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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this gift wasn’t offensive?

358 replies

Steppingonpegg · 24/10/2020 09:27

So it’s been a hard 18 months. One of the things is DC age 3 has been diagnosed with autism. I’ve found it hard, everyone has been upset and confused but we’re getting there. I’m his biggest fan, biggest advocate of course. It’s getting easier, slowly.

I got DMIL a gift. It’s a key ring that says ‘We’re just Dancing In The Dark’. You, me, all of us. Love your Steven’ (DC isn’t actually a Steven for the record Grin )

Anyway, MIL took it out at her birthday tea and said ‘oh’. Lovely. Then I thought nothing of it and thought she hasn’t read it properly. She’s a Springsteen fan like myself.

Got home later that evening and she’s text H to say how could nobody get her anything proper this year. Where are her usual flowers? She said ‘you know I don’t like gifts. That’s why I just say get flowers. I’m shocked you think so little of me’.

AIBU to think our gift was nice and not at all uncaring? I felt so sad she didn’t see the message behind it Sad

OP posts:
FlippidyFlop · 24/10/2020 10:28

I must be lucky, I don't know anyone, parent or grand-parent, who wouldn't be delighted to have something child-related and would be miffed that the birthday would not be "about them but about the child". I mean, WFT

This was my thoughts exactly!!

alphabetsoup1980 · 24/10/2020 10:28

Why! ??

Frdd · 24/10/2020 10:29

Just to be clear. I do thinK it’s an odd present that is all about the op and where she’s at, but I wouldn’t have said anything. I’d have thanked the op and taken it home and put it in a drawer still in its box and if asked I’d have said I didn’t want to use it as I was keeping it good.

Bluntness100 · 24/10/2020 10:29

I think your husband needs to explain the significance of the gift - or at least what you were trying to do - then move on

I think she knows the significance. It doesn’t need explaining.

Dishwashersaurous · 24/10/2020 10:29

The point is that a gift should be what the recipient wants.

The op would obviously have loved the key ring and it meant a lot to her.

Her mil clearly doesn’t like the gift and that’s ok too

TheSeedsOfADream · 24/10/2020 10:30

I'm just wondering if the endless posts already on the Christmas threads about the photo calendars "that we always get for the grandparents" are as infra dig as a personalised, real silver keyring?
Just so we know the rules?
(Fwiw DD is 17 and would kill me if I did a calendar but we did when she was little)

ivfbeenbusy · 24/10/2020 10:30

I'd be leaving dead flowers on her door step ungrateful cow

I don't get the harsh comments to be honest about gifting of key chains - I've given them to grandparents before and received them from my children

Clareflairmare · 24/10/2020 10:30

She is being stroppy. I am not a fan of all kinds of 'stuff' I've been given but I wouldn't be so rude as to moan. I might hint more strongly the next time but she is BU to sulk

Hathertonhariden · 24/10/2020 10:31

Is she the kind of person who feels that she has everything she needs and gifts are generally just clutter? If so, she was never going to appreciate the keyring. You said that she currently has a keyring with all her dgc on it. Were you expecting her to ditch that in favour of the new one or add your keyring onto the existing keyring?

Tbh I think it would have been better as a gift at a random time rather than a birthday/Xmas gift. Probably better on a mug with some nice coffee/speciality tea/hot chocolate - but not if she doesn't like clutter.

Etinox · 24/10/2020 10:31

She’s a brat. Hopefully she’ll feel ashamed every time she sees the flowers from DH, who sounds lovely.

FlippidyFlop · 24/10/2020 10:32

@Dishwashersaurous

The point is that a gift should be what the recipient wants.

The op would obviously have loved the key ring and it meant a lot to her.

Her mil clearly doesn’t like the gift and that’s ok too

Most people when gift buying have to make a best guess about what the recipient would like.

It's fine that OP got it wrong this time and that MIL didn't like it. But it's not fine imo to say anything and throw a strop about a gift you've received.

I learnt that as a child FFS.

Jennygentle · 24/10/2020 10:32

Wow. Unless someone gave me a shit in a gift box, I’d smile and say thank you.
Adults who have tantrums over well- meant gifts are a bit pathetic, imo.

popcornlover · 24/10/2020 10:32

Maybe she’s just feeling sensitive about her birthday. Cut her some slack. Some real nasty people on here saying get her some cheap petrol station flowers. Horrible.

