Verbally attacked for not wearing a mask

[8catsaremycoven]

Wow, had a great experience in Lidl today - I was verbally abused and intimidated by a bloke in his 40s for not wearing a mask.

I'm minding my own business, choosing some fruit for DHS when random angry bloke walks past and hisses "You should be wearing a mask ". He doesn't stop and ask me directly why I'm not wearing a mask, just walks past me and says it in an undertone.

I catch up with him because he's browsing and tell him I'm exempt because I'm asthmatic. Apparently anyone can claim to be exempt and it's my personal fault that people are dying?! I told him that I wished that I was able to wear a mask to protect myself if nothing else, he just carried on ranting at me. No security guards in the store, other shoppers just stood and watched. I ended up crying in frustration and walking away.

I can't wear a mask because of my asthma but I also suffer from PTSD because an XH put a pillow over my face and raped me.

Am I expected to explain everything to anyone?

YABU - get over everything, risk a major asthma attack and wear a mask

YANBU - asthma is enough to excuse me from wearing a mask let alone my other reasons, which I don't feel I should have to explain to anyone

Bring it on, I'm sure someone is going to roast me but I truly hope that you're going to be behind me.

I left the shop shaking and in tears

Bold fail! The first paragraph was supposed to be a quote in bold from another PP's comment

Not one person has said OP wasn't exempt from wearing a mask.

Are you reading the same thread?

I don't disagree. It's not the very few genuinely exempt causing the rates to go up. It's the everyone deciding not to follow the rules including masks that are. Plus the kids and uni.

I don't think vulnerable people should stay home but they should be careful FOR THEMSELVES. The poster that shared the no delivery slots at Tesco also shared the fact that they were all available for click and collect. Contact free!

I mean really. Why go to a packed supermarket with heightened risk and people saying shit to you because you're not wearing a mask? Just to prove a point that you can because it's legal! God how obtuse is that.

Go to a lake. A beach. A cafe with outdoor seating! Make a picnic (lots of blankets). But a fucking Lidl? Just so you can check the veg? Nah. Just do a click and collect.

@MarriedtoDaveGrohl

Seeing the OP without a mask could have triggered him. You do know others get triggered right? Or is it only ok for some of you to call people cunts and say you were triggered? And go on about it bringing out the worst in others.

Look at your own behaviour before you start on him or anyone. We had a customer at work tell another customer (not a shop and not a lot of visitors) to put a mask on. The staff member whisked him off to another floor and we were uncomfortable as it seemed like it could have been racist (he was a young black guy she was an older white lady) but actually we don't know her story.

And he probably should have been wearing one and probably wasn't exempt. but we are not lidl and no one has to be near someone not wearing a mask.

Neither of them covered themselves in glory in my opinion. That's just how it is sometimes.

Good point.

I th I k this is why the man treating the OP the way he did sits ill with me and others on here. Because this man seemed to assume OP was taking the piss. I am willing to be generous and concede that if he was triggered himself he may not have been acting rationally. So am not gonna demonize this man personally.

But I have noticed a kind of trend lately. A call out culture regarding masks and also hidden disabilities generally. Disabled people.getting t threatened with punching for sitting in a priority seat or for using a lift instead of.stairs. It isn't about just this one man.

The issue is,. We don't know who is genuine or not and we cannot assume someone is taking exemption. That is the issue

Calling out racism or criminal behaviour? Fine but much of the rest of call out culture is bullshit and we know it

True. Call out culture is pathetic. But sadly it's across all sides including the calling out if the calling out. We are sll judge and jury and self righteous and it's not confined to the so called morally bad. The so called 'right' people are just as bad. Worse because they think they have the moral high ground.

@PurpleDaisies

Not one person has said OP wasn't exempt from wearing a mask.

Are you reading the same thread?

This. I actually have read the full thread, @Sparticuscaticus. I lurked in it since it was posted. Then I joined mumsnet and commented on here and other threads.

