To think it is neglectful to let your child get overweight

[jackson14478]

If you cannot provide your child with basic nutrition, a balanced diet and enough exercise, would you say it's child neglect?

I know for a fact that low income/benefits families can feed their children a healthy diet at a similar cost to an unhealthy one. I've done it and so have friends.

Letting your child become grossly overweight through no fault of their own is not responding to their basic needs

The reason why there is never a way to discuss weight on MN is because it always descends into a judgemental pile on while people fling around terms like "abuse" and "neglect" all the while not realising that its exactly these attitudes which demonise weight gain and promote the othering of overweight people. This fear of being harshly judged makes it much less likely that people in need of help with their weight will actually seek out support.

Oh come on OP, if you wanted a 'serious' discussion you wouldn't have referenced benefits or low income families or posted in AIBU. There are middle and upper class DCs that are overweight too. I also love your underlying presumption that parents can completely control every aspect and every second of their DCs' lives. If that were the case the parenting section on here would be empty. But maybe you don't spend much time here and are just one of the AIBU Friday night visitors. Here, have a maybe lack of sugar is responsible for your flawed reasoning.

Yep. Why would you let your kid get fat and subject them to a life of misery.

YABU. I also don’t think you want a “healthy debate” and if that was your intention you need to consider your approach and words more carefully.

Yes I think it is. I weighed 6 stones age 6 years and I have had a weight problem all my life. I lost weight when I was at uni and maintained a healthy weight but lots of it is back on now and it’s a constant struggle. I recognise it’s my responsibility now but I’ve felt the bad start I had got me into some habits that I’ve never got out of and my metabolism was screwed from an early age.

I love my parents and grandparents dearly but they definitely didn’t give me the best start by ‘treating’ me so often as they did.

@Gancanny

The reason why there is never a way to discuss weight on MN is because it always descends into a judgemental pile on while people fling around terms like "abuse" and "neglect" all the while not realising that its exactly these attitudes which demonise weight gain and promote the othering of overweight people. This fear of being harshly judged makes it much less likely that people in need of help with their weight will actually seek out support.

Very well put.

YABU and oversimplistic. Far too many children (and adults) in this country are overweight for parents to be blamed. There is something going on at the roots of society causing this issue. I think it is a mixture of the cycle of poverty, inequality, poor education, lack of culinery knowledge (which should be taught more in schools), lack of easy to buy healthy food (how easy is it to pop into a corner shop and pick up a mars bar V a similarly priced and widely available healthy snack?).

The vast majority of children who are obese are obese because their parents, who are entirely responsible for what they eat at that age, are not doing a good enough job at keeping their child healthy. The reasons for that will be many, but that is what it boils down to.

Being obese from childhood is incredibly difficult to come back from, and can cause lifelong issues, and I really think it's part of basic parenting to keep your child at a healthy weight. Surely it's one of the single best things you can do for your child?!

We'll end up like the humans from Wall-e and people will still be on MN prattling on about 'it's more of a complex issues than than eating healthy'.

I agree for the majority of obese children, yes. But people will always find a way to minimse their responsibility.

My weight gain was due to sugary drinks, ovaltine and chocolate.

I was a fat child op, I'm 30 now and kids at my school were not fat back then, I was the only fat kid I knew and school was absolute hell for me.

I was obviously called fat, invited to a sleepover so kids could see how fat I was (they told me this and I could still cry thinking about how cruel that was). Kids thought it would be funny to send valentine's pretending to be me so that the popular boy would be so disgusted he had to tell me that I was fat and made him feel sick. Those are just some examples but I actually just got used to being bullied for being fat.

My self esteem has always been low and still is, although I am no longer overweight, through healthy eating which I only discovered in my early 20's and cycling everywhere.

As an adult looking back I wouldn't say it was neglect as such, my mum was very poor growing up and feeding us was how she showed love I think. When I was 5/6 I went for tests at hospital to see if my weight gain was medical related and they said I was just eating too much.

I wouldn't have 1 biscuit, I would have half the packet. If my sis ( or anyone for that matter) didn't finish their food I was always encouraged to eat it because I liked food and I was the fat one.

I was picked up and dropped off from school everyday and had very little strenuous exercise, I would dread pe in school.

When I went to uni I started walking everywhere and the weight started to drop off and I when I started cycling I became toned for the first time ever.

I despair when I see overweight children, I hope they are not living the hell that I am but I think times are different and healthy eating is taught and encouraged as far as I can see and things like, the daily mile sound great for getting everyone involved.

