AIBU to ask how you prepared pre-TTC?

[baabyshaark]

Name changed because I'm privacy paranoid :)

Just wondering what you did before TTC that you felt helped you out (either physically, emotionally, financially etc etc). I'd be TTC in a year, maybe a bit more, in order to get another year of Uni done and improve finances first. Any advice helps, particularly stuff I can be doing now, though of course I'll take pre-natals and the like 3 months before TTC.

Cheers! x

I took folic acid and went out a lot and had fun.

**Sorry, forgot to disable voting. AIBU usually gets more traction though (from what I've experienced anyway, might be wrong!).

@superram What kind of fun did you have, and how long were you taking folic acid for? (if you don't mind me asking) x

Didn't do anything.

Just stopped contraception and waited.

@1Morewineplease I'm definitely a bit anal retentive when it comes to planning 🤓 on noticing your name though, did you have any struggles with no alcohol for 9mo +? I think I might have to slowly lessen my amount with time honestly.

I took folic acid for about 3 months before and that’s it really. Pregnancy has coincided with lockdown for me, so maybe I should have taken the opportunity to eat in more restaurants and go to more concerts!

Financial responsibility is the thing I wish I had paid more attention to. We will be fine, but it’s easy to underestimate just how expensive having a baby is. The more you can intensely save now, the easier it will be for you.

Best of luck! It’s a very sensible thing to be preparing so far ahead, I should have done the same!

[quote baabyshaark]@1Morewineplease I'm definitely a bit anal retentive when it comes to planning 🤓 on noticing your name though, did you have any struggles with no alcohol for 9mo +? I think I might have to slowly lessen my amount with time honestly.[/quote]
This was a long time ago and hardly drank... just at the weekend maybe.
Might be harder now though (!)

To be honest , I suddenly couldn’t stomach even a mouthful of wine when I got pregnant, it was the first thing I noticed before a tested positive.

In the 2 years before TTC I came off the pill, moved from a flat to a house, saved as much money as I could, went on holiday to Greece and then Rome

Hi @LavaCake Thank you so much, that's very helpful!
Without digging through your wallet, would you be able to offer any insight into how much money you were expecting to spend vs how much you actually spend / spent?

Other than the necessities where it's not safe to be bought secondhand, (car seat, mattresses etc) I'd probably be buying most stuff off of Gumtree / Freecycle. We've also got a monthly deposit going to a savings account which isn't a lot but would probably help out for buying necessities.

I'm keen to have enough to support a happy and healthy live for my child but I also don't want to go into perfectionist mode and keep pushing it back to achieve x financial goal (I'm a worrier, what can I say!). Anyway thanks so much, great to read! x

Folic acid a minimum of 3 months before, and continuing when ttc, you can look at other vitamins if you want.

I did all the things I wouldn't be able to do when pregnant or with a small child including giant zip wire etc.

@1Morewineplease That's actually very interesting, maybe an evolutionary thing. I think once I get rid of the "drinking to get drunk as a method of relaxing on the weekend" thing then I absolutely won't miss alcohol at all. I don't like the taste much, so maybe 9mo without alcohol might put some things into perspective for me. Who knows! Haha.

@howmanyroads How did the househunting experience go? I'm a bit nervous about it, but if possible I'd rather put down a deposit and raise a baby in a house rather than in the flat I'm in now (though I can acknowledge it's a privilege to be able to think of buying). Do you feel like you did as much as you could / wanted to?

@tealandteal Is there a maximum amount of time you can take folic acid? Sorry might be a stupid question, just wondering if 3 months prior is the guideline or if earlier is better. Giant zip wire though! I went bungee jumping last year which is not something I'll ever repeat probably hahaha.

Bought our own home, saved like crazy to ensure we had a decent backup, ensured we both had good stable (as can be) jobs and that that we were married. I’d advise my children to do the same.

@baabyshaark househunting was pretty easy, we seem to jump in to these things without thinking them through. So really we ended up having to take out a loan to gut the place and redo. I purposely wanted to get that all out of the way before TTC because I knew I wouldn't be the type to handle moving while pregnant/with a small baby. Many people do it easily though! And I know lots of people that managed fine in a one bed flat til their child was a toddler. Depends on your character!

