To think it is neglectful to let your child get overweight

[jackson14478]

If you cannot provide your child with basic nutrition, a balanced diet and enough exercise, would you say it's child neglect?

I know for a fact that low income/benefits families can feed their children a healthy diet at a similar cost to an unhealthy one. I've done it and so have friends.

Letting your child become grossly overweight through no fault of their own is not responding to their basic needs

Why can't people have a healthy debate

Where is this 'healthy debate' you mention?

You're just rolling out predictable old tropes to wind people up & start a bun fight.

Tell the schools to stop giving out sweets at the drop of a hat. Stop kids giving out sweets at school when it's their birthday. Stop the dinner ladies giving seconds and thirds to the 'smiley' child. Stop the after school club giving sugary snacks. Stop cubs giving out sweets every week. I could go on. It's very often out of the parents control - but if you say anything you're a killjoy 🤷‍♀️ Only when other people stop feeding my kid rubbish will I have a chance.

It’s tricky isn’t it. Someone I was in school with posted a photo of her family at the beach and her eldest daughter is in comp now and very noticeably overweight (as are said person and her husband) and I felt a bit sorry for her. Being a teenager is hard enough without having this stuff to worry about.

My two are both tall, generally large, very sporty boys (DH is a 6”2 rugby player, as is my brother not far behind him) and the eldest has definitely had points where I’ve had to sneakily reign him in a bit with the crisps if he’s injured or not training as much. Putting on weight can happen quite easily especially during puberty but there’s a point you just can’t let it get to for their sakes.

You are right of course OP but many people on MN will crucify you for it.

Stop cubs giving out sweets every week. I could go on. It's very often out of the parents control - but if you say anything you're a killjoy 🤷‍♀️ Only when other people stop feeding my kid rubbish will I have a chance

Food has become a very lazy way to entertain kids. Activities stopping half way through fir "snack time" kills 20 mins . So 10 mins setting up a bit of activity snack time then getting ready to go home.

You enroll your kids for exercise and socialisation and they don't eveb burn off the calories they feed then there..

@EarringsandLipstick

Why can't people have a healthy debate

Where is this 'healthy debate' you mention?

You're just rolling out predictable old tropes to wind people up & start a bun fight.

I wanted to hear what mitigating factors people might have thought of that I hadn't, or medical issues that come into play that I don't know about, what's the point in this section if you can't actually ask people AM I BEING UNREASONABLE?

Yanbu. Lots of children have phases where they are slightly overweight, then have a growth spurt and slim down again.

I do think allowing a child to become obese is unfair on the child.

Well it’s not ideal and it is generally unnecessary, but it’s not that simple is it? It is poor parenting but vilifying people probably isn’t the answer.

@ittooshallpass. Completely agree. At DC’s first school I wrote (complete with references to relevant scientific papers) to the governors about the vast amount of sugar they fed my children asking them to reduce it. I got a very patronizing letter back telling me they didn’t think it was necessary. I banned the school from giving my children sweets and pudding. Somehow everyone seems to think it’s other people’s children who get fat and have rotten teeth.

YANBU

I agree on some level that's theoretical but not in real life. I have one extremely thin child and one slightly overweight. It's a minefield.

I agree. I think people use food to discipline, calm and show love for their children. My Mom did as she was so emotionally abused and controlled by my Dad this was the only rhkng she had control of. As a conswe3I have always been fat and see food as self love and comfort. :(

Consequence*

YANBU. Allowing and encouraging it is nothing more than child cruelty, setting them up for a lifetime of problems.

I was an obese kid , teenager and young adult. It’s never fun. My heart goes out to kids when I see they are significantly overweight because I know the difficulties they will face. But sadly many people minimise it with “ body confident “ messaging. Well yes but try telling that to a ten year old girl getting stones thrown at her for being a fat cow.

Being fat has ruined most of my life in every way imaginable.

Oh

I wanted to hear what mitigating factors people might have thought of that I hadn't, or medical issues that come into play that I don't know about

That's what you wanted, is it? Not capable of figuring out that the reasons for weight gain, and inter-linked socio-economic causes, might be challenging & nuanced?

what's the point in this section if you can't actually ask people AM I BEING UNREASONABLE?

So sorry OP! I'll help you out

YABU. Massively.

Not because there is anything factually incorrect with the statement that it's possible to eat healthily on a low income, but for the sneeriness of saying it at all.

Many people on low incomes have a world of challenges to navigate (and some don't) that aren't easily summed up.

And weight gain is not, as we see, exclusive to lower-income household, and highly prevalent in all income, including higher income families, too.

HTH.

People have different beliefs as to what health is. Some people don't see it as unhealthy or a problem.

I tried making sure my daughter eat nothing but healthy food. She won’t touch a thing. Not even school lunches, the teachers practically begged me to pack her something, anything because she can’t fuction without eating anything (they noticed she listen better if she eats) so I pack her food that she will at least eat.

I did see the programme, and agree. It is also abusive to let pets become overweight, and vets say British pets are frequently allowed to overeat. The impulse to feed seems to run deep. Often, people stand in front of notices asking them not to feed wild animals, feeding them, or they ignore requests not to encourage pigeon pests. There are even people with fetishes, who will pay to watch grotesquely obese people eating!.

I wanted to hear what mitigating factors people might have thought of that I hadn't, or medical issues that come into play that I don't know about, what's the point in this section if you can't actually ask people AM I BEING UNREASONABLE?

But you didn't actually ask about any of those things. You only mentioned child neglect. Which wasn't goady at all

But you've already decided you're right op. The tone of your opening post suggests that you think you're right, and frankly you've written in quite a goady way. It come across as though you might just enjoy the prospect of a (low-carb, fat free) bun fight on a Friday night, no?

The thing is, op, I suspect you are judging completely from the outside. I have no direct experience of this and might question it myself but recognise that I wouldn't want someone with no experience / struggle judging something I find difficult and am not particularly successful at.

So the debate seems very safe from your perspective but what about if it was something closer to home?

@WinstonWolf

I'll expect SS to come and get dd, who is overweight after five months of shielding in a house with no garden earlier in the year.

Thanks a fucking bunch.

Absolutely nonsense to blame a garden for allowing your child to get overweight. Diet is what causes weight gain not exercise. Portion sizes should be adjusted to reflect the circumstances. Not to mention the million and one videos available on YouTube for children to do for exercise in the home.

A child is overweight due to irresponsible feeding.

YANBU unless there are medical issues of course. However I can imagine it is difficult in some ways, child constantly saying they’re hungry, no treats when friends are having them etc. Some people put on weight a lot easier than others do.