To be purposefully late?

[Crunchycadbury]

I work weekend evenings and by the time I travel home, shower, eat and go to bed it's gone past midnight. I also have bouts of insomnia where I'm unable to sleep until gone 2-3am meaning sometimes I only have 5 or less hours sleep.

My child is in nursery two days per week, Monday and Tuesday. He starts at 9 and finishes at 4.30. In order to get him there on time I have to get up at 7am to get myself and the two kids ready. Breakfast. 30 minute walk both ways.

Given that nursery isn't compulsory I'm starting to resent the rushing and lack of sleep which is causing me to feel burnt out.

It doesn't help that they are 'fussy' and don't like lateness as they want the children to participate in circle time.

AIBU to put my foot down and say he's starting later and that's that?

Of course it’s a safeguarding concern, because if you can’t even get your child to nursery on time then you aren’t coping, and you know you aren’t coping because you’re working late and unable to sleep properly.

But none of this would be an issue if, like many others here, the nursery weren't so strict on arriving at 9am.

Not everybody works 9.5.

There are no safeguarding concerns where I'm concerned. DS is well looked after and is unaffected by the fact I have insomnia. The only person suffering is me.

I'd advise finding a lovely childminder nearby - much more flexible and a nice home environment is lovely when they're very small too.

Ours is on my road - incredibly convenient, honestly. And he loves it! Have a look around and ask for local recommendations on your community fb page and try to make your life a bit easier - it seems very needlessly hard on you at the moment.

@Crunchycadbury

Of course it’s a safeguarding concern, because if you can’t even get your child to nursery on time then you aren’t coping, and you know you aren’t coping because you’re working late and unable to sleep properly.

But none of this would be an issue if, like many others here, the nursery weren't so strict on arriving at 9am.

Not everybody works 9.5.

There are no safeguarding concerns where I'm concerned. DS is well looked after and is unaffected by the fact I have insomnia. The only person suffering is me.

The Nursery don’t know all that until you talk to them.

no one is insinuating there are op
good luck

i also worked weekends and understand how knackering mondays are

Of course it’s a safeguarding concern, because if you can’t even get your child to nursery on time then you aren’t coping, and you know you aren’t coping because you’re working late and unable to sleep properly

She is coping, by having a later routine. Is that anyones business but hers?

Have a look around and ask for local recommendations on your community fb page

That's a good idea, why didn't I think of that when I was looking for a CM?!

I am surprised by a lot of these responses. My DC go to a private nursery and I can drop off and pick up whenever I want. If I've paid for a full day but want to drop them at 10am and pick them up at 2pm then thats my choice- the nursery say you have paid for the full day and they're your DC so you can do what you want. OP I think you need to look for a new nursery which isn't so uptight. They do activities at nursery but they're things like playing with the mud kitchen, so who cares if they turn up 10 minutes late.

"Of course it’s a safeguarding concern, because if you can’t even get your child to nursery on time then you aren’t coping, and you know you aren’t coping because you’re working late and unable to sleep properly."

What utter shite. Nursery is an absolutely optional thing and should be treated as such. The OPs children naturally sleep later. Missing circle time is not a safeguarding issue.

I'd actually be a bit worried by a nursery prioritising a timetable over a more child-centred approach. Are they a bit style over substance?

I do agree that just talking to them is best - from what you've said, it's completely understandable that you're knackered and a later drop off would suit you. Hopefully this is something they can accommodate. Hopefully also you (and others) can see that the nursery don't know the reason why you're late - for all they know, you could be knackered because you've been up all night snorting coke or you could be so depressed that you struggle to get out of bed and your kids have to fend for themselves for the first few hours of the day. I'd hope that a decent nursery would give a shit about those kind of things happening even if that means that they seem a bit inflexible to others.

Apologies if I'm not making much sense - I also have insomnia at the moment and a 14 month old who thinks 5am is an acceptable time to wake up!

@Crunchycadbury

I do intend to speak to them about it. It has only come to a head today as I've had a terrible nights rest and concluded that it's not tenable for me to continue like this.

I don't know how flexible they are prepared to be but I'm going to ask for changes.

Good luck, I hope they're more flexible than they appear right now! Let us know how you get on.

And, ignore the sticklers for unnecessary rules on here. For some reason AIBU seems to be full of them, and they just LOVE having a go at other people for breaking rules.

But back in the real world, it's perfectly reasonable to try to organise your day so it suits you.

I find it very odd that a private nursery would insist on a specific start time. I used to have a very variable work schedule and I would drop my kids at 7.30am some mornings and as late as 10am on other mornings. I liked the lazy mornings where I could spend a bit of time with them before I dropped them in and my nursery never complained. It was a complete non-issue to be honest!

