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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be purposefully late?

269 replies

Crunchycadbury · 19/10/2020 08:19

I work weekend evenings and by the time I travel home, shower, eat and go to bed it's gone past midnight. I also have bouts of insomnia where I'm unable to sleep until gone 2-3am meaning sometimes I only have 5 or less hours sleep.

My child is in nursery two days per week, Monday and Tuesday. He starts at 9 and finishes at 4.30. In order to get him there on time I have to get up at 7am to get myself and the two kids ready. Breakfast. 30 minute walk both ways.

Given that nursery isn't compulsory I'm starting to resent the rushing and lack of sleep which is causing me to feel burnt out.

It doesn't help that they are 'fussy' and don't like lateness as they want the children to participate in circle time.

AIBU to put my foot down and say he's starting later and that's that?

OP posts:
Redwinestillfine · 19/10/2020 18:31

Absolutely send him on when it suits. Plenty of time for scheduled when it's time for school. A well rested less stressed parent is much more important.

Terrace58 · 19/10/2020 18:36

Our nursery was very flexible on drop off and pickup time, except for 9-11. It’s the core block of programming and kids entering and leaving is very disruptive so was to be done only rarely.

emilyfrost · 19/10/2020 19:03

@Redwinestillfine

Absolutely send him on when it suits. Plenty of time for scheduled when it's time for school. A well rested less stressed parent is much more important.
Incorrect. They are a business. OP can’t just send him whenever she wants; if they don’t agree to a different time she either sticks with the old one or finds alternative childcare.
Elizaaa · 19/10/2020 19:07

Thank you for the replies. The nursery isn't attatched to a school no, it's private. To give an example of what I mean by fussy: we were running late on one occasion and they called to see where he was. I appreciate what people are saying about not causing disruption to the rest of the children, I'm just so drained. I have another, smaller, child here to look after too and I'm no use to anybody when I'm running on empty and grouchy from lack of sleep. When DS isn't at nursery the children will sleep in until around 8.30 - 9.00am. It's not ideal and not sustainable forever esp when they start school, but it works for me at the moment with work

Do what you need to do. People seem to forget that nurseries are a service that you pay for. They work for you.

Doyouknowwhat · 19/10/2020 19:12

Ive not rtft, but hope I can shed some light on this.
One reason to phone is safeguarding. It's not compulsory to attend, but if they are expecting you and you dont turn up, they have to call to check on your welfare. There have been a few dreadful cases where parents have become ill and passed away and the toddlers have been left alone for 24 hours or more. That is one reason to call.

Secondly,I think I saw you said he is 2 year funded. In that case, the nursery will be audited, at random, every few years. (Some councils do this every term. ) if a funded child has not attended for the day, or part of the day, some local authorities will reclaim the money from the nursery.
So if they plan for your dc to be there, get enough staff in, buy food, resources etc, and then he doesnt turn up, it will cost them money.

So I'd suggest speaking to them and agreeing on a different start time, or agree that you will call or e mail if you are going to be coming in late that day.

Laureline · 19/10/2020 19:15

I hope you find a solution - my 2 year old’s nursery drop-off time is from 8:00 to 9:30AM, they’re pretty relaxed.

Kjled · 19/10/2020 20:13

Just a thought at the moment you might find they can’t be flexible with hours due to covid. I work in a school so slightly different but all classes have different start times so not to mix bubbles. Maybe worth it to ask them if this is the reason.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 19/10/2020 21:17

@Elizaaa

Thank you for the replies. The nursery isn't attatched to a school no, it's private. To give an example of what I mean by fussy: we were running late on one occasion and they called to see where he was. I appreciate what people are saying about not causing disruption to the rest of the children, I'm just so drained. I have another, smaller, child here to look after too and I'm no use to anybody when I'm running on empty and grouchy from lack of sleep. When DS isn't at nursery the children will sleep in until around 8.30 - 9.00am. It's not ideal and not sustainable forever esp when they start school, but it works for me at the moment with work

Do what you need to do. People seem to forget that nurseries are a service that you pay for. They work for you.