Mumsnet generally seems to assume someone who says they have a mental illness must be self diagnosing (although personally I don't blame people who do, given many in deep need cannot access decent services) and I feel urged to challenge this damaging assumption. I agree I probably have an agenda of sorts there.. am not intending to be manipulative but it is something I feel passionate about and I don't end to wear my heart on my sleeve regarding disability rights

Lemonpizza

Actually some.do. It isn't rational but then complex ptsd often isnt. As someone with a mix of complex ptsd and BPD myself due to long term abuse I can understAnd the need to justify, explain, to worry about the approval of others, even strangers. a lifetime of being blighted and deliberately misunderstood can do that. And yes, we are often masters of self sabotage and putting ourselves in risky situations. Many of us have any our have spent our lives self harming in one way or another

Yes, I do understand and so did other PPs including some HCPs on here who said this thread is not as helpful to OP as she thinks it is . I've seen a number of PPs suggest might help OP to talk to her counsellor for more support. In her overreaction she increased Covid risk by following and starting a verbal argument with a stranger in a shop whilst not wearing a mask, the very thing she ought be mindful of and of course would distress her, him and anyone around them exposed to it . It's poor judgment and impulsive, indicating her actions aren't being led by rational thought. We shouldn't be celebrating that nor encouraging it

Am I expected to explain everything to anyone?

No. That's the end of the issue and the only mistake (although understandable) was that you tried to defend yourself. Don't. It's none of his business and if anyone does this to you again, look through them as though they are not there and don't engage.

"You have entirely missed the point that without a mask she followed someone and unnecessarily instigated a verbal argument in a shop, not behaving in a Covid safe way and increased transmission risk when she should have acted more carefully."

It would also be wrong to do that with a mask on. Everyone should be as careful as they can. You don't get to ignore other rules because you have a mask on.

By that I mean we should be empathising with OP that she has PTSD , it wasn't a great incident for either of them and she would benefit from getting some support too. I suspect the man has some kind of issues too which may equally benefit from support. Neither behaved well and I would have worried about the mental well-being of both had I witnessed it (& moved away sharpish!!)

@MarriedtoDaveGrohl

True. Call out culture is pathetic. But sadly it's across all sides including the calling out if the calling out. We are sll judge and jury and self righteous and it's not confined to the so called morally bad. The so called 'right' people are just as bad. Worse because they think they have the moral high ground.

maybe so. I guess we all should be extending grace on all sides. To be fair the OPs original post doesn't seem to be so much about saying "isn't this man awful?" As much as needing a sympathetic ear and reassurance that she wasn't in the wrong herself? Whether we think she was unwise in her dealings with this guy or not, sometimes we doubt ourselves or need a shoulder to cry on.

no one in life has the obsess over who has the moral high ground in minor conflicts like this. I agree. It is all about being kind and understanding both sides. I just think some of the responses to OP were unnecessarily harsh. sometimes we can give a bit of perspective without being harsh
Also the man himself isn't here on mumsnet, the OP is the one posting on here needing a bit of sympathy and maybe validation. I just wanted to defend someone I could see is hurting.

@Sparticuscaticus

By that I mean we should be empathising with OP that she has PTSD , it wasn't a great incident for either of them and she would benefit from getting some support too. I suspect the man has some kind of issues too which may equally benefit from support. Neither behaved well and I would have worried about the mental well-being of both had I witnessed it (& moved away sharpish!!)

Ah, well I cannot disagree with you there. I think the OP does need to be putting her own mental health first. Easier said than done but yes. Totally.

@8catsaremycoven, if you are still reading in hope you manage to have a better day today and take care of yourself. I don't want to seem patronising but I hope you can do something to help soothe and nurture yourself. All the best

@Sockwomble

"You have entirely missed the point that without a mask she followed someone and unnecessarily instigated a verbal argument in a shop, not behaving in a Covid safe way and increased transmission risk when she should have acted more carefully."

It would also be wrong to do that with a mask on. Everyone should be as careful as they can. You don't get to ignore other rules because you have a mask on.