I think the easy access of junk food is definitely to blame but more help should be available to anyone who needs it.

Grandparents
Schools
Childminders
Children's birthday parties
Non-resident parent
Child using pocket money on sweets
Activity clubs
Days out with friends

@OP - what do all the above have in common? Access to food not given by resident parent.

I have an obese child and it is awful. I worry so much avout tgem but they did not become obese, or even fat, until I could bo longee control what they ate and I tried everything even then. Now they are nearing adulthood with a job and their own money and ahow no signs of addressing the issue. Its heartbreaking. My other children are healthy weights.

I think there is a big difference to the morals of doing damage to your own body and doing damage to that of your child though.

Why would you let your kid get fat and subject them to a life of misery

• money, or lack of
• resources, or lack of
• education, or lack of
• chaotic lifestyle
• lack of support
• medical conditions
• genetic conditions
• developmental conditions
• mental illness
• emotional issues
• family dynamics

More reasons besides those above. Its a complex issue.

@BlackSwan

A small % of kids have horrendous conditions which result in incurable obesity. Kids with Prader-Willi syndrome and those with hypothalamic obesity resulting from brain tumours for instance. This isn't anyone's fault. It's stupid to judge.

Are we been slight delusional and sensitive? Let’s be honest here.

How many people have you ever met with Prams Willi syndrome?
Reading through these comments it’s clear some people are in denial about weight.

There’s days when I pig out and eat really rubbish (I’m not obese or anything of the kind). I can admit though it’s because I want to stuff my face!

I think it’s a sad indication of society that we have to weigh children at school and inform parents of problems rather than them being able to see it themselves. Too many seem to have no idea what a healthy weight is in both adults and children.

I don’t think it’s anything to do with money, exercise is free regardless of garden or not and healthy food doesn’t have to be expensive at all.

YANBU

Honestly? I think there is a huge lack of knowledge in the UK over portion size, caloric intake and activity.

Unless you take a trial and error approach and put effort in to understanding your children's dietary needs, then yes it's likely that weight will creep up on them and it's not really fair. My parents made me fat and it took until now (my mid twenties) to be able to get a hold of it.

A balance is needed as in all things

I agree with you 🤷‍♀️

ExH's niece, who is now an adult and I first met when she was 10, was an enormous child. I remember being shocked when I met her.

But exSIL ALWAYS had crisps, pizza, chocolate, biscuits and crap rammed full in her cupboards. And couldn't understand why her DD was the size she was. She used to sneak food from the age of about 12, and still they had unhealthy stuff in and made it accessible.

The sad thing is the kids often carry it into adulthood where suddenly they're the ones responsible for losing the weight. It's like any one of us waking up tomorrow, being 10 stone heavier and being told "well it's your problem now".

It always made me cross that exSIL and exMIL would moan that she (ex niece) wasn't putting effort in to lose weight. But she was never taught good habits. She's 24 now and a size 28. She can't work, struggles to walk long distances and whilst she loses the odd half stone now and then it's not enough. Thankfully she's on the waiting list for a gastric band but she's been through so much because of her parents. I'm a bit at posters who think enabling your child to be overweight isn't a problem

Yes, and I was guilty of it myself.
It wasn't purposeful and some people (not myself) have problems with food themselves and "neglect" to make sure they don't continue it with their dc.
In my case I "neglected" to see the signs until too late. Once noticed I did something about it immediately and after a while the weight was healthy again.

@OptimisticSix. It’s the same with the overweight child I know. His sisters are normal weights so it’s not simply bad feeding at home.

A colleague of mine has an overweight teenage daughter. Decent income, not a deprived area at all. I’ve known her for 6 years and in all that time she hasn’t done anything with her. No walks, no bike rides, no trips to the seaside. They start watching Netflix on Friday night and carry on all weekend, using separate devices. She proudly tells me they sometimes spend the whole weekend in their pyjamas.

Some people can’t be arsed.

Yes, I’m afraid it is neglectful. It makes me sad to see how many children now have type 2 diabetes. A family member has morbidly obese parents and she followed their eating habits and lack of exercise. It has completely ruined her life. She now suffers from a range of health issues and has a very poor quality of life. Unfortunately, however neglectful it may be, it is also an extremely complex issue, as we all know. It doesn’t help parents to heap guilt on them, but perhaps it might trigger awareness and help them guide their child into healthier habits.