AIBU to think the shop owner was rude for no reason

[Issania87]

Hi all,

So I took my 2 year old out to the shops with me earlier, and as we were on the way back to the car we stopped at a greengrocer.

I picked some items and went to the till to pay with my son, and then as she was ringing up with items I heard her mutter rudely "oh great". I looked up and saw that my son had picked up a carrot and chopped the end off of it. I turned back to her and asked her to please add the carrot on to my bill, and she did so. I paid, and then as I was putting the items into my bag, I heard her say "oh for God's sake", and I turned and my son had taken a strawberry off a punnet and eaten it. I admit I did lose my temper a little because the whole time we had been in the store from the moment we walked in, she had looked at us like we were both pieces of poo on the floor, so I said to her that there was no need to be rude, and immediately apologised and offered to swap the punnet with the one I had purchased, and she basically told me that she wasn't being rude and I needed to watch my child. I said to her that I was watching my child I just had to pack my bag, and said it wasn't like he had done anything major, he had eaten one strawberry. She said to me that he can't just go around helping himself to food, and I said yes I realise that but he is only 2, to which she replied well he needs to be in a buggy then, my children would have been in a buggy at that age.

Now, I am by no means suggesting I dont realise that my son was naughty in what he did, because I do, and I have never had a problem with him in those kind of shops before or of course I would have taken a buggy with me, but AIBU by thinking that she completely overreacted and there was no reason to be so rude to me?

It was, rather. She was thrilled with herself. I was not massively impressed that I had to buy a not-very-nice chocolate cake though.

Obviously I lived with the results of my sub-par parenting though.

It’s a carrot and a f##cking strawberry he’s 2. The op says she was packing her bags.

That's part of the problem, I think: for some reason, people have it in their heads that fruit and vegetables don't really cost anything much, so it's no big deal if they get stolen/taken by children/contaminated. Ths issue is that those are the things she sells and has to make a living from.

If she had a rather strange shop selling brand new Mercedes and carrots and your child mauled a handful of veg in their grubby, sticky hand whilst you were striking the deal for a car, I'm sure she'd overlook it - but it's not quite that straightforward when all you sell is low-ticket items.

£5 isn't especially cheap for a punnet of strawberries, but aside from it being a small shop with far fewer economies of scale than a supermarket, we don't know how big the punnet was - and they're out of season now, so even those tasteless force-grown Dutch Elsanta ones are going to be dear.

The issue is that those are the things she sells and has to make a living from.

Hear hear. It’s “just a fucking strawberry” is just a way of passing responsibility to someone else (the person whose stuff was damaged) by implying their pettiness when they object. It’s belittling.

He wasn’t naughty - he’s too young to understand that you don’t help yourself to things in shops.
But that’s why you should have been keeping a closer eye on him.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER maybe the shop owner cooks have packed the ladies bag and helped a mother out then ?! Ffs

Customers should just assume that everything in a shop has been handled by multiple people and act accordingly. Wash it, quarantine it, or do neither, but shops should stop trying to ensure ‘minimal handling’ of things as though it’s their duty to protect their customers from surface contamination. It’s a pointless and stressful exercise. Just ask people to sanitise their hands, sanitise your own, and be done with it.

Their time would be far more usefully spent getting people to stop wearing masks under their noses.

@flaviaritt why does the shop assistant need to be so rude from the get go? Looking at them like shit . Also I don't see her helping a customer out and offering to pop them in a bag for her so she keep her two year old close .

@CalishataFolkart

Yes, I did lose my temper with her because of the way she regarded and spoke to me and my son, this doesn't mean I shouted, or raised my voice to her in any way, it meant that I said to her that there was no reason to be rude.

I acknowledged we were in the wrong, I apologised I got my son to apologise, and I paid for the items he ate immediately without needing to be asked because to me, I should have paid for them because he damaged them. If he had knocked over a fragile ornament in another store, I would have done the same, so this shouldn't have been any different.

I haven't named the shop, nor shopkeeper, nor where this store was located so I don't think it was bad of me to ask the question.

Some people have posted some things that I hadn't thought of, so I do understand her reaction a bit more now, but I am one of those people who feels like there is never any reason to be rude to anyone else, and that any issue can be solved with a simple conversation.

God, I read this & thought fuck... OP is going to have a nightmare with this. 😂

YANBU OP, ‘Ah, your DC has just munched a carrot/eaten a strawberry (laugh)... I’m sorry but with current going’s on I hope you understand you need to purchase them now!’

‘Oh my gosh I’m so sorry, of course. DC we must not do that because blah blah blah..’

FINE! Dealt with. What’s the issue?

She was a dick about it.

