Did you/would you have a baby in your late 30's/40's

[DontCallMeShirley84]

Hi,

I'm 36 and I had my first in my early 20's. Not in that relationship anymore and am now married to DP of 8 years and are considering more DC.

I'm worried that because we would probably want more than one more, we might be starting too late. Plus I often wonder whether or not I should just be thankful with what I have and also that we'll have our freedom back quite young, which in some ways is very appealing and in others is quite scary and sad.

I am massively broody, there's no denying. Not in a going gooey over babies kind of way, but more just that something feels missing and when I see bigger families out together, I'm jealous. Even with all the chaos. I don't feel complete.

We would need to go down the fertility clinic route, so it's not as easy for us for reasons I'd rather not go into, but it could easily take a while for it to happen for us, so could easily be in 40's by the time number 2 came along. If we were lucky enough to be successful, that is.

Anyway, I was just wondering how common it is these days for women to have DC in their late 30's, early 40's.

I'm also a bit concerned about my first DC worrying that they won't have much of a relationship with their sibling/s, as they'll likely be off to uni by the time they're on the scene. I do understand that.

YABU= Just crack on, it's not an issue.
YANBU= It isn't a good idea, just be thankful for what you have.

TIA

I had my first at 38, second at 40.

Easy pregnancy, easy birth, plenty energy in the following years.

It wouldn't be the age thing that would put me off it would be the thought of having to start it all again.
Sleepless nights, toilet training, school runs, teenage angst, driving lessons, University.

Going through that whole 20 year process is enough in one lifetime.

The thought of having to do it twice is horrifying- spending 40 years of your life caring for kids is too much.

In your position I would be grasping life with both hands. You are still young, you can claim some of theat time you missed in your 20s to enjoy your life unencumbered.

Personally I wouldn’t but that’s just my own choice. I’m 34 with a 6 year old and a 3 year old and I can’t imagine ever going back to that stage.

In your shoes, with a child becoming independent, I'd be very reluctant to impinge on my own freedom again.

Absolutely!!

I had my 2nd at 40, and the experience certainly hasn't killed my looks or figure, it wouldn't have killed my nightlife either were it not for covid!! I'm now 42, I stay active, make sure I get enough sleep, work full time (although husband is a SAHP so I know I've got it easy). You don't know until you try, you could have a great sleeper like me or a nightmare. Don't worry about age gaps, if it's what you want you will make it work for all of them. My first is 9 and has been supervising youngest at the park all afternoon, (under my watchful eye). The oldest needs their own time too , just leaves more cuddle time for me and youngest. I too felt incomplete before I had youngest. At Christmas I had an aching feeling that there weren't enough children in my house (the large gap is due to 2 MMCs)

I had ds at 19 from a previous relationship (He’s 21 now). Later married and have 3dc, one at 31 and twins at 34. I also had a late miscarriage earlier this year, at 40. Tbh, I think I have more energy now than I did with dc1!

There’s a 12 year gap between dc1 and dc2 and 15 years between dc1 and the twins. They all get on so well and ds dotes on his siblings. He has his own place as he’s at his final year at uni but comes back often and the dc used to stay over at his during holidays before Covid. They adore him

Where I live it's super common. I'm 30 with a nearly 2 year old and people constantly ask if I am the nanny at the park as most mums are late 30s or 40s. You wouldn't stand out a single bit from that perspective

I’m the same age as you op and contemplating a third. Similar concerns to you, though hopefully wouldn’t need fertility clinic (though it’s possible). I don’t think you’re too old and I think it seems like you want to from your op. I totally sympathize with those who don’t want to ‘start again’ later in life, but it sounds like you want another child so wouldn’t feel that way as much.

I’m at the age where I’m thinking if I don’t do it now it might be too late, but at the same time my youngest is nearly 4 and getting a bit easier and do I want to go back to the baby stage. It’s hard but if you want to go for it before it’s too late.

I had dd1 at 22, dd2 at 24 and dd3 at 41. It was noticeably harder when dd3 was a baby but I am a much more relaxed parent now than I was when eldest two were younger.

If I could change anything, I would have had dd3 in my mid 30's rather than 41. Purely because it's more tiring.

