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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP refuses to acknowledge he was partly/mostly to blame for a very minor injury I gave myself during playfighting

257 replies

LeonaTt · 21/10/2020 11:50

Saying he didn’t push my body part X against hard surface Y (I did it because I’m clumsy..)

But it happened as I was leaping off the sofa to get away from his play fighting (at which point he was following me and was still all over me). It’s clear he played a huge part in my very minor injury but he’s being defensive and saying it was me who actually injured myself. I said I know he didn’t do it with the intention to cause harm but his actions led to the consequence - he’s much bigger than I am so not easy to wriggle away.

He seems very defensive and not apologetic at all. Almost as if it makes him appear like a woman beater or something (which was definitely not what I was implying)

OP posts:

Sirzy · 21/10/2020 12:03

“Don’t come crying to me when someone gets hurt” is the standard answer used by parents when children are play fighting and it seems to fit here to.

throwaway100000 · 21/10/2020 12:03

@Oilyoilyoilgob sorry I didn’t see your other post before I replied!

SBTLove · 21/10/2020 12:03

huge part in a very minor injury
Are you both always OTT drama queens?
Pair of you need to grow up.

VettiyaIruken · 21/10/2020 12:03

Oh, X post.

Ignore everything I said

That's absolutely unacceptable. Bullying I would say rather than "play fighting"

PeterPomegranate · 21/10/2020 12:04

I’m not sure I’d call it ‘play fighting’ if you didn’t want to do it and were trying to get away.

Oilyoilyoilgob · 21/10/2020 12:04

That would’ve been good to put in your first post!

If he started it and you wanted no part then yes, I’d class that at him being at fault.

Does he often do this to you? I’ve never got the concept of play fighting, because I know I could get hurt!
Hope you can have a talk with him and let him know to never do it again, and that he listens to you.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 21/10/2020 12:05

I think the bigger concern here is why it wouldn’t have been enough to say “stop it, I don’t like this”, instead having to physically get away.

Gemma2019 · 21/10/2020 12:05

There's no such thing as one sided playfighting! Either you are consenting to it or he is attacking you against your will.

northstars · 21/10/2020 12:05

Oh OP, it’s much more worrying if he’s doing this when he knows you don’t want to. Sounds like this is something more serious that needs to be addressed. Wishing you all the best

Redcups64 · 21/10/2020 12:06

Sounds like you all need to grow up, you obviously do play fight with him, otherwise it would never have happened in the first place

gobbynorthernbird · 21/10/2020 12:06

Calling it play fighting kinda implies that you were a willing participant. Rather than him being a bullying, abusive, twat.

Oilyoilyoilgob · 21/10/2020 12:06

@throwaway100000 not to worry, it was my fault to start! 😊
I was surprised reading the word abuse over play fighting but can now see it wasn’t with the Consent over both people. Maybe that poster was right after all 😕

Givemeabreak88 · 21/10/2020 12:07

As I tell my 6 and 8 year old “don’t play fight as someone always gets hurt” usually the younger / weaker one. Same advice to you

IMNOTSHOUTING · 21/10/2020 12:07

@LeonaTt

Just to make it clear: it was one sided play fighting. I didn’t want to and was trying to get away from it since the minute it started. I can’t stand that kind of stuff. My self defence and trying to get away caused the injury so I feel it wasn’t my fault. It’s obvious the injury wouldn’t have happened without the stupid playfighting he initiated

In that case I change my vote to YADNBU, especially if you don't generally like that kind of play fighting he was being an absolute arse and should have apologised. He should also stop trying to instigate stupid play fighting. It sounds like a weird and stupid game to play with someone who can't stand it. Why the hell does he do it? Is he trying to piss you off or is he just oblivious?

Original poster

LeonaTt · 21/10/2020 12:07

I find it absurd that people automatically assume I was equally happy to play fight. I find it’s mostly one who wants to and the other is the defensive trying to run away one. It’s really the last thing I’d want to be doing but as that’s the natural dynamic people often assume ‘no get off me’ etc is all just part of the game

OP posts:

Justforphoto · 21/10/2020 12:07

@LeonaTt

That isn't play fighting that is abusive behaviour. He is gaslighting you and you need to get out of this relationship

yelyah22 · 21/10/2020 12:07

We used to play fight, in that we'd wrestle for the TV remote or he'd go for a hug and I'd pretend it was illegal and then a playfight would ensue where he was trying to hug me and I was trying to pin his arms (very silly, but funny) - and then one time I got hurt (fell off the bed backwards and whacked my head ha!) and my poor OH was mortified when I burst into surprise tears like a little kid hahaha, even though it wasn't really his fault, I was just in the wrong place on the bed. We don't do it any more because I am clumsy as hell and he's much stronger than me and that's probably a bad combo.

Don't do it - it's not worth the potential bruises (trust me ). And to be honest, if you know you're going to possibly get hurt, then you can't really complain about it!

Juniperandrage · 21/10/2020 12:08

so, he's an abusive dick who doesn't respect your boundaries

yelyah22 · 21/10/2020 12:09

Oh, okay - cross posted, yeah that's not okay. Like anything else, it's only fun if you're both up for it. That's him being stupid and thoughtless at best, and just cruel at worst.

DeliciouslyFemale · 21/10/2020 12:09

@LeonaTt

That’s not play fighting. That’s abuse, disguised as play fighting, OP. Anyone who starts ‘play fighting’ with an unwilling person, knowing they will always have the upper hand, because of their strength, is a bully and abuser.

Think carefully, has anything happened in the last few days, that annoyed him and he thinks you’re at fault because of it? Does he ‘play fight’ you after there has been some sort of disagreement, no matter how insignificant, you think it is. Did you go out, when he didn’t want you to, meet someone he doesn’t like, not put him first, when he thinks you should? I think you know this isn’t right.

HellonHeels · 21/10/2020 12:09

One-sided play fighting isn't play fighting - it's physical abuse. So what actaully happened was that you were injured in the course of escaping a physical assault by your partner?

Your partner is abusive.

CodenameVillanelle · 21/10/2020 12:09

It's not play fighting if one person isn't playing, it's just assault. Why does your partner think this is ok? Why do you?

OhCaptain · 21/10/2020 12:09

@LeonaTt it’s not ‘play fighting’ if you don’t want to engage with it. I’m not sure why you’re calling it that.

Now you’re defensive that people are assuming you were both involved. But that’s what you implied!

Obviously YANBU if he was doing anything that you didn’t consent to.

But your vagueness is confusing. What very minor injury? And did the neighbours call the police before?

MaskingForIt · 21/10/2020 12:10

It’s clear he played a huge part in my very minor injury

You sound like a drama queen. No wonder he is trying to ignore it.

seayork2020 · 21/10/2020 12:11

Op then leave him, other than a 'tell me i am right' what do you want from posters 'play fight' to me takes 2 people, that is what you called it

If it was only one it would not be a play flight.

You are the one putting up with it not us

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