AIBU to ask how you prepared pre-TTC?

[baabyshaark]

Name changed because I'm privacy paranoid :)

Just wondering what you did before TTC that you felt helped you out (either physically, emotionally, financially etc etc). I'd be TTC in a year, maybe a bit more, in order to get another year of Uni done and improve finances first. Any advice helps, particularly stuff I can be doing now, though of course I'll take pre-natals and the like 3 months before TTC.

Cheers! x

We aren’t finding out if it’s a boy or girl either - love the surprise! Also stops people buying you pink and black everything 😂

Gym app I use is gymondo! Absolutely love it - has lots of 6 weeks programmes you can get involved with etc

Halloween4 Did you go to any kind of counselling for intrusive thoughts, or was it something that went away on it's own? I've got an anxiety condition (as you can probably tell by my hyperactive planning!) and I'm probably quite susceptible to intrusive thoughts. Don't want to become even more of a worrier grin

No I didn’t get any help. Thinking about it, it could have been PTSD as I had a very scary birth experience and baby was whisked away and I didn’t see her for several hours. It did go away on its own but probably persisted for over a year. I think the good thing was I was aware of what it was, and that I was imagining threats, and thinking up potential disasters that might happen. I kept telling myself that not even one of those things was likely to happen never mind all of them.

@Heyahun Gymondo! Never heard of it but will have a look! Trying to find a way I can feasibly exercise in a small rented flat with two easily excitable cats

Do you have any inkling for what the gender might be, or guesses? I know a lot of it is old wives tales and it's 50% chance of being correct, but I'm always curious what pregnant women feel like they're going to have if they don't find out before the labour. xx

No idea at all to be honest 😂 other people seem to know though - girls at work saying “oh it’s definitely a boy”
Or it’s deffo a girl - based on things like size of the bump - how sick I’ve been etc 😂 I think it’s all nonsense ! We really have no idea haha

Got drunk on New Year's Eve? Was pretty easy, lol. Second one: vitamins, gave up alcohol, gave up coffee, did acupuncture. Third: got drunk at a funeral...

@baabyshaark my advice is to go for it! Maybe finish uni first, because children take up so much of your mental energy!
We don't have any support, so we had to accept that our social lives would be over for the foreseeable future, but that's ok. I've made so many new friends through parent groups!

@Halloween4 Do you have a good support system in place? PTSD can sometimes be re-triggered (for lack of a better word) by other events, so it's good if you have close family you can tell or help you can get just in case- though not suggesting you'll be re-triggered or anything. I'm sorry you had such a difficult time. I hope you're feeling better now (and comforted by the fact that none of the bad things happened to your DD, hopefully). Take care of yourself. xx

@Heyahun Do you or your partner have any sneaky hopes for the sex of the baby? (I do always feel like I need to put "of the baby" or I sound like a weirdo )xx

@Tootletum New Years' is actually when I met my DH for the first time, so maybe I'll follow on those footsteps . Getting drunk at a funeral though, wow - that's some dedication to the cause! xx

@Liverbird77 That's true! I'm going to try and get as much of my academic stuff done as I can before having DCs, but there's always the option of doing part time or diverting to an OU or otherwise remote degree if necessary. I guess re; the baby groups, you've just got a new kind of social life! I have a few friends now and people who I could do the typical fun stuff with (which I will probably take up at some points during the year) but I'm also keen on having a baby even with the loss of freedom / social life. Thank you for your support though! xx

Thanks baabyshaark. We’re all good now, and no recurrence of any anxiety etc.

Happy to hear it @Halloween4! I hope it stays that way

We're still trying to conceive now (I have pcos and dont ovulate so going through lots of testing etc) and since we started ttc we have:

• taking pre natal vitamins
• moved house (from a 3 bed terraced to a 4 bed detached)
• have paid off our credit card (it was a 0% and didn't have that much on it but good to get rid of it)
• got a new car (I needed a new one anyway but we made sure when choosing that it would be suitable for kids and so is bigger than my last one)
• started saving but have nowhere near the amount people have said in pp, we only have maybe £500 saved
• looking for a new job as my current one offers statutory maternity only. I'm hoping to get a new job with better maternity benefits asap so I can start while still undergoing investigations so that hopefully by the time we conceive I'll be eligible for some kind of enhanced pay

@Nutmegpapaya Amazing, best of luck with the TTC! I've fortunately not got a credit card debt but I'm trying to avoid going into overdraft as that £1000 counts as our emergency money in most cases (for now, until we have more saved). It's bloody expensive this parenting thing, who knew? xx

The main thing I wish I knew was how long it can take. I was 20 when we started TTC and I think I just assumed with us both being young (partner 27) and healthy that it would happen sooner rather than later. I never realised at the time that even when both of you are perfectly healthy with no issues that the average time it takes is still a year.
It has taken us 2 years and I am currently 9 weeks pregnant.

As others have said start taking folic acid and vit D.

I personally never got on with pre-seed but I did use conceive plus lube. The difference between them and normal lube is that normal lube can actually 'kill' sperm so avoid using it when TTC. Ones like preseed and conceive+ are formulated to help create an environment that helps sperm swim to where it needs to be. So even if you don't normally use lube it is worth trying a fertility one.

