To report this teacher to the school (help!!!)

[hellolovely7]

Actually NC because a lot of school mum's know me on here and I feel so awkward about this situation but

My DS is in secondary school, he can be a bit of an idiot but I'm not on here for an incarceration of his behaviour. Today he was spending time in the behaviour centre and one of the teachers in there touched him. Impossible to get out of him what actually happened as he has clammed up about it now but basically AIBU to report this to the school due to covid? Surely teachers should be 2 metres away and definitely not touching the students????

For context and not to be a drip feed, he basically came home and was like "Miss xxxx" hugged me today. I was like, wtf, and he was like nah she didn't really hug me but she did touch me mum so ive probs got covid now. I asked him exactly what happened but he said i was making a fuss and she was just comforting him due to having a strop but he said he was a bit surprised that she touched him and he apparently told her she would give him COVID and then she apologised.

Do you think this is dealt with and it was just an error of judgement from the teacher or do you think I should be making a bigger deal? I am genuinely torn

The rules are different in schools anyway because they can’t do social spacing like the general public

I think teachers have a lot to think about at the moment.

She was comforting him because he was having a strop and you want to report her? Oh dear.

Are people really still under the illusion that social distancing is happening in schools?

I watched the kids come rushing out of school the other day. Arms round each other, play fighting, running along bumping into each other...

The last thing their parents need to worry about is their teachers touching their arms.

@wasgoingmadinthecountry

@hellolovely7 throughout this thread you have continued to minimise and downplay your childs behaviour. You use words like ‘banter’ and ‘strop’ to presumably demonstrate that his behaviour is not too bad after all. However you have to know That most teenagers don’t behave like this. Most - polite, well behaved, respectful - teenagers do as they are told and the fact that he had to be removed to a behaviour unit speaks volumes.

This wasn’t a case of a simple refusal to hand a phone over- a phone which presumably shouldn’t be out in the class room anyway. This was continual defiance. Continual bad behaviour. Continual disruption of other children’s learning. Most chn do not spend time in the behaviour unit and the fact that your child had to, the fact that professionals who deal with teenagers and their behaviour daily, decided his behaviour warranted his removal from class should tell you all you need to know.

You really need to focus on your child’s behaviour because that is the concern here not that of the teacher. I think it’s pretty shocking that you can’t see that.

To be fair OP you weren’t there and your DS has clammed up about it so maybe there is more to the story than you know including why he chose to escalate into a confrontation over his phone and then reacting so badly he needed ‘comforting’ maybe he was already in a bad mood over other issues etc and that’s what the teacher was trying to get to the bottom of rather than comforting over a phone strop. It might also help explain why he’s clammed up. Though to be fair kids often ‘clam up’ when they realise they’ve taken something too far, were wrong or weren’t telling the whole truth.

Today he was spending time in the behaviour centre and one of the teachers in there touched him.

Oh fuck off. This sentence was deliberately used to make it seems so much more than it actually is.

What it should read is

my teenagers teacher hugged him today after he had a hissy fit. He told her she’d give him Covid (rude little shit) and she apologised. Should I report it?

What a nice teacher? NO!

I’d be amazed if a female secondary teacher hugged a Year 9/10 student, that’s just foolish.

Re the Covid risk, you do understand that your ds is in class with possibly 30 other students all day bar breaks? Children are super spreaders. The risk of him contracting Covid whilst in class is far, far higher than being touched by a teacher unless she is actively contagious. Yabu.

Sorry OP but your story has changed about 5 times through this thread, it sounds like your son has you twisted around his finger and is using you to get back at a teacher. He’s twisting the truth to get revenge, changing his story under pressure and acting out—in almost exactly the same way as you are on this thread.

You need to back teachers up 100% in situations like this because he is manipulating you, getting away with his behaviours by trying to get the teacher in trouble. This needs to be nipped in the bud, not encouraged.

@Shizzlestix

I’d be amazed if a female secondary teacher hugged a Year 9/10 student, that’s just foolish.

Re the Covid risk, you do understand that your ds is in class with possibly 30 other students all day bar breaks? Children are super spreaders. The risk of him contracting Covid whilst in class is far, far higher than being touched by a teacher unless she is actively contagious. Yabu.

Agreed.

It's rare that a teacher would be left alone with a pupil due to safeguarding. Let alone hug a child (an older child especially) alone.

I'm not calling your son a liar but something doesn't feel right.

I am concerned for the teacher, as she needs to protect herself if she did shut herself in a room and hug him innocently. Also, she needs to make sure she doesn't end up with false accusations against her.

Also I think posters are right to highlight to you how you are totally minimising your son’s behaviour—the language is so revealing.

“Spending time in the behaviour centre”—he was PUT there for bad behaviour, it’s not the Holiday Inn

“He can be a bit of an idiot”—it sounds like he knows exactly what he can get away it, and how to push your buttons

“And one of the teachers in there touched him” and then he “clammed up”—sorry but this sounds like you’re trying to imply something extremely innapropriate happened? When you’re called out, you backtrack

“I was like WTF” to hearing the teacher touched his arm/patted him, rather than to him misbehaving?

“And he apparently told her she would give him Covid”—talking back to a teacher who was trying to deal sensitively with him

“I guess he just said it to get a reaction out of me”—insightful, then you quickly roll back to why the teacher was in the wrong...

