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Original poster

My husband expects me to be glued to his children and it's driving me insane

309 replies

YatEe · 17/10/2020 22:19

Nothing I do is fucking good enough.

He's accused me tonight of having an issue with the children and avoiding them because I caught up with a programme in another room whilst they were happily settled in the living room with headphones on, playing games this morning.

The funniest part about this is.... HE WAS OUT. I was looking after them so he could go out and do something.

Apparently I should have watched my programme on my tablet in the same room so we were 'spending time together' (whilst he was out...not spending time with us) Hmm

I've told him how rich that is considering he wasn't even here himself and that I don't see what the problem is.

I was in and out of the room, tidying up, asking if they needed anything, what were they watching etc...

They aren't tiny children for goodness sake (9 & 11), surely it's not a big deal that we spent an hour in separate rooms for the morning.

I'm so pissed off. Apparently I used to make more effort with things like painting with them, baking etc... I agree we did used to do more stuff, but that was when they were much smaller, they just aren't as interested in those things anymore. All they want to do is play games and he lets them. But I'm apparently supposed to make more effort?

He does this all the time. If I want to go somewhere on a contact day it's 'dont you want to see the children' etc... I feel fucking suffocated by it.

OP posts:
WineGummyBear · 18/10/2020 09:24

Posted too soon.

Meant to add, his comment speaks volumes about how he sees your role. And his.

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 18/10/2020 09:26

Yet another example of how a man/single father manages to find a woman to look after his children during his contact time. It's called out-sourcing, only in these cases he manages to avoid paying for the service by having a relationship with the babysitter, so he actually gets a free child minding service, cook, cleaner, oh and sex thrown in for free

Yup- it so depressing. I read an interview with comedian John Bishop recently and he split up with his wife after 20 years of marriage for a short while. He had his kids over every weekend and he said he refused to date anyone during that time because he feared it would detract from the precious time he spent with his boys every weekend. I thought that was pretty damn amazing. What a great dad.
Luckily, he got back together with his wife in the end.

MoseShrute · 18/10/2020 09:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

midnightstar66 · 18/10/2020 09:34

At 9 and 11 I'd expect them to want to be on their own away from parents at least some of the time. Your 'd'h is ridiculous. And of course you don't do the same things with dc at 9 and 11 that you did with them when smaller. They'd probably look at you like you were mad if you got the finger paints out or tried to make an autumn wreath or fairy cakes. If dd10 wants cakes she'll make them herself here

AryaStarkWolf · 18/10/2020 09:40

Tell him to piss off and look after his own kids next time, ungrateful wanker

Ponoka7 · 18/10/2020 09:41

This is a control issue. He knew what you were doing when they were smaller, but now you get to decide and he's got a problem with it.

I can see you being permanently in the wrong once they hit the teenage years.

What is he like when you don't have the children?

CharlottesComplicatedWeb · 18/10/2020 09:49

Tell him... HE needs to spend more time with the kids.

Sarahsah4r4 · 18/10/2020 09:52

Do you you still read us OP?

SewingBeeAddict · 18/10/2020 09:55

How can he accuse someone of not spending time when he wasn't even in the fucking house. Cheeky bastard

What is going on here is transference of negative feelings.
He at some level feels guilty but rather than address this by spending time with the DC, he blames the OP.
This relieves his negative feelings about himself and so he feels its justified.
Cheeky fucking arsehole !

OhamIreally · 18/10/2020 09:59

I think the reason he doesn't see himself as being unreasonable is because to him you are his proxy, an extension of himself. He has delegated the childcare to this proxy and would like it done in a certain way.
It's clear that he doesn't see you as a person, you are there as an ancillary to facilitate his life.
Probably why his first marriage didn't last.

goisey · 18/10/2020 10:01

Op is not coming back.
She's got the housekeeping to do.
This thread has totally opened my eyes, I had no idea that this sort of situation was commonplace.
The sad thing is op has given up her career and earning power, plus probably the chance to have her own children (if she wanted them) and even if not many years in her prime have been spent nannying some blokes children to enable him to think he's a great dad while avoiding his children (if he knew his children he wouldn't given them unlimited screen time as he would know how damaging that is).
I just can't believe he managed to get op to do all this and all the time constantly being performance managed.
He must be great in the sack!