Yes, I have noticed that in my tier 1 area, medium risk, we are good with masking but social distancing not so great. It is as though social distancing has gone out of fashion...makes me feel nervous

I mean really. Why go to a packed supermarket with heightened risk and people saying shit to you because you're not wearing a mask? Just to prove a point that you can because it's legal! God how obtuse is that.

This is the kind of comment that winds me up - in some ways, even more than the comments about who is/should be exempt. Why do you assume that the genuinely exempt do this? I shop once a week, for two households - I'm my mother's carer. I'm at Tesco at 7 am - I assure you it's nothing like packed. I use the self service checkouts - no interaction with staff. Get petrol if I need it - always use pay at pump. Go on to do the bulk of the shopping at Aldi, which probably has half a dozen customers. No self service checkouts but Aldi have very good screening in place to protect staff. Stop at pharmacy to collect prescriptions if needed - I wait until there are no other customers and the staff are protected from me by counter-to-ceiling perspex screens. I haven't set foot in any other shop since we went into lockdown in March.

As to the 'why would you actually go to shops' question, I don't live in one of these utopias where supermarkets deliver (or pick) every item you need, with no damage, no substitutions and everything has an acceptable use by date. My mother has specific dietary needs and I know from experience that relying on supermarket staff to shop for us does not work.

As for my risk of getting Covid (again), it doesn't worry me. I already live with the life-changing, long term effects of a potentially fatal viral illness and have done for over 20 years.

Lemonpizza

Ah, well I cannot disagree with you there. I think the OP does need to be putting her own mental health first. Easier said than done but yes. Totally.

Thank-you

I hope that OP reads this and realises she doesn't need to explain herself nor upset herself & others

And not to do this again.

Because some PPs on here have almost said "you go girl" to her when they ought have been calming and asking whether it was appropriate in-terms of reaction or Covidsafe

@BamboozledandBefuddled if you're not going into crowded supermarkets why does it wind you up? I think you like being wound up. You seem very very angry and it sounds like life is hard for you.

But click and collect must work for 90% of the things you need most of the time? Instead of having to schlep to Tesco's at 7am once a week. Or local outdoor markets for fruit and veg? But if you're in empty shops then you're circumventing the problem. No one has a problem with that.

It's a good example of being obtuse though. You're angry at me for suggesting click and collect and you're angry at anyone who comments on mask wearing.

Oh and I've not been near a shop apart from pharmacy/supermarket/Petrol station either. Lots of us haven't.

If life is shit all you can do is work out what you can do to change that. Not get wound up about everything

I mean really. Why go to a packed supermarket with heightened risk and people saying shit to you because you're not wearing a mask? Just to prove a point that you can because it's legal! God how obtuse is that.

Maybe you should read your comment again and take some of your own advice about anger. You wanted to know why the mask-exempt go to shops - I explained why I do. I don't have any issue with being out that early for shopping, in many ways I prefer it. I'm also not complaining about not having visited other shops. I'm simply pointing out that being mask-exempt does not also mean someone spends their time in shops at peak periods for the sole purpose of upsetting and distressing others. Maybe you should make it clear when you ask questions that you only want answers you like, rather than honest ones.

I'd also describe my main emotions around certain topics as disbelief, contempt and disgust rather than something as simple as anger.

[quote OwlBeThere]@ZoeTurtle there is a huge shortage in my area. I can’t get a delivery of any kind for 2 weeks. That’s exacerbated by the fact I live semi-rurally and not many companies deliver to this area, and I’m sure it’s easier in cities etc, but I equally don’t live on top of Snowdon so if I’m struggling many others will be too.[/quote]
But of course there won't be slots for 2 weeks. I couldn't leave my house in lockdown. Yet I had to go 7 weeks to get an online slot. If it hadn't been for some lovely random strangers on Facebook. I'd of starved

I then had to get organised and book my slots in advance. I had to make sure I could do what I could do with what I had. Otherwise I was stuck. No one could come in. Help us. Nothing.

2 weeks is nothing.