Lemonpizza · 24/10/2020 10:32

If a keyring is a more.appropriate.gift.for a mix them the OP got the most suitable gift in my opinions. An adult whinging about her lack of decent gifts? Very childish.

Original poster
Steppingonpegg · 24/10/2020 10:32

You said that she currently has a keyring with all her dgc on it. Were you expecting her to ditch that in favour of the new one or add your keyring onto the existing keyring

On what planet would anyone expect someone to TAKE OFF their old key rings with photos on etc and put theirs on instead? I expected she’d just add it on. She does have quite a few, has had a few novelty ones over the years too

OP posts:
LunchBoxPolice · 24/10/2020 10:33

She’s ungrateful and rude, but at least you know not to bother wasting your time and money on her again.

DisneyMillie · 24/10/2020 10:33

I think it was a lovely thoughtful gift and she’s being very ungrateful. I got my dad a key ring for Father’s Day - one of those ones with the country rings on that you add to as you visit new places. He loves it and put it straight on his keys and ordered a couple of countries I’d missed. So I absolutely think key rings aren’t rubbish presents. Surely it’s the thought that counts for gifts.

Lemonpizza · 24/10/2020 10:33

Child not mix

Amummyatlast · 24/10/2020 10:33

@FlippidyFlop

I'm genuinely surprised at these replies.

Is it just my family that would like something sentimental any day than a bunch of shit flowers?

Even if it were 'all about my son' (which it's not if the MIL has expressly said she loves this song) my mum would love something like that and she'd be really touched whether it cost £3 or £50. She certainly would never complain about it.

I can't imagine being so entitled that I'd act this way over a gift nor the way some posters here have acted either!

But you have to think about what the recipient would like. I dislike soppy stuff, and would be nonplussed to receive this sort of gift.
ShoppingBasket · 24/10/2020 10:35

I think if it was presented in a box, I would have thought it was jewellery of some sort. To then open it and see a keyring, while thoughtful, I would probably be a bit underwhelmed. I think it would have been nice to go alongside something else other than chocolates, maybe. I have given DH keyrings before but as a kind of stocking filler. There was no need for her to send a message though.

SugarCoatIt · 24/10/2020 10:36

How ungrateful!

I've had some really crap, thoughtless gifts in the past, and have smiled and said nothing.

I'd have loved something that was so personal and so much thought had been put into it.

@Jennygentle that made me proper laugh, and is exactly how I feel.

Original poster
Steppingonpegg · 24/10/2020 10:36

For some reason all I can now think of is Granny Pig’s voice saying ‘It’s lovely’ in a stern voice to Peppa, when she’s been presented with yet another glass vase from mummy and daddy pig Grin

OP posts:
FlippidyFlop · 24/10/2020 10:36

But you have to think about what the recipient would like. I dislike soppy stuff, and would be nonplussed to receive this sort of gift

And OP clearly thought her MIL would like it, hence why she got it.

Sometimes you just don't hit the mark with gift buying, not the end of the world. Doesn't mean the recipient throws a strop though, that's incredibly rude when someone has taken time to think about you and buy you a gift.

Bbq1 · 24/10/2020 10:37

I've always bought my mum and before they passed away my dad, mil and fil, personalised gifts from my ds that they absolutely loved. Those things meant the world to them and were so appreciated. I wouldn't have ever given just the gift from my son but my lovely parents and in laws wouldn't have minded if I had. I always bought seperate gifts from us.Op, your mil sounds rude and ungrateful. Thr keyring sounds expensive and there's a lot of thought behind it but mil clearly doesn't appreciate it. I would be hurt by her spoilt and bratty response and in future it's just flowers.

Hathertonhariden · 24/10/2020 10:38

@Steppingonpegg

You said that she currently has a keyring with all her dgc on it. Were you expecting her to ditch that in favour of the new one or add your keyring onto the existing keyring

On what planet would anyone expect someone to TAKE OFF their old key rings with photos on etc and put theirs on instead? I expected she’d just add it on. She does have quite a few, has had a few novelty ones over the years too

Because not everyone likes a big bunch of fobs on their keyring. A keyring isn't normally like a Pandora charm bracelet.
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