AIBU to ask how you prepared pre-TTC?

[baabyshaark]

Name changed because I'm privacy paranoid :)

Just wondering what you did before TTC that you felt helped you out (either physically, emotionally, financially etc etc). I'd be TTC in a year, maybe a bit more, in order to get another year of Uni done and improve finances first. Any advice helps, particularly stuff I can be doing now, though of course I'll take pre-natals and the like 3 months before TTC.

Cheers! x

I also can't really fathom having a baby growing inside me - I know that sounds odd, but I can't picture it in my mind

If it’s any consolation I’m 33 weeks pregnant and I still can’t fathom this! Like I’m looking at my bump right now and still can’t make my brain understand there’s a baby in there I think it’s always a slippery thing to grasp as a concept!

@lavacake I guess that's a benefit of fast-growing babies, lots of secondhand clothes on the market I love an Ebay clothing bundle, not sure why I hadn't thought of that before - something about bundles lights up the money signs in my eyes haha.

I guess the £300 is scarier as it's a lump sum, rather than a slower drain but it does seem cost effective. Possibly an odd question, but how do they work and how often do you need to wash them? I'm trying to be more environmentally friendly when it comes to stuff like period products and so would love to do the same for the baby, but I just worry about having a bit of a ponging nursery

This thread is great, and thank you for being a part of it! xx

@MaskingForIt Ooh I'm very interested in the making your own baby clothes part. How did it go? I like the sound of anything sustainable and your clothing is probably very personalised and cute! xx

@howmanyroads It's good to hear that it's normal to not "feel" capable of growing one. I'm not pregnant but I do already have some Alien flashbacks when thinking of TTC (particularly when in late pregnancy ).

I'm a bit overweight which I guess worries me, but there's also the selfish perspective of - "If I lose weight I'm just going to put it all back on with a baby!". I'm also a bit worried about post-baby body given I'm already a little chubby and have some stretchmarks, but at the same time if I deliver a healthy baby then I know it'll 100% be worth it.

Good luck with your pregnancy though! Bit tmi, but are you terrified for your vagina? I am and I'm two ish years off labour . xx

Miscarriages is scary and upsetting, but I think it is a good thing that nowadays it seems to be talk about a lot more. Between family and friends I knew several people who had had miscarriages, and while I was very excited by my first positive pregnancy test I knew it was no guarantee of a baby, so didn’t go shopping, do major planning or tell everyone. Just as well because I miscarried that pregnancy at 11 weeks, and while I was obviously pretty upset I knew it was a fairly common thing to happen. Thankfully I got pregnant again fairly quickly and am now 5 months gone.

For that reason, I would advise again early pregnancy tests - I think the manufacturers just want your money and set you up for sadness. In the olden days you weren’t considered “properly pregnant” until you’d missed two periods.

Buy as much as you can second hand (except car seat and mattresses) and you’ll save a fortune. Then you can sell it on for pretty much what you paid.

I like fancy-pants brands but I’ve bought them all second hand, and the quality is lovely! Most are barely worn.

Agree with getting married, but it sounds like you already are?

Best advice at this stage is prepare your man lol i.e don't lift and lay him then freak when he's useless/lazy.
Take vitamins, stay generally healthy and learn all about your own cycle ovia is good TTC or not.
Also quit pill/implant a year prior.

Absolutely nothing, I didn’t drink or smoke anyway. Came off contraception and had sex. Simples.

I gave up alcohol completely 3 months before ttc and started taking a pregnacare supplement.

I tried to live really healthily including regular running.

Can't think of anything else but I'm sure there was more. We made sure we had money saved up and in our own home first too.

The best advice I can give you is don’t try to control everything. I say this kindly but you sound slightly uptight about it. If you try to control it all, when it inevitably doesn’t go to plan you’ll get very stressed, which won’t help anyone.

I didn’t change anything and forgot to reject folic acid. Make sure you do and just go with it.

Bit tmi, but are you terrified for your vagina?