A bit shocked by some of the responses on here.

Nursery is a paid service so as far I’m concerned OP should be able to take her children what ever time she pleases. It’s not a formal school so I don’t understand the disruption the other children will not care.

I work nights and I use to take DS to nursery at 10am/10.30 it was never an issue (private nursery). Nobody questioned me at all. My DS got 30hours too.

Put your foot down OP. Tell them you have insomnia. Speak to the manager. I will be shocked if the manger challenges you on this.

Clarity and consistency are usually good. Tell the nursery what time you want to bring your son in and go ahead. It is a good idea to have a regular routine, for you and for your children, but make it a routine that works for you. If a 10am start fits your routine then go for it. If they can't accommodate your hours then look for somewhere else that will.

Speak to the nursery. Also get a bike with child trailer, make a breeze of the couple of miles each way.

Thanks all I will update when I've spoken to the nursery.

I do have a bicycle but the issue with taking DS on that is the fact I also have my baby with me and can't take both on the bike.

Not unreasonable at all, you are paying for the service so if you are late it's up to you. I did it on occasion when ds was small so that we could do an activity first.

But none of this would be an issue if, like many others here, the nursery weren't so strict on arriving at 9am.

Not everybody works 9.5.

No, they don’t, but you chose a nursery with a 9am start time. If your circumstances change that makes the situation unworkable then you find another solution as soon as possible, not just decided you’re going to be late and they have to suck it up.

There are no safeguarding concerns where I'm concerned. DS is well looked after and is unaffected by the fact I have insomnia. The only person suffering is me.

Except that he is suffering, because by continually going in late he is missing that morning time and routine with all the other children. He’s the only one left out and that has a big impact at that age.

Except that he is suffering, because by continually going in late he is missing that morning time and routine with all the other children. He’s the only one left out and that has a big impact at that age.

So, why on earth would the nursery choose to structure it like that?

Plenty of nurseries have flexible starts. Making it so a child might feel they're missing out if they're late is totally unnecessary.

I can assure you he isn't suffering as a result of being late for circle time.

Missing a couple of songs doesn't equate to neglect, bad parenting or a safeguarding concern.

When I hear the word suffering I think of neglected children, abused children, not a happy little boy who needs to start a bit later to accommodate our circumstances.

If that's how low the bar is for safeguarding then there's no wonder SS are so over stretched.

Except that he is suffering, because by continually going in late he is missing that morning time and routine with all the other children. He’s the only one left out and that has a big impact at that age.

Aw god what a load of dramatic shite. Hes 2. He won't even know hes missing it ffs, and he won't remember it anyway.

There is alot of sterling advice on here but I also get the distinct impression that some think I should suck it up and soldier on, exhausted, and get there at 9am on the dot just to please the nursery. They are there to make my life easier not the other way around.

I have a younger child here who requires me to be active during the day, so if either of them were going to suffer it will be my youngest as I'm spending the rest of the day exhausted and not on form.

But those be the rules, what nursery says goes and all that

You (or the funded hours) are paying nursery for a service. You are perfectly within your rights to have the service which works for you. It would be courteous to tell them what hours you will be using e.g. 11-4.30 rather than 9-4.30. You may even find they can adjust your official hours to that.
For comparison, my dc do 8-1 at nursery. Often running late and there at 8.15, this isn't a problem. If it's going to be closer to 9 I email. At the end of the day I'm still paying them for the full hours so it's my choice whether to use them or not.
For the speech therapy update harassing, I'd calculate what date the referral plus 6 months would be, and say (or follow up with an email) that you would appreciate it if they didn't request an update until that date.

I can assure you he isn't suffering as a result of being late for circle time.

You can’t assure anything, because neither you nor your child are actually there.

The nursery, however, is, and they’re repeatedly telling you it’s a problem. You can ask about flexibility, but you shouldn’t expect it at this particular nursery because it’s 9-5, as it was when you chose it.

Except that he is suffering, because by continually going in late he is missing that morning time and routine with all the other children. He’s the only one left out and that has a big impact at that age

Hes 2 years old. He doesn't give a shiny shit about missing circle time.

Are you trying to make the poster feel bad or are you just being dramatic?

There is alot of sterling advice on here but I also get the distinct impression that some think I should suck it up and soldier on, exhausted, and get there at 9am on the dot just to please the nursery.

You have two choices: suck it up and carry on exhausted, or find alternative childcare. Not expect them to change just for you.