To think it is neglectful to let your child get overweight

[jackson14478]

If you cannot provide your child with basic nutrition, a balanced diet and enough exercise, would you say it's child neglect?

I know for a fact that low income/benefits families can feed their children a healthy diet at a similar cost to an unhealthy one. I've done it and so have friends.

Letting your child become grossly overweight through no fault of their own is not responding to their basic needs

@Gancanny and @missyB1
I agree with you both.
@jackson14478
What people choose to feed their children can be very complex.
It’s not as simple as swapping sweets for carrot batons. If only it was.

Tell it to schools with a desert following lunch every day, two bagels with jam before lunch to combat childhood hunger (from the the recent mumsnet post) and jam and butter sandwiches in after school club.
I feel like what I feed to my children is not my choice anymore. Except if I ask them to refuse a desert and jam sandwiches because they are unhealthy, to make school stuff feel bad and to single my children out, possibly starting an eating disorder.

Mine were always slim despite having a lunchbox that would currently be banned as well as sweets from school for birthdays and fast food as a Friday night treat etc. I served healthy meals but I honestly don't believe children get overweight from the odd freddo bar or packet of crisps.we did however walk everywhere.

Obviously not all overweight children are being abused, some of them are.
I think it’s healthier to say that we are doing a disservice to our children by not teaching them healthy habits.
Until I started preparing my own food my childhood diet wasn’t good but I was never overweight, people are different.

@Whatwouldscullydo
Thank you
You summed it up for me.

Is it due to abuse/neglect if your child becomes anorexic or bulimic?

@gancanny We had the exactly the same problem with my DS. He has ASD/ADD ( not diagnosed till late teens) and was unable to control his own food intake. As a result he is overweight and as a child , I am sure people like the OP and others would have looked at him and thought he had negligent parents. Like you, without ridged control at home he would have been even heavier.

With diagnoses and medication for his ADD he is far more able to control his food intake and his weight is coming down.

It is very easy to see an overweight child and assume poor parenting and although this is obviously one reason, there are many other reasons.

If the child is morbidly obese and can hardly walk then yes, abuse. If they're a bit chubby, no.

What makes this unfair is that some kids pig out on crap all the time and stay slim when others eat much better and tend to get chubby. We need to switch the focus to nutrition rather than weight because being skinny does not mean you eat well at all.

You do sound like a judgey one, OP. And as for the 'you can feed a family healthy food for the same price as rubbish', well, that's just bollox!

Is it self abuse if you're over weight?

@LynetteScavo

Is it due to abuse/neglect if your child becomes anorexic or bulimic?

It can be, indeed.

Oh yay, more disableist shite on Mumsnet 🙄

We need to switch the focus to nutrition rather than weight because being skinny does not mean you eat well at all

Yes you can be "fat inside " and obese and malnourished.

I think all this tampering with food as well doesn't help. They removed the salt and sugar and fat and now it not only tastes like crap you eat more of it as it doesn't fill you up.

Fat sold as the enemy where actually you'd he better off reducing sugar . Fat makes you feel full.

You have not framed your posts in a way that suggests you're interested in healthy debate in good faith. Goady.

Agree, I am shocked at the portion sizes some parents feed their toddlers. Appetite is regulated from a very young age and if a stomach gets used to being stretched to a certain size in order to feel full then that poor child is doomed to overeating and obesity.

@Runmybathforme

Aren't you nice?

It was a fair question about a very serious concern.

It was none of this.

Where's the 'fair question'? Or 'serious concern'?

OP immediately, stupidly or goadily, linked being overweight with those on low incomes who can't make good food choices.

My money is on the goady option.

And I can report what I want & MNHQ can agree or disagree so quit with the sarcastic 'tell us what we can post about'

It’s complicated. I know someone whose 12-year-old would probably be considered overweight- he’s got a big tummy. But, I know she’s very into healthy, organic food and he plays on two sports teams ( in the US some children’s teams are still allowed to play). He has sports practice 4x a week and he cycles around the neighborhood.

But this kid is built like a tank! He’s much taller than his friends and just solid. I wonder whether he’s going to be a v. tall adult and the weight has come on before a massive growth spurt?

My DD (15) has always been more solidly-built like her Dad, whereas DS (12) takes after my skinny side of the family. DD isn’t overweight, but she’ll never be a slum build ( she has wide hips and a big chest). She’s also much stronger and taller than I am- she can pick me up and toss me on the sofa.🤣

So, a family can eat the same food and turn out differently.

There was a child in DD’s primary who was so overweight it looked like it was physically uncomfortable for her. Both her brothers were normal weight, I didn’t judge. Its sad and I know from experience My best friends dd is very overweight and it is so stressful for everyone in the house. Not wanting to make it an issue/limiting food, the moaning, the whining about being hungry, the looks, the judging. It’s NOT our place! People are fighting battles you know nothing about!

With diagnoses and medication for his ADD he is far more able to control his food intake and his weight is coming down

This is good to hear @Isthisthehilltodieon, I hope he is able to continue on that route.

*slim

Depends what you mean with "grossly overweight ".

If a child is obese purely from lack of exercise and eating high calorie food in large portions then yes I think it is neglect. But if we're talking about child who is just overweight but it doesn't impact their quality of life or life expectancy or health then it's not neglect.

your assuming children are only "obese" because of poor diet or neglectful parents. I know children and adults who were "obese" as children with very healthy diets who have very active lives. There are many reasons a child can be considered "obese".

There's so much nuance at play.

I see totally where you're coming from and it's very easy to reach that conclusion but families could be struggling with:

• various health issues, physical and/or mental
• extremely difficult home lives
• lack of education / understanding

or a combination of the above. Things aren't always so cut and dry. Support is almost always the answer, mudslinging is rarely helpful.

A small % of kids have horrendous conditions which result in incurable obesity. Kids with Prader-Willi syndrome and those with hypothalamic obesity resulting from brain tumours for instance. This isn't anyone's fault. It's stupid to judge.

However, there is never a way to discuss weight on MN, no matter how you would start a thread, because everyone is overweight due to poverty and/or medical issues. Never any other reason.

This.