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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be purposefully late?

269 replies

Crunchycadbury · 19/10/2020 08:19

I work weekend evenings and by the time I travel home, shower, eat and go to bed it's gone past midnight. I also have bouts of insomnia where I'm unable to sleep until gone 2-3am meaning sometimes I only have 5 or less hours sleep.

My child is in nursery two days per week, Monday and Tuesday. He starts at 9 and finishes at 4.30. In order to get him there on time I have to get up at 7am to get myself and the two kids ready. Breakfast. 30 minute walk both ways.

Given that nursery isn't compulsory I'm starting to resent the rushing and lack of sleep which is causing me to feel burnt out.

It doesn't help that they are 'fussy' and don't like lateness as they want the children to participate in circle time.

AIBU to put my foot down and say he's starting later and that's that?

OP posts:
LittleRa · 19/10/2020 12:39

@Crunchycadbury

There is alot of sterling advice on here but I also get the distinct impression that some think I should suck it up and soldier on, exhausted, and get there at 9am on the dot just to please the nursery. They are there to make my life easier not the other way around.

I have a younger child here who requires me to be active during the day, so if either of them were going to suffer it will be my youngest as I'm spending the rest of the day exhausted and not on form.

But those be the rules, what nursery says goes and all that Confused

Those are THEIR rules. It’s a private business and they can set the rules they like. As others have said, other nurseries have different rules. However, they will also be the rules in a couple of years time when he starts school, and then it really is “what school says goes” I’m afraid.
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 19/10/2020 12:39

You are being ridiculous *
emilyfrost*

SwimbleCold · 19/10/2020 12:40

The nursery, however, is, and they’re repeatedly telling you it’s a problem

For THEM, not for the child. And they should stop it.

TimeforaGandT · 19/10/2020 12:41

I think there is a big difference between day nurseries which provide childcare for working/busy parents between approximately 7.00 am - 6.00 pm and nursery schools which are preparation for school and open for school hours so between approximately 9.00 am and 3.30 pm. The childcare setting is flexible as to when you drop off and pick up because they are childcare. The nursery school is not flexible as they have a timetable eg circle time, dance, sand play etc.

Original poster
Crunchycadbury · 19/10/2020 12:44

It's not a nursery school / pre school. It's not attatched to a primary nor does it signpost children on to a specific school. It's just a private OFSTED registered nursery for small children.

I'm well aware he can't be late for school and he wouldn't be.

OP posts:
Doveyouknow · 19/10/2020 12:52

Our private nursery was flexible for those who were doing longer hours but less so for those with just doing funded hours. This was because they needed to ensure those getting funded hours were doing them and also to avoid them being there during meals they weren't funded for e.g. breakfast and tea. I do know it's hard when they are little to get them in on time. However if it's kid is regularly missing their funded time the government might not pay for that time and the nursery will make a loss on that place. I agree asking the nursery for afternoon slots might be better.

needanewidea · 19/10/2020 12:53

The nursery school is not flexible as they have a timetable eg circle time, dance, sand play etc

Yes, and it's this inflexibility that is the problem. The nursery are choosing to structure their day like that. It's not necessary.

What is it about AIBU that brings out all these lovers of unnecessary rules?

Asterion · 19/10/2020 12:55

Well you don't seem to want to hear any of the answers that don't agree with your feelings, so why not find a new nursery? One that is more flexible and doesn't care when the children turn up.

Cloudybean · 19/10/2020 12:57

Well rather than stroll in at random times, why not try and negotiate a time that works for both of you? Ie 1030 please, it's after circle time or whatever and that works for you. Is there a wait list or something and they have ties because it's a funded place there should be attendance for the whole session? Speak to them and see.

dottiedodah · 19/10/2020 14:02

If hes there until 4 .30 pm then he can join in Circle Time in the afternoons! The Day Nursery where I was a Nursery School Teacher ,ran from 8 am until 6 30 pm .Obv its good if they can be early and join in Songs and so on ,but if not they will still play and have fun with their friends! I would speak to them and explain your position ,If no luck try elsewhere!

emilyfrost · 19/10/2020 14:04

Yes, and it's this inflexibility that is the problem. The nursery are choosing to structure their day like that. It's not necessary.

needanewidea They don’t need to be flexible. Parents are aware of nursery activities and timetables when they send their child there, and they are agreeing to that.

If the nursery’s structure doesn’t suit you, you choose a different nursery. The onus isn’t on them to change for each individual parent.

Hardbackwriter · 19/10/2020 14:32

What is it about AIBU that brings out all these lovers of unnecessary rules?

