Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Verbally attacked for not wearing a mask

977 replies

8catsaremycoven · 21/10/2020 20:24

Wow, had a great experience in Lidl today - I was verbally abused and intimidated by a bloke in his 40s for not wearing a mask.

I'm minding my own business, choosing some fruit for DHS when random angry bloke walks past and hisses "You should be wearing a mask ". He doesn't stop and ask me directly why I'm not wearing a mask, just walks past me and says it in an undertone.

I catch up with him because he's browsing and tell him I'm exempt because I'm asthmatic. Apparently anyone can claim to be exempt and it's my personal fault that people are dying?! I told him that I wished that I was able to wear a mask to protect myself if nothing else, he just carried on ranting at me. No security guards in the store, other shoppers just stood and watched. I ended up crying in frustration and walking away.

I can't wear a mask because of my asthma but I also suffer from PTSD because an XH put a pillow over my face and raped me.

Am I expected to explain everything to anyone?

YABU - get over everything, risk a major asthma attack and wear a mask

YANBU - asthma is enough to excuse me from wearing a mask let alone my other reasons, which I don't feel I should have to explain to anyone

Bring it on, I'm sure someone is going to roast me but I truly hope that you're going to be behind me.

I left the shop shaking and in tears

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
MarriedtoDaveGrohl · 25/10/2020 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

chubbycheeks26 · 25/10/2020 20:45

@Changethetoner 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 not safe to go out without a face covering 😂😂😂😂😂

That made me howl.

MarriedtoDaveGrohl · 25/10/2020 20:47

@OwlBeThere so there's no click and collect in your country? Or deliveries? No anazon fresh or supermarket deliveries? Are you in Europe?

I got you confused with the poster that shared a screenshot of Tesco's slots (no delivery but there was click and collect). It's an unusual situation - this is a UK forum and here if you can go to a supermarket you can book a click and collect.

Your situation is very much not typical and I would have thought with such a low population density there's much less risk for you anyway.

chubbycheeks26 · 25/10/2020 20:49

I don't wear a mask or lanyard and quite frankly couldn't give a shit what anyone says. It isn't anyone's place to question me and my issues, they can sod off. If I asked them about their medical or personal history they'd tell me to get lost. If they are that worried about covid, they should stay home, never to see the light of day again. I cannot fathom why people feel like they have the god given right to question strangers. It's sad that propel have to justify their health issues. Tell the next person to take a run and jump off a high cliff Grin

Indoctro · 25/10/2020 20:56

Why don't people who can't wear a mask because of breathing issue just wear a visit instead.? I know they are pretty pointless but I see quite a lot of old people wearing them and if anything at least makes people think you are making a effort and less likely that you do come across any animosity from other.

Happyheartlovelife · 25/10/2020 20:56

@OwlBeThere

Tagged the wrong person

I didn’t think there were click and collect slots?!?

Right. Well. Book one 2 weeks away and then every week till you can’t anymore. Then what you do is either get someone to go for you. Or go out for those 2 weeks. That’s usually how it works

Happyheartlovelife · 25/10/2020 20:59

@Indoctro

Why don't people who can't wear a mask because of breathing issue just wear a visit instead.? I know they are pretty pointless but I see quite a lot of old people wearing them and if anything at least makes people think you are making a effort and less likely that you do come across any animosity from other.
I would do. If I couldn’t wear a mask due to breathing issues. I’d have no problem trying

I do sometimes wear a scarf. If I can fit it I cross my tubes

That’s the thing. I don’t mind being asked why I’m not. Mine is quite a visible reason as to why. So most don’t ask. But some have. Depending on which side of my face you can see.

I don’t mind though. At all.

Happyheartlovelife · 25/10/2020 21:01

@OwlBeThere

You can’t just go. Oh my god. There aren’t any for 2 weeks. That must mean I go out every day till the pandemic goes away

You get organised! I live in a stupidly rural village. We have too. Simple as. I couldn’t get a delivery for 7 weeks!

chubbycheeks26 · 25/10/2020 21:24

@Indoctro because exactly that, they are pointless.

chubbycheeks26 · 25/10/2020 21:32

As for being angry that people are saying ptsd means they can't wear a mask, your ptsd may mean your are able to, someone will have ptsd for a totally different reason.

Antst · 25/10/2020 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Eckhart · 25/10/2020 22:02

@Antst

but if you can't wear a mask, you should do your shopping online

Alas, you do not make the rules. OP has as much right as you do to go to the shops. She may have caused harm to others, and so may you.

