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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family and money - help!

329 replies

notdawn · 24/10/2020 19:48

I will try and keep this as brief as possible - but really would like some candid advice.

Towards the end of last year my sister and her now ex husband wanted to put their house on the market. Before they did my husband offered them full asking of the agents valuation. In all honesty he probably slightly overpaid.

My husband is a property developer and even when they were together my husband made it clear that if they ever wanted to sell to give us first refusal. We own the house next door (we don't live there) and with the land there was always going be a fairly decent opportunity to develop.

Anyway as it was going through my sister started making comments about how much money we would be making from the deal. The truth is she had and has no idea how much money we will or wont make as she has no idea about building costs, planning costs, marketing costs etc - and I just put it down to her going through a divorce.

Anyway the build was on hold for a couple of months - but the flats where our houses once were will be going on the market Monday and she has been quite vocal about how much money we will make and how we couldn't have done it without her.

AIBU - I mean she wanted to sell her house and we gave her asking price?

We are very close, our kids are close, I am not sure why she is being like this. I suggested to my husband possibly a smallish payment once they are sold - but he is saying absolutely no way.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 24/10/2020 20:26

No YABU but you are in a way profiting from the fact she is having to get a divorce

sst1234 · 24/10/2020 20:27

@DragonflyInn

I feel for your sister. It’s a shame she couldn’t have had a stake in the venture so she could get a small share of the profits, but presumably they needed the full amount there and then to resolve the finances for the divorce. You’ve not technically done anything wrong - at the end of the day she is no worse off than had she sold on the open market. But you are profiting from it, and I can see that being difficult for her.
Eh, why? OP paid asking price, she is not running a charity
Hadalifeonce · 24/10/2020 20:29

If she had sold to anyone else do you think she would be looking for a cut of their profit?
Doubt it. Please don't discuss it with her anymore.

sst1234 · 24/10/2020 20:29

OP, you made a business transaction and bought a house. You owe your sister nothing, in fact you probably saved her estate agent selling fees. Some people are just bitter about others people’ success. She’ll get over it and if she doesn’t, that’s her problem.

BlueThistles · 24/10/2020 20:30

Your Sister has a brass neck, she sold her her for full asking price, what the issue?

Tell her to grow the hell up. Flowers

ZombieOtter · 24/10/2020 20:32

Do you normally buy a property, renovate it it, then sell it and give a share of the profits to the previous owner?!

Your sister is a CF

Original poster
notdawn · 24/10/2020 20:33

Thank you guys - I was sure I was right but feels better hearing it from those that are impartial.

OP posts:
LemonBreeland · 24/10/2020 20:34

If she keeps banding around a larger number than you are making, just say I wish, and leave it at that.

TulipsandDa1s1es · 24/10/2020 20:35

i would not give her a penny. she sold her property and got full asking price. end of story. maybe if she hadnt been making silly comments i would have taken her away for a weekend, but no.

WineGummyBear · 24/10/2020 20:39

I don't think you are being unreasonable and you obviously don't owe her anything financially.

In your shoes I'd give her a break though. A cruel turn of events meant that a traumatic event for her because a piece of financial good fortune for you.

RandomMess · 24/10/2020 20:40

The house was worth more to you (as you owned next door) than on the open market and you paid that - 6/7% of what estate agents said would be the best price possible.

They've had their extra bit plus probably saved on estate agent fees??

She is being unreasonable.

Original poster
notdawn · 24/10/2020 20:42

I would like to add as well - she isn't badly off. The divorce hasn't left her in a 2 bedroom council estate flat.

The property her and her husband sold was well in excess of a million pounds, she has a nice 4 bed 3 minutes drive away, works part time herself on a decent enough wage, and also gets decent child maintenance.

OP posts:
ktp100 · 24/10/2020 20:46

You paid the asking price so she got the maximum that was available.

She hasn't 'helped' you in any way whatsoever!