37 pages in and reading through it’s not getting any better. To everyone who has commented, found excuses, explained reasons, picked sides, do you all not realise what it is you are all doing?

In case you haven’t, you are all turning against each other.

This whole mask issue is at its very core incredibly simple. Either you are exempt or you are not. Either you do believe that masks help or you do not.

And that’s it.

That’s all it ever is. And all it will ever be.

Everyone, regardless of which side you sit, knows this.

If you can wear a mask, do so. It will do you no harm.

If you can’t wear a mask, don’t.

If you see anyone wearing a mask, leave them alone.

If you see anyone not wearing a mask, leave them alone.

It’s actually incredibly simple.

If you can wear a mask, social distance while out in the company of strangers.

If you can’t wear a mask, social distance while out in the company of strangers.

Again, It’s actually incredibly simple.

@MarriedtoDaveGrohl

I don't disagree. It's not the very few genuinely exempt causing the rates to go up. It's the everyone deciding not to follow the rules including masks that are. Plus the kids and uni.

I don't think vulnerable people should stay home but they should be careful FOR THEMSELVES. The poster that shared the no delivery slots at Tesco also shared the fact that they were all available for click and collect. Contact free!

I mean really. Why go to a packed supermarket with heightened risk and people saying shit to you because you're not wearing a mask? Just to prove a point that you can because it's legal! God how obtuse is that.

Go to a lake. A beach. A cafe with outdoor seating! Make a picnic (lots of blankets). But a fucking Lidl? Just so you can check the veg? Nah. Just do a click and collect.

I am one of the very few who are genuinely exempt. Though I'm 'lucky' my exemption is incredibly visible.

I do have to agree though. That some people are going around. Just not wearing masks. Or not wearing them correctly.

I try very hard to not go out. But I have 2 young children who go to school and a husband who works. So it's just me left. I was very lucky that I got given priority pretty early on during the whole tjing. But it was still a 7 week wait.

I worry that those who suggest they can't wear a mask. But then don't back it up. Are making it harder and harder for people like me. Who rely on others going out to help me. I rely on others to protect me.

It's so sad

My father lives abroad. He lives in a country where you can't be exempt. If you can't wear a mask. You can't go out. Simple. Though there's more of a community spirit. So those more able. Help out disabled people. They don't have anyone really touting the rules and they don't live in a military style country either. Just many more police. Policing the problem. So there isn't one

I think the two and froing hasn't helped. The government have given very vague rules snd told us that we can not do them. Then also the Dominic Cummings debate. There has to be a reason we are the second worst hit in the world.

@ripples101

37 pages in and reading through it’s not getting any better. To everyone who has commented, found excuses, explained reasons, picked sides, do you all not realise what it is you are all doing?

In case you haven’t, you are all turning against each other.

This whole mask issue is at its very core incredibly simple. Either you are exempt or you are not. Either you do believe that masks help or you do not.

And that’s it.

That’s all it ever is. And all it will ever be.

Everyone, regardless of which side you sit, knows this.

If you can wear a mask, do so. It will do you no harm.

If you can’t wear a mask, don’t.

If you see anyone wearing a mask, leave them alone.

If you see anyone not wearing a mask, leave them alone.

It’s actually incredibly simple.

If you can wear a mask, social distance while out in the company of strangers.

If you can’t wear a mask, social distance while out in the company of strangers.

Again, It’s actually incredibly simple.

Great post. Poetically simple - if only people would take notice...

The guy is a knob but msy I suggest you get a sunflower lanyard to wear. I know you shoildnt have to but it may help 🙂🌻

@Happyheartlovelife, that was my point. That there aren’t slots available. @ZoeTurtle said there wasn’t a shortage, I was simply pointing out that in my area there is. 2 weeks isn’t nothing if you need food and there is no option but to go out.

@Happyheartlovelife also I don’t know why you think there are c&c slots? There aren’t. And even if there were I can’t go to that supermarket as it’s outside of my county.

I haven't worn a mask for two months. Never had somebody confront me. Part of me wishes they would, it'd make shopping a bit more exciting!