Antst · 25/10/2020 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

9ofpentangles · 25/10/2020 22:12

If people are going to argue, please at least rtft.

Op can't shop online as it's not available in her country (i don't know which but suspect Germany)

Op can't wear a lanyard as she can't get them in her country and they're not recognised there so no point.

The op cannot use alternatives to masks either as all set off her ptsd.

The op already has an elderly neighbour dependent on her so it's unlikely she could ask someone to shop for her plus neighbour

And finally, the bloke in question sounds like an aggressive arsehole.

This entire thread is a circle

BamboozledandBefuddled · 25/10/2020 22:20

Of course the OP has the right to go to the shops.
there is simply no excuse for doing what she is doing.

If you have a right to do something, you don't actually need an excuse to do it. If you did, it would pretty much redefine the word 'right'.

Eckhart · 25/10/2020 22:22

@Antst

  • People are legally allowed to shop without masks.
  • Your opinion is that they (including OP) should not be allowed to, but your opinion makes no difference to the law.
  • You haven't done everything you can to avoid transmitting the virus, because you don't shop online yourself.
  • It may be the case that you have transmitted the virus, and OP has not.

There is no deflection here. These are facts.

Antst · 25/10/2020 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Meadowland · 25/10/2020 22:48

@Antst. Well said

Eckhart · 25/10/2020 22:48

wearing one like everyone else who isn't a sociopath

Why on earth don't you shop online for those you help, rather than go out, potentially asymptomatically spreading the virus? Masks only reduce the risk, they don't get rid of it. You might have killed people already. And those who take a risk like that... well, as you say, it's nothing short of sociopathic.

Underhisi · 25/10/2020 22:51

"What you don't seem to understand is that everyone else (certainly me, if I saw her) has the right to let her know that she is hurting other people."

Approaching someone to tell them what you think is not doing all you can to prevent the spread of the virus. Stop behaving unsafely.

windturbines · 25/10/2020 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Eckhart · 25/10/2020 23:35

I really fail to see how that's so hard to understand

Because we ALL increase the risk of transmitting the virus, every time we leave the house. Other than those who are still shielding, none of us is doing everything we could to minimise the spread. It's about living in a glass house and throwing stones. We're not all doing everything we can, otherwise we'd all be maintaining lockdown, by choice.

What you're saying, essentially, is that we should all expect people to be pissed off with us every time we go anywhere near people who are not from our household, because we are all participating in increasing the risk. It's just not workable. We have to be allowed to have some aspects of our lives back.

Eckhart · 25/10/2020 23:37

Going into shops with no mask and expecting everyone to be fine with it is incredibly naive and a bit self absorbed, really

No, it's an expectation of a bit of humanity. If you don't understand that... well, 'heartless' doesn't cover it.

Underhisi · 25/10/2020 23:48

It's interesting how posters condemn people for doing something legitimate whilst breaking the rules themselves. It appears that as long as you wear a mask it doesn't matter what else you get up to in your life that isn't following guidelines.

windturbines · 26/10/2020 01:02

Eckhart, you aren't looking at it from the other side. If someone has lost someone due to Covid, I can't see them being terribly empathic if someone isn't wearing a mask. Nor if someone is clinically vulnerable, has been locked away all summer and they now feel like they can't even get their shopping even though they're wearing a mask.

I understand you aren't wearing one and you're fighting your corner, but people are going to be made to feel uncomfortable by you doing so. And they are absolutely allowed to feel that way. No amounts of ifs or buts will change that.

It's really self serving- to not wear a mask, to continue to frequent the shops and then to expect everyone be fine and dandy about it. You don't deserve to be bullied or harassed but similarly, you can't command people to like it.

It's like back when the shops were queued out the doors. Did people smoke in the queues? Yes. Were they legally allowed to? Yes, it was outside. Would it piss off some others standing near? Of course. Would that person smoking deserve to be called names over it? No. Would people be wrong for giving off to their mate about it, though? No.

You might think that's an extreme example as people can just "choose" not to smoke, which I suppose is fair. However, it is still legal to do it and people can if they want. Doesn't stop them coming across badly to those against smoking, though? And really, I think a lot of people would take standing beside a smoker over increased risk of catching Covid.

You are free to argue your exemption and rights until the cows come home, but you are never going to get everyone to think the way you want them to.

Until exemption is taken seriously and only the minute minority are allowed to, you probably will be tarred with the same brush as the morons in America who think they're breathing in CO2.

Blame the government, not those who are genuinely anxious for their own, equally as important, reasons.