To turn down this gift from my in laws?

[WankPuffins]

My in laws are lovely and I appreciate this is a nice problem to have.

It was my 40th earlier this year but I was having an awful pregnancy, suffering from HG, in and out of hospital. It wasn’t marked in anyway.

MIL has asked Dh for a list of my favourite clothes brands. She’s found a personal shopper/stylist who is doing an online personal online styling service that includes a (socially distance or video call) wardrobe ‘shop’ and makeover. It’s to the tune of £500 including new outfits. So really bloody generous of them as a belated 40th/early Christmas gift.

The thing is, I don’t wear anything other than old leggings and t shirts as I don’t go anywhere or do anything. Pre lockdown I only left the house for the school run really or family walks somewhere. We don’t have money to go out and about And I’ve got no friends so don’t meet up with anyone, so while it would be nice to have some lovely clothes, I’d never wear them.

And my god, my ‘wardrobe’ consists of crappy old t shits, a couple of jumpers, a couple of cheap dresses incase I ever have to look a bit smart (mainly for parents Evening or going to the doctor 😳), so it would be mortifying to have anyone see the bits of crap I’ve got. Honestly, a charity shop wouldn’t take most of the clothes I wear day to day they are too worn out.

Over the years I have had moments of wanting to look nicer, bought myself a few bits but then never wore them - don’t want to chuck them on just to drop off in the car for school, don’t want to come home and clean in them and then just spend all day playing on the floor with a baby or child, or get messy at a toddler group (I’ve had three kids over 18 years so I’ve never got out of the running around after a child phase!)

If I had anything nice now, it would be utterly pointless. I know I look like shit most of the time but honestly, nice clothes would be uncomfortable and get ruined.

Just thinking about it has made me feel really down about myself.

(I now realise I sound like a really pathetic slob reading that back).

@Appuskidu bras!! Why didn’t I think of that. I could really do with some new ones.

I think if I were you, I would get one smarter outfit in 50s/60s style or some other timeless style. You can wear it for Christmas or the odd more formal thing that comes along. You might not have any right now as you have a small child, but if you aren´t planning on having any more, in a few years your child will be growing up, going to school and you will start having smarter events to go to.

I would spend the rest on updating what you have. New leggings, tops etc. in the styles you like and use, but without the holes. Get new underwear and enough that it will last for ages.

@Nomorepies oh god, no one sees me! That’s why I mentioned in the OP, I don’t really leave the house. If I do go to toddler groups etc I wear one of the couple of dresses I have, I’d never leave the house like this, walks with the family yes, but they are usually in the middle of nowhere and we all wear crap clothes to get dirty.

School run doesn’t count, it’s an odd set up of dropping off in the car.

Well done on losing all that weight.

Do you like these sort of clothes?

www.hush-uk.com/clothing/joggers-leggings

I only ask because I understand that Hush basically specialise in loungewear / mummy casual (in a sort of upmarket way) and therefore are one of the few retailers that isn't floundering due to Coronavirus.

I was just going to recommend Hush!

See @WankPuffins the universe wants you to have some lovely new things!

You have few decent clothes. You’ve just had a baby. MIL has offered to buy you £500 of lovely new clothes! Go for it!!

If I were you I’d focus on getting a few good quality basics decent jeans, a longline cardi, some funky trainers, a Lightweight scarf maybe.

@Nomorepies

Ah sorry OP but YABU! why can't you make an effort- tempting as leggings and a t shirt are with kids- it's not a great look! You can still do mummy casual for playdates and look nice.

Take their kind offer and make an effort- you'll enjoy it!

Why should the Op have to make an effort , it’s supposed to be a present for her. We are not all the same , for some of us a couple of hours with a personal stylist / shopper would be like hell in the same way as a Spa day suits some people but not others .

And a benefit of CruCru's idea is that Hush are a Brand (capital B).

Have a look at www.seasaltcornwall.co.uk/clothing/new-arrivals-clothing

I pretty much live in their cotton jersey dresses / tunics and leggings.

Have you looked into bamboo clothing. bambooclothing.co.uk/category/short-sleeved-tops/

Pretty much what you are wearing but as it is bamboo it is so soft and comfy. Ignore all the people doing yoga in it, I just wear for lounging around.

@Wankpuffins....I hadd my first at 24 and my last at 45.. Once again I feel like I could have written your post. When I came back from lunch I was feeling really guilty because I spent 100 US dollars on a pair of headphones. Money isn't an issue. It was because I had the audicacity to spend that money replacing headphones from 2018 when I could have bought my 5yo a new dress. She don't need a new dress. She has plenty. Mom guilt is real and I may be projecting a bit but I feel that is what is happening to you. Like me you kinda lost yourself being a mom and your career. Don't be like me. Don't waste 10 more years forgetting that you are you. That you deserve more for yourself. That you are worth it. You deserve to be pampered too and to have nice stuff too

Yes, I live in Seasalt. I would buy stuff from Hush but I'm larger than a UK 16.