She is being a bit bitter, probably due to jealousy and no, she doesn't deserve a cut of profits. She hasn't attributed to the project at all so why should she profit from it?

Hiphopboppertybop99 · 24/10/2020 20:48

I can't believe some people think YABU...her property was up for sale (ok if she wasn't divorcing then she might not have wanted to sell i get that) you paid the asking price, if not a bit more... so it sounds like she probably wouldn't have got more from another buyer. She had the option to refuse to sell to you, but probably didn't as she knew there would be no time wasting. Buyers pulling out, delays etc etc What you do with the property / land as the new owner is your business... what would be her perogative if your venture hadn't worked out for you?? Would she offer you back what you overpaid?? Also sounds like the venture has been successful as you already owned the property next door, so without that then you wouldn't have had a successful venture, or have wanted her house in the first place ???

Milksheik · 24/10/2020 20:51

YANBU. It happens very often that when selling/buying property people get really hung up on the highest number they hear and can't forget it.

We were in a similar position once in that we had land that could've made a lot of money, in the very long term. We sold to a developer because we simply didn't have the time/ inclination to put all the work in to maximise the potential investment (planning permission, building, etc). We knew we were 'paying' for this when we sold for less than we would've made in total decades down the line, so that we could move to the place we wanted to be, now. That's how developing works, surely!

I'd just keep changing the subject. Does she have anything you don't have? Can you start talking about that instead?! "Working part time must be a luxury" etc?! (Maybe this isn't the best way to maintain a friendly relationship!)

Milksheik · 24/10/2020 20:51

And a hassle-free purchase is worth its weight in gold in my experience!

ifIwerenotanandroid · 24/10/2020 20:52

I voted YABU because I thought you shouldn't give her a little bit of money - I agreed with your husband that she shouldn't get anything.

Sorry, I think I misunderstood what we're voting on.

If you paid the full asking price & it was over the odds, there's no reason whatsoever to give her anything.

popcorndiva · 24/10/2020 20:54

In a way you have been fortunate too as I think from your post your development wouldn't have worked if she had sold to someone else so in a way she has done you a favour too. Would be a shame too ruin a relationship over money so maybe buy her a nice gift when you sell it.

Though I doubt she understands capital gains tax and probably thinks you will get the full profit.

mummmy2017 · 24/10/2020 20:58

Tell her, you will help her with contacts if she wants to try her hand at property development but say it costs hundreds of thousands tied up for a few years.

Original poster
notdawn · 24/10/2020 20:59

Her figures are wildly off. Not that it's her business - but if we make half of the figure she is floating about then we will be happy.

OP posts:
Whammyyammy · 24/10/2020 21:00

She entitled to nothing more nothing less.

BackforGood · 24/10/2020 21:00

If she keeps banding around a larger number than you are making, just say I wish, and leave it at that.

This ^

I was going to say it's best not to engage as she probably isn't in a good place, and, yes, is jealous as she is probably struggling - but your last post (at 20:42:56) makes me have less sympathy.

If she pushes, then you can point out you not only did her a favour in that she didn't have to keep showing the house to people and wait for a chain to complete with all the uncertainty that brings, but you also saved he estate agents fees, and you also paid more than you would normally pay for a business investment.

Gamble66 · 24/10/2020 21:02

Just look her in the eye and say you do not this is what we do for a living dont you and developing is a lot of hard work and risk?

Fatted · 24/10/2020 21:03

You're not being unreasonable in any way.

But I don't think it's about the house. It's about her divorce. You, her sibling, have financially profited as a result of her divorce, which is a bit pants. Also, the house has been demolished I presume. So her previous married/family life has been reduced to a pile of rubble. All while you and your DH are still happily married and doing very nicely out of it all.

It sounds to me like she is hurting about the divorce, mourning the married life she has lost and is bitter about you and your DH being ok. The money is a red herring.

RandomMess · 24/10/2020 21:05

I would just say "if we made half that amount we would be thrilled and it would also be a miracle"