AIBU to think the shop owner was rude for no reason

[Issania87]

Hi all,

So I took my 2 year old out to the shops with me earlier, and as we were on the way back to the car we stopped at a greengrocer.

I picked some items and went to the till to pay with my son, and then as she was ringing up with items I heard her mutter rudely "oh great". I looked up and saw that my son had picked up a carrot and chopped the end off of it. I turned back to her and asked her to please add the carrot on to my bill, and she did so. I paid, and then as I was putting the items into my bag, I heard her say "oh for God's sake", and I turned and my son had taken a strawberry off a punnet and eaten it. I admit I did lose my temper a little because the whole time we had been in the store from the moment we walked in, she had looked at us like we were both pieces of poo on the floor, so I said to her that there was no need to be rude, and immediately apologised and offered to swap the punnet with the one I had purchased, and she basically told me that she wasn't being rude and I needed to watch my child. I said to her that I was watching my child I just had to pack my bag, and said it wasn't like he had done anything major, he had eaten one strawberry. She said to me that he can't just go around helping himself to food, and I said yes I realise that but he is only 2, to which she replied well he needs to be in a buggy then, my children would have been in a buggy at that age.

Now, I am by no means suggesting I dont realise that my son was naughty in what he did, because I do, and I have never had a problem with him in those kind of shops before or of course I would have taken a buggy with me, but AIBU by thinking that she completely overreacted and there was no reason to be so rude to me?

You should be supervising him always. I'm not surprised she was annoyed with you.

She might have been rude, but I bet this isn't the first time she's had to put up with children ruining her stock.

I think this as well. She's probably had so many toddlers running loose, grabbing at and contaminating her stock, not knowing what she might find later that she and the parent didn't spot - and also not knowing that the parent will be willing to pay, as most will probably play the 'but he's only little' and/or 'it's only one strawberry' card and call her unreasonable - that she knows what to expect.

I imagine it's like when people own cafes in busy areas and a stream of non-customers constantly expect to be able to use their toilet as if it were a public convenience. You might only be two minutes and leave it clean (many won't do), but when you're one of 50 people every single day with the same intention, the costs, inconvenience and extra cleaning really do test the goodwill of anybody.

just felt like the shopkeeper could have dealt with the situation without being rude.

Then I agree, the first time, unless he was misbehaving on the way round the shop. But not the second. You should have been watching him.

Some people like to indulge their children's behaviour in things they consider minor. 2yo's generally will do something they're not supposed to the minute you take your eyes off them so your dc's behaviour was predictable and not totally unavoidable. You could have eg asked her to choose/hold something you were going to buy or given her a toy to keep her occupied and avoided the whole problem.

Otoh the shopkeeper's reaction was a bit ott, some people just don't like children, or other people's children, makes you wonder why they run a business dealing with the general public.

She was rude. A polite "Excuse me, your son is eating the produce" would have sufficed.
And 2 year olds can not grasp the concept of a transaction in a shop, come on people.

Your child was naughty. You should have humbly apologised. Not make excuses for your lack of proper parenting.

@GirlCrush

op....how much did they charge for the single carrot!

i'm intrigued

I have absolutely no idea if I am honest, I just wanted to pay and leave. I know the strawberries were £5 a punnet because when I walked in and my son said he wanted some, she told me how expensive they were

It’s a carrot and a f##cking strawberry he’s 2. The op says she was packing her bags.

I have absolutely no idea if I am honest, I just wanted to pay and leave. I know the strawberries were £5 a punnet because when I walked in and my son said he wanted some, she told me how expensive they were

£5 a punnet? Blimey!

Humbly apologised! Jaysus. The shopkeeper was rude from the get go. Yanbu

Why have you posted? Because you don’t seem at all willing to consider that the shopkeeper wasn’t rude.

It’s the fact that you’ve posted about it when I would think most people would be embarrassed that their child had done something naughty not once but twice and keep it to themselves. It’s the fact that her behaviour didn’t fall within your acceptable standards whilst conveniently minimising the fact that at the root of this is your child’s unacceptable behaviour.

It’s a carrot and a f##cking strawberry he’s 2. The op says she was packing her bags.

This is (again) what pisses people off. They’re small things. Yes. But not hers. And not her son’s. So the only thing called for is an apology and watching him so he doesn’t do it twice. We all have to pack bags with kids if we have kids. We’re still responsible for them.

I am firmly on the side of the shop keeper.

Think you are trivialising and diminishing your child's actions by using cute words like "munched".

