Mum sending pictures of my DD

[Mommabear20]

AIBU to ask my mum to stop sending pictures of my DD to her friends?
DD is 18 weeks old, I had some errands to run today so asked her to come watch her while I popped out. She was thrilled to! When I came back she said she'd been good as gold and she'd got some videos and pictures of her laughing that she'd sent to her sister (don't mind this as she's family and I send her pictures myself) and a friend of hers from work that I've never met. Didn't think much of it initially as was busy putting shopping away while also dealing with my over excited dogs. But now I'm thinking about it, it bugs me that she'd do that. We haven't posted a single picture of our DD, including her scan pictures, on social media as we don't know who is seeing them, which she knows!

Am I being unreasonable or is she out of line?

Bloody hell.. I cant even believe that this has even bothered you!!

Chances are those friends prob weren't interested in looking at your daughter but your mum is a proud grandma - Get a grip!

Do you think a 60 old women is going to forward a pic of your daughter (fully clothed) to a Peado??

Are your mum's mates dodgey? 😂

Well using my “ critical thinking skills” I’d like to know what could actually happen with the photo? Assuming the friend passes it on ( chances of that ????) to another unknown person what horrific thing will happen with the image? What “ dodgy” website could it end up on? When there are a gazillion images of babies available online ( many of them naked pictures ) what in Gods name is anybody going to want with an image of the OPs baby? No one other than the OP and her family and friends will care.

Shes a loving excited grandparent. Her friends will look admirably, comment and then delete it.

I would have an issue with anyone posting pictures of my children on social media because I dont do that - fortunately my family and friends have noticed i dont post so they haven't done so either

[quote anothersleeplessone]@dohdohdoh you need to develop some rational thinking!

The probability of it being an actual
Issue is what?[/quote]
@anothersleeplessone what is the probability?

The truth is that once a picture has been sent to someone else you don't know who else they may be sending it on to. Most people assume that it is all good natured but given that you don't actually know where it could end up, it's right to question it and whether it's really all that necessary.

@Divebar the point is you don't know - you can only assume it's all good natured.

I would rather grandparents be happy and excited of their grandchildren and not go down the 'I own my child' way

My sons grandparents knew we did not want photos on social media bit none of them use it so that was not an issue but if it happened it still means they would have been happy

We didn't care who they shared photos with of people they knew though

Do you all really automatically delete photos? I don’t get round to that unless I’m running out of storage. I imagine plenty of people are similar. And anyone can get hacked or the app itself could be hacked and personal info lost. Deep fakes are improving at a phenomenal rate, and identity theft using facial recognition is a real possibility.

I use social media a lot for work so I don’t post a lot of personal stuff. DP is the same and neither of us thought relatives would post pictures of our children without checking first - particularly photos we had sent them privately. If we’d have wanted them on fb we would have done that ourselves.

[quote HowFastIsTooFast]@anothersleeplessone Sorry, I probably didn't make my point clear enough. I just meant to demonstrate that I know how the OP feels, in contrast to others saying she's over-reacting.

In truth I don't want my Mum showing pictures or talking about my private life to ANYONE outside of immediate family, but I appreciate that's unreasonable and of course if she becomes a grandma she's going to want to tell colleagues and friends. Unfortunately she also considers the bloke who works behind the bar at their local and the old woman who gets on the same bus daily as 'friends' [/quote]
And if she shows them a photo, what on earth do you think they're going to do?

Other than say 'Ah, that's cute' or some such.

I feel sorry for your mum. I can't imagine in the future having to tell my friends I'm not allowed to share a picture of my grandchildren with them.
^^This.

@TerribleLizard

Do you all really automatically delete photos? I don’t get round to that unless I’m running out of storage. I imagine plenty of people are similar. And anyone can get hacked or the app itself could be hacked and personal info lost. Deep fakes are improving at a phenomenal rate, and identity theft using facial recognition is a real possibility.