I definitely got childless holidays and drinking mostly out of my system. I do miss alcohol but its not a big deal (I'm currently 17 and a bit weeks pregnant) in fact once we started trying in January I kind of wished we had started sooner, I'm so impatient. I got pregnant straight away but miscarried at 9 weeks so I think that added to my impatience. I wanted to take it easy but that didn't happen, was straight on the ovulation sticks both times

I am actually really looking forward to beach holidays and city breaks with a baby/toddler/child... Covid permitting!

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss The married bit is the only part I've got absolutely nailed down at the mo . Did you stick to any kind of budgeting system? I'm curious to see how others divvy things up - I do know that I wouldn't be able to save more than a few hundred pm without really having to cut back on a lot of stuff (though this may just be student budget & one main income, who knows!).

@howmanyroads Yeah so the idea is we'll get a cheap house with a smallish deposit and reno it, and then hopefully quite soon after TTC.
We're in a 2bed flat at the moment (but using the second bedroom as an office) so if push came to shove we could always TTC and keep living here, but I'd feel bad for the neighbours .

Congratulations on your pregnancy! How are you feeling? I'm really sorry for your miscarriage though, I hope you're healing and doing okay from that. I've definitely got to budget for some ovulation and pregnancy stick savings though.

Is there anything you'd majorly recommend or alternatively, do differently? xx

I think I anticipated spending about £2,000 in preparation, and it has ended up being closer to £3,500. Some of that is circumstantial - we needed to do quite a lot of work to make our spare room into a usable nursery (new carpet, window fix) but I was also shocked by the price of nursery furniture and the pram! Our nursery furniture was £640 (and that was in a half price sale) and our pram £950. We also have had some upfront expenses that we hope will save money long term, like we spent £300 on reusable nappies which should save us a few £££ overall.

We’ve also tried to save around £10k to cover my maternity leave, and that has been so hard alongside paying for everything. Lockdown has kind of helped in that regard because obviously no holidays etc. It’s been a squeaky few months though!

@baabyshaark your plan re: moving sounds sensible then, especially as there's no pressure if it doesn't work out as you'll have room where you are, never mind the neighbours

Thank you! I'm feeling really good actually, got lucky that I only had nausea for a few weeks. And time is speeding up a little now, the wait to the 12 week scan was a killer! I had an early private scan for reassurance before telling close family.

I don't think there's anything I'd do differently other than start trying sooner, but in your case you're waiting to get another year of studying out the way so you're doing it right. I was just putting it off for trivial stuff like being able to drink at our 30th birthdays and new years eve!

I'll just say to try and approach it as positively as you can. I was very aware of how common miscarriage is so I had a very negative mindset as soon as I got pregnant the first time, it didn't help when it actually happened! I've treated it differently this time, told myself what will be will be and to try and enjoy each moment.

I think as well you need to keep making plans and having things to look forward to while TTC, you never know how long it will take so don't put life off in the mean time. I found it quite difficult during the time TTC between pregnancies (about 3/4 months) but I think a lot of that was because covid took away the chance of any nice trips or holidays or even much socialising to break up the time! Hopefully things will be different when you come to start trying.

P.S. If you're gonna go that route, One Step ovulation sticks on amazon are super cheap

@LavaCake £3500, yowch! Did you get all of your baby stuff new, if you don't mind me asking? I figure we might spend closer to 2k (which if I give birth to a baby in 2 years amounts to £100pm ish, which isn't bad at all). Then again, I don't have much expertise in babies, my DH was always the one with younger siblings!