So scared. But I sort-of feel the miscarriage prepared me for that a bit. It hurt so badly, but my body knew what to do. I just had to keep breathing, grit my teeth and go with it. I am assuming that my body is going to know what to do when it happens for real.

best advice is to prepare your man

Agree so much! Make sure he is pulling his weight. You don’t want to end up with two children to look after.

Re. Making clothes, it’s going well thanks! I have made things for friends while learning, and am now making a little stockpile of cardigans, blankets, quilts, trousers, bibs, etc for my own. Dresses are a lot easier than trousers, but sewing trousers and then turning them the right way out is a special kind of magic on its own!

Second hand nappies are often on eBay, and I figure they’re fine as long as you give them a good boil wash before using.

@MaskingForIt I'm sorry about your miscarriage, but congratulations on the pregnancy! I think I will have to stop myself from getting overexcited if I do get a pregnancy test, but fortunately and unfortunately there aren't many people to tell so there's no fear there. Definitely keen on the secondhand stuff - good for the environment, good for my wallet, and good to stop it cluttering up someone else's house .

I am married though yeah, we will be nearing our third anniversary ish if I go into labour (providing all goes well of course!).

@Imworthit My man has younger siblings, so he's reasonably scared about having kids (as am I!) but he's not the type to sit around and do nothing. I know everyone says that but he's a very active husband, and a key worker who loves taking care of people. He's always had a bit of a dad vibe about him, so I've got full faith he'll pull his weight :)

I've taken out the implant a few months ago (which was mildly traumatic) not for TTC reasons but because I had some negative reactions to it. I don't think I'll be on any contraception other than condoms until then - unless of course my periods get monstrously heavy again but I think they're easing up with time, so hopefully won't have to start or stop any contraception.

Saved like mad to cover maternity leave deficit in pay.
Cut out all caffeine
Zero alcohol
Took multivits
Took folic acid
Cut down to reduce weight to healthy
Thought healthy thoughts.

This was very important for me TTC, but as time went on & I suffered multiple miscarriages it was the one single thing that made me feel at peace with the thought that I did nothing to cause them.
My mind wasn’t right, I was traumatised but I knew I had done everything that I could do to grow a healthy baby. It wasn’t my fault.

I now know some years down the line that there is no cause for up to 80% of all miscarriages so nothing I did or didn’t do had any bearing on anything.

This thread is great - exactly what MN should be for 💐

Totally agree

Save money. We saved money to cover my reduced income on maternity leave, and to cover moving costs as we were planning to move to a larger house (ended up moving while I was pregnant). I wish we had saved more money to part-fund nursery costs for the first couple of years, it was tough until the funded hours at 3 kicked in.

Make sure your DH/ DP isn’t lazy and will do his share of the housework, and preferably will do stuff without having to be told! You might be fine doing everything now, but when you’re recovering from childbirth, dealing with a baby that wakes every two hours/ needs to be held all day/ won’t nap, you won’t have the time or energy to do everything while he sits on the sofa looking at his phone, as so many posters on here describe

Most of the things we bought were second hand or were passed onto us, apart from the pram (paid for by our parents), the car seat, and mattress for the Moses basket and cot. You don’t need a ‘nursery furniture set’ - we already had a futon, wardrobe, and chest of drawers in the spare room, so only needed to add the Moses basket and stand, then a cot (second hand with new mattress) as DD got older. Didn’t have space for a changing table so just put a changing mat on the chest of drawers.

One item I would recommend is a Baby Bjorn bouncer - great for small babies to sit in, and when they get older they can bounce themselves.

I took loads of folic acid and got practicing!

@Rainbowllama4 Hahaha glad you had any easy road, congratulations!

