DP refuses to acknowledge he was partly/mostly to blame for a very minor injury I gave myself during playfighting

[LeonaTt]

Saying he didn’t push my body part X against hard surface Y (I did it because I’m clumsy..)

But it happened as I was leaping off the sofa to get away from his play fighting (at which point he was following me and was still all over me). It’s clear he played a huge part in my very minor injury but he’s being defensive and saying it was me who actually injured myself. I said I know he didn’t do it with the intention to cause harm but his actions led to the consequence - he’s much bigger than I am so not easy to wriggle away.

He seems very defensive and not apologetic at all. Almost as if it makes him appear like a woman beater or something (which was definitely not what I was implying)

@Thurmanmurman

Grow up

What posessed you to write such a nasty post?

What posessed you to write such a nasty post?

A lack of empathy, probably.

@LeonaTt

I find it absurd that people automatically assume I was equally happy to play fight. I find it’s mostly one who wants to and the other is the defensive trying to run away one. It’s really the last thing I’d want to be doing but as that’s the natural dynamic people often assume ‘no get off me’ etc is all just part of the game

Maybe people are making that assumptton because play fighting implies that it is something that both parties consent to?

In my opinion if one person doesn't want it then surely it is borderline abuse if the person refuses to stop.

He needs to grow up and you need to be very firm.

Every time he starts just tell him you don't like it and loudly keep saying no.

Well obviously its not play fighting if you didn't want to, If you made it clear you didn't want to and then he carried on obviously its abuse.

Don't wait until he starts doing it, if you think that he takes your protests as part of a game. Tell him never to do it again, now, when he has not started "playing".

Sounds like a red flag to me, though.

Non of you play fight with your spouse?

Nope.

OP one sided playfighting from your DP can be a sign of domestic violence to come...it actually is domestic violence given that you didn't consent, were trying to get away and he knew that. He used his physical strength against you.

He may be being defensive so that it's hard for you to consider that it is DV, especially if it escalates further.

Doesn’t sound like “play flighting” at all. It sounds like domestic violence.

I agree this isn’t play fighting - OP he caused you to hurt yourself and won’t acknowledge that - RED FLAG SITUATION (sorry to shout and hope your head is ok now).

It sounds as though he doesn't live with you, OP?
That's good - because it means you don't have to allow him back into your place to do more of the same unpleasant stuff, doesn't it?

The fact that he's so stubbornly determined not to apologise tells you a lot, wouldn't you say?

Surely you don't need to carry on this relationship, which doesn't sound at all healthy?

DON'T PUT UP WITH HIS CRAP ANY MORE !

His actions are causing you pain , leave him and work on learning about healthy relationships.

His behaviour is not right.

OP people are "jumping to conclusions" that you consented to the play fight because you have described this as play fighting when it really isn't. "Play fighting" implies mutual consent, tickling/wrestling on the sofa while giggling, sort of behaviour to me.

Your DP sounds at best immature and probably abusive.

@BruceAndNosh

If it's really a minor injury, I would ignore whose "fault" it was but insist on no more play fighting as it's only a matter of time before someone gets really hurt.

I love this, it's a real Mum response...and true!

I find it absurd that people automatically assume I was equally happy to play fight.

And I find it absurd that anyone would describe it as play fighting when it’s actually assault.

Your DP sounds like a complete arse. Take a good look at your relationship then kick him to the kerb (literally).

Is this something he has done before? It is absolutely not play fighting, when the bigger stronger person, is imposing their strength on someone smaller and weaker. It sounds like thinly disguised assault to me.

Even if he wanted to annoy you so that you couldn’t relax that’s pretty bad in itself. He doesn’t have to be intending to cause you injury for it to be assault and / or abuse.

Sounds like you both need to grow up if you can't accept the consequences of your actions!

@keeprocking Did you miss the update where the OP said it was one-sided?

What is the name of God is play fighting, between grown adults?
Jumping off sofas, fingers up noses... Fucking hell 🙄

@LeonaTt

I used the word play fighting just to make it clear he didn’t do it out of anger or to physically hurt me (more just to annoy me) - I think what he was trying to do is something stupid like put his finger up my nostril or something (which I definitely didn’t want - who would..?!) so was trying to push his hands away from my face and leapt off the sofa to try and get away from him

I would go batshit if my DH ever did something like this to me.

It’s the kind of thing some small kids do and they get in trouble when they do it. They grow out of it around age 5.

Your DP is a dick who has a lot of growing up to do. I would tell him no more playfighting ever ever or you walk.

There's another word for one-sided play fighting. It is called assault.

What is the name of God is play fighting, between grown adults?
Jumping off sofas, fingers up noses... Fucking hell 🙄

Julia, some of us are childish!

This is abuse, OP.

You are minimising it by calling it play fighting. He is blaming you and gaslighting you, making it all your fault. I’m sorry