To think lying about nationality is a red flag?

[Ribrabrob]

Newly dating somebody. He told me he was a certain nationality - even showed me on the map where he was from. He happened to come up on my suggested friends on Facebook (guess maybe our phones linked) and naturally I took a look at his profile. Different first name and he’s quite clearly a different nationality to what he told me.

Now the nationality he actually is, sadly has a bit of a negative reputation and so I can kind of understand why he would lie (don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he shouldn’t be proud of where he is from, but I can just see where he is perhaps coming from with lying). The nationality he told me actually is is probably quite similar in their culture, way of life etc.

I won’t be disclosing the nationalities as I don’t want to make this thread about that - what concerns me is the lying. Aibu to see this as a red flag and get rid? Would I be silly to continue? After all, what else could he lie about? Obviously I will talk to him but want to know if I’d be silly continuing see him.

Shame as he ticks all the other boxes of what I’m looking for and want and we seem (seemed?) very much on the same page in relation to goals etc.

FFS why not just say the nationalities so people can help you instead of pages and pages of guesses and speculation
Pointless thread

He lies....enough said, for me anyway.

FFS why not just say the nationalities so people can help you instead of pages and pages of guesses and speculation
Pointless thread

Does the nationality really matter though?

A lie is a lie, and it’s quite a big lie.

Does the nationality really matter though?

A lie is a lie, and it’s quite a big lie.

I agree with pp. It quite does. Because he actually didn't have to lie, op just didn't get full picture🤷🏻

And going by this thread, it's easy to see why some nationalities would lie to prevent the bias...

@MonkeeBidness

You just need to reassure him that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being Welsh.

Hilarious - made me laff

I call myself Pakistani as its simple, when in reality I’m Balti but most people haven’t heard of that (apart from the food), so its just easier

Balti is an ethnicity, not a nationality, so if we're talking about nationality you are Pakistani, yes? There's no Balti passport.

OP, depends which nationality. And names, well in some countries you have many names which you use differently depending on context. Your sleuthing may have led you down the wrong path entirely.

Lying is a deal breaker to me personally

They get one chance and that's it. I think lying is despicable

I know two Romanians. Highly skilled, well educated, professional jobs and smart as whips.

The problem here is if there is lying, I imagine. As others have said, maybe it is more complicated than that.

DTI is right. I suppose it depends on the conversation. In my profession every week I have to make people show me passports and I have to verify they are who they say they are and I need the precise nationality and passport details. I remember my older son's british born friend saying he was "Armenian" (his parents or grand parents had been driven out of that area). For dating people probably want t know if their potential partner is a liar or not or so unintelligent they cannot describe "nationality" correctly and also that the person might be here to stay rather than here for 2 weeks on a tourist visa so it can be quite important to get it right.

I mentioned albania above - we do have a huge problem in the UK with the Albanian mafia en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albanian_mafia which does not mean I think all Albanians are criminals but it might cause someone to lie although as I say to the children one lie leads to another and is rarely a good idea.

@Happyheartlovelife

Lying is a deal breaker to me personally

They get one chance and that's it. I think lying is despicable

WE DON'T KNOW IF HE'S LYING!!!

I think that if you're newly dating someone and you're having to post on a forum to 'ask the audience' if they think anything in their behaviour is a red flag, the situation is a red flag. Either he's lying, or you're too ready to think that he's lying. Either way, the communication isn't good between you. You should just be asking him, and he should just be giving you an answer you trust.

or not or so unintelligent they cannot describe "nationality" correctly

That's just rude. Especially since heritage and nationality are often complicated. So while you think someone is dumb for saying they are X while their passport may say Y, hence not describing their nationality "correctly" everyone with half a brain understands it's easily possible.
My mum was x on paper, but born and grew up as y.

I would run a mile in the other direction. My DM was with someone for years who it turns out we don't actually know the real name of. We only found everything out when he was convicted for fraudulently stealing someone's identity (and the ID was the name we'd always known him as). It still scares me that as a child I lived with a man who I don't actually know his real name/nationality.

Maybe he's from country A but grew up in country B. Or his parents are both from country A but he was born in B. I wouldn't assume he's lying.
The name, are they very different names like a name someone would give to someone whose actual name they couldn't pronounce? The old "I'll just call you Jim" thing?

Ropey and I suggest you run for the hills before you have to uncover what else he's hiding.

That's a huge red flag, in fact so big that the former Soviet Union Communist Party would've been envious of it.

He pointed it out at the map, clearly this wasn't a misunderstanding but clearly a lie.
I don't like lies esspecially not such big ones. When was he going to tell you the truth and what else is he hiding? Trust me you don't want to find this out the hard way.
Cut him off now and you'll feel better in likely a couple of days whilst if you keep dating him, I predict ongoing misery for as long as you're together at least and quite possibly for a long time afterwards as well.
I have been with someone who lied all the time and it has permanently damaged my trust in men. Protect yourself, you're worth it and worth better then this.

This is so vague. I have dual citizenship and will sometimes say one or the other depending on the context of the situation. My first name is from one of those countries and is not pronounced phonetically so I sometimes use my middle name (in places like Starbucks) to avoid a name fiasco. I also have a shortened version of my name that I regularly use.
So, he may not be lying tbh.

He might be hiding his identity for good reason; for example, he might he married.

I've read all OP posts but not all replies.

Are you sure the FB person is the same guy?

Or he could be like mu Ukrainian friend who will have on FB x country and city and school in it, but always said he is Ukrainian from Y city because that's where he was born and grew up first 7 years of his life.

Or he could lie for sinister reasons. Or the countries split up not so long ago.

Possibilities are endless tbh...

I think it really does depend on what nationalities and why. I have three possible nationalities. I would give a different response based on situation, who you are, what I feel like saying that day. If you cut me off as it was a «red flag» I would think you were really weird. Just ask him about it.

Whilst we're all guessing I'm going to have a go...

Is he really he a Klingon from the planet Qo'noS?

If he is I can understand why he wouldn't declare it early on in a relationship.

😂

We haven’t yet discussed whether he should swerve the OP, as he had to point out his country of origin on a map. Maybe he should date “bad at geography”?