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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the shop owner was rude for no reason

407 replies

Issania87 · 17/10/2020 19:41

Hi all,

So I took my 2 year old out to the shops with me earlier, and as we were on the way back to the car we stopped at a greengrocer.

I picked some items and went to the till to pay with my son, and then as she was ringing up with items I heard her mutter rudely "oh great". I looked up and saw that my son had picked up a carrot and chopped the end off of it. I turned back to her and asked her to please add the carrot on to my bill, and she did so. I paid, and then as I was putting the items into my bag, I heard her say "oh for God's sake", and I turned and my son had taken a strawberry off a punnet and eaten it. I admit I did lose my temper a little because the whole time we had been in the store from the moment we walked in, she had looked at us like we were both pieces of poo on the floor, so I said to her that there was no need to be rude, and immediately apologised and offered to swap the punnet with the one I had purchased, and she basically told me that she wasn't being rude and I needed to watch my child. I said to her that I was watching my child I just had to pack my bag, and said it wasn't like he had done anything major, he had eaten one strawberry. She said to me that he can't just go around helping himself to food, and I said yes I realise that but he is only 2, to which she replied well he needs to be in a buggy then, my children would have been in a buggy at that age.

Now, I am by no means suggesting I dont realise that my son was naughty in what he did, because I do, and I have never had a problem with him in those kind of shops before or of course I would have taken a buggy with me, but AIBU by thinking that she completely overreacted and there was no reason to be so rude to me?

OP posts:
buildingbridge · 18/10/2020 15:44

The woman was rude in the shop. I would have given her attitude to. She could of helped and distracted your little boy or told him "no" whilst you were picking your bag. I often find that people, who are miserable, are not happy with their own lives.

buildingbridge · 18/10/2020 15:47

Precisely. There are bullies on this thread. I suspect, they are also unhappy with their lives too.

slashlover · 18/10/2020 15:50

or told him "no" whilst you were picking your bag.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

CantBeAssed · 18/10/2020 16:04

Its hard to believe so many people on mn have actually "parented" a toddler given some of the responses on this thread...Hmm

GirlCrush · 18/10/2020 16:05

she wasn't miserable though?

and who IS happy with their covid related lives right now?

CupidStunt2020 · 18/10/2020 16:05

Relax op, she was a bitch

And so are you Hmm

Pikachubaby · 18/10/2020 16:15

OP, you can’t let your kid do this

If this is what he does, you shop with him in a buggy/or hold his hand/carry him on your hip, make sure his hands are otherwise occupied

It’s called parenting

She was rude, but not unnecessarily so

maryberryslayers · 18/10/2020 16:38

I think yabu. Your child is your responsibility in a shop and shouldn't touch anything, especially food.
Once would have been a mistake but twice was pretty careless. You should have offered to buy the punnet of strawberries your child touched, she can't sell something that someone has touched at the moment so likely had to throw it away.
I have a 2 year old and I either hold his hand, pop him in the buggy or wedge him between my legs while I pack.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 18/10/2020 16:58

So your child already picked up one item, you then let him continue to pick up more items. If you can't teach him how to behave then he should be in a buggy. I wonder how many other things he ate without you noticing. And how can you begin to justify not keeping your eye on a 2 year old?

Porridgeoat · 18/10/2020 17:50

I don’t think she said anything wrong - she’s fine to say that as long as she was polite.

Mittens030869 · 18/10/2020 17:53

I don't think the OP is going to come back on the thread, not surprisingly.

Elsa8 · 18/10/2020 18:43

She was rude but YABVU. I have a two year old and wouldn’t take my eyes off him somewhere like that (especially after he did it once).

Goosefoot · 18/10/2020 20:23

@mathanxiety

And once you are packing the bag - which many places won't do for you because of the restrictions - how are you supposed to hold onto your kid who has decided, for the first time ever, to take it upon himself to try the produce at the counter? You can't pick him up and sit hm on it as things are at the moment.

You put him in a buggy.

Did you even read the post? She said she's never had an issue like this with him, so she didn't anticipate she would, and so didn't bring a buggy.

I'm halfway inclined to think a lot of people posting here actually have no kids, because I don't know anyone who does who has never had a growing child suddenly do something new at an inopportune time.

KarmaStar · 18/10/2020 20:37

Think yabu,you should have kept your dc out of reach of the food.to allow him to do it once is bad enough,but to then not move him away from food and allow it to happen again?pretty careless of you.you don't know your dc didn't put their hands among the fruit and veg to select what they wanted as you weren't paying attention.
Lesson learnt.

mathanxiety · 18/10/2020 21:04

Did you even read the post? She said she's never had an issue like this with him, so she didn't anticipate she would, and so didn't bring a buggy.
I'm halfway inclined to think a lot of people posting here actually have no kids, because I don't know anyone who does who has never had a growing child suddenly do something new at an inopportune time.

@Goosefoot

The lack of anticipation is a problem, not an excuse.

I had five kids. They are aged 19 to 30 now. When they were small I had a small, lightweight umbrella buggy that fit through doors everywhere, was easy to carry up steps, onto trains, buses, etc.

The OP's child is two. There is a reason why, when you look around you when you're out shopping, walking along the high street, waiting on a railway platform - or in short any environment not specifically designed for two year olds but designed for specific other functions, they are normally in buggies. It's for their own safety, and it's also for the safety of others.

