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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend said they're planning to break Covid rules..

304 replies

ThoroughlyForumed · 25/10/2020 11:07

I was visiting a close friend yesterday evening (all fine in my location at the moment). We got to chatting about Christmas plans and what we would do 'if' rules changed or were upped in our area.
Luckily for me my family is a neat 6 so as long as we stay in medium we can celebrate together but obviously would change the plan if anything changed. Her family is a larger 11 and she very candidly just said they were all planning to celebrate together regardless of what rules are in place then. I sort of shrugged it off at the time as I didnt want to start a hypothetical argument but AIBU for being secretly pissed off with her for being so cavalier with Covid rules?

OP posts:
mydogmike · 25/10/2020 11:35

I personally think the rules will be relaxed for a few days over Christmas.

Hercwasonaroll · 25/10/2020 11:36

Visiting in tandem is no less risky.

Meepmeeep · 25/10/2020 11:36

Log it with 101 now just to give them the heads up about your friends anticipated criminal behaviour. We don’t even know what the rules may be come Christmas time ffs.

MegaBloxRoxx · 25/10/2020 11:37

We will be celebrating as a 7 (2 households) unkess we are on complete lockdown. Generally follow the rules with a dose of common sense e.g happening to go to the same park/beach as friends when our kids are all at school together anyway = no additional risk

BitGutted · 25/10/2020 11:37

Brother and wife working on Christmas Day they are coming for Christmas Eve tea

To be honest the government could change their minds by then!! There's every chance

maddening · 25/10/2020 11:38

Thinking Pragmatically, regardless of the rules, is the risk of 2 households gathering for Christmas greater when there of 6 people across 2 households or 9 across 2 households? What if the 6 is made of 4 households - would you not say that is more risky viral spread-wise that. 2 households of any number?

What do the people in those households do? If they all wfh and just go to the shops and exercise are they not at lower risk than people that work out of home and have been observing the rule of 6 in a pub beer garden a couple of times a week?

I think yabu, I would not agree if part of the family were coming from a tier 3 area for example but if you are all tier 1 and it is the same combo eg 2 households albeit with different numbers then I don't see the risk being any greater. The rules are a blunt tool, they have to be, however if the actual risk is no greater then some pragmatism can be applied Imo.

I say this as someone who follows the rules.

doctorhamster · 25/10/2020 11:40

Mumsnet seems to be full of people who are planning to break the rules. In real life I don't know anyone who is intending to (unless they're all lying!)

I've only seen my family once this year due to bloody covid, but I still won't break the rules to see them at Christmas and they don't want to either. We have to follow the rules to slow the spread and prevent hospitals from being overwhelmed in the new year. So many posters clearly don't give a shit about that.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 25/10/2020 11:41

Even if we didn’t have our friends around for Christmas (closer than family), which normally totals 11 people, and just had my parents and sister, DH, DC and me, that would be 7 of us. Do we tell my sister she can’t come so we’re 6? Do we say DH should go somewhere else as he’s not a blood relation to all of us? Do we split into my parents and sister and then DH, DC and me? All of these solutions are mental when the government have plucked 6 at random.

Whether we have 7 of us or 11 of us, we’re breaking the rules.

MummaGiles · 25/10/2020 11:41

Plenty of people had to follow the rule during Eid and other non-Christian festivals. Just because it’s Christmas doesn’t mean the rules are going to be relaxed. I’m surprised people think they will be. It’s shit. We all know it’s shit. But that’s how it is. I’m in a High area. My recently widowed mum and my brother are in medium areas over 3 hours away. I’m not expecting to be able to see them this Christmas, even though I know my mum will really need support around her.

HairyPotter · 25/10/2020 11:41

My entire family (and I mean entire) consist of me, dh dd1 dd2 and db. Dd1 lives at home, dd2 is currently living in student accommodation and db lives alone with carers coming in once a day as he has learning difficulties and cerebral palsy. We live an area where we can’t go into anyone house. These rules leave my 17yr old and my brother alone at Christmas. I’m not asking for a big family gathering with lots of parties, all I want is my tiny family to be able to have Christmas Day together.

We do stick to the rules. Dd2 is now on her 3rd period of isolating thanks to irresponsible flat mates. She will probably end up losing her job because her work are fed up.