I'm fortunate to be able to take some time off post-degree to have a child (providing of course I can, touchwood) which also reduces nursery costs, which I'm very thankful for. Would you recommend reusable nappies? Seem much better for the environment but fuck me are they pricey

Anyway, this is all very interesting stuff to hear! I'm not in contact with my mum / any of my family, so it's good to pick up bits and pieces of advice along the way :) xx

@howmanyroads (sorry in advance if anything I say is insensitive!) I am pretty worried about miscarriage. I've got some health goals I need to achieve before TTC, a.k.a. getting more nutrients and shedding a few pounds, but my anxious nature knows that often they happen randomly. I also can't really fathom having a baby growing inside me - I know that sounds odd, but I can't picture it in my mind, and I'm worried it's because I subconsciously know something as my mum had PCOS. That's probably just paranoia, sorry again if any of that is upsetting to read (absolutely mention it if so!).

And yeah I'm hoping to do the house thing around a similar time of TTC in hopes that I won't get too stuck and emotionally attached to either 'project' if you get my drift! Definitely crippled with impatience unfortunately, but maybe TTC will help!

Bookmarking One Step ovulation sticks now :) xx

Just started taking folic acid, then added evening primrose, vitamin d and myo-inositol, but I have PCOS and didn't ovulate. Tracked cycle, anyway using apps. Tracked ovulation with OPks. Had a lot of sex.

Babies are as cheap or as expensive as you make them stuff wise. Our cot was under £100 from Ikea, but I wasted so much money on stuff like a swinging chair (that DS hated and went in maybe twice for 15 minutes) and a really expensive changing mat. I won't make that mistake again

Best buys for me were; sling, weleda calendula nappy cream, zippy babygrows, grobags.

We got the furniture and the pram new but I’ve bought most of the clothes second hand and honestly they’re like new - they get worn so little first time round! I’ve bought loads of really good value bundles on eBay and they have mostly been great. I’ve also bought things like our baby bath and some toys second hand.

Tbh I wish we had looked more at second hand prams - we couldn’t immediately find something suitable but I think if we had spent longer looking we would have found something suitable, and it’s such a good money saving!

For reusable nappies, the upfront cost is scary but I think it will save us money overall. Apparently people spent roughly £1,000 on disposable nappies per baby, so although £300 is a lot it should be a big saving in the end (especially if we have a second baby and can reuse them). We’ve also bought more than we probably need because we don’t want to have to wash a load every day, but you could definitely get by on less. If you do decide to go for reusables I really recommend contacting the nappy lady online cos she will give amazing advice on what brand best suits you etc.

This thread is great - exactly what MN should be for

We paid off the mortgage and then stuck as much money as possible into a private pension for me, to lessen the impact of reduces working hours post-baby.

We already had a good savings cushion, but I kept a couple of thousand separate for baby-specific things.

Took folic acid for a couple of years (it took a while to conceive).

I didn’t feel the need to go on massive nights out or binge drink, but I was a bit older so was long past that sort of thing anyway.

I knew I wanted to be able to make my own baby clothes, so I went on a couple of sewing courses.

Read up on the maternity leave policies at work so I knew what I could expect.

@baabyshaark not insensitive at all! I was worried too, and I while I could see myself with kids, like you said I couldn't actually see myself successfully growing one (hopefully this one works out )

There really isn't much you can do to prevent miscarriage, most of them are down to chromosomal abnormalities. That said, working on your physical and mental health is never a bad thing and a balanced diet will also hopefully aid in balancing your hormones which can help with falling and staying pregnant! Don't put any unnecessary pressure on yourself to lose weight though if it doesn't come easily, just adopting the healthy habits is enough in most cases.

Good idea to have the house stuff as a distraction. It's definitely overwhelming if all you're focusing on is trying to get pregnant!

@aToadOnTheWhole Great suggestions, I have a very full Amazon wishlist now . I've started tracking my cycle (as obviously PCOS might have hereditary roots and I've never paid attention to my cycle beforen now honestly) and I need to switch up my diet and start taking vitamins for my own health as well as the baby's.

"Babies are as cheap or expensive as you make them stuff wise" This is very interesting to hear! I'm probably an easy trap for motherhood-related consumerism so I'm trying to look somewhere in a lens between that school of thought and, "what would a cavewoman do?" .

The suggestions look great though, I've heard good things about grobags (though slings scare me a little - if you have any tips on how to do them without any risk of escaping baby that would be great, as I'm mildy paranoid about that!) xx