You don't have to be an expert in child development to understand that two year olds have very little common sense, no idea of danger, and a very tenuous grasp most of the time of appropriate behaviour, with very little impulse control. If you spent one morning with a two year old you would understand all of that.

You just need a modicum of common sense, the ability to consider what might possibly go wrong, and enough consideration for others (including your own child) to help you gauge why preventing very typical and predictable two year-old behaviour matters. Thus armed, you would realise that a shop where merchandise of any kind is openly displayed is not the place to let your two year old roam free.

This is for the sake of your two year old's safety as much as for the sake of avoiding paying for broken, damaged, bitten or eaten items that the average two year old might find attractive, and also in order to prevent accidents caused by items dropped to the floor by your toddler.

buildingbridge · 18/10/2020 21:16

mathanxiety

Slow clap

mathanxiety · 18/10/2020 21:24

There are bullies on this thread. I suspect, they are also unhappy with their lives too.

@buildingbridge

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 18/10/2020 21:54

I'd have been rude too. Mind your damn kids. They shouldn't be wandering around loose, touching things in the middle of a pandemic. Never mind eating stuff that hasn't been washed. He's too young to know better so you need to keep hold of him or keep him in the buggy.

Goosefoot · 18/10/2020 22:01

@mathanxiety

Did you even read the post? She said she's never had an issue like this with him, so she didn't anticipate she would, and so didn't bring a buggy. I'm halfway inclined to think a lot of people posting here actually have no kids, because I don't know anyone who does who has never had a growing child suddenly do something new at an inopportune time.

@Goosefoot

The lack of anticipation is a problem, not an excuse.

I had five kids. They are aged 19 to 30 now. When they were small I had a small, lightweight umbrella buggy that fit through doors everywhere, was easy to carry up steps, onto trains, buses, etc.

The OP's child is two. There is a reason why, when you look around you when you're out shopping, walking along the high street, waiting on a railway platform - or in short any environment not specifically designed for two year olds but designed for specific other functions, they are normally in buggies. It's for their own safety, and it's also for the safety of others.

You don't have to be an expert in child development to understand that two year olds have very little common sense, no idea of danger, and a very tenuous grasp most of the time of appropriate behaviour, with very little impulse control. If you spent one morning with a two year old you would understand all of that.

You just need a modicum of common sense, the ability to consider what might possibly go wrong, and enough consideration for others (including your own child) to help you gauge why preventing very typical and predictable two year-old behaviour matters. Thus armed, you would realise that a shop where merchandise of any kind is openly displayed is not the place to let your two year old roam free.

This is for the sake of your two year old's safety as much as for the sake of avoiding paying for broken, damaged, bitten or eaten items that the average two year old might find attractive, and also in order to prevent accidents caused by items dropped to the floor by your toddler.

You may find it interesting to know that children in many countries are not so much stuffed in buggies as you are used to, and in fact by the time they are three that would be quite unusual. Even children of two will often walk so long as the distance is reasonable.

If a parent has been used to a child who stays with them and doesn't grab at the counter, that is how they make a decision about what they are going to do when they go into the shop on this occasion. On this occasion the child did something different, and at a bad moment when the OP's hands were tied up with paying and packing the bag.

This is not a huge deal, it happens to all parents occasionally. Sometimes there isn't even a really good answer, you take the buggy in and it knocks things around (I've had that happen more than once in poorly laid out shops) or find you can't manage it and the bags, or you don't and you don't have it when you want it. It can be exasperating in the moment, but you just make note for next time to change your routine or try and find a solution (sometimes there isn't a good one.)

The OP offered to deal with the things her child touched and apologised, so there was no disadvantage to the shopkeeper. It's difficult to imagine why this wouldn't have been a fairly straightforward interaction.

The UK isn't a country that is very patient with normal childhood things and expects them to be totally controlled, and no real appreciation for differences among children either. Which ultimately means parents do things like keep them in buggies or don't take them out at all till they are well past the age when that should be necessary which tends to leave them behind behaviourally.

Wolfiefan · 18/10/2020 22:09

If the child wanders off once and grabs something then the parent should take a different approach. It’s not a case of stuffing a child in a buggy. But maybe getting them to help you put stuff in the bag or setting them a little task to do.
Not being passive and expecting it to be excuses when their child wanders around and grabs produce off shelves.

Smallgoon · 18/10/2020 23:46

@buildingbridge

mathanxiety

Slow clap

GrinGrinGrin
theboardgame · 19/10/2020 08:47

Tip in the future. Go to the shop with him having something in his hands. It can be his favourite toys or something to eat. That might help as he would need to drop it first and that would give you time to grab him or he would be to busy to play or eat.

gandalf456 · 19/10/2020 16:42

@CupidStunt2020

Relax op, she was a bitch

And so are you Hmm

Love the user name. Suits you Grin
Rosebel · 20/10/2020 00:23

Why should the woman in the shop distract OPs son or tell him no.
It's not her child and not part of her job. Parents need to take care of their children or at least look at what they're doing. Given how OP reacted it's probably lucky the shop assistant didn't say anything. Or we'd have a thread complaining about how a shop assistant said no to their child.

MumsGoneToIceland · 20/10/2020 04:55

You cannot leave a 2 year old to wander freely round a shop, particularly a green grocer where all food is unpackaged and grab-able. If not in a buggy he should have been holding your hand, on your hip or what I often did was stand them between my legs at the counter so my hands were free to pay. Shopkeeper’s reaction was an instinct reaction to the situation and very mild imo. Imagine if every young child that came into the shop did that (and they would if not supervised).

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