Your child behaved badly and if I were you I would not have posted this at all. I would have apologised to the shop keeper and left quietly.

I hadn’t realised I should be so ashamed of having had children that committed crimes in shops like touching things. The time my then toddler inserted her whole head into a chocolate fudge cake in Sainsbury’s should have sent me into a retreat.

I'd say she was pretty rude saying oh great and oh fgs and also looking at you like dirt as you entered.
These things do happen and you were not going to make the business suffer financially so you didn't do anything too bad.
However from her pov, I'm sure that little kids go in and handle/eat stuff all the time and that many parents are unwilling to pay. It must be frustrating.

I hadn’t realised I should be so ashamed of having had children that committed crimes in shops like touching things. The time my then toddler inserted her whole head into a chocolate fudge cake in Sainsbury’s should have sent me into a retreat.

I’m not sure how that happens, unless you’re just not watching them. Never happened to me because I watch them.

Have we all missed the bit where OP said she lost her temper first?

I admit I did lose my temper a little because the whole time we had been in the store from the moment we walked in, she had looked at us like we were both pieces of poo on the floor,

The shopkeeper said “Oh great” and “For god’s sake.” It escalated to a parenting lecture when OP lost her temper because she reckoned the shopkeeper had been totally giving her evils.

@Issania87

Thank you, I felt that as I immediately paid for the carrot and when she wasn't happy with swapping the punnets I offered to pay for the second punnet of strawberries (which she declined and then did swap mine with the one he ate one from) I felt like there was absolutely no reason to be rude. I would have understood it if I had laughed or tried to leave without paying for the items, but I didn't, I recognised that she shouldn't lose money because my son couldn't contain himself for 30 seconds.

‘My son couldn’t contain himself’? A 2 year old shouldn’t have to. You should be supervising him properly. What if there had been something on another shelf that could have harmed him if he put it in his mouth? Batteries, sharp objects? Medicine? A plug socket to stick his fingers in? Yours was probably the tenth kid to come in where the carer wasn’t supervising properly, touching everything. Kids can carry the virus just as much, if not more than adults. Remember that she has to tidy and clear all the things all those kids have touched.after he had done it the first time you should have stood him firmly by your side, and if he is not capable of staying still, put him in a buggy.

I do agree that we shouldn't be touching food we aren't going to buy right now, but that said when you buy food esp this kind of groceries, loads of people will have touched it between picking and getting to the stage of store display. That's just how it is.

She over reacted and was horribly rude IMO. People need to keep a sense of perspective and use common sense in more ways than one at the moment. Don’t dwell on it honestly it’s not worth the energy.

She was rude for saying oh for gods sake. You paid for the carrot and I'm sure no one is going out of business over one strawberry. If she was friendly and welcoming to parent and toddler maybe you would pop by again and spend more , the fact she was unwelcoming from the get go looking at you like shit just means she has lost your money for future visits. She shouldn't work in customer service with an attitude like that.

A lady commented to me the other day that it was nice to see my child walking ( he is 2 in feb) she said you rarely see kids walking today- always in their pram and they became lazy as it's easier for parents just to stick them in their buggy ( her words not mine ). I do think sometimes it's appropriate for them to go in their buggy to keep out of the way of others who may be shopping if they like to touch things ( covid rules) but mostly you just need some patience and kindness and little ones can potter around a shop and feel like they are part of society rather than an inconvenience which it sounds like the shop owner treated your son as

Very sorry you experienced this

What would worry me is what else the child had touched and potentially contaminated with Coronavirus. The shopkeeper didn't behave very well but in the time of a pandemic we have to avoid all this touching stuff in shops. I've seen adults doing it, which is even worse - at least the child has the excuse of being too young to know better, but I can understand why the shopkeeper was annoyed. I wouldn't buy stuff that a child had been randomly touching.

The only rude one was you OP!

Yes, it happens, but the fact that you need to start a thread against a shopkeeper who did nothing wrong tell us all we need to know.

You don't like being told off and admit you are wrong. You still are.

The time my then toddler inserted her whole head into a chocolate fudge cake in Sainsbury’s

That actually sounds really impressive

she was friendly and welcoming to parent and toddler maybe you would pop by again and spend more , the fact she was unwelcoming from the get go looking at you like shit just means she has lost your money for future visits.

Again, the attitude that gets backs up. That the shop assistant should be grateful for people coming in and letting their kids run riot. Not really. Just watch your kids and everyone will probably get along better.