“I admit he is being quite good here at diverting my attention as someone here said...but he is not a bad kid” ... followed by further mudslinging at the teacher and making excuses for him

Why report? “I guess just to share concerns”—NO that is not what you were saying at the start, you’re backtracking because people are calling you out.

“He did not tell her she was giving him Covid in a rude way, I think to be honest he saw it as banter”—he’s in detention and acting like a brat, that’s not banter that’s continuing to defy his teachers

“He also did not tell me ‘in order to make an allegation’”—you literally admitted that earlier! That he only told you to get a reaction from you, as a means to distract from what he did wrong!!!

He’s not a little shit “He was in isolation for refusing to hand his phone over”, “and I think he had a strop over the fucking phone”—this sounds like a fairly big incident to me, and again like it’s being minimised

You just wanted to say “heads up, be careful with Covid”—LOL then you’d mention it to the teacher, not go off in a strip about wanting to make an official report!!

“No one commented on the boundaries I put in place for him, which are quite clealry there”—maybe they are, but they’re defiantly not clear on this thread!!! Honestly I think everyone has been in school with “that kid” who acted like a brat in class, and would then have his mum coming in accusing the teachers of favouritism, unproefssionalsim, etc anything other than just saying her child was acting like a brat.

Back. Up. His. Teachers.

You are undermining their attempts to ensure he acts well in school, it’s not a help to them or to him.

Ffs why are you even raging. I'm sure he comes in close contact with many peers when he acts the idiot.
I feel sorry for teachers.

He sounds like a little shit stirrer.

I would remember the OP's son is just a kid, but of course none of this would have happened if he had just followed the rules in the first place

airborne. school for hours. and a hug/touch is your worry?

Secondary teacher here. A girl in my class who is going through a very hard time, was silently crying through an assessment today. I noticed and went over, bent down next to her, touched her arm and whispered if I could help in anyway? Yes of course I broke the rules but I am not willing to see a distressed child in front of me and stick to 2m and shout across the classroom, drawing attention to her. No way. I touched her arm to let her know I care and wanted to offer some comfort. If I get in trouble, if her mother complains, so be it. But I am not 2m away from students during most interactions with them because there is not space and I think on certain occasions sticking rigidly to the rules would do more harm than good. Today was one such example. Perhaps your ds’ teacher felt similarly.

@WitchFindersAreEverywhere

I’m amazed there wasn’t another adult in the room who could back up his story. Teachers are warned not to be alone with a child precisely because of the dangers of situations like this, and allegations made that could be career-ending. He’s a teenager in trouble in the behaviour centre, surely it wasn’t staffed by one lone female teacher. It’s a safeguarding issue for her.

I don't think you understand schools. There is barely ever another adult in any room in a secondary school.

Avoiding 1:1 is an aim, but this is achieved by having more than one student in the room so that one child can't make up a malicious story. However, teachers end up in 1:1 situations daily for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it's just not appropriate to discuss something when other students are around. This is a risk teachers face constantly.

@hellolovely7

As much as I appreciate everyones comments I do feel that comforting a really upset child, or a small child in nursery/early years is quite different to comforting a 14 year old boy by touch because he has had his mobile phone confiscated.

I would argue the reasons for hugging/comforting an upset small child would be much more understandable during covid, than IMO the unnecessary touching of my son.

Normally I wouldn't really bat at eyelid, whatever go for it cheer him up put your arm round him if you want, but during COVID I personally feel her doing this was unncessary and inappropriate. That's why I questioned it. Surely they have covid precautions running through their heads all the time. However I have already said I accept she probably just didn't think and that's why I am not reporting.

I notice everyone is still commenting on what a bad parent i am and no one commented on the boundaries i have put in place for him, which are quite clearly there

I forget about the pandemic for huge swathes of time, especially at school. It's not a crime. I imagine if you went to a supermarket where there was no queueing, no announcements about the virus, no hand sanitiser, nobody wearing masks, no signs about the virus and no social distancing for 6-8 hours, then you'd forget about the virus at times too.

I agree with a pp that she's probably been worrying about this since it happened. Your son's "banter" about getting the virus from her didn't necessarily sound so light-hearted to her, it depends how he said it.

That your first instinct to report her is sad.

This is Mumsnet, teachers can do no wrong! And if they do, don't even think about reporting them as they are above scrutiny from us lowly non-teachers

I notice everyone is still commenting on what a bad parent i am and no one commented on the boundaries i have put in place for him, which are quite clearly there

Those very same boundaries that allow your DS to behave appallingly in school, especially during a pandemic? Those same boundaries that has him lie to you, as you have said in your OP and that you have largely pushed to one side and ignored?

Might want to rethink/check those boundaries...

@plantfolk

This is Mumsnet, teachers can do no wrong! And if they do, don't even think about reporting them as they are above scrutiny from us lowly non-teachers

You absolutely know that isn’t true but I bet you loved being the first to write that on this thread.

Do you honestly think that, with this particular case/thread, based on the OP and what the DS said? Says a lot about you, if you do.

This is Mumsnet, teachers can do no wrong! And if they do, don't even think about reporting them as they are above scrutiny from us lowly non-teachers

Not true.

Teachers are putting their lives at risk every day in schools. There is no social distancing. It's business as usual. Yet parents are wanting to add more stress by complaining about teachers being compassionate towards students. Words fail me.

l think your son is most definitely diverting your attention away from the fact he wasn’t behaving. If you don’t back the teachers, what hope is there?