Did you/would you have a baby in your late 30's/40's

[DontCallMeShirley84]

Hi,

I'm 36 and I had my first in my early 20's. Not in that relationship anymore and am now married to DP of 8 years and are considering more DC.

I'm worried that because we would probably want more than one more, we might be starting too late. Plus I often wonder whether or not I should just be thankful with what I have and also that we'll have our freedom back quite young, which in some ways is very appealing and in others is quite scary and sad.

I am massively broody, there's no denying. Not in a going gooey over babies kind of way, but more just that something feels missing and when I see bigger families out together, I'm jealous. Even with all the chaos. I don't feel complete.

We would need to go down the fertility clinic route, so it's not as easy for us for reasons I'd rather not go into, but it could easily take a while for it to happen for us, so could easily be in 40's by the time number 2 came along. If we were lucky enough to be successful, that is.

Anyway, I was just wondering how common it is these days for women to have DC in their late 30's, early 40's.

I'm also a bit concerned about my first DC worrying that they won't have much of a relationship with their sibling/s, as they'll likely be off to uni by the time they're on the scene. I do understand that.

YABU= Just crack on, it's not an issue.
YANBU= It isn't a good idea, just be thankful for what you have.

TIA

I had a ds at 37 and 1 at 43.. They have older siblings. In fact oldest dc was 25 when the youngest was born.. No regrets at all. Gap was 6 years between youngest 2..

I just had a baby at 38 I would like to start trying for another when she is 1

I think Most will say go for it as there are a lot of older mum's around now button I wouldn't, I'm 46 with 2 teenagers and life is just starting to feel normal for me again, although i still feel knackered, my career is back up and running etc

I was 40 when my youngest was born and my oldest was 13 - with three others between them. They are all very close - even with the 13 year age gap and message each other through the week with a family Zoom most weeks.

My last pregnancy/birth was the easiest of them all and produced the easiest baby ever.

I had DC1 at 36, DC2 at 38, DC3 at 41. No issues. Can't comment on the large gap to siblings, but I wouldnt be put off by your age.

I had my first at 38 and second at 39.
I'm knackered....

They are 2 and 3 now and if I knew how tired I'd be I wouldn't have had the second one. She is great though. They both are - just hard work too.

But that's just my experience.

I also couldn't bear to start it all again if I had older children- but again I'm knackered so my opinion is definitely biased!

Im in TWW after my first cycle of ivf at 42. If it works I’ll be 43 when I have my first.

Don’t let thinking about your age stand in the way of this if you really want it and are prepared to go through whatever it takes to make it happen.

I’m surprised it’s taken you so long to have this discussion. I would be happy to TTC for the first time at the age you suggest. I wouldn’t do it for DC3/4/5. To what extent are you ready/able to manage a child with additional needs? Does DH do his fair share of domestic stuff?

I was 40 when my DD was born. I have two older DC.

I would just crack on with it. Sure, I’m tired, but it’s so so so worth it. Wouldn’t change a thing.

Yes I personally would if you feel like it would make you happy.

I had my first and only child at 42, no fertility problems and a straight forward pregnancy. I don't regret having a child at that age but I wouldn't have wanted to have two children with such a large age gap as you have, do you really want to go back to all the baby/toddler/school run years?

Also, not a popular opinion I know, but I personally would not consider bringing a child into the world at the moment just because I felt 'broody'.

Had mine at 42. Lots of people have them late 30s early 40s.

I was 39 and 43. Easy conception, no health problems at all during the pregnancies. Easy births and recoveries.

I know numerous people who have had "late" babies, although I do think it is a bit area and "class" dependent, for want of a better phrase. You certainly won't be alone as a 30/40ish mum, - and nobody has ever questioned my age or suggested I was too old (at least not when I could hear them!).

Don't overthink it, go for it!

I've got 3 and had my last one at 36. I do feel like an older mum in the school yard. My three are close in age so they've probably just aged me but if you feel young enough op then go for it, I definitely couldn't have another!

I had my DD at 37 now 43 and trying for DC2

DS1 at 34 DS2 at 39. I felt very worn out but that’s because I’m very fat and very unfit.

Should add easy to conceive both times but pregnancies weren’t easy.

If you already have one child getting IVF on the NHS might be difficult.

Personally j wouldn't
I had 3 between 25-29

Shocked at how tired and non active my friends with babies / toddlers are who are late 30s now. So so much more tiring to do it at this age.

Many packing up careers etc just can't manage it whereas I was a bit tied but just carried on in mid 20s same as other people I know same age.

Seems to kill people's night life and looks in late 30s.

Very common where I live. Had my third and last at 40 and I do feel it physically compared to my younger two, but don’t feel old in comparison to other mums around me.

I had DD1 at 36 and DD2 at 38. One mmc before DD1 and one mc after DD2.

I had one at 39, and have 2 much older. I'm exhausted but mostly for the same reasons as @Merryoldgoat

The age gap between them all isn't an issue. The 2 older ones both love their little brother to bits, it's just a different kind of relationship

37 and 40 here. I come from a (Catholic) family where having babies into your mid 40s is perfectly normal and has been for the past 100 odd years. Both were emergency sections but not because of age (I have a flat pelvis and dh's family have giant heads). I bounced back very fast and started studying for another degree when dc1 was 8 months old. I certainly don't feel tired.

I had my first baby at 39. No reason not to as far as I can see. You will bring wisdom to your baby's life

I had my third at 39. About a third of parents at school were still older than me. I found it more tiring than when I had DC1 and 2 and would have liked a fourth if circs had allowed. I in no way felt to old and nearly 20 years on am delighted to still have been in a mothering role for all these years x