There are also a lot of people who are weirdly furious about it if people don't put toddlers to bed really early and then have them up at the crack of dawn. Apparently giving them dinner in the middle of the afternoon and then putting them to bed before the evening has begun is the Right Thing, even though there are then endless complaints about them getting up at 5am. So I expect it has irritated a lot of posters that OP isn't up and ready to go at the crack of dawn as that is the Right Way with small children.

Newfornow · 19/10/2020 14:38

It should work for both parties, never heard of such trappings.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 19/10/2020 14:43

"Those are THEIR rules. It’s a private business and they can set the rules they like. As others have said, other nurseries have different rules. However, they will also be the rules in a couple of years time when he starts school, and then it really is “what school says goes” I’m afraid."

But he's 2, so the need to attend school punctually is totally irrelevant here.

This nursery appears to be completely up its own arse IMO. I mean I am sure it is lovely and all. But to suggest a 2 year old child is suffering because they are missing circle time, and not being forced to get up 2 hours earlier than their natural waking time is incredibly silly.

OP I am sure a quiet word and clear communication will sort you out.

Feelin · 19/10/2020 14:50

To give an example of what I mean by fussy: we were running late on one occasion and they called to see where he was

I'm not sure what's fussy about this? They were expecting him and you didn't turn up. I would expect a phone call in that situation even if it's just to check everything is okay/whether he's still coming in that day or not. .

Whether the rules are necessary is irrelevant imo. They are the rules of the nursery he goes to. If you don't like them and it doesn't suit you then you have the option to take him elsewhere. It's not down to them to change the way they do things to suit them, it's down to you as a parent to find the childcare that works best for you.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 19/10/2020 15:04

What’s the reason he gets 15 hours funded care? These often come with stricter caveats from the borough regarding attendance etc.

melj1213 · 19/10/2020 16:08

Tbh it sounds like they're being strict because he is only attending for funded hours.

My nephew's nursery was really strict about drop off/collection when he was just attending for 15 funded hours but once he started attending for more hours they became more relaxed.

It turned out that they had been audited not long before he joined the nursery and they had been pulled up for claiming for hours when children weren't physically in the nursery, because they were more than 10 minutes late etc, and the nursery had to pay back the funding money. From then on they were very strict about times for children who are only there for the funded hours. If children were there for extra hours then they could be a bit more relaxed because they could just average out the funded hours to the session hours, so if they were supposed to do 10-4 three days a week then 5 hrs a day were funded and the other hour was paid ... if you were 30/40 minutes late then they could allocate that as part of the "paid hour" and still claim their 5hrs funding, whereas if you only did 5hrs and were 30/40 minutes late then they cant claim for that and if that lateness is a regular thing (as opposed to a one off traffic jam on the nursery run etc) then they are running at a loss having such a placement.

coffeelover3 · 19/10/2020 16:18

I think you should totally approach the nursery and say you need a later start in the mornings... either they will say no, or yes. I'm sure there are other nurseries that are more flexible, or a babysitter might be more suitable to what you need. He's only 2. I really don't think he's going to be getting into a bad habit of turning up late... Do what you need to to survive these hard years, when you're so tired

FourDecades · 19/10/2020 16:19

First thing I'd ask is to change days to a Tuesday and Thursday preferably.

If not able, then ask what days are free.

Failing that ask for afternoons.

If that's still no, I'd find alternative provision.

coffeelover3 · 19/10/2020 16:21

Does the 2 year old have to go to nursery at all... would it be easier for you to keep them both at home with you now anyway, less stressful maybe....

Original poster
Crunchycadbury · 19/10/2020 18:05

I've spoken with the nursery this afternoon, the manager wasn't there so I had a chat with the deputy.

I've explained that we are finding Monday mornings difficult due to me working late on Sunday and I'd like to bring him in later, say 10am.

The deputy said that sounds reasonable but she'll need speak to her manager tomorrow before they can say yes or no.

I did ask about switching Monday for a Thursday but they're only operating for three days a week at the moment, Monday Tuesday and Wednesday (which I didn't know) since they were allowed to reopen after the lockdown.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crunchycadbury · 19/10/2020 18:08

DS doesn't need to be in nursery no, not really.

He really enjoys going though and is making wonderful progress since starting. I would be reluctant to pull him out completely just for the sake of my own convenience.

I'm hoping they'll agree to a later start on a Monday. Fingers crossed.

If they can't/won't budge then I'll look into other options.

OP posts:
JamminDoughnuts · 19/10/2020 18:11

well done op,
hope the manager can agree

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 19/10/2020 18:15

The nurseries I hear about from family and friends with toddlers tend to be okay with time flexibility as long as the child gets there at an agreed time.

Cloudybean · 19/10/2020 18:21

I'm sure they'll agree OP, it is just a lot better to have an agreed time so they know when to expect him and you also don't have to be rushing around as much.

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