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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family and money - help!

329 replies

notdawn · 24/10/2020 19:48

I will try and keep this as brief as possible - but really would like some candid advice.

Towards the end of last year my sister and her now ex husband wanted to put their house on the market. Before they did my husband offered them full asking of the agents valuation. In all honesty he probably slightly overpaid.

My husband is a property developer and even when they were together my husband made it clear that if they ever wanted to sell to give us first refusal. We own the house next door (we don't live there) and with the land there was always going be a fairly decent opportunity to develop.

Anyway as it was going through my sister started making comments about how much money we would be making from the deal. The truth is she had and has no idea how much money we will or wont make as she has no idea about building costs, planning costs, marketing costs etc - and I just put it down to her going through a divorce.

Anyway the build was on hold for a couple of months - but the flats where our houses once were will be going on the market Monday and she has been quite vocal about how much money we will make and how we couldn't have done it without her.

AIBU - I mean she wanted to sell her house and we gave her asking price?

We are very close, our kids are close, I am not sure why she is being like this. I suggested to my husband possibly a smallish payment once they are sold - but he is saying absolutely no way.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
notdawn · 25/10/2020 16:24

I never have gone into business with her and never would.

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 25/10/2020 16:41

If I got over asking price and no estate agents fees I’d shut my mouth and take the money.

Thisbastardcomputer · 25/10/2020 17:09

Thoughts, never ever try to help family with anything financial, especially if you are better off than they are. You tried to do a nice thing

Fluffycloudland77 · 25/10/2020 17:11

Very good point, what if you hadn’t bought it and they’d got less plus fees?.

You just can’t win.

timeforanewstart · 25/10/2020 17:17

Maybe when she says you will make x mount say if only you do realise there are lots if fees etc
Did she actually market the house ? Maybe she feels she could of got a better offer of they had actually out up for sale ?
Probably just feels a little upset that she was forced to sell her home etc
Kind of is mixing family and business as i guess if they refused your offer and chose not to sell to you then you would of been miffed

timeforanewstart · 25/10/2020 17:22

Also original post said you gave market price further on you say you paid 6/7 % over ??

timeforanewstart · 25/10/2020 17:25

And further on you claim you paid 120k over marker price ??

StillCoughingandLaughing · 25/10/2020 17:27

Is it just the divorce, OP, or is she always like this? Some people can’t be happy with what they have - they always think they should have what someone else has got.

Otterhound · 25/10/2020 17:40

Well I think the fact you have been after the house for a decade says it all...

She is the fool, she should have asked for 30% over market.

She was in need, you pounced and knocked down her old home.
You dont owe her anything of course but I find the whole thing a bit tawdry

Original poster
notdawn · 25/10/2020 17:43

@ot
Really I pounced? By paying more than anybody else.

OP posts:
Original poster
notdawn · 25/10/2020 17:43

@timeforanewstart

And further on you claim you paid 120k over marker price ??
Between 100-150
OP posts:
Original poster
notdawn · 25/10/2020 17:44

@StillCoughingandLaughing

Is it just the divorce, OP, or is she always like this? Some people can’t be happy with what they have - they always think they should have what someone else has got.
No not normally like this - we have a great relationship.

It’s why it’s thrown me - it was a good deal for both parties.

OP posts:
MyGazeboisLeaking · 25/10/2020 17:54

To be honest, if I had been in your situation, OP, I would have offered her, eg, 5% bonus after profits of new builds.

If your sister had been more savvy, she could have made a business arrangement with you rather than straight forward sale. Sounds like you took advantage of her naivety somewhat, which may be ok with a straight forward transaction, but unlikely to make a happy family gathering.

Bluegrass · 25/10/2020 17:56

The more I see of your tone on here OP the sorrier I feel for your sister. You sound like a bit of a nightmare, convinced you did her a favour by leaping in and grabbing a development opportunity that you and your husband had clearly had your eye on for years. Well done you for having enough money to capitalise on it [slow handclap].