I think people forget, even those without children... were children once themselves. Maybe they innocently ate a strawberry (bless him) & maybe their mums didn’t notice straight away...

Be kind... if a child’s innocence is enough to make you angry I pity you in all honesty!

My 2 year old knows not to eat food in the shop.,, yabu

@Issania87 people lack compassion and empathy :( . It's quite bleeding obvious to me that I would be kind and welcoming to you both and support you if needed popping things in a bag for you. It's hard to shop with toddler you did well. It was really fair and decent of you to say you would pay for the items she is absolutely in the wrong .

@flaviaritt

The issue is that those are the things she sells and has to make a living from.

Hear hear. It’s “just a fucking strawberry” is just a way of passing responsibility to someone else (the person whose stuff was damaged) by implying their pettiness when they object. It’s belittling.

I didn't swear at her, the actual sentence I said to her was "I know he shouldn't have done it, but it was just one strawberry and I have said that I will pay for it".

She wasn't rude, she was annoyed. Shouting " Oi, you, control your feral child touching and eating half my shop" would have been rude, but not being enchanted by a child eating whatever is in his reach is not rude.

You might find it cute, for anyone else, not so much.
You should just teach your child " no touching". He did it twice. And how do you know how many children did the same thing on that day before you came in.

She was rude but you do need to find a way for your son not touching stuff in shops, what if he damaged something valuable?

Also, are you absolutely sure she was looking at you like dirt - and her facial expression wasn't just one of apprehension because she saw a toddler run in loose, knowing what usually happens in those circumstances?

Experience might have taught her that customers with loose toddlers invariably don't get chance to shop properly and frequently just grab a bunch of bananas to buy whilst their little darling contaminates four times as much stock in the meantime.

Fruit and veg is a funny thing in that, when you buy it, 'you're being ripped off', but that same produce is miraculously 'worthless' when it gets trodden into the floor or grabbed by a toddler.

I know someone who works in a small fruit shop and he's complained a few times about parents leaving their small children to wander about while the parent selects their fruit. They'll bite an apple and put it back, and if he wants keeping an eye on the kids the parents wouldn't have a clue. He's often accused of looking at the kids like shit or treating them like they're gonna steal something.

My sister once popped a handful of penny chews in her gob when she was a toddler and one shopkeeper asked my Mother to empty by sister's mouth to pay for what she's taken. My Mum was furious until she started working in a different shop and realised how common it is for children to do this and saw the shopkeepers side and ever since won't buy any unwrapped edible items that you can't wash before eating like the mix and match buns in Tesco.

I think the shopkeeper was a bit harsh but I think you losing your temper was also unreasonable. Kids are fast and I don't think you're the worlds worst parent like some are making out but your one off eating a carrot and strawberry could be one of a few similar incidents that day and like MN always says, you never know what's going on in a strangers life.

£5 a punnet on the other hand isn't only unreasonable, it's criminal

Looking at them like shit . Also I don't see her helping a customer out and offering to pop them in a bag for her so she keep her two year old close

It’s not her job to pack, I assume. It’s the customer’s job to stop her child eating stuff. And that might sound harsh but it’s fair. At the end of the day it’s just not that hard to put a 2 year old on reins or in a buggy.

And I agree, she was probably rude after the carrot.

Serious? Would it be OK for me to eat your shopping?

@SideAfries exactly ! Be kind have some basic empathy . So many people on this board lack emotional intelligence .

I didn't swear at her, the actual sentence I said to her was "I know he shouldn't have done it, but it was just one strawberry and I have said that I will pay for it".

I was actually talking to someone else who said “fucking”.

But you shouldn’t have said “just”, really. It was the second time in as many minutes by the sounds of it, and she was rightly annoyed.

Well she was passive aggressive but for good reason. If your kid is handsy then you do need to keep him in a buggy or keep a better eye on him even if it makes tasks harder. Especially at the moment you csnt have kids wandering round touching everything in their reach.

@flaviaritt every fruit and veg store I have shopped in( without me asking ) they just ring it through the till and put straight in a bag for me . ( when I have been there alone as well not with kids )

Most shops will at least offer

Don’t let your child wander round eating stuff you haven’t paid for.
It’s no good having zero control and then offering to pay up afterwards. Keep your child close to you.

@yellow055

So many people on this board lack emotional intelligence .

You’re completely right, in life generally. There’s nothing to be gained from getting the knock about such trivial things. Laugh about it, rectify it, move on. Everyone feels better about the situation that way.

This thread just confirms to me how awful people are .

Doctors and nurses are going out of their way to help others on a daily basis

Meanwhile shop owner can't have the decency to pop a few bits in a bag for a customer to help her out / be kind and accept an accident happened and say accept the payment .