@firstimemamma Do you know if there are any differences in supplements and what I should be on the look for? E.g. is it something that you can get cheaply in a drugstore without a quality drop? Thank you and congrats! xx

@Rotundandhappy I definitely am uptight, I'm quite a worried person by nature and do like to plan. However, when I say "this will happen by x" obviously I can't predict the future, I'm just saying ideally based on the plan currently. I'm trying to accept that we may struggle to TTC or there may be other complications, but also finding a middle ground as remaining positive helps with my mental health! However, I'm not trying to take anything for granted or be presumptuous, sorry if it comes across that way! xx

@MaskingForIt I guess I have the fear that I'd have no idea what I was meant to be doing in labour and my body would be like "Pushing out a baby? Nah, no idea mate, sorry!" .
Husband definitely pulls his weight - in fact I'm probably the one who needs to get off her bum more. Your clothing sounds so precious though, could always be a cool side (or main) hustle as well if you enjoyed doing it?

Ebay is clearly the place to be, duly noted! xxx

Get into the habit of doing daily pelvic floor exercises now rather than later. It's best to start them before you get pregnant apparently. Your bladder will thank you for it in a few years time!

@Pickypolly I'm sorry for your losses- I'm glad you can recognise that it wasn't your fault at all

@Hobnobsandbroomstick I'm not even sure what a pelvic floor exercise actually entails and I'm slightly scared to look 🙈

I just stopped taking contraception, we were renting & we had no savings. Contrary to popular belief on MN it all worked out fine! We have 2 now, some savings & they have everything they need (& some most things they want!)

@UsernameSpoosername Wow! Were things okay while you were pregnant / your babs were little? It does make me feel a bit better that people can do it on less - my hubby will have some pay rises before then but I'm a bit bogged down in academics (and also now trying to get the rest of my life sorted out!) and I worry about not having as much money as the other mums on MN. Though I suppose I'm also of a different age and demographic to most MN mums, so maybe it's just a preference / priority thing. xx

@baabyshaark not presumptuous at all, I just would advise against too much planning in case it sends you to a dark place if it doesn’t go to plan. Which it probably won’t.

Be excited though, that’s nice, and perhaps ‘uptight’ wasn’t the right word for me to use.

Honestly and I mean this in the nicest possible way you’re getting a bit carried away.

Get yourself properly established in your career and financially independent. Important to be able to support kids whatever lemons life might send your way.

And get yourself in great physical health, whether losing weight/fitness

I did.
But ended up ttc over a 12 year period, I was heartily sick of the sight of folic scid!

Main thing was I lost some weight and got fitter and healthier. My BMI was good and I had improved my overall fitness and diet, I didn’t expect to get pregnant so quickly and wonder if making those lifestyle changes helped? Anyway, whether it did or not, I’m glad I did it it helped me mentally and physically.

Financially, once I was pregnant we bought what we could secondhand and thankfully haven’t spent loads since she was born. Biggest spend is probably cloth nappies, as I love them!

The main thing I would say is enjoy the now, I know it’s probably frustrating but you’ll never be just you and DP again, and have that spontaneity to do whatever. Spend all day Sunday lazing in bed, having sex, going for brunch, watching movies, sitting in the pub - that freedom evaporates! I love my daughter, she’s asleep in my arms now and I don’t regret a thing, but I didn’t cherish that aspect before she was born!

@Rotundandhappy I guess I'm a bit of a planner yeah, probably to a fault. I just really need to consider my finances and my physical and mental health, but I guess (to me anyway) a year feels like a very quick amount of time to bring another life into the world!

I'm trying to avoid getting too wrapped up in the "random" parts like when I hypothetically get pregnant / give birth etc (though I can see it might not come across that way on the thread!) and I'm instead attempting to take control of the parts that I can control e.g. supplements, diet, reputable baby brands etc etc. Though I acknowledge that this is all of my concentrated baby energy shoved into one forum so I can imagine I seem a little mad! xx

Honestly, similar thing in response as what I wrote above @Hermionegraingerrules. I probably am carried away I agree but this is a forum where I can specifically talk about all the specifics and info that I would get from a mum / female relatives if I had any. I may have less external support than other mums, so I'm keen to build up my knowledge / prep work as much as I can.