Fuck me though I’m glad your not my family. You can’t even recognise the emotions involved in all this as you’ve failed to acknowledge that despite countless posters pointing it out to you. You’re still here banging on about paying over the odds when you (as a developer) only paid what the estate agent said it was worth.

Clearly nothing you read on here will have even the slightest impact on how you feel about all this so I wonder what the point is?

Presumably you just want to hear how right you were to help you justify what you know this really was - a really shabby mixing of family and profit that’s damaged your relationship with your sister.

Original poster
notdawn · 25/10/2020 17:59

So what would you suggest @bluegrass

OP posts:
Bluegrass · 25/10/2020 18:03

I would suggest you spend more time listening and empathising and less time insisting that your sister got a great deal from you and ought to be grateful.

baller20 · 25/10/2020 18:12

@notdawn the AIBU asked people to give their opinions. Plenty of posters have explained why your sister may be unhappy. You still don't seem to get it though.

stackemhigh · 25/10/2020 18:19

Would she even have had the money to do the development together?! If not, she’s being ridiculous OP.

It’s a shame that her ex has also benefited to the tune of his share of up to 150k. Are you still happy with the deal?

@Bluegrass I don’t see what OP has done wrong here. I think you’re giving her an unnecessarily hard time.

MatildaonaWaltzer · 25/10/2020 18:22

The sister got a hassle free sale, a generous price and no estate agent’s fees.
OP and her husband have reduced margin by paying generously (with another seller they’d have haggled), and are taking all the financial risk of a development during brexit (known) and a market turndown especially on flats because of Covid (unknown).
They are incurring all the effort and burden of making it happen and sitting on a loan (presumably) for up to several years while the development is done.

The only situation I could see this as unreasonable is if sister asked to be a party to the development and share the financial risk and hard work, but was refused.

Omeara · 25/10/2020 18:24

You didn’t pay over the odds. You paid what it was worth to you. You probably would have paid more if you were asked as the plot was more valuable to you than anyone else.

Poppinjay · 25/10/2020 18:25

Would she be happy to compensate you if you end up losing money on the deal?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 25/10/2020 18:37

You didn’t pay over the odds. You paid what it was worth to you. You probably would have paid more if you were asked as the plot was more valuable to you than anyone else.

The 'odds' is simply the market value, which OP exceeded by 6-7%. Same as a loaf of bread in Tesco costs what it does and you haven't to feel guilty for not paying more for it when you're really hungry and about to demolish the lot than another customer who doesn't like bread but has bought some on the vague off-chance that visitors might possibly drop by for lunch.

I might be wrong, but it sounds like the sister wants it both ways - a big premium on the house value upon selling it, but then also a massive share of the profits from the work OP and DH are going to do, which they won't even see for two years. Like the child who wolfs down their bag of sweets whilst their sibling makes their own bag last a long time - and then sees them having sweets left whilst they don't have any and crying 'unfair' when they won't give them half of theirs.

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 25/10/2020 18:40

@notdawn

So what would you suggest *@bluegrass*
I told you the "she's a victim " brigade will keep finding fault with your actions and keep assuming and presuming to paint you in the worst possible way.
Bluegrass · 25/10/2020 18:44

Couple of points :

1 - OP didn’t pay over the odds because they agreed to the price and still expected to make a profit on the deal. If there had been an arms length negotiation with someone who wasn’t family they may have got the house cheaper. Equally they may have had to spend more as anyone who knew it was being bought by a developer would have known they could squeeze them much harder then an ordinary residential purchaser as the plot was worth far more to the developer than to anyone else. “Market price” is meaningless in that context.

2 - anyone still thinking this is just about the money and who got a good deal (which is what the OP seems to think it is about) is lacking the emotional intelligence they were born with. This is about much more than that - and if the OP fails to understand that then she’s pretty much fucked her relationship with her sister for the sake of earning a few quid. Which is very sad, but it happens.

2bazookas · 25/10/2020 18:45

I wouldn't give her anything, You already paid.

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