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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not up to children what a new baby is or isn't called?

227 replies

PiccoloPies · 21/10/2020 16:45

If you were choosing the name of your baby and your existing children hated it, would you change it?

My husband's children don't like the name we've chosen and regularly tell us such and have complained that we should choose something else.

We aren't changing it but AIBU to think most people don't put it down to a family vote when deciding names?

OP posts:
Original poster
PiccoloPies · 21/10/2020 17:47

Oh and no the name is not weird, it's a perfectly normal name. And no, isn't close to their own as PP asked.

I'm not really sure what PP meant by siblings have to 'live with the name' as well. The name of my siblings has no bearing on my life personally 😂

OP posts:
hedgehogger1 · 21/10/2020 17:47

We came up for a shortlist (very short) of ones we'd be happy with our second, and let the first pick

WhatNameToChooseNow · 21/10/2020 17:48

Have you asked them why? Hmm...

Original poster
PiccoloPies · 21/10/2020 17:49

@WhatNameToChooseNow

Have you asked them why? Hmm...
Yes I've already said.
OP posts:
Isthisenough237 · 21/10/2020 17:50

I hated the name my parents picked for my little brother - I was 15 at the time and thought it awful! To be fair it’s still not a name I would ever pick or like, but it suits him but I do have a rule on names- unless you push the person out your vagina you don’t get a say Grin

iklboo · 21/10/2020 17:51

DH's brothers chose his name. Well, suggested it and MIL happened to like it as well. Better than the name she & FIL had originally chosen.

BlueThistles · 21/10/2020 17:51

You allowed the children an opinion by asking for an opinion, that was your mistake. Flowers

jessstan1 · 21/10/2020 17:51

@IDontLikeZombies

DC1's suggestion for DC2 was Jesus Tortoise.
Aw bless!!! That is soooo sweet.

Hope you didn't choose it though.

Original poster
PiccoloPies · 21/10/2020 17:53

@BlueThistles

You allowed the children an opinion by asking for an opinion, that was your mistake. Flowers
I'm not bothered that they have an opinion, they are perfectly entitled to one. That wasn't what my post was asking.
OP posts:
BlueThistles · 21/10/2020 17:55

I'm not bothered that they have an opinion, they are perfectly entitled to one.

Why are they entitled to one ? you didn't like the response so why ask them ?

CloudyVanilla · 21/10/2020 17:56

Actually I am coming at this as a parent of very young children. I think you've done the right thing taking into consideration any bad associations the children have (within reason) and that's probably as much sway they would have over me.

Jigglypuffler · 21/10/2020 17:56

My sister hated the name my parents picked for me, and she ended up picking me new name! So it does happen.

TheDuchessofMalfy · 21/10/2020 17:56

Suggestions is fine I guess.

I think no one but the parents gets a vote and no one gets told the name until the baby is born and it’s decided.

Original poster
PiccoloPies · 21/10/2020 17:56

@BlueThistles

I'm not bothered that they have an opinion, they are perfectly entitled to one.

Why are they entitled to one ? you didn't like the response so why ask them ?

They are entitled to an opinion on whether they like something or not the same way anyone is, is what I meant.

And I didn't say anything about not liking their response.

My AIBU was do other people put names to a vote or not. My situation got me wondering but it wasn't the purpose of the post.

OP posts:
nosswith · 21/10/2020 17:56

I can understand if it reminds them of someone who has been cruel (or worse) to them, but ultimately it should not be their decision.

All I ask whenever names are discussed is that the traditional spelling is used. Out of kindness to a child, so they don't spend their whole life having to correct others of the spelling.

Pinkcadillac · 21/10/2020 17:56

This:

Usually no kids don't get to choose but where it's part of the a blended family situation, involving at least partly is wise

TheDuchessofMalfy · 21/10/2020 17:58

Apparently my parents did discard a perfectly good name for my db because I disliked it! I have no idea why because it’s a nice name and is a translation of my Dads name.

I ended up wanting to call ds a different translation of this name but exh disliked it

MsKeats · 21/10/2020 17:59

This is why I would advise anyone not to tell anyone any names and just announce it.

Mum and Dad both involved -both choose.
Mum alone -Mum chooses.

easy

Frankola · 21/10/2020 17:59

No.
Suggestions welcome but they don't get to decide.

I bet you'll get loads of comments though saying "first families should always come first so the children should decide" Angry

CloudyVanilla · 21/10/2020 17:59

@Isthisenough237

I hated the name my parents picked for my little brother - I was 15 at the time and thought it awful! To be fair it’s still not a name I would ever pick or like, but it suits him but I do have a rule on names- unless you push the person out your vagina you don’t get a say Grin
That is a good philosophy!

I have a relative whose response to every name I suggested was this: " [name suggestion] ?? Reeeeally?"

I reckon I could have said any name in the western world and they would have had that response, some people are just dicks.

rainkeepsfallingdown · 21/10/2020 18:00

@PiccoloPies

So hate may have been a strong word. They just don't like it.

There was another name actually we did like but it turned out to be the name of a boy in one of their classes who hadn't been very nice so we crossed that off.

We have listened to them and they say they don't know why they don't like it, they just don't.

We did have some suggestions at first but nothing either me or DH liked and yes, it's more important to us that we like the name 🤷

We haven't just said 'tough shit' or anything 😂 but equally we don't think it's reason enough for us not to use a name we love.

Most of us wouldn't choose the same name as someone who had hurt us, for example, someone who had bullied us at school, but you've already let your DC veto names of people who they associate with bad memories. So, I think you've already been quite accommodating.

If there's no real reason (they don't associate the name with someone horrible and it's not a 'special' name like Jesus Tortoise), it's all up to you.

Pollynextdoor · 21/10/2020 18:03

I know a family where the children chose the names of a new baby. They hall have very cute names from fairytales and children’s books.

CloudyVanilla · 21/10/2020 18:03

I fundamentally disagree step children should have a say in a half siblings name because they are a blended family.

There are myriad ways to involve blended children in a new baby. Let them help pick a cot, new bedding, a special gift, a card. Let them see even pictures, have them guess the gender, ask them what they think baby will be like, etc.

Absolutely no need to involve them in such an important issue as a name.

BlueThistles · 21/10/2020 18:05

My AIBU was do other people put names to a vote or not. My situation got me wondering but it wasn't the purpose of the post.

aahh okay.. in that case then, no absolutely not. Flowers

PatriciaPerch · 21/10/2020 18:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.