I use social media a lot for work so I don’t post a lot of personal stuff. DP is the same and neither of us thought relatives would post pictures of our children without checking first - particularly photos we had sent them privately. If we’d have wanted them on fb we would have done that ourselves.

But the grandma didn't put it on SM!!

Nor (as far as we know) did the friend!

Perhaps the OP doesn't think anything is going to 'happen' to the picture(s), but just doesn't like the idea of personal family photos being shared with someone who is a complete stranger to her? Surely that's a valid feeling to have?

(I don't like my Mum sharing pictures of and information about me with people I don't know, never mind the children I hope to have. She has a history of doing so which has ended in awkward or upsetting situations more than once).

@Nanny0gg yes, no one shared the photo online, but OP just felt a bit off about photos being shared without being able to give the ok. PP have said ‘well what is going to happen to the photo anyway?’ And I have shared a couple of examples of people unexpectedly sharing photos sent to them privately. Yes, very unlikely that you would post a picture of your colleague’s grandchildren. However, I think OP just felt a bit worried about the general principle of it. Most people I know would always ask explicitly before sending a photo. I doubt OP would have a problem with her mum showing photos in person - it’s sending them that the issue.

Agree with the poster who said you're completely fine when you want her to baby sit.. It is a little bit precious. Your mum is proud of her granddaughter. Nobody who doesn't know you is going to be interested in a pictures of a random baby.. And I mean random to them.
I would stop letting it bug you and just let your mum be proud of her grandchild.

@Mommabear20

Okay, so most of you think I'm being precious, but, (&I say this seriously) can someone explain the difference you see in social media posts where you have no control over who sees, saves or shares it and it being sent to strangers (to me and DH) where there is no control over who sees, saves or shares it?

It's one person who your mum trusts enough to send it to, it is very different to posting on social media where anyone can see it

I’m totally against putting pictures of children on social media. This however is totally fine. She’s shared the picture with a friend directly, I really can’t see the issue.

To tell your mother she’s not allowed to show her friends pictures of her grandchild is pretty extreme.

I think that would bug me. Your not being precious. If I were to get a photo of someone else's kid I just delete it but some people never do, then it gets into your stored pictures, then the cloud etc. I think there is something about coming back home and finding she's done it, to some randoms you don't know and you wanted it to stay off social media for that reason, but photos you haven't even shown your close friends for example, some or most of your mum's mates have seen.

You have the right to be oissed. It's not like showing a photo on previous times as then the photo was as a one off object, still on the hands of the owner.
Anything shared via digital media now has the potential to be shared to millions.

I imagine this is hard for some people to grasp and a conversation re sharing images is needed.

@Divebar

Well using my “ critical thinking skills” I’d like to know what could actually happen with the photo? Assuming the friend passes it on ( chances of that ????) to another unknown person what horrific thing will happen with the image? What “ dodgy” website could it end up on? When there are a gazillion images of babies available online ( many of them naked pictures ) what in Gods name is anybody going to want with an image of the OPs baby? No one other than the OP and her family and friends will care.

Let's face it k doubt anyone being sent it is even going to open it full size.

Just "awww cute" and back to talking about anything other than a friends child relative

Some of this thread is barking mad, it must be so stressful going through life so obsessed with shielding your child from human eyes? There’s safeguarding and then there’s putting anxieties about modern life onto a child.

A photo of a baby is basically a potato wrapped up in a tea towel (to the vast majority of the world!). Other than the parents, few people can tell them apart (or want to). The photo exists to go “aww cute”, make the sender happy and make the receiver feel glad to a part of the joy.

Unless the photos are inappropriate, there is very little that can go wrong because basically nobody else is interested in them.

This kind of reminds me of those memes of people strutting down the street yelling “please, no paparazzi!” while nobody pays them any attention. Be glad of people who take interest, there won’t be a huge lot of them because very few people will care as much about a baby as you.