I'm 39 (feel like about 35ish)

I had my 1st at 20 - unplanned, no contact with her father since she was 4 - DD is now 18.

Met my DH at 29 - he had daughter who is now 13.

Didn't want more kids at all, not on my radar what so ever. Then when I was 35ish I felt there was more to life that going to work and became very broody. It took 2y to conceive though!

Had my 2nd at 37 - he is 18m now!

Always thought that with such a large age gap we should create a little playmate. We were lucky and conceived within a few months. Only one problem ... we didn't realise they were on buy one get one free!!

I'm currently 29w pregnant with twin boys

My advice - go for it!!

39 and 41. Main regret is how elderly the grandparents are.

I had no e at 41 and 43. My cousin has her last at 40. A friend had one at 46 and a other at 45. All conceived without help. All kids well and thriving.
I don't think your age is the issue, it's just how much fertility treatment you want to go though.

I can't comment as a mom but I'm 31 and all my close friends are 30-35 and only a couple have kids so far, and those that do are only about 1 in age so a rally recent thing. Most of us want kids, but I expect most will be 34-38 by the time they come along. We're in massively varied careers and love around the country these days. I have one friend who had a child in her mid twenties and she still says she felt like a young mum. So whilst it's only my snap shot I don't think mid to late thirties is a particularly unusual age to TTC.

I had my only child at 22 and couldn't imagine anything worse than having another baby in my late 30s just when DS is almost an adult. Sleepless nights and potty training again, no thanks.

Plenty of people do it though, I think they're mad but their choice!

37 and 40 , but tired. Was moving abroad and studying on top of FT job though between having them, with only limited maternity leave after the second and no family support. I remember feeling like Robbie Rotten all the time from the kids TV programme who just said' I'm so tired' all the time. It was my mantra for a few years..
Depends on how much help you will have from partner and family plus how your general health is and how much you have got going on.
I also think it keeps you young mentally at least. I never thought I was tired because of age, just that I had too much going on. I also was never bothered about being thought of as an old mum. So if you want go for it.

I had my first at 23 and my last at 39. She is now 1 years old and sometimes I do wonder what we've let ourselves in for but our youngest is the most laid-back so far.

I wouldn't choose to. I was 19, 22 and 26 when my children were born. I'm 32 now and I'm tired enough as it is without having a newborn.

I find dd hard work and I'm early-mid 30s never mind a toddler when I'm 40.

You don't suddenly lose your energy at 38.

Being a parent just IS tiring...if you already have 3 kids and are in your 30s, you feel tired because you have 3 kids.

DS at 42, DD at 44.

Had first in early 30s, second at 41, 9 years apart, no regrets. It’s like having 2 separate families as often DH would do something with DC 1 and I would take DC 2 to something different eg when at cinema. But they have more in common now, early 29s, early teens, sport, gaming etc and I would not change it for the world.

Early 20s!

I was 37 when I had DC3. My older two were 12 & 13 at the time. All with my husband and all planned. Best thing we did having our 3rd and the older two love having a younger sibling. Go for it

I personally had a cut off of around age 36 to complete our family (as it is I've overrun by about 9 months). We did require fertility treatment and a LOT of it. I wouldn't want to go into my 40s still having babies - it's not about energy etc. It's about getting them to adulthood whilst still being relatively healthy and young - id like to be around and sprightly enough to play an active part in any grandchildren's life's the way my parents have. You have a good shot of that if you are late 60s early 70s when they have kids. (If they have kids the same age as I was but hopefully younger) The chance of it happening in your 80s significantly lower......

I had no1 at 31, no2 at 32, no3 at 33 (almost 34)

We were completely done at that, then had a surprise contraception failure and are now having no4 at 37. I'm absolutely knackered this time around and I survived 3 under 3 for 6 months!! It wasnt planned so I'm overweight and wasnt prepared at all. This is definitely my most exhausting but I dont think I had time to be tired with the others. They are now 6, 5 and 3.5 the elder 2 are at school and the youngest has free preschool hours so I have time and space to be tired and I am!!

I had my first aged 33 and my second aged 35. I'm currently pregnant with surprise baby number 3 aged 42. I'm a lot more tired this time around but generally the pregnancy has been good. It was a shock at first, but we're all really looking forward to her being here.