What’s the solution?

youdidask · 25/10/2020 11:42

We're in their 2 at the moment.
Just because we are a London borough, our borough actually has very low numbers and wouldn't be in tier 2 otherwise.

We are 5 with a grandparent living with us.

Siblings in wales who can't go anywhere

Other 2 are both frontline in tier1 and more than happy to break lockdown to come for Christmas.

Personally my parents mental health and health has been impacted by lockdown and restrictions and we are definitely considering breaking the law.

What if you go into T2 or 3 would you break the rules then?

Sarahandco · 25/10/2020 11:45

I think you should expect most people to bend the rules at Christmas.

QuestionableMouse · 25/10/2020 11:49

I live alone and have had very limited contact with my family and partner since this started. They're all coming to my house for Christmas and they will be 8 of us (2 under five though) because the thought of spending Christmas alone literally makes me want to cry. We'll be sensible and probably not hug/kiss each other but I need some human contact that's not through a screen.

autumndream · 25/10/2020 11:49

There are 7 altogether usually for my Xmas, we are still planning that regardless of the rules! I have stuck to the rules all along but rule of 6 is completely ridiculous

Anotheruser02 · 25/10/2020 11:51

I don't usually read Christmas threads but it's eye opening for me to see how many people know in October who they will eat with Christmas day.

MrsMomoa · 25/10/2020 11:51

Covid doesn't give a shit whether there are 2 people in a house or 10!
It's an arbitrary number.
Yabu.

RonaRossi · 25/10/2020 11:57

At Xmas we will be a total gathering of 11 people from 4 different households.

I’m 100% planning on breaking whatever rules are in place at the time if need be, as are the 3 households invited to ours. We’ll all be having Xmas dinner at mine regardless, as I suspect will millions of others who will be with their families.

Meuniere · 25/10/2020 11:58

Honestly? lucky you to still be able to meet up with family INSIDE.
About half of the country can’t and many haven’t been able to for months.

Now go and tell them that they can’t celebrate Christmas

RufustheSniggeringReindeer · 25/10/2020 11:58

Should be 6 of us, but I’m not going to sweat it if there is 7

My dad is going to my brothers but if he can’t make it he will have to come here

Runnerduck34 · 25/10/2020 11:59

Tbh we will more than likely break the rule of 6 at xmas as there are 6 of us and we will invite my parents so that will make 8.
However my DB and his family normally come over as well and that would make 13, so we are adjusting our plans somewhat.
If i understood correctly I think you suggested visiting family groups separately for a few hours, but I honestly cant see how that would be significantly safer ( but i might be being thick!)

RufustheSniggeringReindeer · 25/10/2020 11:59

Oops

We are in tier 1 at the moment, so rule of 6

movingonup20 · 25/10/2020 11:59

Keep out of it. Not everyone's family is simple, lots have complications that means that if you don't want vulnerable members missing out then breaking the rules will be the only option to protect their mental health. Actually it's the number of households joining together that matters more than the number of individuals but the government decided in their wisdom to just say 6 people - which could be 6 different households!

I won't decide on Christmas until nearer the time but we have 4 adult kids between us, then we have single siblings with mental health issues, elderly parents (not that vulnerable though). Oh and we actually celebrate Christmas from a religious perspective too so going to church is important.

SomewhereEast · 25/10/2020 11:59

I'm actually reasonably rule-compliant personally (despite being quite sceptical of it all!), BUT....if you're going to get annoyed every time someone you know admits to breaking the rules, you'll be continuously annoyed for the rest of the winter and managing a lot of anger on top of everything else. Now is a got time to work on letting it go.

PurpleFlower1983 · 25/10/2020 11:59

YABU, let your friend decide what they want to do.

Meuniere · 25/10/2020 12:01

@MummaGiles

Plenty of people had to follow the rule during Eid and other non-Christian festivals. Just because it’s Christmas doesn’t mean the rules are going to be relaxed. I’m surprised people think they will be. It’s shit. We all know it’s shit. But that’s how it is. I’m in a High area. My recently widowed mum and my brother are in medium areas over 3 hours away. I’m not expecting to be able to see them this Christmas, even though I know my mum will really need support around her.
I know many non Christian people who celebrate Christmas. Because for most people it’s not a religious celebration anymore
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