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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum sending pictures of my DD

146 replies

Mommabear20 · 21/10/2020 18:12

AIBU to ask my mum to stop sending pictures of my DD to her friends?
DD is 18 weeks old, I had some errands to run today so asked her to come watch her while I popped out. She was thrilled to! When I came back she said she'd been good as gold and she'd got some videos and pictures of her laughing that she'd sent to her sister (don't mind this as she's family and I send her pictures myself) and a friend of hers from work that I've never met. Didn't think much of it initially as was busy putting shopping away while also dealing with my over excited dogs. But now I'm thinking about it, it bugs me that she'd do that. We haven't posted a single picture of our DD, including her scan pictures, on social media as we don't know who is seeing them, which she knows!

Am I being unreasonable or is she out of line?

OP posts:
Brianna83 · 21/10/2020 18:22

My opinion is that you're being a little precious, she wants to show off her grandchild.

However it's not my child. It's yours. If it bothers you speak to your mum.

TidyDancer · 21/10/2020 18:24

I agree with @Brianna83 tbh. This really wouldn't bother me (unless they were naked photos obviously). I would equate it to her meeting up with a friend while taking your DD out for the day.

Thermo · 21/10/2020 18:25

My MIL did this. In hindsight it wasn’t as bad as it felt at the time. She did send images to people completely unknown to us and it did get so out of hand it was uncomfortable.
As soon as she announced she was getting Christmas cards made with a pic of our LO to distribute to her friends, we snapped Blush

FuzzyPuffling · 21/10/2020 18:25

YABU. You're happy to ask her to come over and watch your child, but she's not allowed to act the proud grandparent. She's happy....keep her happy!

thetangleteaser · 21/10/2020 18:27

My dad posted a photo of my baby on his Facebook before i had even had the chance to tell some people she had been born! He was so proud and excited, I could have been cross about it but I knew he just wanted to shout from the rooftops with pride so I never said a thing! No harm done. It’s your baby so your call, but be prepared she may feel a bit hurt.

throwaway100000 · 21/10/2020 18:27

I think you might be overreacted a bit. It was one person, rather than the whole of fb, and it was just her friend as opposed to someone you have bad rapport with

Plussizejumpsuit · 21/10/2020 18:28

You're being massively precious. I do understand about not putting loads of stuff on social media as it's boring and the child might feel embarrassed by say a half naked or messy pic when they're older.

But what do you actually mean and think is going to happen when you say you don't know who is seeing them. Unless you are in some kind of witness protection or have children who are fostered or adopted what is going to happen if some strangers see the image of your child? Genuinely don't understand the logic, so if you could elaborate it would help.

throwaway100000 · 21/10/2020 18:28

Overreacting*

But it’s your baby, your rules

SpaceOP · 21/10/2020 18:29

I don't think you can get upset about this. Social media is very different to her sending pics of what she's doing with her grandchild to her friends.

DD's godmother sent pics of DD to her sisters and mother all the time. Which was odd but okay. But when the mother was then around she acted like DD was her long lost granddaughter and THAT was weird. I still don't blame my friend for sending pics though! Grin

ThisTooShallPassHopefully · 21/10/2020 18:30

I'd probably approach it from an online safety pov.
Would you feel happy if she showed her friends the photo on her phone rather than sending them? If so, it might be a happy compromise. Esp as at the moment covid is limiting how many people she could show.

Its lovely she is so proud and engaged with your child, and if approached gently, and both of you are reasonable, it doesn't need to end in drama.

Skyla2005 · 21/10/2020 18:31

But she didn’t post on social media she sent to her sister and her friend ? You are being unreasonable

katy1213 · 21/10/2020 18:31

I wouldn't like it. It's one thing showing a photo that you have in your purse, but social media is different - and who the hell wants to see other people's grandchildren, anyway?

ivfbeenbusy · 21/10/2020 18:32

Definite over reaction there OP. The only thing I mind is social media posts - I have the tightest restrictions on my social media so that people can't share what I post with their own friends - I know everyone on my Facebook but I don't know who my PIL for instance are friends with. But then again your mums friend could post what she's sent to her on her phone to her social media which you'd have no control over. Bit if a minefield but honestly your mom will grow out of it as your DD gets older

anothersleeplessone · 21/10/2020 18:32

@katy1213 was it on social media? No, it wasn't!

YABU OP, totally!

supersky · 21/10/2020 18:34

I think you're being over the top. If you don't want to post pictures of her on social media then of course that's fine. I very rarely post pictures of my DC and all my social media accounts are private so I understand but she only sent a picture to a friend

Brefugee · 21/10/2020 18:36

Frankly?
They're pictures of your child so you can ask her to stop it. Or get your DH to do it.

But in reality, most people don't care about babies not in their own family. They make the right noises about how cute they are and as soon as they turn away they've forgotten.

Brefugee · 21/10/2020 18:37

(sorry, i read MIL as I'm so used to that. Your DH doesn't need to get involved if he doesn't want to)

HowFastIsTooFast · 21/10/2020 18:37

I understand how you feel OP. I don't have DC yet but my Mum has a history of showing pictures and giving out my personal information to literally all and sundry not just colleagues and friends, and I hate it.

Back when I got married she went behind my back and asked the photographer for a second digital copy of all the photos (she didn't get them) and has shown private pictures I've sent her from when I did a pole fitness class to people in her local pub.

When we do have DC we will be having a serious chat about boundaries and who she can and cannot share things with. She lives abroad so I won't have much choice than to send pictures but if I ever find out she's been showing them around outside close friends and family or putting them on her social media then she won't get any more.

Probably sounds harsh but due to the history it's a sore point for me.

lunar1 · 21/10/2020 18:39

I feel sorry for your mum. I can't imagine in the future having to tell my friends I'm not allowed to share a picture of my grandchildren with them.

anothersleeplessone · 21/10/2020 18:41

When we do have DC we will be having a serious chat about boundaries and who she can and cannot share things with. She lives abroad so I won't have much choice than to send pictures but if I ever find out she's been showing them around outside close friends and family or putting them on her social media then she won't get any more.

So the OPs mum hasn't broken your rules, or do you decide who she has as close friends?

MushMonster · 21/10/2020 18:43

Why do you care about this? Your MIL is just excited about her grandchild. Everyone I know shares baby pics, which you forget 10 min after seeing them!
At least you are worried someone in particular may see the pics?

Doodar · 21/10/2020 18:47

YABVVU and mean

CanICelebrate · 21/10/2020 18:48

YABU

HowFastIsTooFast · 21/10/2020 18:49

@anothersleeplessone Sorry, I probably didn't make my point clear enough. I just meant to demonstrate that I know how the OP feels, in contrast to others saying she's over-reacting.

In truth I don't want my Mum showing pictures or talking about my private life to ANYONE outside of immediate family, but I appreciate that's unreasonable and of course if she becomes a grandma she's going to want to tell colleagues and friends. Unfortunately she also considers the bloke who works behind the bar at their local and the old woman who gets on the same bus daily as 'friends' Hmm

AriettyHomily · 21/10/2020 18:49

YABU and exceptionally precious. Plastered over SM you may have a point. Sending pics to her friends, get a grip.

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