 18:52

@MrsJunglelow

I am astounded people are still following this nonsense tbh
I’m guessing you are lucky enough not to have been affected by Covid then....not lost a loved one or had anyone close to you being very ill with it? Think you might have a different attitude if you had.
MrsHerculePoirot · 25/10/2020 19:07

@MyGazeboisLeaking

The problem is, the rules don't make sense and are so changeable.

I went to a restaurant this week where I couldn't have anyone outside my home at my table for a social meal, yet there were 8 people across the way at a table, at a perfectly legal 'business meeting'.

Same restaurant, same service, same chance of virus spread. Different rules.

I can completely understand how your friend feels, to be honest.

I understand what you are saying but if you think about it as those 8 would still be there, plus your group of 6 (or however many) plus other larger groups then you can see how that might spiral out of control if one person in that room had it for example.

Personally I am surprised the restaurant allowed that lunch - can’t see how it could be justified as ‘essential’ but that’s a different discussion!

PaxMalmKallax · 25/10/2020 19:10

My MIL is dying. Our time with her is limited and I’m not sticking to the arbitrary rule of 6 because we are a family of 5 and she has a husband.

ineedaholidaynow · 25/10/2020 19:22

I don't know how that business lunch got round the rules

ktp100 · 25/10/2020 19:25

YANBU, OP - I'm embarrassed to be English at the moment. The country is full of selfish twats who just do what they want and to hell with the consequences.

HesterShaw1 · 25/10/2020 19:30

I’m guessing you are lucky enough not to have been affected by Covid then....not lost a loved one or had anyone close to you being very ill with it? Think you might have a different attitude if you had.

I can't believe people still think that the only possibly effects one can suffer "from Covid" (and all the accompanying madness) is to have been ill from it, or to have had a relative ill with it.

When we have been hearing distressing anecdotes for months about people's businesses going bust, their mental health collapsing, their children struggling, their elderly parents being alone in care homes and losing the will to live....

Really, I am astounded that anyone can be this dense.

MrsHerculePoirot · 25/10/2020 19:34

@PaxMalmKallax

My MIL is dying. Our time with her is limited and I’m not sticking to the arbitrary rule of 6 because we are a family of 5 and she has a husband.
I don’t think anyone would deny you that and I’m sorry to hear about your MIL. I think if everyone else that could stick to the rules did, then it wouldn’t even be an issue for certain situations. People not sticking to it because ‘they’ve had enough/are bored now/it’s taking away my human rights/just don’t care’ are the issue here. Definitely not people in your difficult position.
BringBiscuits · 25/10/2020 19:38

No point worrying about it yet. It could all be different again in a few weeks. My mum is on her own in tier 3 so yes I’ll probably break the rules by seeing her or her staying with us but the alternative is she sits in her own on Christmas Day.

FreshFreesias · 25/10/2020 19:39

OP, have you thought about applying to become a Covid Marshall?

JacobReesMogadishu · 25/10/2020 20:03

I think if the rules are relaxed for Xmas day when they were enforced for Eid (decided the night before) then there will be uproar from some.

MoreHairyThanScary · 25/10/2020 20:08

I think people not following the rules comes back to the Dominic Cummings effect and all the senior figures who have broken the rules in whatever form since then. It just reiterated to the masses that the rules didn't really matter.

Very sad but not unsurprising.

ilovesooty · 25/10/2020 20:10

@Sarahandco

I think you should expect most people to bend the rules at Christmas.
You mean break the law.

@ThoroughlyForumed I'd feel the same as you.

etopp · 25/10/2020 20:12

When we have been hearing distressing anecdotes for months about people's businesses going bust, their mental health collapsing, their children struggling, their elderly parents being alone in care homes and losing the will to live

That's me.

This is why I hate the sodding rules, and hated lockdown, far more than I hate or fear Covid.

DelilahfromDevon · 25/10/2020 20:16

My UK family is quite small but if we were 11, I’d be going ahead as normal. I don’t give a fiddlers about the rules. I was out for dinner with my “wife” the other day. Restaurants are turning a blind eye, I’ve had friends over for supper, had drinks with my running group last night. I really couldn’t care less. Let the vulnerable shield, let the rest of us get on with our lives. I certainly am.

ineedaholidaynow · 25/10/2020 20:38

What about the people who can't afford to shield @DelilahfromDevon? What about vulnerable children, what happens to their education if they shield and don't go to school. What about vulnerable teachers not able to teach, other key workers?

WaxOnFeckOff · 25/10/2020 21:07

What about the people who can't afford to shield @DelilahfromDevon?

What about the people who need to work and have lost their job?

DarkDarkNight · 25/10/2020 21:34

Lucky for you your family is a neat 6 then isn’t it? It’s an arbitrary number plucked from nowhere that the government could change at any time. If they cut it to 5 who will you leave out?

Catchytune · 26/10/2020 06:24

@Kokeshi123

I do think that there is such a thing as obeying the spirit rather than the letter of the law.

If I were in the UK, I would be happy to avoid big gatherings and other risky situations, but I would not be sitting there earnestly totting up the exact number of human beings in a room at any given moment, or doing bloody stupid things like visiting both sets of grandparents "in tandem" (how is that any different?) and then saying "See! Technically I wasn't in a room with more than six people at once!"

This.

I get really exasperated with all the bleating about “ the rules make no sense”. Is it too big a mental leap to understand its about juggling diametrically opposed demands?
The fact people enjoy being a bit thick is why an arbitrary number like 6 has to mentioned at all.