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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not up to children what a new baby is or isn't called?

227 replies

PiccoloPies · 21/10/2020 16:45

If you were choosing the name of your baby and your existing children hated it, would you change it?

My husband's children don't like the name we've chosen and regularly tell us such and have complained that we should choose something else.

We aren't changing it but AIBU to think most people don't put it down to a family vote when deciding names?

OP posts:
sapnupuas · 21/10/2020 16:46

No.

cologne4711 · 21/10/2020 16:48

No I don't think it should be a family vote.

Mind you, given that siblings have a major impact on the lives of the older children, maybe parents should put the whole question of having another child to a family vote Grin

LavaCake · 21/10/2020 16:50

I don’t think it should be a family vote but if the siblings really hated the name (and weren’t just being stroppy about a new baby generally) I might reconsider for the sake of getting them off to a good start with their new sibling.

Original poster
PiccoloPies · 21/10/2020 16:51

@cologne4711

No I don't think it should be a family vote.

Mind you, given that siblings have a major impact on the lives of the older children, maybe parents should put the whole question of having another child to a family vote Grin

They aren't bothered about a new baby, they are very excited.

Just the name! 😂

OP posts:
dentydown · 21/10/2020 16:52

They can put forward suggestions and objections but the parents get the deciding vote.

CovidClara · 21/10/2020 16:52

Is the baby here yet?

Lots of people change their mind when they see the baby

TeenPlusTwenties · 21/10/2020 16:53

Does the name 'fit' with their names?

AdoptAdaptImprove · 21/10/2020 16:53

Might they have a better handle on playground politics than you? Have they told you what exactly they dislike about the name? Is it old fashioned? Does it have an unpleasant connotation for children? They might be doing you, and your future child, a favour!

arethereanyleftatall · 21/10/2020 16:53

I would involve my children in naming a new baby.
But it does depend on their ages. Age 2. Macha pacha. Not considered. Age 11. Yup, take their feelings in to consideration.

canigooutyet · 21/10/2020 16:53

Mine gave some suggestions, none were used. Had they been demanding they'd be told simply they can name their toys/pets/own children what they want.

How about suggesting they change their own name to their preferred choice?

Topseyt · 21/10/2020 16:54

No to the family vote. I would pay them no attention at all.

davekim · 21/10/2020 16:55

I would consider their thoughts to be honest. How old are they? How many children?

It's ultimately your decision but for the sake of harmony, I would have tried to reach a compromise.

We talked about the names of our babies with their older sibling. DD picked DS 2's name, as we liked her suggestion and so did DS 1

Milkshake7489 · 21/10/2020 16:58

If they were full siblings I would probably just tell them they can choose when they have their own.

For half siblings I'd be more inclined to involve them in decision making in the hope that it helps with any natural worries they might have.

ApolloandDaphne · 21/10/2020 16:58

I would take into consideration their views. My DD1 didn't like the name we liked for DD2 so we discussed other names and chose one we all agreed on. It made her feel very much part of the process and helped her to bond with her sister. She was aged 5 at the time.

Milkshake7489 · 21/10/2020 17:01

Just to add, it's lovely that they are excited about the new baby but that doesn't mean that they won't have some worries too.

Sunnydaysstillhere · 21/10/2020 17:01

We put names into a box. Sat and discussed /laughed at some of the suggestions.. Ds wanted Bob after his friend's ddog!! We chose the name we wanted.. It never gets used anyway!! Ds has had the same nn for over 6 years !!

satnighttakeaway · 21/10/2020 17:02

I don't think it's something there are rules on, entirely up to each family how they do it as it literally affects no-one else outside the family

Fairyliz · 21/10/2020 17:03

How old are they? Tbh if they were 5+ I would let them have some input by asking their opinion on 2/3 names. They are you stepchildren so it might help with the integration of two families.
However hard you try they will feel like their noses are being pushed out of joint now daddy has a new family.

ShellsAndSunrises · 21/10/2020 17:04

Did you post this a few weeks ago too? If not, there’s a very similar thread from around then which got hundreds of replies.

I wouldn’t let them name the new baby but I’d take their feelings into consideration if I told them the name ahead of time.

ViciousJackdaw · 21/10/2020 17:04

@cologne4711

No I don't think it should be a family vote.

Mind you, given that siblings have a major impact on the lives of the older children, maybe parents should put the whole question of having another child to a family vote Grin

I can just see it now: 'Children, Debbie has got pregnant by accident, would you like her to keep it or should she have an abortion?'.
LaPoesieEstDansLaRue · 21/10/2020 17:05

Of course they shouldn't have the final say but from what I can remember I was allowed to choose my younger sister's middle name (or at least had input into it) which I guess is a compromise.

formerbabe · 21/10/2020 17:05

No it's not up to them. Parents choose. They'll get their chance when they have their own kids years down the line.

movingonup20 · 21/10/2020 17:05

Usually no kids don't get to choose but where it's part of the a blended family situation, involving at least partly is wise.

MJMG2015 · 21/10/2020 17:06

No.

However, how old are they & why don't they like it?

Leaannb · 21/10/2020 17:07

My second oldest thought he had a say in what I named my youngest. He was an adult at the time. I told him that since he wasn't there at conception then it wasn't none of his damn business and to mind his own