Except OP isn’t paying is she? She’s claiming funding and with that funding comes certain criteria, attendance being one!
Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 19/10/2020 22:05

"Incorrect. They are a business. OP can’t just send him whenever she wants; if they don’t agree to a different time she either sticks with the old one or finds alternative childcare."

Well they are just a business, not a school, or anything that you are legally obliged to attend. And most businesses need customers. And most decent nurseries would be child/family centred in their approach to this, especially if a child wanted to sleep in later.

Really some people do find the idea that you might negotiate what you want and need with someone who will earn a living from it terribly confronting.

YouDidWHATNow · 19/10/2020 22:17

About the promethazine, you can buy it over the counter OP if you think it will help again.

nettytree · 19/10/2020 22:54

I worked til 2 on a 3 on 3off pattern. I still managed to get up to get the kids to school. If you only work weekends you only have 1 day like this.

Original poster
Crunchycadbury · 19/10/2020 23:39

@nettytree

I worked til 2 on a 3 on 3off pattern. I still managed to get up to get the kids to school. If you only work weekends you only have 1 day like this.
Did you have insomnia aswell or were you actually sleeping when you went to bed?
OP posts:
Clytemnestra2 · 20/10/2020 17:39

I never looked at nursery as having set hours in the same way as school. The nursery was open between 7.30 and 6.00 (or whenever) and I dropped my kids off and picked them up at my convenience. Isn’t that the norm for a private nursery?! It’s what every parent there did - sometimes a child might be dropped off later than normal, or only do a half day etc, and no one minded.

In my head it was a lot more like a gym where there are opening hours and you attend within those hours, rather than a school with a start and finish time

Jellycatspyjamas · 20/10/2020 17:46

You're setting yourself up for them thinking it's fine to go into school at whatever time suits them when they start and as pp said it's not fair on the staff and other children

In the name of fortune, he’s 2, he’s hardly going to be set for a lifetime of truanting because his mum took him to nursery at 9.30. Just how young do we need to start teaching our kids to comply.

OP, I’d negotiate a later start for him, if it makes life bearable I’d sacrifice the half hour childcare for the half hour is sleep/easier start in the morning.

Tabsvik79 · 20/10/2020 17:52

As someone who works in a nursery we prefer the children to be in by 9am because that’s when WE start doing focus activities with the children. But we do have children that come in after, sometimes around 10am. That’s not to say it isn’t disruptive tho because it is!
It’s just not nice for the child because they lose out on that activity.

Jellycatspyjamas · 20/10/2020 17:55

I think a 2 year old will do ok missing circle time.

Tabsvik79 · 20/10/2020 17:55

REALLY

Jellycatspyjamas · 20/10/2020 17:57

Yes, really.

Greeneyes78 · 20/10/2020 18:04

Op, some of these replies are batshit. I doubt you will get a two year old into the habit of being late because you’re bringing him to nursery a bit later.

I’d speak to them and explain.

Greeneyes78 · 20/10/2020 18:05

@Jellycatspyjamas I agree!

Tessabelle1 · 20/10/2020 18:15

So just to make your life easier, all the other kids should be disturbed from the routine and possibly get upset at a Mummy being there who isn't theirs? If you don't want to start at 9, find a nursery that has different drop off times

FelicisNox · 20/10/2020 18:30

As it's a private nursery I would look elsewhere: part of the point of using a private nursery is that they accommodate your requirements not the other way around.

I would also nip the phone calls in the bud, it's not appropriate. They are not your mother.

icelolly99 · 20/10/2020 18:34

Stop beating yourself up; your mornings sound unnecessarily stressful. Flowers I'd take him out of nursery if he doesn't need to be there for childcare reasons and get his name down for a playgroup near the school you'd like him to go to/near your house to start from 3years old. He'll be happy l staying at home with you and going to Toddler groups/soft play etc that suits your timetable.

firesong · 20/10/2020 18:34

When my dd was in nursery it was drop off when I liked as long as I paid for the full time!

My son is with a childminder and they don't like him late as they go out etc. However they don't mind sometimes if I call ahead / day before

AnnabelC · 20/10/2020 18:37

Have you thought about hypnotherapy for your insomnia. They can teach you self hypnosis to use to try and get to sleep. It works for me. It might work for you.

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