Mum sending pictures of my DD

[Mommabear20]

AIBU to ask my mum to stop sending pictures of my DD to her friends?
DD is 18 weeks old, I had some errands to run today so asked her to come watch her while I popped out. She was thrilled to! When I came back she said she'd been good as gold and she'd got some videos and pictures of her laughing that she'd sent to her sister (don't mind this as she's family and I send her pictures myself) and a friend of hers from work that I've never met. Didn't think much of it initially as was busy putting shopping away while also dealing with my over excited dogs. But now I'm thinking about it, it bugs me that she'd do that. We haven't posted a single picture of our DD, including her scan pictures, on social media as we don't know who is seeing them, which she knows!

Am I being unreasonable or is she out of line?

@dohdohdoh I would argue you're being totally ridiculous!

You need to calm the fuck down about a lifting grandmother sharing the odd photo of her DGC.

Luckily the vast majority agree it's ridiculous @dohdohdoh, says it all really.

OP this is definitely an okay thing for your mum to do. It’s made you feel uncomfortable though so speak to your mum. It’s normal to feel so protective over your baby, especially if this is your first however people are going to take pictures of your little one as they grow up, friends, nursery etc. Listen to these other mums, they are right about this issue

Loving not lifting! 🙄

I see a lot of people blur out their car reg plates, but i'm always confused why. Obviously I understand blanking out your address, house number etc, but why the car reg when I could drive into a car park and see it anyways?

@MiddleClassMother

I see a lot of people blur out their car reg plates, but i'm always confused why. Obviously I understand blanking out your address, house number etc, but why the car reg when I could drive into a car park and see it anyways?

Cloning.

Obviously you can see them anywhere, but just prevents easy cloning I guess.

You won't know by seeing a car in a car park the exact engine etc without googling if that makes sense?

Are you a Kardashian? Was your baby naked?
If not, you're massively over-reacting!

May I ask OP what you think your mum's friends are going to do with a photograph of your baby!

In all kindness OP I think you will look back on this post and laugh at yourself.

You have PFB syndrome, we've all been there.

Be happy that your mum is proud of her little grandchild.

A paper copy to show people is different as it stays with the person that’s showing it. A picture sent to another person is different, it’s out there and there’s not a lot you can do.

Yes like most have said, the friend will probably delete it. I have been where you are. I said to my Mum that if you wish to send pictures of DD to anyone I’m happy with that but please run it past me first so I know where a picture of my child is going to. I don’t think that’s so precious, maybe a little over-protective but I’m ok with that. Your child, your choice. But it’s great your Mum is so proud.

Definitely PFB, no one will really care about the picture of your baby, i promise. Chances are they'll look ,then delete or forget about it, they are highly unlikely to show anybody else!

What do you fear will happen if the pics are on social media?

Yanbu.

Unless your a sleb then this is the biggest non issue I have ever read, ever.

OP what do you think is actually going to happen to the photos though?

Your DC is 18 weeks old, I imagine they look pretty much like every other 18 week old baby ever born. I expect the photos were just of DC laying in the cot or snuggled up asleep.

Am I being daft? What do you think your MIL work friend is going to do other than look at it in the message, say ahhh how cute, then close the photo and never look At it again?

I’m honesty confused as to what you think will happen with them. I’m guessing you are thinking about them falling into the wrong hands and being used for terrible things. That’s not an unreasonable thought but it’s super unlikely isnt it? From your MIL sharing one or two pics with a work mate? Highly unlikely.

I think the majority of people have sent family baby pics to friends and work colleagues as it’s something to be proud of and show off - However it’s your baby and you get to decide the rules so just say in future if you’d prefer she doesn’t share photos outside of the family group.

Unless you never take your DD to public places, she will already have been captured on dozens of CCTV cameras. Anyone viewing it could have made stills of your DD- and the footage is very clear, these days. A loving grandma sending a photo to a friend is the least of your worries. Get a grip.

Also you DO have control over your social media - it’s called privacy settings.

In all likelihood a friend of your mum’s will just say ‘awww’ and do nothing else with the photo. My friend sent a video of his nephew the other day, and I said how cute he is. I’m friends with both brothers, so maybe that makes a difference, but if a friend shows you a baby you have no real connection with, you don’t have any reason to share it further.

However, with other relatives I think it’s harder. My partner sent a first day of school photo to MIL and she posted it on fb without asking. Uniform logo completely visible etc. A friend of mine sent a picture of her child to a family member she rarely sees, who was making a framed family collage for another relative, and they did a big happy birthday post on fb on the kid’s next birthday with the photo, which is something she wouldn’t do herself as the kid is too young to be on social media.

I think with such a young baby there’s no harm done because they won’t really be recognisable in the future, so you can probably bring up the subject without making your mum feel like she’s done something wrong, and just talk about your concerns. I don’t think you’re overreacting to just say you felt a bit conflicted about it. I wouldn’t have thought that photos sent to MIL needed to come with a disclaimer about use without permission either

@Mommabear20

Okay, so most of you think I'm being precious, but, (&I say this seriously) can someone explain the difference you see in social media posts where you have no control over who sees, saves or shares it and it being sent to strangers (to me and DH) where there is no control over who sees, saves or shares it?

The difference is that on social media, someone could download it and make it into a meme, doctor it, put it on a dodgy website etc. But in reality, that's unlikely to actually happen, so I do put photos of my dd on fb. If it's sent to a friend's phone, the chances of the friend uploading it to social media is very, very slim.

@anothersleeplessone it's possible to be a loving grandmother and not send pictures on to people your daughter doesn't know.

Just because a load of people on mumsnet agree on something doesn't mean it's right.

You need to develop some critical thinking and the ability to have an argument, saying "you're ridiculous" adds nothing, why is it ridiculous to question where images of your children are being sent?

@anothersleeplessone I was explaining why social media is different to sending to a friend. I have some sympathy re unhappiness with social media posting but feel op is being precious as this is not the same.

@dohdohdoh you need to develop some rational thinking!

The probability of it being an actual
Issue is what?

Thank you @esmethurst
I never actually though of that before

Don't you trust your mother to be able to pick sensible friends?

You don't know your mum's friend, what if she passes it on to someone?

Like who? And why? It was probably deleted the moment the obligatory compliment had been sent.

Your mum is proud of her granddaughter and wants to show her off , she will have little opportunity In person with all the covid restrictions so what harm is she doing by showing her friends some photos and videos , she isn’t posting them on social media, is she ?