Sarahsah4r4 · 18/10/2020 10:04

you are his proxy, an extension of himself. He has delegated the childcare to this proxy and would like it done in a certain way. It's clear that he doesn't see you as a person, you are there as an ancillary to facilitate his life
An excellent summation IMO!

billy1966 · 18/10/2020 10:08

I keep seeing it on here.
Men marrying women to avoid parenting their children.

So sad that so many women cannot see this.

So sad that their relationship bar is so low that they accept giving up their lives to be skivvy to HIS children.

How it never occurs to them is astonishing.

We teach people how to treat us.

No doubt this prick is the sort to leave and dump her when his childcare requirements are finished.

He certainly doesn't give a damn about her.

Poor woman clearly doesn't expect to be treated any better.
She sounds like a wonderful step mother.

Pity she doesn't value HER life more.

Anyone else would pack a bag and leave him to his children to drive the message home and withdraw all help.

Flowers
EwwSprouts · 18/10/2020 10:09

YANBU We just converted our garage so we could have a second living room and the xbox could be played without having to be the audience!

Nicolastuffedone · 18/10/2020 10:12

My niece hardly see her 11 year old! She loves her room, she’s up there reading/iPad/drawing/friends in.....

dottiedaisee · 18/10/2020 10:14

Children of that age do not need or want the company of an adult in the same room . They need space ...is your husband over attentive when at home with them ? Is he feeling guilty about something to do with them?

LiveFromHome · 18/10/2020 10:16

Did he opt for 50-50 contact because he thought he could outsource the parenting to you and get away with not paying child support to his former wife?

My thoughts exactly.

Another depressing thread where a woman has stepped up to become an un-valued unpaid babysitter so that he can fuck off and do what he likes during his contact time.

Lilymossflower · 18/10/2020 10:22

He sounds very controlling tbh , as well as being a mysoginist.

Asterion · 18/10/2020 10:22

So he's moaning that you're not in the same room as his kids while he's out doing his thing?

I would be RAAAAAAAAAGING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Angry

BumblebeeBum · 18/10/2020 10:32

I wonder if his ex has told him off for letting them play on devices alone all the time and so he is passing on this criticism in a warped way?

Obviously he’s in the wrong.

JaffaCake70 · 18/10/2020 10:43

This is SO unreasonable on his part. Next time the children come make sure you have plans to go out and do something else. There is absolutely NO WAY I'd be staying home babysitting my partner's kids, while he swans off out because he can't be arsed with them. Yet he has the audacity to reprimand you for sitting in another room for an hour?

He is massively out of order OP. You really need to make a stand on this one, he's taking the piss.

Jeremyironseverything · 18/10/2020 10:45

By the time my kids were eleven I wasn't in the same house as them sometimes. That was the age when we started leaving them individually for very short periods.

It's called giving them independence. It's not good to suffocate them.

Notimeforaname · 18/10/2020 10:48

The sad thing is op has given up her career and earning power
Where did she day this ?I cant find it.

Notimeforaname · 18/10/2020 10:48

Say*

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 18/10/2020 10:56

Um... This is laughably bad...

  1. Contact with their father is EXACTLY that... Not that he contracts out looking after them to you...

So every time he walks out of the room where his kids are to do anything... Remind him he should be avidly watching the back of their heads while they play tedious video games.

  1. Actually ASK him to write down EXPLICITLY what he thinks your 'role' is, as his partner to the kids and exactly what his ROLE IS AS THEIR DAD...

Then laugh when he writes down... Taking them to a film and working.... He's got you down in his head he does all the stuff that suits him, you do everything else

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