After trying for 18 months I started taking MyOva Inositol tablets and using the conceive+ lube. We fell pregnant that month in Feb. Unfortunately this ended in MC and so I stopped taking the tablets and using the lube then tried for another 6 months and nothing was happening so I decided to take the tablets and use the lube again and again, I fell pregnant that month and as I say am currently 9 weeks pregnant. Obviously I can't say for sure that it was down to them or which one, it could be a coincidence but I honestly believe it was because of them. I wish I didn't take so long so start them. In the future when we try for baby 2 I'll be taking them from day one!

@Lou98 Oh is the standard amount of time for TTC still a year, even if you're young? I hadn't realised that. I think I thought that was mostly for women in their thirties - I watch a few teen mum Youtubers so maybe I thought it would be quicker than that (though that's probably just my naivety I'll admit). I guess I need to factor that in if I want more than one kid preferably, though of course not trying to take it for granted.

I don't tend to use lube but will keep an eye out on the preseed or conceive+ ones if you recommend it (as is the general consensus on the thread it seems!). Congratulations on your pregnancy though, I hope it's a happy and healthy one! xx

We have a chosen boy’s name and a chosen girl’s name, so whichever way it comes out we know what they will be called!

I don’t have a preference on sex - I sometimes think one or other would be nice but it varies. I have a nephew who is the light of my life so sometimes I think of how lovely it would be to have a wee boy to look up to and adore my nephew, and other times I think it would be nice to have a girl so it’s a change. I tend to believe it will be one or the other depending on what I have most recently dreamed

I think the gender reveal for your husband is cute. I think mine is looking forward to ‘revealing’ the sex to me since I got to reveal the positive pregnancy test to him!

@LavaCake Ooooh I'm slightly curious on your final picks I promise if you tell me, I'll be nice about it (in opposite Mumsnet fashion ). I'm kidding of course, no pressure at all!

That's true about revealing the test and revealing the gender, I guess it balances out the surprise element! Do you have dreams about your baby? If so, that's pretty cool - the weirdest dreams I had were on cheese and antidepressants but the only thing I got out of that in the end was wind [laugh]
Hahahaha sorry slightly gross sense of humour!

If you don't mind me asking, is your partner going to be your birthing partner? I'm keen on a hypothetical homebirth but I don't know if I'm willing to take the risk as it's slightly higher for FTMs xx

Dunno why the heck I wrote [laugh] instead of , clearly half asleep!

@baabyshaark I’ll PM you because I don’t mind telling you but I don’t want to incur the robust judgment of AIBU

@LavaCake Very smart indeed, leave the judgement up to God

Re your other questions - my husband is going to be my birthing partner. I was dead set on a home birth even as a FTM, and my midwife was really supportive. I have, however, ended up with gestational diabetes and the baby is measuring pretty big. Given that this increases the risk of shoulder dystocia and means I may need an induction I have decided to go for a hospital birth.

Definitely do your research and speak to your midwife when the time comes - I read so much about it and was really keen on the idea, but lots depends on things like your proximity to a hospital and the profession of your pregnancy etc. I’m still hoping that if I have another I can have a home birth!

I do have dreams about the baby and they’re some of the loveliest dreams I’ve ever had. When I got married I had loads of stress dreams about forgetting to arrange crucial elements, but my baby dreams are just nice dreams about introducing them to my parents etc. They’ve been fairly equally split between boy and girl!

My preparation consisted of a major move for a job opportunity so we took a few weeks off to travel and move to the new location. I then out of birth control and hadn’t registered with a new doctor yet...so DD was conceived during those few weeks. . I was 30 so don’t assume it’ll take ages.😄

Honestly, OP, you’re overthinking this. I’d advise getting in the best financial position possible as babies are definitely expensive. You’ll also need to factor in childcare if you’re planning to complete your education after the baby’s born- I did a Master’s part-time while my DC were tiny and it was fine- but I did need some childcare, even though DH helped out as well.

@lavacake I like the idea of a homebirth as I've got some trauma and wouldn't enjoy being in a hospital (particularly half naked and in pain) so a home birth seems ideal for me. But I also know that I'd beat myself up if anything happened to the baby and we couldn't get to the hospital in time. How do you feel about a hospital birth and potential induction, particularly if it's potentially during a lockdown?

That's a sweet sign about the dreams though! Seems like you're happy :) Until you find out that your pregnant spidey senses were right all along and you're having male and female twins mwahaha!

I'm kidding of course but I'm glad you have supportive midwives and I hope you can have a homebirth in the future xx

*then ran out of birth control

Chat to partner about how expect childcare split to be, esp if their mum was stay at home parent and you want to go back to work/ study or vice versa as may have different expectations

Chat to partner about finances and how will cope when you're income is less

Chuck out unwanted stuff while you have time to go through it

Enjoy yourself e.g. cinema, catch up with friends

Maintain healthy weight / diet, exercise a but if you can e.g. get out of breath three times a week or more

Stop fags/drugs, minimal booze

Check maternity leave pay and qualifying dates

Start folic acid and review any prescribed meds with gp

Try not to worry about it too much but have sex regularly

@AmICrazyorWhat2 I overthink everything, but I'm quite content really I like to plan the plannable bits I guess! I'll factor in childcare, but I'd probably migrate to an online degree if I got pregnant quickly and wanted to continue my degree. OU degrees give you sixteen years to complete them anyway (I think) so I've got a few options.

Thank you for your advice! xx