Or Barbour! You really can’t go wrong with a great waxed jacket if you’re outdoorsy. A pair of chelsea boots as well and a hat...

This place looks nice too.

I think its a kind gift. I know exactly how you feel. I have felt the same in the past like whats the point in looking smart.

i started following an online stylist "Styled by Susie" she is fantastic she shops in Warehouse Oasis etc very down to earth. I havent plucked up the courage yet for an online session yet but will soon.

I also get a Stitch fix once a month and like you I like sports wear, stripy tops, jeans etc. I put all my preferences in and just put brands like Next, Joules, Warehouse etc and they have sent me loads of nice stuff. You can keep it or send it back.

I think if you get a few nice new pieces you will feel better. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed when I go to the shops and cant see anything I like but a good stylist will help you find casual bits that will suit you.

You deserve some pampering and to feel good! xxx

@ktp100

A mood board?!! WTF?

Who cares enough, nevermind has the time?!!!

Well it’s just the same as going into the hairdresser & showing them a picture of the hairstyle you like? Especially as the OP is worried that the stylist would show her formal or stuffy clothes. What’s wrong with OP showing a pic of what she actually likes (which sounds like comfortable warm /practical clothing)? She has the time to discuss it on here so has the time to do a quick google for inspiration.

[quote GreenGoldRed]@WankPuffins you sound depressed. You are so unkind to yourself in this post. I think there is more going on then this gift. You mention no friends, your clothes being worn out and looking like shit. I definitely don’t think you should turn this down. Sounds like you need some new clothes, but I also wonder if you need some help for your mood.[/quote]
Agree with all of this.
Also - not to kick you when you're down but when you say "because I’d never wear them. I’ve bought nice bits in the past but they’ve just hung unworn for years." You make it sound like it's up to the clothes to take themselves out of the wardrobe and throw themselves on you, rather than you actively choosing to wear them or not. If you are struggling for money why are you not wearing nice, good quality clothes? Even if they got dirty/messy it's better than them not being worn at all, getting mothballed and going in the bin!

And, again without being a dick - you say your oldest children will be teens/young adults now - don't you think they might get a bit embarrassed being seen with you in 'clothes that the charity shop wouldn't take' when you've got nice clothes available? Even when you're doing the school run - I try not to judge on appearance and couldn't care less if someone is in full smart designer businesswear or in cheap but clean leggings and a hoodie (as I am often!) but clothes like you've described sound really bad, especially when you have alternatives available.

I know you say you don't have friends, don't go anywhere etc. to warrant wearing nice clothes - but you don't have to go anywhere that costs money. Even a walk into town for window shopping, or to your local free museum, or in (non covid times) a wander to see the christmas lights and go round the markets...nobody is suggesting you get a ballgown but if you are wearing good quality leggings, comfortable stylish boots and a flattering smart coat you will feel amazing and it could be a lovely, free, day out that's "worth" wearing nice (but normal!) clothes for.

I really think you should take up the offer and just be prepared to clarify exactly what it is you want. I can't think of any nice way to refuse it that wouldn't come across very badly to your MIL.

@thevassal like I said don’t leave the house like this. My 18 wouldn’t give a crap if I did though to be honest. But like I say, I don’t go out. If I do, I have a couple of smarter bits that I wear.

I wear shit clothes to clean the house and be with the baby.

Or Sweaty Betty. It's meant to be workout stuff but someone I know described it as "Yoga-lite" and loads of women I know just wear it all the time.

And yes I occasionally go into town. When I say I never leave the house that’s very dramatic. I mean I don’t do anything all that great.

They wont ask to see any clothes you have. They will ask what you do day to day, what you like, etc etc. Get a gorgeous coat and flat knee high boots. Get a couple of lovely lounge suits/tracksuits. They will wash well if you get decent ones. A lovely pair of jeans. Honestly OP you deserve this. What an amazing gift!x

Thank you for all the links - I will take a look tonight

Rohan do really nice walking stuff www.rohan.co.uk/

I can recommend Sea Salt - Ive had 4 more kids than you so I can see where you're coming from re looking too smart. However Sea salt is kind of leggings and cotton tops and roomy dresses and goes up to bigger sizes - lots of cotton too which I like. If my mother in law had given me a generous gift like that Id probably faint with pleasure - all I got were half petticoat slips from her which I never wore.